It is if you're being guarded by a fire demon surrounded entirely by combustibles, perhaps.
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It is if you're being guarded by a fire demon surrounded entirely by combustibles, perhaps.
Hey, he's a fire demon that's surrounded by books that aren't burning, so he must be a pretty damn cautious fire demon. I'd be comfortable around him.
Otaku: goddamn them all! Well, except their shounen about steamship repair manga.
I love the monopoly reference as well!
Chapter V: Bare-It's Privateers?
Short one inbound; I didn't want to go too far tonight since if I recall correctly, the Earth Crystal is closer than ever.
Now that the WORLD is ours to command, it's time to visit that Jachol place that everyone says is so great.
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/00jachol.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/01syringe.jpg
Not a great start...
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/02aclue.jpg
Yes! A clue! Now I know where to go!
But before that, I have a hankering to visit Istory and get Ramuh. Istory's a fun town.
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/03demon1.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/03demon2.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/03demon3.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/03demon4.jpg
Naaaah
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/04oops1.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/04oops2.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/04oops3.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/04oops4.jpg
This always happens to me
Well, I guess we'd better follow up on that clue from Jack Hole. Crescent Island looks peaceful and idyllic. Surely a lovely place!
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/05thanks.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/06bastard.jpg
It can't be...
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/07byebye.jpg
Crap.
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/08lives.jpg
Thanks a bunch, you spooge-slurping sphincter cannon
Great. Now I'm stranded on a desert island with a psychopath who causes earthquakes with his freakin' mind, the guy who killed my father, a jew, and...well, Lenna's not so bad. But wait, what's this?
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/09familiar.jpg
Doesn't this look familiar? I think I saw these in FFIV
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/10w00t.jpg
w00t!
Now I can cross the seas and sufficiently low-peaked mountains! Take that, Dr. Cid! In fact, I'm going to go back right now and gloat.
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/12aboutthat.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/13drat.jpg
That went well.
We can't be exiled! I've got so much to live for! It'll be horrible! It'll be...what's that, Faris?
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/14unkillable.jpg
Forgetting something, Faris? Let me remind you:
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/2/09ohthat.jpg
Yeah that's right, bitch. Wakarimasen disagrees.
But still...
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/15shards.jpg
We'll always have our superpowers
Well then, no help for it. Off to spend the rest of our lives wandering in the desert all alone.
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/16desert.jpg
Tomorrow: Sand In Our Vaginas
Istory: just like what those crazy people say who don't pronounce the "h" in "history."
Also what kind of suffering could a toad cause if it could be defeated by flowers?
It wasn't.
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/5/03demon3.jpg
It was defeated by the old guy's ancestors, who sealed him up beneath a hill which happens, for no reason to do with the demon's defeat, to have flowers on it a few hundred years later.
My first thought was that it sounds like he was sealed by the flower bed. Which, oddly enough, still makes more sense than Signs.
Anything makes more sense than Sings.
Bleys, I am looking forward to the Sand in Our Vaginas chapter.
If there is a strong enough root system, you probably can keep anything trapped beneath it, like maybe a spirit of unimaginable evil. Of course, the flower bed would probably become sentient and evil in the end, but it sounded a good idea at the time.
No comments on "spooge-slurping sphincter cannon?" I am disappoint
Mega-update today. 96 freaking screenshots.
Chapter VI: Sand in our Vaginas
or
For What It's Earth
We rejoin our heroes as they are about to be exiled into the desert where they must surely die
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/00heregoes.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...experience.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/02nothingbad.jpg
Five minutes later...
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...hatwaseasy.jpg
Well, that wasn't so bad
What's on the other side of the desert? It was supposed to be boundless. That was distinctly bounded.
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/04w00t.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/05city1.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/05city2.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/05city3.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/05city4.jpg
But are there really any insane criminals here?
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...ecriminals.jpg
yep
Can King Tycoon really have survived?
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/07alive.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/08dick.jpg
Dick.
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/09unkillable.jpg
Wow, I guess we really are unkillable
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/10outofhere.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/11galuf.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/12fhim.jpg
Not really much here...a bunch of strange machines and an exploding teleporter.
Meanwhile, Cid and Jacob investigate our story:
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/13truth.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/14no.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/15mistreated.jpg
Enough about them. I found a lever!
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/16lever.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/17haha.jpg
That'll teach them for exiling us to the desert
We keep running into old friends on our journeys:
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/18puzz1.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/18puzz2.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/18puzz3.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/18puzz4.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/18puzz5.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/18puzz6.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/18puzz7.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/18puzz8.jpg
The treasure sucked, by the way
Further in...
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/19ship.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/20another.jpg
This just keeps getting better
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/21w00tw00t.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...emeetagain.jpg
Oh, delicious irony
Wendy, I can fly! Surely there's no reason why I shouldn't!
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/23flying.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/24stable.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/25figures.jpg
Well, now that I have an airship, it's time to explore a bit. Let's visit Unne's hometown!
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/26lix1.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/27lix2.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/28bard.jpg
The Inn is free, so we might as well stay...
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/29sulking.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/30stella1.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/30stella2.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/31ninja1.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/31ninja2.jpg
And of course, who could come home without catching up with old friends?
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/32bet1.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/32bet2.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/32bet3.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/32bet4.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/32bet5.jpg
Back in our old house, there's a music box....*sigh*...it brings back so many childhood memories
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/33flashback1.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/33flashback2.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/33flashback3.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/33flashback4.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/33flashback5.jpg
Well, at least flashbacks are private.
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/34bard.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/35song.jpg
Bastard.
Of course, we have to do Lenna the same favour and visit Tycoon...
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/36tycoon.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/37welcome.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/38um.jpg
...where Faris has a confession
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/39secret.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/40dolls.jpg
Time for another flashback!
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...ittlebetty.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/42no.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/43notinsane.jpg
Tycoon's soldiers are taking a page from the Chancellor's book
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/44loot.jpg
Sightseeing done, Lenna wants to go back to the ruined city to search for her father. Faris wants revenge on him for dropping them into a pit. Hence, we fly up to it, and...
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/45ruinedcity.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...athwarship.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/47notgood.jpg
Ohhhhhhh crap
I hope Cid and Jacob have some idea of what to do
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/48handbook.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...oincidence.jpg
Alright, so all we have to do is fly up to it, blow up its WMD's, and force our way in? Easy.
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/50agoodidea.jpg
This is definitely a good idea. There is no way this is not a good idea
Inside...
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/51foundyou.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/52monster.jpg
That boss fight is a pain in the ass, by the way.
Onward to the Crystal chamber, where we meet an old friend...
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/53remember.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/54yeah.jpg
w00t!
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/55toolate.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/56hesback.jpg
Now, for a lengthy infodump:
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/57infodump1.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/57infodump2.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/57infodump3.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/57infodump4.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/57infodump5.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/57infodump6.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/57infodump7.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/57infodump8.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/57infodump9.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/57infodump10.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/57infodump11.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/57infodump12.jpg
Galuf and Cara use Cara's meteor to return to Terra to kill Tzepish and end the spoof, leaving our remaining heroes to process all they've learned. Soon...
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/58thinking.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/59helping.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/60really.jpg
I didn't take any screenshots during the runs to collect drugs from the 4 meteorites because it wasn't really funny. Once enough drugs were collected, though, it's time...
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/61portal.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/62danger.jpg
OFF TO TERRA!
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/63terra.jpg
This is exciting. A whole new world to explore!
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/6/64gdi.jpg
Goddammit.
Next update: Another World
I always did think that airship wasn't particularly stable, especially that little wooden bridge. And Unne's childhood friend is even more of a dick than he is.
Great update! Why is Exdeath called Tzepish? I don't get that one.
Nice, long update. Well done as always!
Tzepish is the guy who wrote the spoof. He wrote himself into it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Del Murder