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I agree with Breine and - by proxy - Rye. From experience, I can tell you that being brutally honest really isn't the way to go over things like that. I'm not saying that it's necessary to lie, but I do think it's important that you word things carefully and consider the implications of what the brutal truth might have, despite how honourable your intentions of being entirely honest might be.Quote:
Originally Posted by Breine
Why did that topic come up in conversation anyway?
Why did she feel the need to ask if you'd had sex with another woman?
Who is Sarah, in relation to you both?
I don't think the question was "loaded" at all. It's actually really important, I think, to know the sexual history of your partner.
And all the guys saying that they wouldn't give a damn if it were reversed, I don't buy it. Guys are even more territorial than girls are. And if a girl had said, "Oh man, I totally wish I could have smurfed Tom when I had the chance. He was so hot" then yeah, as a boyfriend you would probably feel hurt and it's natural and understandable to feel hurt in that situation. Maybe you would get over it quicker and be less dramatic about it, but hurtful is hurtful is hurtful - regardless of whether you are male or female.
I have a best friend who was in a similar situation. He current boy asked if his penis was smaller or bigger than her previous boyfriend's. Now THAT is obviously a loaded question. She answered by saying it was smaller in length bit equal in girth and he got ALL SORTS OF BUTTHURT over it. Even though she tried to be gentle as possible about her answer. Imagine if she had said something like, "Oh so-and-so is WAY bigger. Your's is a good inch or two smaller than what I'm used to." He would have been butthurt x100 if she hadn't cushioned it for him a bit.
It's not about lying, it's about being tactful. Brutal honesty is not always necessary.
Nice going...except the last little bit of that is telling the truth and therefore just won't fly!Quote:
Originally Posted by NeoCracker
He should have got the full effect of the butthurt for asking such a stupid question. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Miriel
When this is viewed in the index page it says... "I think I pissed my"
My brain instantly thought this was about people pissing their pants.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miriel
Thank you. <3
Exactly. I think any guy who says that they wouldn't be offended, even a bit, obviously doesn't have much experience with girls.
I agree. I can understand the insecurity and the desire to be told "o babi yours is the most colossal EVER you could lay that thing across the mississippi and dam it up", but really, asking something like that is begging for trouble.Quote:
Originally Posted by MomijiHe should have got the full effect of the butthurt for asking such a stupid question. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Miriel
Edit: For record, I agree overall with what Miriel said.
I'd get pissed too. =/
Girls get jealous very easily even of their friends, shes still a little over dramatic though.
Id say you got 2 options of getting her to talk again.
Tell her you made a bet with a friend to see what her reaction was or something like that, explain it was only a joke.;)
Or say somehting like "oh dont be perfectic, i was only being honest, like youve never thought about other guys etc.:D
Nononononononono don't say the bet thing, she'll be mortified D:
Seriously. Don't say that first thing.
Okay maybe that was bad, but it did work for my friend once:D
I don’t get why people ask about the past relationships of their partners at all because if they tell the truth, you’ll hate it. If they lie, you’ll hate it because you probably won’t believe what they said. She made the mistake of even asking that question.
Now I never said you got to lie to avoid telling them the truth that you found people attractive and wanted to be with them, I said lie if you're ever in the situation where something did happen but you don't want that person to know, I don't advocate cheating and remaining with someone thats using them I do say sometimes it's better to never let someone know you left them because someone else offered you something a little better, this goes for guys and girls. Plausible deniability if they have no concrete evidence is often the better way. I once broke up with a girl because I cheated on her. I didn't intend to cheat but I met someone with an irressistable offer, she to this day doesn't know I cheated on her and we still talk. Because only me and the girl I happened to cheat with never told anyone (we also kept our relationship in the quiet for a bit too) and there is no proof I done this. In never admitting the existence of this event it in her mind and the mind of my friends who know this girl did not happen.
What I mean by "don't tell them if you found someone attractive before you got with them" is to edit what you say, think about it's rammifications if you say something stupid like "yeah I liked someone I'm still good friends with them and sadly you know the only thing that stopped me getting some was this" then it's just hurtful and insanely cruel. Now admitting you liked someone at one point isn't naturally a bad thing but if you're still friends with that someone it becomes awkward because you're then still seeing this person and your partner might not realize that you're not with them because they're a consolation prize. Instead of lying and saying "oh baby I've never found anyone attractive" I merely say be a little selective with the truth don't admit liking close friends of your own or theirs and NEVER admit a relative of theirs is someone you liked. It's like asking if your dick is bigger or smaller than someones ex, you don't do it if you don't wanna get hurt or lied to. Overall the message is: think before you act and if you can truly make this great smurfup and not realize you smurfed up then you truly don't deserve the girl in the first place, she's got the right to be upset not because you hurt her feelings but because you don't understand how you hurt her feelings. Brutal honesty is never the best policy in a relationship and with-held information doesn't make you a liar it makes you sensible no one ever tells anyone everything or didn't you learn from starwars? If taught everything the apprentice becomes the master but because they're learning they've got the ingenuity for even more progress.