Let's Read 50 Shades of Grey (and be a b*tch about it) (explicit content)

Quote:

Originally Posted by shion

Also, is it just me or does Ana act like a teenager? She seriously gives me the vibe of a teenager. Did I miss where you mentioned her age? I think you said she's off in the working world at one point so I think she's not still in school, but I could have just not read properly.

I might not have mentioned it; the review was sort of supposed to be a supplement to the text rather than being people's first experience of it. If I knew so many people were going to read it who haven't read the original, I might have including a bit more retelling of the original story. Ana is 21, so as young as she possibly can be while still being legally able to do the things she is doing in America (the drinking and whatnot). She ages throughout the three books.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shorty

I added explicit content for, well, the explicit content.

Thanks a bunch. Kind of forgot that people could come in this thread expecting anything other than explicit content.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Man

It means they stripped out all the bdsm and other subtext from the film. Which might be an improvement in a lot of ways given how much the books get wrong but it has unfortunate implications of its own.

So basically they are going to take a fanfiction of Twilight that added sex scenes, and remove the sex scenes to remake Twilight? But more boring because there are no vampires? That is such an obvious name grab for the sake of making a profit.

Well, I didn't realize you would be do descriptive in your commentary xD

Sorry for being more explicit than you were expecting. It was hard to adequately convey my outrage without stealing direct quotes from the text. If you need me to spoiler anything inside the chapter a second time to make it doubly covered or remove bits for this platform or whatnot let me know.

Nah, the tags have been added. I think it's fine.

Excellent :jess:

o h g o d

I feel sick. That was just wrong on so many levels. What a abusive asshole, then again Ana isn't the sharpest tool, though he's still a giant twat for just using and abusing her for sex.

Though the biggest twat is the author for creating this and manipulating it to try and make it sound romantic.

i'm curious to see how that movie turns out.

If this review doesn't end with video tape footage of you setting the book on fire I'm going to be very disappointed.

I'm usually against book burning. Not this time. Not this book.

This book is trash and deserves to be treated like trash.

wheres the next chapter im dying over here

1 Attachment(s)

There are five pages of discussion regarding what is literally Twilight BDSM fanfiction with some names changed.

Attachment 53270

Quote:

Originally Posted by Parker

wheres the next chapter im dying over here

I'm working on it, but I've had a lot due this week and I have to work the next four days. But it's coming, I promise.

And ladies were absolutely lapping this trout up. Urgh.

As someone with a semi-interest in some areas of BDSM (some, not all!) I am totally disgusted at the representation of it in this book. I have never read this, but I always just assumed that it was a very mutton dressed as lamb style literature. In that, a few spanks and a few handcuffs do NOT cover the broad spectrum of BDSM, nor the interesting one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlaynaMae

Quote:

Originally Posted by Parker

wheres the next chapter im dying over here

I'm working on it, but I've had a lot due this week and I have to work the next four days. But it's coming, I promise.

Just like Ana, zing~!

I be lookin at vanilla BDSM like

http://media.tumblr.com/303a59f663dc...15E1qz4rgp.jpg

I'm sorry for the delay. I've been really busy with uni and other writing, and then I got sick. It's not easy to write and edit 2,000-4,000 words when there's so much else on my to do list! But here is the next chapter!

Chapter Nine - extremely explicit and NSFW

Ana wakes and watches Christian sleep for a while, commenting on every inch of his appearance. She wonders how someone could be this attractive and ‘still be legal’. She then wonders, based on his playroom, if he is legal. While his playroom is completely legal, Ana, there is enough evidence in how he has treated you so far to suggest that he might not use it in entirely legal, consensual ways.

Ana comments on how she is tempted to reach out and touch Christian, but she doesn’t want to wake him because it’s easier when he’s asleep – she doesn’t have to worry about what he is saying or her saying something wrong. I’m not sure how Ana envisions an ongoing relationship with Christian if she is constantly on edge during their conversations.

Deciding that she has ‘bathroom needs’ to attend to, Ana gets out of bed. On her way to the bathroom, she becomes a walking stereotype and puts on Christian’s shirt. I wonder if Christian would disapprove of somebody else wearing his property without his permission – it seems like the sort of thing he would dislike.

Ana suddenly remembers that she was supposed to text Kate. This is a plan Ana didn’t mention out loud in her narration, but it may have been organised while Kate was forcibly shaving every inch of Ana’s body. Ana is worried because her forgetting to text means she’s going to be ‘in trouble’. As much as she doesn’t act like one, she’s an adult, and I’m confused as to why her spending a planned night at Christian’s apartment without a text is enough to make her roommate, and friend, angry at her.

Ana compares Christian’s walk-in robe and bathroom to her bedroom, saying the former is the same size and the latter is larger. I’m not sure why this unit of measurement is useful to the reader. Ana could be referring to her current bedroom, the one she is moving into with Kate soon or even the one that was deemed hers in Christian’s apartment. Regardless of which room she is actually referring to, the reader hasn’t been told how large any of these rooms are, so using her bedroom as a unit of measurement doesn’t provide any sense of space.

For the first time, I agree with Ana’s subconscious, who has just appeared with pursed lips and a tapping foot. Her use of the term ‘kinky sex slave’ is questionable, but her acknowledgement that Ana probably should have given more thought to her situation before losing her virginity to Christian is definitely something I can agree with.

Ana once again hopes she’ll find hair ties in her purse. You’d think after the last time she found herself waking up with Christian and untamed hair, she would have remembered to keep a hair tie on her wrist, or at least keep her purse within closer reach.

Checking her phone, Ana sees that she has three text messages from Kate. The first asks if she is okay in what I am assuming is supposed to be ‘text speak’ – ‘RU OK Ana’. There’s a strange change from serif to sans serif font in order to denote this, which seems unnecessary. The second text – ‘Where RU Ana’ – seems redundant; Ana already told Kate at their apartment that Christian was picking her up and taking her to Seattle for the night. Since Kate already guessed that this meant Ana and Christian would be having sex, doesn’t it make sense that Ana was too busy to reply to these messages? The third message – ‘Damn it Ana’ – is incredibly aggressive given the context. Ana seems to be surrounded by people desperate to control her.

Ana calls Kate and, when she doesn’t answer, grovels over message bank. The level of submissiveness built into Ana’s personality concerns me, because it’s going to make it difficult for her to avoid being forced into a situation that makes her uncomfortable when and if (well, let’s face it - when) she continues this relationship with Christian. Consent already seems questionable at this point and I’m worried to see how much her seeming inability to say no – for example, when she agreed to doing this interview in the first place when she was supposed to be studying for exams – is going to contribute to the 50 shades of grey-area sexual assault in this book.

The line, ‘none of the cupboards has handles’ is another example of how this book needed more editing attention than it received.

Even though Christian did claim he was going to ‘make love’ to Ana, everyone with eyes knows that didn’t actually occur. Even Ana’s subconscious corrects Ana – ‘smurfing – not lovemaking’ she screams at Ana ‘like a harpy’. Agreeing with Ana’s subconscious twice so far this chapter is causing a bit of an identity crisis in me. Ana’s subconscious is right in thinking the distinction is important though, as Ana is struggling with the idea of losing her virginity to somebody who doesn’t love her; Christian claiming he was going to ‘make love’ to Ana when both his feelings and actions didn’t reflect that is incredibly misleading for her.

Ana has apparently always considered herself a misfit because she doesn’t belong anywhere, and the feeling of not fitting in is something almost all people can empathise with. It is evident that Ana’s character was created so that many women could easily relate to her. This fact is concerning, as it means readers are actively placing themselves within the abusive scenarios depicted in this book through their minds’ eye and are then actively being told that those scenarios are romantic, arousing and ideal.

Ana has taken to referring to Christian as Bluebeard. The fact that she can draw those parallels but is still contemplating continuing a relationship with him and is still aroused by his behaviour is worrying. There has been ample evidence to suggest that she feels her safety is at risk around him, and yet she is still in his apartment and is still contemplating pursuing this relationship with him.
She places her hair in pigtails, hoping that looking more ‘girly’ would halt Bluebeard’s advances but Christian simply tells her he loves them and says ‘“They won’t protect you.”’ That’s a terribly frightening thing to hear, but Ana apparently doesn’t notice or care. In fact, she turns back to making breakfast and smiles.

Christian asks if Ana would like some tea. ‘“Yes, please. If you have some,”’ she replies. Why on earth would he bother offering you tea if he doesn’t have any? In fact he has her favourite brand of tea. Of course he does.

Christian has taken to calling Ana ‘Miss Steele’ again and saying vague things; Ana has taken to calling him ‘Mr Grey’ again and finding his vague statements much more confusing than they really are.

At the mention of sex, Ana’s insides clench and she has to suppress a groan. Apparently she can nearly orgasm simply from Christian asking how sore she is and suggesting they continue her ‘basic training’. Christian questioning how sore she is doesn’t sound like concern; instead it sounds like he’s trying to determine how proud of himself he should be.

Ana wonders if ‘basic training’ will include oral sex, as she remembers his words, ‘I want to smurf your mouth’. But then, as soon as Christian specifies his intention to focus on oral skills, she is so surprised that she chokes on her tea. Why did that shock you, Ana?

Obviously there is some backstory involving Christian and his relationship with food because the narrative has focused an unnecessary amount on his issues with wasted food and with Ana never having the appetite to finish her meals. There is foreshadowing and then there is overkill.

Kate returns Ana’s call. She presses Ana for details about what happened the previous night. Ana doesn’t want to talk about it because: firstly, Christian is in the room with her; secondly, she has signed a non-disclosure agreement; and thirdly, she is the most awkward human being to ever exist. Ana suggests that she can’t talk but Kate is terrible at taking a hint, continuing to ask personal questions about the events of the previous night, including ‘Was he gentle?’ I can understand why Ana doesn’t want to answer that particular question – heaven forbid somebody point out to her that his lack of gentleness demonstrates a lack of care for her wellbeing.

Ana thinks this is going to be ‘a difficult square to circle’. Cliché count: 18.

Ana provides a friendly reminder that Kate is tenacious.

Ana is certain Kate will ‘freak’ when and if she hears about what has happened. ‘And rightly so,’ Ana adds. If Ana thinks Kate is so right in disapproving, why is Ana still in Christian’s apartment? Get out. Go home. What are you doing?

Christian is angry when Ana asks if the non-disclosure agreement covers everything. She wants to talk to Kate about the ‘mechanics’ of sex but he simply says, ‘“You can ask me.”’ You’ve demonstrated that you know very little about how the female anatomy works, Christian, so maybe you should let Ana talk to a girl about these things. Or are you scared she’ll figure out how poorly you’ve treated her and gain enough self-respect to leave you?

Christian claims his main reasoning for not wanting Ana to talk to Kate about sex is because Kate is ‘“making the beast with two backs with [his] brother”’. Cliché count: 19.

Christian asks Ana how the previous night was for her. ‘“Good,”’ she replies. You don’t have to lie to make him feel better, Ana.

‘The bath is a white stone, deep, egg-shaped affair, very designer’ is an annoying sentence: firstly, because I don’t care about the materials used to make Christian’s bath; and secondly because it is poorly punctuated.

If you were curious, Christian’s bathroom walls are tiled and Ana deemed this noteworthy.

The bath was scented with jasmine. I knew that this scent was ‘sweet’ but I have never heard it described as ‘sultry’.

If I hear Christian tell Ana to stop biting her lip because it makes him horny one more time I may have to put down this book and never open it again.

‘“Get the picture?”’ Christian says, using the prospect of having more sex with Ana while she is sore from the previous night as a threat. This man is so kind. Total boyfriend material.

Christian undresses Ana in preparation for the bath that he has decided they are having together. He stares at her naked body for a while as she stands and awkwardly looks at her hands. It might be nice if he was gazing at her because he adored her body, but even though he calls her ‘beautiful’ I can’t help feeling like he is looking at her like she is a piece of meat.

Getting into the bath causes Ana to experience unexpected ‘smarting pain’. I’m curious where she is experiencing this pain and why she seems to think that is acceptable.

When Christian starts massaging Ana’s breasts in the bath, he is ‘taking no prisoners’. I’m not even sure what this is supposed to mean, but cliché count: 20.

Christian touches Ana a little and her body threatens to have another orgasm. He tells her to ‘“feel it, baby”’ and ‘“feel it for [him].”’ This dialogue sounds like it is out of a poorly-written pornographic movie. Christian stops touching her just before she can find her release, telling her he ‘“needs washing too”’.

Ana turns around to do as she was told and sees Christian lying back in the bath with his hand wrapped around his erection. I thought I had seen some pretty unrealistic dialogue, but what Christian says next is so ridiculous that I have to quote it word for word. ‘“I want you to become well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favorite [sic] and most cherished part of my body. I’m very attached to this,”’ he says. I would not be able to listen to a man say this to me and manage to keep a straight face. Also, ‘on first name terms’ brings us to cliché count: 21.

Ana looks at Christian’s penis. ‘It’s so big and growing’ our genius protagonist thinks. ‘That was inside me! It doesn’t seem possible,’ her thoughts continue. I’m curious how big Christian genuinely is, given Ana doesn’t have anyone to compare his length to. I’m also curious why it’s so important to for Christian to have an impossibly large penis and that everybody knows about it.

Christian starts teaching Ana how to manually stimulate him. ‘“That’s right, baby,”’ he says. The word ‘baby’ still makes me feel uncomfortable every time he uses it.

Ana decides to show some unusual initiative and leans forward to give Christian’s erection some oral attention. It was stated that his erection is above the water line, which allows her to do this without needing gills. If this is the case, either there is an absurdly small amount of water in the tub or his penis is absurdly long.

Ana comments on how ‘surprisingly tasty’ Christian is. Once again this reeks of the sort of compliment a male author would ensure was included in his writing, like the comments on Christian’s length and on how good he is at sex. Ana internally complained at many points (although, in my opinion, still not enough) as she lost her virginity, but when Christian asked how it was for her she simply said it was ‘good’. This book is attempting to teach women that they should always compliment their man when they are being intimate, even if the compliments are undeserved, and I don’t understand why.

Christian closes his eyes. He opens them. He closes them again. He opens them again.

Of course Ana has no gag reflex – what fantastical sex slave has a normal, functioning gag reflex?

Ana refers to Christian’s penis as her ‘very own Christian Grey-flavored [sic] popsicle’ and that helps me remember that I am not a fantastical sex slave and that I do, in fact, have a gag reflex.

Christian tells Ana that he is going to come in her mouth and that, if she doesn’t want him to, she should stop. He thrusts once more and orgasms, barely giving her the time to make that decision even if she wanted to. Her immediate thought upon him ejaculating into her mouth is ‘Ugh… I’m not sure about this,’ but then she looks at Christian and he seems happy, so she decides she’s okay with swallowing.

Christian is so surprised by Ana’s apparent oral skills that he asks if she’s ‘done that before’. When she denies it, he says ‘“Good”’. This obsession with Ana’s purity, reflected in his triumphant expression upon conquering her virginity, reiterates how selfish Christian is and how little concern he has for Ana’s wellbeing, regardless of what he is saying. His actions do not match his words.

Upon getting out of the bath, Christian pleads with Ana for her to say yes to their ‘arrangement’. ‘“Please, Ana,”’ Christian says. His use of her preferred name would be a much more effective writing technique in this dialogue if it was not something he was already using intermittently and for no discernible reason.

Ana doesn’t say anything – yes, no or otherwise – but Christian seems to be encouraged regardless. He asks if Ana trusts him and she nods in agreement. What has this man done to earn your trust, Ana? Trusting people when they have treated you the way Christian has is going to get you in all sorts of trouble.

The pair returns to the bedroom. Christian walks to the closet and returns with a silk necktie. Guess what colour the necktie is. Go, on – guess. Yes, you are correct – it is grey; ‘silver-gray [sic]’ to be precise.

Christian uses the necktie to bind Ana’s hands together; he doesn’t ask her for permission first. He comments on her pigtails again, saying they make her look ‘so young’. The context makes it sound like quite a creepy compliment; she’s barely a legal adult as it is, so how young does he want her to look?

It’s not out of character for Christian to order Ana around as though she has already agreed to be his Submissive, but it frustrates me that he has tied her up and is telling her to keep her hands above her head without her having consented to any of this, particularly when Christian stated earlier that consent is important to him. Any Dominant who truly cares for and respects their Submissive would never practice BDSM, even as light as binding wrists with a necktie, when limits haven’t been discussed and agreed upon. Out-of-the-blue sexual activity is definitely not uncommon in relationships with this dynamic, but the keyword is relationship; these sorts of encounters occur between people with established relationships where the conversation about consent and limits has already occurred. If Christian cared as much about consent as he claimed to earlier, these events would definitely not be transpiring. For somebody who claimed he wasn’t going to touch Ana at all unless a contract was signed, he has definitely gone beyond that now.

Initially Ana agrees to keeping her hands tied above her head, but soon after Christian begins kissing her, she moves them to his hair. He immediately disapproves of this action and orders her again to keep her hands above her head. ‘“I want to touch you,”’ she says, disagreeing. ‘“I know,”’ he says before repeating his order. This is perfectly acceptable behaviour if it is in an established relationship where terms and preferences have been discussed and agreed upon, but this is not the case with Ana and Christian. I am appalled at Christian – he is doing whatever he wants with no regard for what Ana wants. Christian stated earlier that his recent sex with Ana was his first experience of ‘vanilla sex’ in his life, so I recognise that treating sexual partners as equals is not in Christian’s repertoire, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that he is forcing somebody to follow his orders when they have not agreed to have that sort of relationship with him. If that is the only sort of sex he is interested in having and she has not agreed to doing that with him, his immediate response should be to not have sex with her; perhaps long term this would mean more conversations until she is comfortable with the idea or choosing to not have a relationship at all, but neither of those options includes having non-consensual BDSM sex.

Ana dismisses Christian’s obvious disregard for what she wants with such thoughts as ‘Oh, he’s such a tease’ and ‘Oh… he’s so frustrating,’ and this attitude concerns me almost as much as Christian’s does. Yes, this could be a sign that she is enjoying herself and is giving non-verbal consent, but Christian behaviour still conflicts with his suggestion that consent and Ana’s wishes are very important to him; regardless of whether she feels like she is non-verbally consenting, Christian should know better than to behave like this without a verbal and enthusiastic ‘yes’.

Christian starts licking Ana’s feet and she finds it impossible to watch him anymore because ‘it’s too erotic’.

‘“All good things, Miss Steele,”’ Christian says, delivering half a cliché. Cliché count: 21.5.

Christian moves to reciprocate the oral sex he received earlier, and part of Ana wants to ‘push him off because [she’s] mortified and embarrassed’. That’s not the response she should have to an experience she is enjoying. Thankfully part of her is also ‘glorying in the anticipation’. I will give her the benefit of the doubt and hope that her trepidation is merely based in nerves; however, I will also say that if she is nervous and feeling exposed, a man who cared about her would be considering those factors and would want to make her feel comfortable, which Christian is not doing.

Ana has now expanded her vagina vocabulary to include ‘my sex’ as a variant on her overused ‘there’.

Christian compliments how Ana smells. He has complimented her for her scent an undue number of times over the last few pages. He’s not very original.

‘“Perhaps we’ll keep this,”’ Christian says, referring to Ana’s pubic hair. I really don’t think you have a say what Ana does with her pubic hair, Christian, particularly with your contract still lying unsigned on your desk.

Ana uses the word ‘clitoris’ and I die from shock at her apparent realisation that names exist for her vagina and the surrounding area, and she doesn’t have to refer to that entire region of her body as ‘there’ all the time.

Apparently Ana moans, ‘“Aargh!”’ Simply stating that ‘Ana moans’ would have sufficed; I really don’t think the sound effect was necessary. In fact, that sounds sort of painful.

Ana has forgotten the word ‘clitoris’ again, now using the phrase ‘small, potent powerhouse at the apex of [her] thighs’ to refer to the region Christian is licking.

Ana’s climax renders everything ‘null and void’. Cliché count: 22.5.

After Ana orgasms, Christian finds a condom and eases into her. He is actually gentle and asks ‘“How’s this?”’ Where was this apparent concern when he decided to forcefully take Ana’s virginity?

Christian has sex with Ana for a paragraph, Ana orgasms again because apparently Christian is so godlike that a snap of his fingers would be enough to send her over the edge, and he orgasms simultaneously. Christian has now orgasmed four times in two days, three of those simultaneously with Ana. I didn’t think this book could become more unrealistic, but obviously it can.

Christian collapses on top of Ana and she holds him with her tied hands, realising in this moment that she would do anything for him. ‘I am his,’ she thinks. Apparently you can treat a girl as poorly as you like, but if you give her a few orgasms she will happily be your possession.

‘I wonder that [sic] he’s introduced me to,’ Ana thinks, reminding the reader once again that this book needed another visit to the editor before it went to print.

Christian tells Ana to ‘“see how good [they] are together”’. He is still trying to convince her to sign his contract. There is something distasteful in his act of making Ana orgasm and then attempting to use her post-orgasm high to coerce her into saying yes. Once again, she doesn’t respond, instead looking up at him and ‘grasping for a coherent thought’.

Suddenly there are voices outside the bedroom door. One belongs to Taylor and the other to a Mrs. Grey. ‘“trout! It’s my mother,”’ Christian says. I’m sure you’re as excited as I am to see how awkward the interaction between Ana, Christian and Christian’s mother is going to be.

Hahhaaaa oh gosh

He's a momma's boy

http://media.tumblr.com/6009004e1e2b...58R1qz4rgp.gif