FF5 Revisited!

I asked Sephex to bump this thread so I wouldn't have to double-post. That's why he just acted like he's been into the Black Crack. Wasn't expecting Psy.

Chapter XI: It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Well, the forest won't let us in, might as well try the stick

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/00stick.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/01oldstick.jpg
The hell? It worked?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/02smoke.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/03cool.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...eshadowing.jpg
Do I sense foreshadowing here?

The forest is pretty annoying; we can only see a little bit of room around us, and we have to poke squirrel-holes in order to open tunnels to keep going. The random encounter rate is also ludicrously high. There's lots of treasure, but I don't know what else we're going to fi--

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/05crap
Yep, that was definitely foreshadowing

That fire got big fast.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/06fire.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/07cigar.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/08ohwell.jpg

Looks like we're thoroughly fu...huh?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/09what.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/10kupokupo.jpg
Maybe moogles are good for something besides eating. We'll just hang out here until the fire burns out

Once the flames subside, we head back outside.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/11holycrap.jpg
Holy crap.

There's still treasure to be had

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/12no.jpg
No. I don't.

It's about what you'd expect

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/13soot.jpg

Surely there's a point to coming all the way out here and burning down this forest, though, right?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/14whatsthat.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...ustbeaking.jpg

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/16manatree.jpg

Inside...

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/17cure.jpg

Routine boss battle ensues.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...secondbest.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/19another.jpg
Bet you can guess who that is

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...thatcoming.jpg
Yep.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/21tallglass.jpg

Tzep zaps us with some freaky lighting stuff that shoots out of the crystals. I still do not understand this.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...esithappen.jpg
Saying that makes it happen

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/23bang.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...sayingthat.jpg
Called it!

It's Cara! She seems better!
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/25cured.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/26how.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...lliantplan.jpg

Tzep can't stand this.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/28ignoring.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/29futile.jpg

Seeing his daughter about to get sent to Hell galvanizes Galuf.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/30stupidity.jpg

Galuf challenges Tzepish alone, and predictably, within a few rounds his HP is 0, and it's game ov...what?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/31zerohp.jpg

The battle is not without cost, however.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/32ohnoes.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/33meteors.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/34genkaida.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...orrealsies.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...dyingwords.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...atingdeath.jpg

A titan has fallen...We give Cara some time to come to grips with ther loss, when..

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/38what.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/39wishful.jpg

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/40nope.jpg
Nope. He's dead.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...inghimback.jpg
Didn't you just say that?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/42huh.jpg
WHAT.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...hyoualways.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/44thing.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/45where.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/45putiton.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/46imean.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/47literally.jpg

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...ckinaction.jpg

Worst grandfather, or worst grandfather ever?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/49oddly.jpg
Funny how that works out

We've given her enough time. Let's go outside and see Cara.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/50sorry.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/51roffle.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/52itsme.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/53cara.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/54nowhere.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/55return.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/56should.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/57before.jpg

In summary: Galuf is a dick.

We head back to BFE to see how people have reacted to us burning their forest to the ground. Surprisingly well.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/58burned.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/59thanks.jpg

That about wraps up all of the loose ends. Time to take on Tzepish in his lair. The barrier tower has been down for a long time now.

Turns out we don't have to destroy the other four.

Inside Tzepish's Castle, we hit a dead end.


http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/60ninjawolf.jpg

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/61inspirit.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/62pupils1.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/62pupils2.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/62pupils3.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/62pupils4.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/63anarchy.jpg

Good to catch up on old times. You will be missed, Ninja Wolf.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/64crap.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/65planb.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/66heytzep.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/67intruders.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/68horrible.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/69tada.jpg

Nothing else of interest happens until we reach Tzepish at the end, where he predictably barfs out another one of his long diatribes.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/70foundyou.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...balspeech1.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...balspeech2.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...balspeech3.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...balspeech4.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...balspeech5.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...balspeech6.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...balspeech7.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...balspeech8.jpg

BOSS FIGHT!

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/72bossfight.jpg

He's....he's finally dead?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/73typical.jpg
Oh, crap. I mean, it is predictable, but it still sucks. Good thing we're invincible. Except Galuf, obviously, but even he got a new body by stealing his 12-year-old granddaughter's

Later...

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...dwegethere.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/75where.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/76tycoon.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/11/77hell.jpg
Can it really be?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...esweethome.jpg

Tuesday Morning, Chapter 12: My Home Sweet Home?

First cancer, now this. It's just not Cara's day.

First of all, the fire line. Yes. Yes.

Secondly, smurfing Galuf what a badass. Battles on with 0HP, gets murdered anyway, nicks a new body. I like his style.

Also Ninja Wolf's dying words were kind of cool. Well, the nicknames of the other warriors really.

this is so enjoyable

Dorgann "Sex Organ" Klauser is a great name.

Also, yes, Galuf is an even bigger dick than Unne.

Nice Game Genie, Bleys!

Why are we not fighting Galuf instead of Tzepish? Clearly an immortal guy who if killed by a plot line, can simply come back, then maybe that is the guy I would be looking at askance.

Did you grind your characters' levels to max out their HP and now just Attack your way through every battle?

As per my first post, I'm cheating like a mofo so you folks don't have to wait for me to grind. I started playing normal FFV about 3 weeks before I started this and haven't got to Terra yet.

Galuf! Galuf! Galuf is on fire!

Battles are unimportant when you have dialogue this great.

Short holiday shift at work == longer update.

Chapter XII: My Home Sweet Home?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...mreception.jpg
A warm reception...

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/01sarisa.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/02wrong.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/03queen.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...antproveit.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/06waitwhat.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/07illogical.jpg
And the spoof is supposed to be over?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/08getlost.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/09okfine.jpg

The Chancellor hustles Faris up to dress him up like a woman.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...ncingwoman.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/11worst.jpg

It is quickly apparent that the game does not want to let us talk to Faris or Lenna, since the dancers step on us every time we approach.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/12lax.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...estruction.jpg
Could this be foreshadowing?

A book in the King's room triggers a flashback...

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/14pink.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/15thedevil.jpg

Jenica is insane...

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/16jenica.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/17what.jpg

And outside, more foreshadowing.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...endingdoom.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...eshadowing.jpg
Yep. Everything's definitely going to be just fine

It sure doesn't seem like the Spoof has ended...Better ask Galuf.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...thingwrong.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/21myworld.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/22how.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/23spoof.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/24why.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/25dress.jpg

We have to do something about this! We should leave at once!

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/26members.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/27barricade.jpg

Outside, we run into an old friend

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/28boco.jpg
Holy crap!

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/29age.jpg
Yeah, smurf you too, Boco.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/30loco.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/31gothere.jpg
The plot thickens!

Boco offers us a lift so that we can cross a river north of Tycoon that wasn't there before. Let's head to Tule and see how the people there are holding up.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/32torched.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/33zok.jpg
On second thought, let's not go to Tule. It is a silly place

Further on, Boco intentionally drops us into a hole where we have to fight an antlion with only 2 party members. Fortunately it's a pushover. Time passes, and a rope appears. Whenever we try to grab it, it jerks out of reach. Who the hell would do that to us?

Oh wait, I know.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/34faris.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/35idiots.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/36escape.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...distracted.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/38traps.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/39lenna.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/40stay.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/41traps.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/42crap.jpg
He hasn't changed a bit.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...spoofended.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/43dogfeces.jpg
Galuf is the only one who didn't realize right away

Further on, we find another old friend in a cave

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/44drcarr.jpg
!

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...mustresist.jpg
Must...resist...perverted...comment...

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...otallydied.jpg
Dude, you totally died! There were explosions!

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/47planet.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/48combined.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/49why.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/50genocide.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...emonstrate.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/52blackhole.jpg
Tzep, you're a dick.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/53lenna.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/54firefire.jpg
She'll be fine

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...dweseethat.jpg
I have a question: How the hell did we see all of that?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...everlearns.jpg
Some people never learn

I tried to get screenshots of Dr. Carr flipping out & knocking Tzepish flat on his arse, but I couldn't get the timing right.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...injaturtle.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/58weakpoint.jpg

Having barely survived our encounter with a new, turbocharged Tzepish, we retire to the manga library to plan our strategy.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/59turtle.jpg
They accept him pretty quick, though

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/60plan.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/61power.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/62weapons.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/63wikipedia.jpg
Sounds good. When the hell do we get Lenna back?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/12/64important.jpg
That's dedication

Tomorrow: I Have No Idea What The Hell To Title This Chapter

I'm glad that Archie is going to repeat the information for the rest of his mouth, it would be a shame to forget it!

"Dude, you totally died! There were explosions!"
"I ducked."
"That's retarded."

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Citizen Bleys

I would love to take credit for the dialogue, but alas, I'm not that funny.

---

I think you could do it. It might be a little bit more highbrow at some points, but I think you could do it!

I wasn't sure what to expect when I saw the screenshots. I think it's funny enough to warrant its existence, but I usually don't like humorous hacks like that as they usually feel out of place if you've played the original. Final Fantasy V is such a lighthearted adventure at times that it manages to flow very well.

Well played, Strife.

Chapter XIII: Getting Our Stuff Back

Let's explore the new Manga library now that it's overrun by the Surgate crowd.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/00year.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/01year2.jpg
On second thought, let's not.

Dr. Carr directs us to the pyramid located in the middle of the desert that Cid and Jacob exiled to us earlier, but on the way, we walk past 4 trees and run into...

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/02awkward.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/03feelbad.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/04realistic.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/05regrow.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/06survive.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/07delight.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/08mind.jpg

Well, the desert isn't moving anymore, so that's good. On the way into the temple, we're attacked by gargoyles who have to be killed at the same time or they regenerate. This is annoying, but it is not funny, so no screenshots were taken. In fact, the whole pyramid is pretty eventless, until...

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...hatwaseasy.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/10crap.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/11trap.jpg
Make one Admiral Akbar comment and I'll stop updating.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/12peninsula.jpg
Goddammit, our airship was on that peninsula!

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/13notgood.jpg
Ohhhhhh crap.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...dragonkind.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/15inforit.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/16incorrect.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/17challenge.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/18w00t.jpg
w00t!

Well, things couldn't be going better! We head past the Mana Tree again on the way back, and...

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/19hiryuu.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/20lenna.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/21deadbody.jpg
Yeah, what a jerk

We were just getting ready to bury Lenna when...

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/22tzepish.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/23possessed.jpg
There are FOUR esses in possessed; one for each Satan inhabiting the word

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/24hilarious.jpg

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...everlearns.jpg
He just never learns, does he?

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/26toldya.jpg
Told ya.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/27who.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...ssibilants.jpg
And then ssstop hisssssing your sssibilants

Another boss fight down (with no black mages or anyone with black magic!) when we have a moment of silence for the passing of our dear comrade Lenna. And then a not-so-silent moment.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/29poke.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/30raise.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/31goodidea.jpg

So with Lenna back in our party, we go to reclaim our airship, which can now land in the water and act like a normal ship in case we want to...uh...be on a boat? There's really no reason to do this ever.

Meanwhile, in the Mugenjou....

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/32nuke.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...tthatwrong.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp...hathappens.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/35lix.jpg
http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/36unne.jpghttp://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/37destroyed.jpg
Unne won't miss them.

Program control finally returns to the player, and now we can chart our own course again, so it's off to the Sealed Castle to use the tablet we got to unseal 3 of the Elite Weapons of de Ownage. Which 3 should I take? Your choices are:

OMGSCALIBUR
The Liberty Bell
PTN's Harp
Lord Bildo's Iron Dildo
The Staff of BFE
Whip of the Dominatrix
Cupid's Bow
Chrono's Katana
Skemp's Axe For You
Tonepoke's Pokemon Poker
Scho-Ju Wajasaki's Wakizashi
Dirk Diggler

Choose well, or I will melt your Nazi face off.

http://www.bastardly.org/bleys/ff5sp/13/38airship.jpg
w00000000t!