The Journal Thread (October)

*pastes from LJ*

[ mood | Many ]
[ music | Voices. ]


"Bare your fangs, master Ghostie..."


Hello Journal thing and everyone else.


w00t, it's friday and I feel good, yet tired. It's around 1:30am right now. Long week is behind me. I had many from 9am to 5pm days.-_-

I spoke with Lilly on 5th time in a row now, and now we talked about 20 minutes. I would've loved to talk with her longer, but it's getting kinda expesive talking long distance phonecalls everyday.:p Today it was just so emotional 'cose she cried because of something for about 10 minutes and we laughed a lot too. Yeah, lots of feelings fits in 20 minutes. When she started crying...well, I can't describe that feeling I had as she cried and tried to talk to me at the same time and all. I just have never wanted to hug anyone more before than I wanted to hug her.

Hmm..I'm too tired to write anything more right now. Even typing takes lot of effort when tired. -_-

Try to bear with another tired entry by same tired Mik again. *goes to..*sigh*, I just can't call *that* thing a bed.

~Mikael

I've revived my opendiary account... link in my sig. I'll be cutting and pasting from there from now on.

I wrote two entries today, so, I'll post 'em both.

Friday, October 26, 2001

Weekends rawk. xD (11am or so)
I totally lucked out and had no classes today! This week Thursday and Friday, as well as the weekend, is the WMEA (Wisconsin Music Educators Association) state conference... most all my music teachers, and many of my peers, are attending. So, many classes cancelled... yesterday I only had one class, today I had none! =D

To make it even better, in a couple hours my roommate's leaving, and she'll not be back 'til late, if at all (she may go to her parents' home for the weekend)... so, I get the room to myself! I enjoy my time alone. Relaxing is a good thing!


I'm looking forward to a weekend of hanging with Laura and Joel (since those morons Dan and Mike are going home, hmph), and killing time posting and chatting with my numerous online friends.


I'm slightly bored right now... taking a break from playing FFVI, heh, I thought to check my e-mail, but as always I have none. I'm so unloved. =P I'll probably go spam up the various fora I'm registered with. Heh, I complain about belonging to too many to keep up with, yet I joined still another today, Bastardly Productions. It looks like an entertaining place.


Hm, what else can I ramble about? Eh, I don't know, so, I'll just stop for now.




Grr. (6:45pm or so)
I'm really cranky all of a sudden. Maybe it's because the caffeinated goodness from my cappuchino wore off. I don't know. For whatever reason, people are annoying me. It's easy enough to stay in my room apart from people, seeing as most all my friends have either gone home for the weekend, or are out doing stuff. Online, the people I'd like to talk to aren't around, and the people who are talking to me are annoying me... no fault of theirs, I'm just not in a very sociable mood.

That and I'm bored. I have this time to myself tonight and I don't want to be by myself yet again, dammit! Even when I'm hanging with my friends (on- or offline), I feel so freakin' isolated.


People just don't understand me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those "ooh, I'm so different and mysterious, you'll never understand me" type people. It's true, though. People don't understand me, only a small amount have even put forth any effort to try. It hurts when I have something I'd like to discuss with a friend, and I know aforementioned friend just wouldn't get it, or would be weirded out, or somesuch thing.


Times like this, I just wish I could go away and not come back, just leave everyone and everything I know and start completely over again. It'd be the third time I've started over. Heh. Am I just not able to be happy? I make peace with and begin getting along with my family, I make friends, I fall in love, and then I systematically start to drive all those special people in my life away from me. Why the hell do I always do that? Is it fear? Anger? I'm I more masochistic than I thought, and just feel like hurting myself by depriving myself of companionship and happiness? I don't have the slightest idea, but it's got to stop. I just need someone to be here with me, here for me, but the few who I could trust enough for that task aren't around, and probably won't be. Ah, well. Es la vida.


I'll stop now.

[Mood: Bored :sleepy:]
[Music: Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) by Green Day]

Wow, what a dull day... It's been half-term & I've spent it all at home working... I've got to get out! & not just for fags:smoking: or booze

Still tomorrow nite I'm off 2 a gig, it should b good

Live journal went down today. And I need to write about this. It's a bit embarrassing but who cares. I'll paste it in my lj when it comes back up.

I was always told to let this year pass without any worries and without exhausting myself. But ... it will not "pass" this way because I'm not passing in school. I know next year is the "actual" important one but ... this year is just as important.

The reason I'm reminding myself of that is because I got my report card today. I failed Geology by alot, but I can work on that because it's different with Geology and this isn't the "actual" final grade. I *almost* failed Biology but I didn't. *Phew*. But I need to work on it more. The rest isn't really a big problem. The only grade I'm *actually* proud of is the one I got for Religion Studies. It wasn't a full grade but I worked hard on it. I got a 100% in English but I don't even study!

Teacher-parent meeting is on Monday. I told my mum she'd be hearing things she doesn't want to hear. But she say's she just wants to face it. ><;

I probably knew something like this would happen sooner or later.

I think something's bugging Faith. Last year, it was like, I'm always the one looking angry, annoyed, sad or depressed. And she was always the one telling me to "smile" and "let it go" and asking me what's wrong and sticking by whenever I'd activate the tear machine. I just wish I could help her with what's bothering her. She say's she's fine ... but that's what I used to say last year. This year, the "real" me partly came back. The one who talks alot. xD I think I'll ring Faith today and just keep her company.

Okay, here's something weird that's happened today. I "never" do things like this.
Mother-tongue teacher after looking at my literature preperation: Where's the rest of your work?
Me: The lesson is pretty short.
Teacher: When we start working on it, you'll see how long it really is.
Me: Yeah. When we work on it ourselves we don't understand "everything".
Teacher: Oh, you don't, do you?
(or something like that)
Me: What's the use of coming here then?

Bea started laughing the minute the teacher went away. This is so ... I've never talked like that with a teacher before. It was always panic, distress and excessive sweating. xDD

CasCas was absent today. I hope she's okay. She was supposed to either ring or send a texty on Thursday but I got none. *worries*

I'm giving away my computer. I don't want it anymore ... I'll probably hook the laptop up but I don't want to use it as much. I really want to concentrate on schoolwork for now. I hope it happens ... I already uninstalled alot of stuff (including MSN and YM ;_;). And I'm going to write what's left on the 'puter on CDs. Then uninstall AIM and ICQ. And *gasp* Adobe Photoshop 6.

I barely selpt last night. So tired. _-_;