Once upon a time, in a land far, far away there lay a forest. It was enchanted, dark, and deep. Many secrets were hidden there. But nothing was more desired than the greatest treasure that it kept safe - The Golden Pen.
The Golden Pen was said to make anything written in it's enchanted ink become the BEST THING EVER. It was of course, the most desired object in the world by many writers - and on this evening long ago eight budding young stars wished to take it for themselves...
First came Formalhaut, the poetic bard. He stepped carefully through the forest avoiding making too much noise. He was quiet and fast and soon he approached The Golden Pen. It was within his sights but suddenly he stopped. He looked to his left to see that the tree he was beside had a face - and that it as about to speak;
"Your poetry is fine
But it's far from sublime
You can't even write up a decent rhyme
and your sentences don't match up in time!"
The wicked tree sang, each word that fell from the knotted bark crushed Formalhaut's spirit that little bit more. He couldn't take this
mean critic anymore and he fled from the forest, leaving The Golden Pen on it's plinth for the next writer to try to pass....
This time, came Fynn the novelist. He was dressed in fine garbs with hair as quaffed as that of a Prince. He strode through the forest atop his white steed; wondering if there might even be a Damsel in Distress he could save once he had snatched up the pen. Before he had a chance to make it to the magical plinth, he heard the nearby screams of a damsel in a dangerous situation, and off he galloped to save her - perhaps she would fall in love with him too! As he drew near, he saw that the damsel was in fact an ugly hag - and she pointed at him and yelled in his face; "
CLICHE!". Fynn became so shocked that he fell from his horse and skedaddled at high speed back home.
The next contender was a news reported, Freya! She carried her pen and paper with her as she chose a clear path through the forest. She took in the beautiful settings and scribbled down notes about it - pretty soon she had lost her way and had almost forgotten about The Golden Pen until she saw it in the distance - glowing at her. She took another step forward but nearly jumped out of her skin as a 'POOF' of smoke appeared! Behind it was none other than
Rupert Murdoch! "My, Freya! I love your news skills! I want to offer you a job at my
TABLOID!". Freya screamed and ran in the opposite direction.
Next up came the beautiful Midgar Mist - the post-modern poet. Now, this lady was not about to let that Golden Pen slip from her grasp. She bolted through the forest, not letting up as she raced forward as if her life depended on it. But of course, her very life DID depend on it - she HAD to get that pen or she would be the worst writer ever for life. But maybe she already was? What good would a stupid pen be when she was already so useless at forming sentences and writing metaphors.... Her crushing
SELF-DOUBT caused her to lose sigh of The Golden Pen, and she instead left the forest in floods of tears.
Then came Myst Knight - the next competitor looking to get their hands over The Golden Pen and rule the world with the riches to be made from being the Best Writer Ever! They kept thinking about their future so much so that eventually night had turned to day and they had lost all sight of what they were after - it was the
PROCRASTINATION! Rats!
Today was the turn of jack-of-all-trades Night Fury! She ran quickly through the green forest filled with green trees. She hop-stepped over the roots peeking up from the dirty ground. She breathed breathingly from her own lungs in her chest before the brain of grey matter in her skull realised and thought aloud and also inwardly that she was suffering sickly from redundant
REDUNDANCY! ARRRGH!
The journey was almost through, there were only two heroes left! The next was bl0gger Pumpkin! She like, totally skipped through the forest as best she could, keeping up a gr8 pace to get her hands on that Golden Pen. She clacked the keys of her keyboard - updating her Twitter followers that she was almost there; "Nrly at the G0lden P3n lyk ya" she typed. She head a loud 'GONG' sound and then a booming voice shouted at her
"YOUR GRAMMAR AND SPELLING ARE AWFUL!"
All she could muster up to say was; "Eh, it's all the internets fault!"
Finally came Wolf Kanno - and unlike the previous heroes he actually came to The Golden Pen. He lay his fingers against it and held it in his hand. He had succeeded where others hadn't - where they couldn't! He cheered triumphantly until he realised that the Plinth had morphed into a large block. As he stared upon it's smooth surface he lost his mind and couldn't figure out what to do.... He had been stumped by a
WRITER'S BLOCK!!!
A truly cautionary tale, of all our heroes, none could succeed and become the BEST WRITER EVER. So now it's up to you to decide who should receive the accolade!
And the winner is.....
