So you just listen to me, Mr Man. Get me some video footage of hot man on man action by tonight, or don't bother coming home!
So you just listen to me, Mr Man. Get me some video footage of hot man on man action by tonight, or don't bother coming home!
I have to go, but if I find one dog hair when I come back I'll rub sand into your dead little eyes. I also need you to buy sand. I don't know if they grade it, but... coarse.
Mallory:[/b] ISIS isn't your own personal travel agency. It doesn't exist just so you can jet off to... Whore Island!
Archer:[/b] That's not... a real place.
Mallory:[/b] I have fifty agents who would literally kill to move up to your position. And if you don't square up your operations account by Monday, they won't need to. Your position will be vacant! Sterling!
Archer:[/b] Sorry, I was picturing Whore Island.
Mallory:[/b] Have I made myself clear?!
Archer:[/b] You're looking for the answer "yes"?
Mallory:[/b] Yes.
Archer:[/b] Then yes.
The Isle of Man... oh my god, is that like Whore Island for women?
Lana:[/b] [about Conway] And what do we know about this guy?
Archer:[/b] Only that he's uncircumcised.
Lana:[/b] [Pause] Okay, glossing over how you know that—
Archer:[/b] We touched penises.
Lana:[/b] NO, GLOSSING! But wait, an uncircumsized Jewish guy? Isn't that kinda weird to you?
Archer:[/b] What's weird about that? I'm not Jewish but I am circum—
Lana:[/b] That's not how it works!
Archer:[/b] Oh Lana, I think we both know it works just fine.
Lana: Aww, did you see me? Holding that baby?
Ray: Yeah, you looked like Tyson holding that dove.
Pam:[/b] And don't go starting rumors about Conway boning your mother.
[Archer throws up]
Pam:[/b] You get any of that in the trashcan?
Archer:[/b] No. I missed on purpose.
Sterling Archer: No, no, by all means, let me do this Lana. You just sit there like the African Queen.
Lana Kane: The African Queen was the boat.
Sterling Archer: No it wasn't. It was Audrey-
Lana Kane: Katherine.
Sterling Archer: Whichever Hepburn, she was the queen.
Lana Kane: ...of Africa?
Sterling Archer: Yeah.
Lana Kane: The white queen of Africa?
Sterling Archer: Yeah. Back then Hollywood was pretty weird about the whole race thing. Like Amos and Andy were white. A white guy played Charlie Chan.
Lana Kane: Archer-
Sterling Archer: I'm pretty sure Tonto was a Jew.
You haven't seen the last of Conway Stern... Which is not my real name.
RAMPAAAAAAAAAAAGE!
All I've had today is, like, six gummy bears and some scotch.
serves you right, smacky brown
Malory:[/b] But they were blanks! Weren't they?
Archer:[/b] Only if the back of his skull picked that exact moment to explode outwards.
I do know that a liter of melon balls can't replace a liter of blood because I'm kind of drunk for this!
Oh, I thought we were laughing at the dead people we set on fire.