Let's Play Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest

Since most people probably haven't played the most under appreciated game Square ever made, why not watch as I play through it for you? Complete with my usual charming lack of wit.

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Yes, this game did come out AFTER Final Fantasy IV.

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Dude, all my stuff was there.

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That's not an answer!

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The flying cloud only seats one.

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Could have sworn there was a mountain there.

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Mountain's collapsing beneath us? Must be story time.

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There's no caption for this one. It's really just here for completeness. Though Vile 4 will totally be the name of my new band.

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I bet you say that to all the confused young men on collapsing mountains.

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It was nice of the mountain to stop collapsing long enough for you to explain all this.

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Not sure I'm going to like where this is going.

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I'm not even sure I'm going to make it off this mountain if you keep yammering like this.

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I ran into you on a collapsing mountain after all. What more proof do you need?

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We could have been gone by now.

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Sure, this doesn't look one sided at all.

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You can't see it, but I wiggle my butt to distract my enemy.

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Not so tough without your horns!

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Oh trout, he found the horns! He found the horns!

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Huh, guess I'm not the Hero of Destiny.

For the record, I didn't even know it was possible to lose this first battle, but here we are one critical hit later.

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Sure, just give me a sec to put my insides back on the inside.

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Seconds later and a more favourable result.

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Dude, I smurfing died back there.

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He does seem to be a poor judge of character.

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Son of a bitch!

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Cough 'em up old man!

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SON OF A BITCH!

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Can I assume some leveling will be involved?

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Yeah, we're confused too kid.

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Spoiler alert: you probably never find out.

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In the leveling forest we find another needy old guy shoving his problems onto someone else.

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Don't feel obligated to step aside or anything. I'll just jump over you instead.

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Foresta? They thought long and hard about that name.

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Whoah old man! Keep it in your pants.

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Not sure if euphemism...

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Foresta: where people quite literally live in trees.

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This is Kaeli and there's a tree in the forest.

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She's the trusting sort.

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First reasonable thing someone's said all game long.

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I've had enough of your jibber jabber.

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Should have seen the guy who gave it to me.

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Yeah, it's not like you hollow them out for your homes or anything.

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Just running off to a dangerous forest with a stranger who showed me an old man's wither. I'll be back by 9:00.

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And she's got more health than me and a big axe. Is that old guy really sure I'm this knight of legend?

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And any concern for her daughter has melted away.

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Yeah, he might get a bit of a sunburn without his cap. That might hurt a bit. And don't get me started on the peeling.

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Is it stealing if Kaeli's with me?

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Just adding some speed holes to the sheets so the bed will go faster. Don't you know anything Flanders?

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Yeah, and I'm a hero of legend.

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Finally got a line on the loot.

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Don't mind me. Just sneaking in the back to help myself to some provisions. Try not to break a limb before I get this back to you.

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It only took several decades.

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Ah great, even the young hotty is crazy. Probably should be a bit more careful when picking up traveling companions. Especially when they carry a giant axe.

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Will you be joining me? I mean, I kind of have this thing going with this other girl but I've heard she's a little off balance if you know what I me- *axe to the head*

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Am I the only one who hasn't heard this prophecy?

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Guess it's time to chop some trees and start some fires.

That's it for now. You'll be pleased to know that we're through like, 1% of the game. On the plus side though, we're through about 25% of the useful exposition. Yes, I am serious. Join me next time when we continue on through the Level Forest and head to the bone dungeon to save the Earth Crystal. I know that's what's coming because some old people told me.

Never heard of this game, like, ever.

However, I find your commentary entirely amusing and witty (And sarcastic. Love sarcasm) so I shall keep watching! Also, two free rep points for you!

I know I need a better vocabulary but that's what I call self-incrimination/indoctrination.

This is great, I look forward to reading more.

Thread subscribed.

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More effective than poking it with my sword.

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I seem to recall hearing about this north exit not two minutes ago. From you no less.

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Square demonstrating their racial sensitivity.

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Kaeli kills one outright while I just wound the second. There's an old guy on a cloud I should introduce her to I think.

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These blobs like to practice their dance moves. This was 1992 so we may be dealing with New Kids on the Block. Either way I'll still poke them with my sword.

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The old mans withered tree is glowing. He might want to see a specialist.

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And here I just thought it was happy to see me.

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Chop it down and a cow pops out. You can't make this stuff up.

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You got me. I did not see that coming.

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What did I say about seeing a specialist?

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This battle was over so fast these were the only screenshots I got.

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Tree syphilis.

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We all know where this is going.

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Sure, because I'm all about making reasonable decisions.

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Good idea. I might run into some trees that need chopping in that sand temple.

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There was a box I couldn't get to in Foresta earlier, but now that I have an axe...

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I can find out there's nothing useful in it.

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Not a single monster in the sand temple? At the chest already? Everything's coming up Viv-

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SON OF A BITCH!

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I'm in the sand temple opening the box that's supposed to have Elixir in it. A regular Sherlock Holmes this one.

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You'll address me by my formal title peasant.

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This is 1992. That sort of GP doesn't grow on trees until at least 1994.

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Kaeli's not THAT hot.

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A true salesman sticks to his guns.

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Are we even pretending I'm a hero of legend at this point? And since my village was technically destroyed my allowance is now limited to what I pillage from the corpses of my enemies.

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Okay, but I don't do anal.

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Sounds perfectly safe guy I just met.

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Does any of us really have a choice or are all of our actions as pre-determined as the programming of this game. Deep philosophical questions being raised here.

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8 o'clock. I do my killing after breakfast.

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Risking our lives on a maybe? Totally reasonable.

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Vivi Von Fancy Pants to my friends.

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Interesting choice of Ninja name.

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Time to fight. See you on the other side.

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I'm as shocked as you are.

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I cleaned out a battlefield and all I got were some stupid levels.

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Another battlefield cleared and a whopping +1 to my defense obtained. Frankly, I'm surprised a necklace offers that much protection.

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Entering bone dungeon. Sounds pleasant.

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I wonder what these funny bird looking dudes look like up close.

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not very bird like apparently.

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Desert dungeon? Time for the obligatory Dune reference. Because nothing can survive the deep desert except the worm.

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A chest I can't reach? I'm guessing I'll have to come back here soon.

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Sell bombs to a kid? Anything to make a buck.

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Does anyone actually say no?

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We were literally in the same room as the blocked chest when he sold me the bombs.

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You mean I've been walking around being a legendary knight with no shield? Scandalous!

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I don't even have a caption for this. These guys are just freaky looking.

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With modern pharmacology these skeletons shouldn't have to suffer from a case of floppy sword.

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First bit of black magic.

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Attack the big red monster head on? STRATEGY!

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The Behemoth that killed me at the start of the game would beg to differ.

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And I have Quake magic. Something you happen to take a lot of damage from. Yeah, that's legit.

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I don't remember seeing one of these in Jurassic Park.

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Tristam sleeping on the job.

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The thing exploding on me right now is a rib. I don't think that even needs a funny caption.

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Almost there.

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Everyone knows crystals are secretly worthless.

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Now he can molest me from across the room.

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A man of his word.

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He gets a grappling hook and I get a coin. smurf you Tristam.

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Another companion leaves. I'll probably stumble on another faster than you can say Doctor Who.

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Maybe they wouldn't leave if I showered after a battle.

And we'll leave it there for today. But as one final thing to leave you with, be sure to play these while I'm fighting a battle or a boss:



You won't regret it.

This thread is better than the actual game.

Not that that takes much.

The game is aweful, I'd certianly hope any thread created here is better then it. :p

But yes, this is priceless. XD

This game is amazing and you're all going to hell.

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Back to Forest town.

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I guess those old people weren't senile after all. Or old people.

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Now now, don't rush me.

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Poor thing's delirious. Either that or she didn't expect me to come back alive.

Note to self: keep an eye on Kaeli...

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Just recovered from a deadly poison? Time for an adventure.

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I don't want your tree syphilis. You can stay here.

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Square had a thing for towers in the 90's. I wonder what Freud would say?

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This old guy again. Captain Mac is the dude who forgot his hat. I highly doubt some hatless loser will be important to my quest.

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Lucky for you there's precisely one Phoebe in the entire world.

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Sorry dude, I had plans.

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Finding important characters while following the main quest? Yeah right pal!

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It doesn't actually say so, but the Sand Coin opened this door. I guess it wasn't totally useless after all. But it certainly is now.

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Finally starting to live up to my name.

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Lush green plants and arctic Tundra separated by a tower. Make sense. It's like how Florida is on the Canadian border.

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The arrows say I can't go any farther. Guess they want me to go here.

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Dancing in a cave. Odd place to find a stripper.

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She makes a hell of a first impression.

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At least some old guy didn't hand you his wither.

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I asked her about Spencer. Sometimes the game keeps the last speech bubble on screen, other times it doesn't. It's frustrating when I'm trying to cut down on the number of screenshots.

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Luck and careful plotting.

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smurf him, let him die.

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I'm going to go out on a limb and say she's Phoebe from Aquaria.

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Now for Fridays lottery numbers.

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Nothing says helpful like forcing yourself on a woman.

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Not that she seems to mind.

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Not very aquatic.

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Your grandmother got pneumonia? She's probably going to die kid.

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Physics!

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Invisible monsters? Sure kid.

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We waited until we got to her house to ask the obvious.

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He was digging under your house? And he can't get out? Phoebe, I'd say he's dead.

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I didn't listen to the dying Grandma.

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Sounds nice and convoluted.

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Sorry, I was staring at your boobs.

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Wait, what's this place called when it's not frozen solid?

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You'll note that when blinded our heroes turn their backs to the enemy to make sure they don't peek in the spirit of fair play.

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I honestly thought this spelling was wrong until I typed wintry into Firefox and it didn't smack my knuckles with a ruler.

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Hedgehog's with icicle coloured spines in the Wintry Cave I get. But why the smurf are there scorpions here?

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Not only did they do a lot of pallete swaps in this game, but they only changed one letter in the name. These worms also use an attack called quicksand. I trout you not.

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Might have been useful info before I fell down the cliff.

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No that's fine: give me the claw and I'LL carry you out. Interesting side note, Phoebe's bow does almost twice as much damage as the claw did. Why was she using the claw at all?

And that's it for today. A bit shorter than usual, but I did clear out four battlefields as well as getting all of this done. Just as well too since my internet connection decided to be a dick and took at least six minutes to upload the photos for this post. I have Fibreop so even accepting that it was being bogged down by something I still can't believe it took that long.

This is some serious Ballz to the wallz action.