Boys and girls, and their first sexual impressions...

Alright, I frequently hear that girls in general look much more for a good personality than most guys do.
Let me elaborate: in my country guys can totally go attracted to a girl just because she looks good; it doesn't matter much if she seems to lack confidence or anything - if she's hot then that's enough for them to feel attracted.
However, this doesn't seem to be the case with the girls: they usually need to feel that air of self-confidence around a guy, and if you seem to have poor self-confidence then they ditch you very soon.

I find this pretty interesting: why is it this way?

Girls do it too.

Well really not all girls are like that but i still see what your saying. As for the answer to your question, i wish i could tell you but i have no idea, i dont get it either. :eep:

Humans, we rock.

Well, psychologically and biologically speaking, it makes sense for boys to be a bit more attracted to looks and girls to be a bit more attracted to personality.

For a man, the most important aspect in finding a mate is finding someone who will have many healthy children. Typically speaking, more attractive girls look younger or more fertile (large and bright eyes, feminine jaw, healthy hair, large breasts, nice waist to hip ratio), so it makes sense for boys to care a good deal (at least subconsciously), about a girl's appearance.

As for girls, the most important aspects in a mate are the abilities to provide resources and to be a good father. Hence, women might care a bit more about personality because it is a good indication of a man who will stick around and be a good dad. Of course, personality is particularly important in long term relationships. Women want nice men to have relationships with. Yet with one night stands, women will also care mostly about attractiveness - an indication of good genes. The logic is that a woman would prefer to have a one night stand with the attractive bastard because she's subconsiously drawn to his good genes - she'd love to have offspring who possess those same genes. Yet, for a long term relationship, a woman would usually prefer a nicer (and not necessarily gorgeous) man to be a good and dependable mate.

EDIT: I see you were talking specifically about confidence...Well, men wouldn't biologically care about confidence in a girl. If she's "hot," she'll provide effective genes in his offspring. But women might care about confidence in men because confidence is a sign of strength...as stated, a man who's confident will come off as an "alpha male" of sorts, and would be a worthwhile mate to have.

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Originally Posted by hhr1dluv

Well, psychologically and biologically speaking, it makes sense for boys to be a bit more attracted to looks and girls to be a bit more attracted to personality.

For a man, the most important aspect in finding a mate is finding someone who will have many healthy children. Typically speaking, more attractive girls look younger or more fertile (large and bright eyes, feminine jaw, healthy hair, large breasts, nice waist to hip ratio), so it makes sense for boys to care a good deal (at least subconsciously), about a girl's appearance.

As for girls, the most important aspects in a mate are the abilities to provide resources and to be a good father. Hence, women might care a bit more about personality because it is a good indication of a man who will stick around and be a good dad. Of course, personality is particularly important in long term relationships. Women want nice men to have relationships with. Yet with one night stands, women will also care mostly about attractiveness - an indication of good genes. The logic is that a woman would prefer to have a one night stand with the attractive bastard because she's subconsiously drawn to his good genes - she'd love to have offspring who possess those same genes. Yet, for a long term relationship, a woman would usually prefer a nicer (and not necessarily gorgeous) man to be a good and dependable mate.

EDIT: I see you were talking specifically about confidence...Well, men wouldn't biologically care about confidence in a girl. If she's "hot," she'll provide effective genes in his offspring. But women might care about confidence in men because confidence is a sign of strength...as stated, a man who's confident will come off as an "alpha male" of sorts, and would be a worthwhile mate to have.

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Great answer...talk about explaining it! Yeah it makes sense now i read it that way.

There's also cultural aspects. Until not long ago, girls weren't supposed to like sex or dating, they were born and raised to be good wives. So they were pretty much trained to ignore looks and go for the "good husband" types, i.e. fat wallet, good worker, etc... The male was encouraged to go out with many girls and "sow his wild oats" before he was ready to settle down and have a family.

Fast forward 100 years and the culture still has many of those lessons in it. Girls are still encouraged to look for husbands, not for sex or personal fulfillment. And boys still feel a bit of pressure to have sexual experience and to have many conquests.

Society just takes a long time to change.

Notice its all the girls saying the things above.

I'm a guy and I agree with them. Of course, their is always exeptions...like the whore population in my town...

I'm scared... my personality sucks :(

Maybe not but meh.... I just lost all confidence. :p

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Originally Posted by Arctic_Ang3L

I'm scared... my personality sucks :(

Maybe not but meh.... I just lost all confidence. :p

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Why does your personality suck?
You only think it sucks, some girls might think it rocks :).
Don't lose confidence over girls, we are all a bunch of bitches sometimes =D

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Originally Posted by xxthebadgemakerxx

Don't lose confidence over girls, we are all a bunch of bitches sometimes =D

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Guys can be complete assholes too, though. I'm not like, saying this to you personally, but girls put each other down a lot. We're all too eager to say "All girls are mean and backstabbing I'm only friends with guys!" Also, theundeadhero is right.

I dunno how to comment on what you said in general since I don't have that much experience with life or anything, but I know for me, having self-confidence isn't all that important. I mean, I don't want someone who's constantly putting themself down, but being insecure or shy or whatever isn't going to make me walk away. That's dumb.

I don't think it's that black/white. There are many things that can make people attracted to one another, and looks are definitely one of them, but I don't believe you can divide it into how girls get attracted to boys and the other way around. Getting attracted to someone is very personal.

Free love, baby. Solved all the world's problems.

I could care less what the woman acted like, give me a woman with a body like jennifer Garner and I'm cool. As long as she doesn't act like New york.

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Originally Posted by Arctic_Ang3L

I'm scared... my personality sucks :(

Maybe not but meh.... I just lost all confidence. :p

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Join the club!

Physical and personality likings are a big reason that both genders attract, but I think confidence follows closely after. I've even seen cases where it works for people who don't have much (at all) going for them, example: have you ever seen a hot guy with an ugly girl or visa versa? I bet that ugly girl or guy doesn't complain daily to their partner, "I wish I was better looking". Not to say that if your not confident no one will like you, because they will. It's just people generally (I might add) become annoyed if they constantly have to boost their partner's confidence level and assure them that they are not "too fat" or that their "masculine body part is more than enough" or whatever they case may be. :tongue:
I know I hated whenever I got into a relationship where my boyfriends would often ask me, "do you think I put on a little weight since we've been together?" or "are you still attracted to me?" and I feel sorry for men who have the same issue with their girlfriends. Don't get me wrong, it's alright to ask your partner every once in a while, but your confidence shouldn't come from other people, you should at least be a little accepting of yourself.

And obviously, the person you are with asked you out or said yes to you because they were attracted either to your physical appearances or your personality. If you gained a little or a lot of weight, do something about it! If you don't think your pretty enough.........I dunno! I'm not a damn psychiatrist...

I'm very happy in my current relationship because I'm not only very attracted to my man but he is a confident person, which makes his personality (that is already really good) even more appealing.:lovers:

A'yo, I'm gonna lay it down like this ya' heard me. Typhoon A.K.A Tha Reapa is loaded with self-confidence, ambition, respect, love, care, very fun to be around, down to earth (When I want to be), hell I'm a womens dream man. But here comes the shocker. Most women would rather someone who can kick her ass (A Ruff Neck) over a nice guy. I don't get it!!! You women say you want one thing, and then your attracted to a exact opposite. What the hell?!?! Well, I guess it's the wants and needs argument all over again...

Hmm... It's not just you. I've heard a handful of people say that women who were abused and beaten as children tend to (unintentionally) look for the same ass hole qualities in a mate.

You don't want someone like that. Find a hot girl with a brain, they're rare but they ARE out there.

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Originally Posted by Tifa Valentine

Hmm... It's not just you. I've heard a handful of people say that women who were abused and beaten as children tend to (unintentionally) look for the same ass hole qualities in a mate.

You don't want someone like that. Find a hot girl with a brain, they're rare but they ARE out there.

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A'yo, I know exactly what I want in a woman. It'a just that when it comes down to it, I'm not even though of that way by any I know. DAMMIT!!!! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!?!?!?!?

heck im a guy, and, yes i check to see if they are good looking, but i go on personality mainly, i never rush things and get to know the person before i try owt (probs why im still single after 16 years)

Good looks make for good first impressions :p. After a while, the importance of that fades.

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Originally Posted by hhr1dluv

Well, psychologically and biologically speaking, it makes sense for boys to be a bit more attracted to looks and girls to be a bit more attracted to personality.

For a man, the most important aspect in finding a mate is finding someone who will have many healthy children. Typically speaking, more attractive girls look younger or more fertile (large and bright eyes, feminine jaw, healthy hair, large breasts, nice waist to hip ratio), so it makes sense for boys to care a good deal (at least subconsciously), about a girl's appearance.

As for girls, the most important aspects in a mate are the abilities to provide resources and to be a good father. Hence, women might care a bit more about personality because it is a good indication of a man who will stick around and be a good dad. Of course, personality is particularly important in long term relationships. Women want nice men to have relationships with. Yet with one night stands, women will also care mostly about attractiveness - an indication of good genes. The logic is that a woman would prefer to have a one night stand with the attractive bastard because she's subconsiously drawn to his good genes - she'd love to have offspring who possess those same genes. Yet, for a long term relationship, a woman would usually prefer a nicer (and not necessarily gorgeous) man to be a good and dependable mate.

EDIT: I see you were talking specifically about confidence...Well, men wouldn't biologically care about confidence in a girl. If she's "hot," she'll provide effective genes in his offspring. But women might care about confidence in men because confidence is a sign of strength...as stated, a man who's confident will come off as an "alpha male" of sorts, and would be a worthwhile mate to have.

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So what you're saying is the fact I'm an extremely Shallow and pickey male is completey not my fault and therefore cannot be blaimed for it because of my Biology?

Thats Awesome!

I look for more in the guy's character in his MMORPG, I mean, how can you date a someone if he is a n00b in MMORPG? :bigsmile:

Originally Bespoken by TyphoonThaReapa

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A'yo, I know exactly what I want in a woman. It'a just that when it comes down to it, I'm not even though of that way by any I know. DAMMIT!!!! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!?!?!?!?

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I doubt it's you. I hate that I'm no good when it comes to reading girls (and sadly enough I AM ONE!:() I was never able to tell any of my guy friends what was going through their heads when they passed up some really decent guys! Honestly, you should kick back and enjoy plenty of casual hook ups with lady friends (if your not doing so already) until one really catches your interest. You didn't include that you got looks, so finding contemporary g/fs shouldn't be a problem.;)


Originally Bespoken by I Don't Need A Name

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heck im a guy, and, yes i check to see if they are good looking, but i go on personality mainly, i never rush things and get to know the person before i try owt (probs why im still single after 16 years)

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Just curious, single as in you've never had a girlfriend or currently don't have a stable girlfriend?

Because if girls were only attracted to looks and paid no thought, they'd get pregnant, have kids, and the guy would leave.

Girls need to marry somebody who has 'personality' so he will pay for the children she bears.

This is a good time for me to tell everybody to get a paternity test when you have a potential child that could be yours (or not be yours, rather).

ie: every time a kid is born that you can be associated to as the father, you get a paternity test.

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Originally Posted by kikimm

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Originally Posted by xxthebadgemakerxx

Don't lose confidence over girls, we are all a bunch of bitches sometimes =D

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Guys can be complete assholes too, though. I'm not like, saying this to you personally, but girls put each other down a lot. We're all too eager to say "All girls are mean and backstabbing I'm only friends with guys!" Also, theundeadhero is right.

I dunno how to comment on what you said in general since I don't have that much experience with life or anything, but I know for me, having self-confidence isn't all that important. I mean, I don't want someone who's constantly putting themself down, but being insecure or shy or whatever isn't going to make me walk away. That's dumb.

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Marry me :]

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Originally Posted by Breine

I don't think it's that black/white. There are many things that can make people attracted to one another, and looks are definitely one of them, but I don't believe you can divide it into how girls get attracted to boys and the other way around. Getting attracted to someone is very personal.

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No, its the rule. Not the exception. Though there are exceptions. But you can still very easily generalize. MOST girls ARE attracted to confidense. Except they're not a very good judge. Which is why you see them hooking up with assholes who don't really know what confidence is. They have cockiness and conceit and arrogance. Close enough, right? Marry him! Stupid girls :]

Then they say "Oh I want a guy like this". Which probably describes their best guy friend who they'd never date xD! Stupid girls

Probably change in the near future however. Arrogance and machoness are becoming obsolete. Nerds will be the ones making the most money in the future. Because, yeah. Girls love money. They don't care if they're treated well as long as they're taken care of ;] Stupid girls

And the biggest problem is that girls (notice I"m saying girls, not women, with the hope that they mature out of this stupidity) never take a step back and analyze their situation regarding anyone. They just go with what they feel. And of course, their feelings are usually stupid :]

As stated by NeoCracker:

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So what you're saying is the fact I'm an extremely Shallow and pickey male is completey not my fault and therefore cannot be blaimed for it because of my Biology?

Thats Awesome!

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Well, what you're saying actually coincides with what is known as the naturalistic fallacy. Though it might be biologically sound for you to be "shallow," that doesn't mean that it's morally right. For example, infanticide is biologically sound (some animals kill their offspring if the success of their offspring isn't imminent). Yet, it's certainly wrong for us as humans to kill our children. Our society doesn't accept that behavior.

I realize that you were probably joking when you were originally making your comment. :p

Humans are actually a curious species. We have monogamous tendencies, but our species has definitely been marked as polygynous/polyandrous as well. Also, as humans, it's very hard to study human behavior. We just have likely hypotheses. :)

Hmmm...

I noticed that my boyfriend was attractive, initially, then I found out how awesome of a person he was.

He noticed that i was a kind person, and then noticed i was cute too. lol

Isn't that supposed to be reversed, then?

It's somewhat rooted in the way to which the evolutionary components of us humans work.

Taking the observations of the current dating patterns of my grade it seems most people try to go "just for looks", guys and girls alike.

Meh, it's always 50% looks, 49% lack of obvious negative features (bad smell, lack of teeth, weird eating habits) and 1% of everything else.

In all honest, girls, would you make out with a guy who has an absolutely superb personality, great sense of humour, but looks like a Mr. Burns and Michael Moore with a smell of rotten fish?

I look for those with 2 tails, 3 horns and 4 tentacles. Must know level 5 limit break btw. Ya know, it get quite at night some time. :bigsmile: