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Okay, this game is about saying the wrong thing on a given situation. First user posts a situation. The next user posts a wrong line for that situation, and gives a new situation. Capice?
Example:
User A: Situation: Your car is sinking into a lake, and you're inside.
User B: (on the phone) "Uhh, Mr. Marty, can we change my swimming lesson for today?"
Here we go
Situation: Your wife is mad at you for coming home late and stinking of alcohol and she beats you up with a broom.
No, not the broom Matoya! I'll give you back your Crystal Eye if you give me a second chance!
Situation: A ferris wheel loaded with children has the axis in the middle broken and the ferris wheel breaks free from its base and rolls down a mountain.
I hope I'm doing this right.
"Oops, I really didn't think that screw was important... my bad."
Your parents find smoking pot in the house and after shouting at you they ask you what you were thinking when you were smoking.
Now, I hope I'm doing this right. Sheesh.
Let me now see if I'm doing this right.
"I was pondering the meaning of string"
SITUATION: You fall asleep in your car only to wake up and find out it's being towed with you inside.
You guys are doing this right.
"Woah, talk about keeping the gas prices down."
Situation: You just told a hardass cop who stopped to go screw himself andnow he's pissed.
woops!
Situation: you partner is angry at you coz you have eaten all the coco pops and drank the last of the coffee.
"Until you get a goddamn job and start making some money and bringing something to this relationship, I'll eat all the damn cocoapops and drink all the coffee I want, ya lazy bum."
Situation: Your best friend, laying on his death bed, asks you to take care of his prize goldfish.
o....k....(crap! why do i have to work at a fish and chip shop )
situation: you are waiting in line for a bus and a big fat man has just let go wind!
"It's the milkman, Dr. Welerbee, he scares me."
Situation: Cannibalistic limes attack you.
"Hey I'm mostly skin you wouldn't like me. Eat that fat kid over there."
Situation" A person trips on a banana peel."
(Laughing) "Wow, is that blood? I've never actually seen that happen before."
SITUATION: Your angry boss calls you in his office and asks, "Do you know why I called you in here?"
*takes a handful of peanuts from the bowl on his desk and pours a coffee*
"Yep.Damn considerate of you. bye!"
situation: Your arrested for taking your chimp on a walk.
hey policeman u wanna stop off at the zoo to take him home?
situation: your stood in the middle of a shop and an old woman with a walking stick falls over and hurts herself
Watch where you're flailing you old hag!
Situation: You're in a martial arts tournament and dangerously overmatched
Excuse me sir, but could you please refain from punching my face? I'm getting my passport photo taken tomorrow.
Your in bed with your best mates sister and he walks in.
"This isn't where I parked my car."
Alternatively, "Wanna make this a tag team?"
Situation: You witness a child getting kicked in the face by a breakdancer, the child flies about two feet into the air and lands on his head.
"Man, why'd you stop?!"
You're on a date with a girl and you just ripped one.
Does it smell as bad as it tasted?
Situation: While mowing the lawn, you lose your grip on your lawnmower and it chops your toe off.
well i didnt see that one coming!
situation: your on a blind date but the chick your dating is ugly!
"Brb, need to get a paper bag."
Situation: You're home alone at 5 AM and you hear a big crash in the kitchen. The power gets cut off and you hear a scream.
"Oh, come on. You can't tell me you didn't want to bang her."
SITUATION: You've been watching the neighbors' cat while they were on vacation. Mrs. neighbor comes to pick her cat up and you just noticed it was missing.
EDIT: Damn. I was way too late on that one and someone replied to mine. I was going to delete it, but I guess I leave it. That kind of makes sense. I was replying to the one about your best friend catching you with his sister.
"I thought that door-to-door 'Cat Inspector' looked like the police sketch of the 'Catf**ker.'"
Situation: You just punched a bitchy pregnant women in a crowded mall.
"If the kid dies, i'm doing him a favor!"
Situation: You're in a swanky Italian restaurant, surrounded by the city's most rich and famous socialites, and your date is picking their nose. And I mean, they're REALLY going at it!
*nods to one of the poshest bokes there* "Thats my girl!"
situation: You have bought a choccy bar for 40p and it was 45p but the shopkeeper lets you have it anyway!
"Thanks pal." *smacks shopkeeper and steals a second bar*
SITUATION: Your neighbourhood as the fastest internet service in the world, but your house is the only one that has no internet at all. All your neighbours hate you.
"It's because I HAVE a life."
Situation: You are on a crowded bus and the driver starts talking to the voices in his head.
*To voices* Stop distracting the driver! Do you want us to have an accident?
Situation: You're on a golf course, and your mobile phone rings.
"It's my mum I'll put it on speaker."
Situation: You're drunk and got pulled over by a cop.
officer can you hold my beer while i get my license
situation: you overhear a couple haveing an argument in the store about jelly as you walk by.
"Dane Cook is a horrible situationalist and you should kill yourselves just for imitating something he talks about."
Situation: Your girlfriend is pregnant and you are the father, Maury Povich says so.
"grow up learn to take a joke and for that matter a dane cook joke"Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunny
situation a man sneezes and you say god bless you and he says he's an atheist.
that one was for spite.
Atheists don't exist.
Situation: After sex one night your girlfriend/boyfriend comes up to you and comes out of the closet about his/her gayness. They say it is because of how bad the sex was.
"You're ugly anyway."
Situation: You find out that the saying "God Bless You" originated from the Dark Ages during the time when the bubonic plague was prevalent and was, more or less, an insult used by those who were not infected. Think of it as a modern day "get the hell away from me."
you laugh even harder at dane cooks jokes
situation your parents walk in on you in an interesting situation involveing 2 girls/boys and you.
"You you want to join us? There's room for one more."
SITUATION: You're caught trying to shoplift a couple insignificant items from Wal-Mart.
being I've worked in a supermarket for years I've heard it all when it comes to shoplifters...nothing like a good ol' code 1...best line ever "I thought that they were free"
Scenario: you've just been walked in on by a friend as your having sex on his/her bed with your partner upon entering she/he screams out exactly what you're doing bringing the rest of your mates/her family running in the room too...the duvet and your clothes are across the other side of the room, and they show no signs of leaving soon.
I know she's hot, but this show isn't free, $5.
Scenario: There's a rumor going around you're addicted to heroin and now no one wants to go out with you.
Does anyone have Kate Moss's number handy?
Scenario: Your taking a leak in the toilet of a bar and the guy next to you keeps staring at your.....
Ask him very kindly if he'd get his own cubicle.
Situation: You are caught anally raping a chimpanzee in the middle of a police station.
erm! i tripped?
Situation: you have just walked in on you mum and dad doing the humpy pumpy
so your still going at it eh! at you old age!
situation: you are walking down the street late at night and you get mugged my a bunch of chavs
I don't see what you want with me. I didnt burn down the Burberry factory.
Scenario: You are caught in the middle of an armed robbery and are pi$$ off cause you are late for work
Could you hurry up? Terry's gonna be angry if I'm not behind that counter and serving customers in 15 minutes.
Situation: You have been caught by the police, while beating up Chavs.
i was blinded by there bling!
a genie that you found wont grant you 3 wishes
Then you wont get set free, sucker.
Scenario: You are satan and youd love some ice cream.
God, don't think I won't start the apocalypse for some Stephen Colbert Americone Dream.
Scene: Your friend has been diagnosed with cancer.
"Now's a good time to give me the ten bucks you owe me. You won't need it where you're going."
SITUATION: You're on your way to your car, late for work, when your neighbor complains about your dog crapping in his lawn.
"I'll keep my dog off your lawn as soon as you promise to keep that cat out of my sand box" >=(
Situation: Your friend's computer has been crashing continually for the past several months, and you know he doesn't have the money to buy a better one. This particular time, it doesn't seem to want to start back up.
*Builds a marionette show that looks like a monitor and sits under the desk behind the computer pulling the strings of icons while making strange beeping and ventilator sounds.*
Scenario: Your friend is jealous because you get to use the Hammerspace and all he gets is a rubber ducky............ ???
"Get over it!"
Situation: You're a Death Eater and you just messed up a very important mission, and a thoroghly pissed off Lord Voldemort wants "a word" with you about doing the job properly.
Juff giff mf a minuff. Imm eaffing heew.
You're heading down a hill on a road riding a unicycle. Suddenly, you hit a bump on the road and you go flying into someone's windshield. You're absolutely fine and uninjured even though your head is inside the car while the rest of your body is outside of it while the driver screams hysterically.
Remember safety first! Always wear a seatbelt
Situation: you're on the verge of taking over the world when suddenly the good guys come out with something unexpected that could stop you, all your financial backers and militant backers can hear you what do you say?
WHERE IS MY BLANKIE?!
Situation: You are about to seduce the most gorgeous person in the world, but then your mother calls and she is on speaker phone, what do you say?
"I told you, I'll clean my room when I get home! By the way, what's for dinner?"Quote:
Originally Posted by The Summoner of Leviathan
Situation: You are required to speak to elementary classes in school for community service in order to stay out of jail for a massive microwave thievery. A second grader asks you, "What's the meaning of life?"
42.......... and a half.
You don't finish your class assignment because you were sleeping with your prof's wife.
Your spouse ate it.
You witness a horrible car wreck and run to the site. You see a woman crawling out of her car, clearly about to die. She wants you to call for help.
You call up your old college roommate while sitting on the woman's face.
Situation: A North Korean cop catches you defacing a large billboard of Kim Jong-il (You're drawing facial hair on his picture and giving him devil horns) in the middle of Pyongyang, and he already has his truncheon out.
"You can help me down in a minute. I'm not done changing 'Kim Jong' to 'Menta Lee.'"
You get drunk at a bar and pass out. You awaken face down on the floor with a guy pulling your pants down behind you.
"Not now, Paul."
SITUATION:You just saw a guy run into a wall. He seems OK, though a little dazed, and some guy's searching his pockets.
"Care to help me up, stranger?"
Edit: "I call dibs on the wallet."
Situation: Some random guy tries to drop an X-Box on your head.
"Add a Wii to that?"
Situation: There's this really loud kid who wants your chocolate and the parent, a total stranger, with the kid wants you to indulge her son by giving up your chocolate!
Smurf off. The kid probably eats enough "chocolate" as it is.
Situation: You're at a good party and the dance floor is pretty crowded, and you accidentally (read: "accidentally") grope some hot chick. The 6'7" football player dancing with her turns around.
So, have you seen that new bra I mean erm car?
Situation: You've been seeing this girl for a while and she invites you to meet her parents, you find out that her father is the shop owner you stole from last week