Bake at 3000° for 27 Seconds.

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08-31-2009, 12:12 AM
Yar

Bake at 3000° for 27 Seconds.

Okay so the plan was to make pizza (homeade). I opened the 47¢ package of instant dough and got to making! :D Oven at 475° and dough ready to go! :D

Then it happened. All hell broke lose. The dough would not roll or spread into a nice flat circle and I eventually gave up. :( No pizza tonight.

Suffice it to say, I'm eating some grinders now. At least those are easy.

I'm like the world's worst cook. :cry:

Exchange some cooking horror stories! :D

Also, just as a side-note, cooking pizzas is my primary source of income. :mad:
08-31-2009, 12:40 AM
CimminyCricket

I was making some Chef Boy Pasta and playing video games. I forgot about the pasta on the stove and did not remember until the smoke alarm went off.
08-31-2009, 01:01 AM
Levian

Gingerbread men are supposed to be cooked at 220C for 10 minutes.

Gingerbread women are supposed to be burned alive at 3000C for 15 days. :colbert:
08-31-2009, 01:06 AM
Bunny

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yar

Suffice it to say, I'm eating some grinders now

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yar

I'm eating some grinders now

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yar

some grinders now

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yar

grinders now

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yar

grinders

D:
08-31-2009, 01:17 AM
Yar

grindyars
08-31-2009, 01:45 AM
Vermachtnis

Cooking never goes good when I take a nap. My Mac and Cheese caught on fire. :(
08-31-2009, 04:44 AM
The Summoner of Leviathan

I was adding whiskey to the caramel at work. We use gas stoves. I left the burner on as I always did up to that point. I stir, no flying flame, so I figured all the alcohol burned. I lean a bit closer as I finish cooking it. Next thing I know there's fire and I singe my bangs. Lesson of the story: when adding alcohol turn off the heat, then put it back on when fully mixed in. Also, being gay and catching fire leads to some obvious jokes from my co-workers.
08-31-2009, 07:40 AM
~*~Celes~*~

Yarsy, that's why you buy pre-packaged already-made pizza crusts :D

My worst cooking story would probably be when I didn't realize it would take quite so long to fry chicken via frying pan...ate dinner at after 10 pm :(

P.S. The chicken was really tasty :D
08-31-2009, 09:19 AM
Shlup

Did you spin the dough on your finger?!?!
08-31-2009, 10:26 AM
NeoCracker

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Summoner of Leviathan

Also, being gay and catching fire leads to some obvious jokes from my co-workers.

XD
08-31-2009, 10:34 AM
Iceglow

I have a few, mostly they're stuff my sister has done thankfully. I'm a good cook I just happen to hate cooking so it's not like me to make many mistakes. The below is the best of the bunch though:

We had an older microwave at my mom's, me and my sister had to go buy a new one for her because my sister put a jacket potato in the microwave and somehow set it on fire!

How, just how in the hell do you set fire to the MICROWAVE via cooking a baked potato in there? To this day we never found out.

The worst story I have is of a barbecue in a garden party it started raining pretty softly but enough to dampen down the coals and make lots of smoke so to keep the fire going some idiot poured a full bottle of vodka on the coals, the resulting explosion of burning alcohol caught a part of the awning on fire briefly, thankfully the canvas was flame proofed.
08-31-2009, 12:26 PM
Rodarian

Forgot to take off the tin foil off the pasta......While I was heating it in the mircowave.....:eek:
08-31-2009, 12:38 PM
blackmage_nuke

Not many disasters but a third of my cooking makes me want to throw up after/while im eating it.
08-31-2009, 02:47 PM
Yar

Holy crap I just made pasta mama for breakfast and it turned out great! :D Well it could use some spice but otherwise, I didn't burn down the house.
08-31-2009, 02:58 PM
Dignified Pauper

My partner and I are great cooks. Although, I hate cooking with anyone else. I like being in total control. The one thing I can NEVER get right is the flipping of pancakes/hotcakes/flap-jack/what-have-you. I always make them big and always have trouble in the flip.
08-31-2009, 03:41 PM
Medi

I made pizza just yesterday! Of course, I used pre-made pizza dough. ;) I stuffed the crust with cheese, and it was delicious.

As for awful cooking mishaps, well, I have a couple. Last year, I was at a friend's house, and I decided to make everyone pancakes for breakfast. Well, they have a gas stove, and, after turning on the gas, I completely forgot to light it. If I hadn't eventually remembered, awful things would've happened.

This one isn't really my fault. A couple summers ago, at around 2 in the morning, my sister decided to fry some chicken on our stove. After finishing, she forgot to turn the stove off. The oil kept heating and starting smoking and then caught on fire before we realized it. She screamed and told me to go turn the stove off and move the pan, but I have asthma and it was so smoky that I had to run in there quickly. While I was coughing my lungs out, she told me to throw some water on the pan. HA. Was she trying to kill me? At the time, I didn't know water and oil fires didn't get along. Fire subsequently burst into the entire kitchen, barely missing my face. Scared us to death. After the fire eventually died down, we ran outside to cough and laugh our asses off.
08-31-2009, 04:43 PM
kikimm

When I was like 10 or something, and had gotten my braces off and so was wearing a retainer, I was eating lunch that had been heated up. :p But the food wasn't warm enough to I put it back in the microwave. With my retainer on the plate. The thing, of course, caught fire and was warped completely out of shape. Expensive mistake :(
08-31-2009, 04:43 PM
The Summoner of Leviathan

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dignified Pauper

My partner and I are great cooks. Although, I hate cooking with anyone else. I like being in total control. The one thing I can NEVER get right is the flipping of pancakes/hotcakes/flap-jack/what-have-you. I always make them big and always have trouble in the flip.

Same thing always happens to me, though those giant pancake spatula do help, I also don't wait for it to be cooked enough since I tend to cook them on low heat. So they end up all deform half the time.
08-31-2009, 07:32 PM
Miriel

I once made mashed potatoes that had the consistency of soup. It was awful.

But that was years ago. I make damn good mashed potatoes now.
08-31-2009, 07:44 PM
Madame Adequate

In attempting to soften up some butter, in the microwave it went.

In it's wrapping.

Which turned out to be tinfoil-based.

lol, fire.
08-31-2009, 08:54 PM
Breine

I can't think of any cooking horror stories of my own at the moment.

I'd just like to add, though, that my dad makes a killer homemade pizza :monster:
08-31-2009, 08:56 PM
rubah

Spaghetti Soup is the worst I've done so far.
09-01-2009, 03:43 AM
Raistlin

There is a legend of someone who once frequented EoFF who couldn't understand why his tacos were so terrible until he realized he used cabbage instead of lettuce.
09-01-2009, 03:50 AM
Markus. D

Years ago making my first from-scratch Pizza.

Y'know how they say Pinch of salt?... WELL... I kinda...
09-01-2009, 04:52 AM
Dignified Pauper

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raistlin

There is a legend of someone who once frequented EoFF who couldn't understand why his tacos were so terrible until he realized he used cabbage instead of lettuce.

In Mexico, they use cabbage instead of lettuce actually.
09-01-2009, 07:07 AM
Raistlin

Someone should let Bleys know.
09-01-2009, 08:19 AM
Jojee

Yes! @ pancakes. I've never been able to get pancakes right :p Some pancake master should teach us ^_^

And I've done the cabbage thing before... I bought what I thought was lettuce for a salad, and then realized it wasn't, so I couldn't have my salad. :|

I burned a layer of skin off my hand using the oven a month ago. People are still asking me "Omg what happened to your hand" even though it's super healed and looks a ton better already. :mog:
09-01-2009, 09:11 AM
theundeadhero

I can make awesome pancakes.
I once caught the stove on fire making grilled cheese.
09-01-2009, 04:54 PM
Jowy

I hit the "popcorn" button on the microwave once foolishly believing my popcorn would come out perfect.

Nope.
09-01-2009, 05:16 PM
VexNet

when I was in secondary school, for one of my food class cooking projects, I tried to make some beef burgers but my end result was a meat loaf.
09-01-2009, 05:24 PM
IronOcean

i was doing a catering once in the dead of winter. we were transporting all the food via truck when we loaded up the close to $8000 worth of food i got into the truck and didnt close the back, we got about 1/2 mile before we realized we lost most of it in the street. luckly they were in these lock/hot boxes and wrapped tight, i thought i was fired on my first day:eep:
09-01-2009, 05:29 PM
auronlu

While on prednisone for a dangerous sinus infection (not very contagious, just couldn't BREATHE), I attempted to make pumpkin pie.

My pumpkin pies contain a large quantity of ginger, cinnamon, and CLOVES. They are spiced pies.

And you know what?

Forgetting both the white and brown sugar leaves you with some powerful, powerful stuff.

One of my friends decided it made a great topping for vanilla ice cream, but the rest of us were not so brave.
09-01-2009, 05:43 PM
Bunny

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jowy

I hit the "popcorn" button on the microwave once foolishly believing my popcorn would come out perfect.

Nope.

You silly little man.
09-01-2009, 06:21 PM
Raistlin

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jojee

I burned a layer of skin off my hand using the oven a month ago. People are still asking me "Omg what happened to your hand" even though it's super healed and looks a ton better already. :mog:

It was still a festering sore WEEKS afterward. Definitely something worth some concern. :p
09-02-2009, 04:04 AM
Caraliz

"Also, being gay and catching fire leads to some obvious jokes from my co-workers."

this made me laugh so hard!

as for cooking mishaps, one time i decided foolishly that preparing pasta with butter, soy sauce, garlic powder, and some salt would be DELICIOUS. it was the most disgusting thing ever. bert ate all of it. he's a wonderful man.
09-02-2009, 04:21 AM
Rye

I can't think of any major cooking horror story.

Now, a story about eating a not-food thing accidentally, I have. D:
09-02-2009, 04:54 AM
Crimson

Trying to grill bacon on a grease smothered tray, yeah not my best move ever.

Btw, Pizza is better than food.
09-02-2009, 06:21 AM
Dignified Pauper

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jowy

I hit the "popcorn" button on the microwave once foolishly believing my popcorn would come out perfect.

Nope.

This is why I love you.
09-02-2009, 06:34 AM
Meow

what the heck is a grinder
09-02-2009, 10:59 PM
Iceglow

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raistlin

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jojee

I burned a layer of skin off my hand using the oven a month ago. People are still asking me "Omg what happened to your hand" even though it's super healed and looks a ton better already. :mog:

It was still a festering sore WEEKS afterward. Definitely something worth some concern. :p

My girlfriend has a horrible habit of burning herself severely when cooking. I remember I forced her over to the Pharmacist across the road once for one of them, she'd basically given herself a burn through EVERY layer of skin bar like 1. The pharmacist had the gall to ask if I was burning her and to give me filthy looks. I was the one taking care of herself against her will. Still her mom done something when we went to Poland and it healed great but still there is a scar. The tittletattle is right on this Joy.
09-02-2009, 11:58 PM
Jojee

Hahah, yeah I'm pretty sure it was a 1st (3rd? Whichever is the worst) degree burn too. xD When I visited Wesly it was like 2 weeks after, and it started bleeding randomly in his car. One minute it's all good and the next I look down and there's all this blood on my hand, nice. xD But I dunno, I'm not really concerned about stuff like that unless I'm gonna have to get my hand amputated or something.

WHICH I was afraid of once but that involved a cat, not cooking, and I wasn't even trying to cook the cat. :|
09-03-2009, 10:34 AM
Iceglow

That was something what if infected could have given you gangreene and then you'd have to amputate the hand, now do you see why the Tittletattle (I doubt I'm ever, ever going to say Wes or Raist again now lol) and me are right? Seriously, I might be a little reckless when it comes to sorting out the various cuts ect I get (once got a bad one from a hegmasaw in tech class. Instead of going to the school nurse I simply washed it, noticed the skin was cut at precisely a 45 degree angle and inverted the two flaps of skin sealing the cut. I now have a small scar on my thumb but otherwise it healed better than if I had gotten the stitches my tutor was SURE I needed. I was more pissed that the piece of wood I had spent several weeks shaping and smoothing needed sanding once more to remove the blood I'd accidentally got on it) but I'm not THAT reckless. I know when to call it and get some proper medical attention.
09-03-2009, 10:34 AM
Værn

If I make something for myself, everybody else in the house calls it a disaster :D
Unsuspecting bystanders who decide to eat food from the fridge without asking who made it or whose it is often spontaneously combust. I think it's safe to claim that it's unsafe for anybody other than myself to eat my food. My sister's cat once got a taste of my favorite hot sauce and flew from the kitchen to the living room, then back.

As hilarious as it was, I got him a bowl of milk as quickly as possible because I can't stand to see a cat in that kind of pain D:
(though I'm wondering if feeding table scraps to my mom's dog would keep that thing out of my bedroom >=D)

On a completely unrelated note, I need to find a place that sells hot sauce so hot that you need to sign a waiver to buy some~
09-03-2009, 02:40 PM
theundeadhero

Stop dying Joy :mad2:
09-05-2009, 04:23 PM
G3ORGE

i tried baking cakes that ended up more like cookies... ROCK HARD cookies.. :/
09-05-2009, 04:33 PM
Medi

Quote:

Originally Posted by G3ORGE

i tried baking cakes that ended up more like cookies... ROCK HARD cookies.. :/

I've made chocolate chip cookie cakes before! Haha. I just fill a cake pan with dough. Always turns out well. ;)
09-05-2009, 04:57 PM
Momiji

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rye

I can't think of any major cooking horror story.

Now, a story about eating a not-food thing accidentally, I have. D:

Hey, don't beat yourself up too much about it. Sure, we'll never let you live it down, but at least you have a cleaner mouth than all of us now.
09-05-2009, 05:00 PM
Yar

lol

I've drank tobacco spit on accident before. :X

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