Bella is a Weird Marble Fetishist! (Twilight)

A hilarious and well written critique of Twilight by two friends chatting back and forth on NPR's site in three parts (so far).

The first part can be found at:
The Writing Style Of 'Twilight': We Kick Off The 'I Will If You Will' Book Club - Monkey See Blog : NPR

My favorite bit:

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Marc: Right. And as for the little mocking I did there of Meyer's previously-discussed tendency to pick the bluntest, least-interesting analogy, allow me to quote the following, from page 190:

"I quickly rubbed my hand across my cheek, and sure enough, traitor tears were there, betraying me."

That's like saying, "I took a bite, taking some of the food in my mouth." Who writes like that? Who edits and leaves that in?

Linda: TRAITOR TEARS! You know what traitors do? They betray you.
Marc: Right. That's why you call them traitor tears. YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN THAT THAT THEREFORE MEANS THEY BETRAY YOU. Somebody's stupid here, and I think she thinks it's me. (Also: "traitor tears" is walking the line as it is.)

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What do you think? Apt? Or did they insult your favorite book that you've re-read 27 times?

EDIT:
Here are the four articles:

Article One
Article Two
Article Three
Article Four

bahaha traitor tears. Redundant sentence is redundant.

The article is amusing me. Thank you for the link! I always love to laugh at Smeyer's attempt at good writing xD

There are two more articles when you're done. I'm in the midst of the third one and . . . now I'm livid at Meyers. What she wrote is so dangerous on so many levels. She tells girls to only fall for guys that treat them poorly and that if they reject said guy, it's their fault for any terrible thing said guy eventually does. Yikes.

I, and I'm sure many others, could go on for days about how craptacular her writing is but I think by now, it's known that she's not the best writer. If you do like her and you don't understand what's wrong then yes you might have some faults. If you like it and don't take it super seriously and understand some of her faults then you generally just like the story.

It's not a bad story it's just not the best executed. If you ignore some of the badly written parts you may enjoy the story for the story part.

Having read the books myself, I agree that she seems to give the impression that girls should go for the ones that treat you like crap. Girls that are 12 years old are reading her stuff, and they're going to want a story just like Edward and Bella's, so of course they're going to follow it word-for-word. It's just like the Disney movies from back in the day (though I still love them with a passion <3), if girls aren't smart enough to realize that it's all just a fairy tale and real life isn't going to work out that way, they will have high expectations that will never be met. No relationship is ever so perfect, I don't care who you are.

There was a comment on that article that made me laugh.

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For the next person who says, “This doesn’t need to be well done or artistic, it’s just for fun", you can stop right now.

You see, with reality TV and 16-year-old pop stars dominating the landscape, we have filled up on our quotient of “Just for Fun." It’s done, we don’t need anymore. Maybe sometime around 2050 we’ll have an opening.

So if you’re an artist about to write the next book, song, or TV series, and you’re thinking to yourself, “I don’t need to know how to write. I can just do another sappy pop song. I can produce another lame sitcom." Just remember, submissions are closed until 2050.

Until then, we only want to see meaningful artistic endeavors from talented individuals.

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This person has it right xD I'm tired of crap. I want good shows, good movies, good books, and good songs. Not this "it's just a fun thing!" Give me quality over quantity.

I don't have any critique on the books as I have never read them nor will I ever. Sometimes you can just tell if something is going to be dire without the necessity of finishing it. But chyeah, my criqiue of the Bella in the movies is that 80 percent of her dialogue consists of "uh uh uh muh duh uh uh muh no no no uh uh".

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Originally Posted by Shiny

I don't have any critique on the books as I have never read them nor will I ever. Sometimes you can just tell if something is going to be dire without the necessity of finishing it. But chyeah, my criqiue of the Bella in the movies is that 80 percent of her dialogue consists of "uh uh uh muh duh uh uh muh no no no uh uh".

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I would argue that 80 percent of her dialogue is dramatic gasping. Seriously, the end of New Moon made me laugh out loud loudly. And then I immediately felt embarrassed. . . until I realized a lot of the audience was also snickering.

My favorite bit from today's essay/blog thing (regrading the series being called The Twilight Saga):

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Marc: . . . the entire "saga," which, if I may digress, seems to be a word used wholly inappropriately. I mean, unless Vikings get involved. And they got involved in Buffy, so who am I to say they don't here?

Linda: So it's not a saga without Vikings.

Marc: I'm just saying that a Viking or two might have helped.

Linda: So ultimately, that's the Marc Critique Of Twilight: "Needs more Vikings."

Marc: I am willing to die on that hill, yes.

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Lol, very fitting critique. And I would definitely have to say that calling Meyer "not the best writer" is an understatement of the largest magnitude. She's just about the worst published writer ever.

My favorite bit was this:

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Marc: Holy [bleep], did I just stumble into actual analysis of this thing?

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I lol'd.

You have the links for the other articles, yes?

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Originally Posted by NorthernChaosGod

Lol, very fitting critique. And I would definitely have to say that calling Meyer "not the best writer" is an understatement of the largest magnitude. She's just about the worst published writer ever.

My favorite bit was this:

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Marc: Holy [bleep], did I just stumble into actual analysis of this thing?

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I lol'd.

You have the links for the other articles, yes?

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Sorry! I failed to post them. Here they are:

Article One
Article Two
Article Three
Article Four

I just watched New Moon last night with my sister because I feel you can't comment so much on movies or books unless you actually give it a chance.

I gave it a chance and it was ridiculous. The best part was the werewolves. Her attempt at a Romeo and Juliet ending was very lack luster and ti seemed forced :/ Dakota Fanning acted wonderfully though with the small part she had.

Haha, that Marc fellow is hilarious.

"Needs more vikings."

These articles pretty much sum up my feelings about those books. The fandom is also pretty crazy, from what I've seen. I think my favorite part was when, in an interview, Stephen King gave Ms. Meyer some (well-meaning and constructive) criticism, and the fandom decided he was jealous of her success.

Let me say that again.

Stephen King, a writer who has consistently been on best seller lists practically since his first book was published in the 70s, is jealous of a writer who has only been popular for the past 3 years or so.

Head, meet desk.

The movie based off his book Carrie came out a year after she was born if I remember correctly :D

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Originally Posted by Bastian

There are two more articles when you're done. I'm in the midst of the third one and . . . now I'm livid at Meyers. What she wrote is so dangerous on so many levels. She tells girls to only fall for guys that treat them poorly and that if they reject said guy, it's their fault for any terrible thing said guy eventually does. Yikes.

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This isn't Meyers' doing, it's pretty much any and all mainstream media outlets for years.

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Originally Posted by Bad Wolf

These articles pretty much sum up my feelings about those books. The fandom is also pretty crazy, from what I've seen. I think my favorite part was when, in an interview, Stephen King gave Ms. Meyer some (well-meaning and constructive) criticism, and the fandom decided he was jealous of her success.

Let me say that again.

Stephen King, a writer who has consistently been on best seller lists practically since his first book was published in the 70s, is jealous of a writer who has only been popular for the past 3 years or so.

Head, meet desk.

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I remember hearing about that, it was pretty ridiculous. King is clearly a much better writer.

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Originally Posted by NorthernChaosGod

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bad Wolf

These articles pretty much sum up my feelings about those books. The fandom is also pretty crazy, from what I've seen. I think my favorite part was when, in an interview, Stephen King gave Ms. Meyer some (well-meaning and constructive) criticism, and the fandom decided he was jealous of her success.

Let me say that again.

Stephen King, a writer who has consistently been on best seller lists practically since his first book was published in the 70s, is jealous of a writer who has only been popular for the past 3 years or so.

Head, meet desk.

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I remember hearing about that, it was pretty ridiculous. King is clearly a much better writer.

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The two shouldn't even be compared in the same sentence.

He said she can't "Write worth a darn." :D

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Originally Posted by Moon Rabbits

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Originally Posted by Bastian

There are two more articles when you're done. I'm in the midst of the third one and . . . now I'm livid at Meyers. What she wrote is so dangerous on so many levels. She tells girls to only fall for guys that treat them poorly and that if they reject said guy, it's their fault for any terrible thing said guy eventually does. Yikes.

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This isn't Meyers' doing, it's pretty much any and all mainstream media outlets for years.

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To a degree, yes. However, usually it's less blatant. In Twilight we have a story where the main character has nearly no heroic qualities except that it's job to keep a potential serial killer in check by LOVING him . . . a guy who stalks her and sneaks into her room to watch her sleep and treats her terribly . . . and if she doesn't do a good enough job then it's on her head when he goes on a murdering spree. That's beyond smurfed up.

Whatever qualities she has as a writer (I've only seen the movies, but I'm guessing they are faithful to the books), she does have a genuine knack of tapping into the psyche of codependent personality.

That's nothing new. But although the stories echo Wuthering Heights, Bronte wasn't advocating that Catherine should have run off with Healthcliff. In fact, their relationship destroyed both of them. So it's no so much the subject matter but the author's attitude toward the subject that bothers me the most.

Guess what ladies! A new twilight book is gonna come out!

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Originally Posted by stepheniemeyer.com

I have a new book coming out. It's called The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner.

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Set in the twilight world!

I read an article about that new book and how Stephanie Meyer is a horror writer.