Ace Reporter Jiro's Elections Coverage - IMPORTANT UPDATE!

I saw BoB post about wanting a roving reporter. I'm a trainee reporter. I've worked for an online paper (EoFF Paper) and an offline paper (GCNews). I CAN DO THIS. Especially because being in a party isn't my thang. TAP4lyf.

So here's the deal. I'll post my thoughts on the way these elections are playing out, and you people will enjoy it. It'll be like a catalogue of everything that happens!

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So, to start us off, we're now at about the 34 hour mark since the elections began, and already we've seen quite a few parties appear. First on the scene was the Cactuar Party, which has since changed its name and appears to like cactuars and hemp tacos equally. Heavyweights the 501st Legion have returned from last year's elections. It will interesting to see how they fare this year after defeat in the final vote count.

This year also sees the return of some old favourites: The Newbie Party, headed by Loony BoB once more; and the Justice League of the Internet, orchestrated by none other than Super Delete! It is a particularly momentous day for this young reporter indeed.

There has been a lot of campaigning by the ever persistent Hypoallergenic Cactuar, who is determined to carry a strong unit forward into the next round. In other threads, thelivingvillain, arch nemesis of theundeadhero, has been seen trolling other parties, expressing his plans for utter victory.

Stay tuned for more news as it happens.

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Eyes on Final Fantasy member Timekeeper has entered his new party, the Poké Party, into this year's election. Timekeeper was unsuccessful last year, merging his party into the 501st Legion. Without his support, will the 501st Legion still manage to perform as well?

The party seems big on racial equality. Does EoFF have underlying segregation problems? We'll soon see!

There isn't much news from the Poké Party's head office, but rest assured gentle readers, I, Ace Reporter Jiro, will bring you the news as soon as it arrives.

"Ace"?

Are you affiliated with Proto? I'm onto you! This biased media will not stand! :colbert:

I only watch Newbie News!

I am not affiliated with Agent Proto, only the Aceness which he stands for. I assure you, the tabloid news is coming soon, but for now I am completely independent and fair.

There is an exposé on a very prominent party leader coming up shortly, be excited for the first news round tomorrow. My tomorrow. Weirdos.

I will be accepting story ideas and also perhaps guest articles if anyone is interest. Inbox me babe.

Ace is an ace adjective to use. You see, Phoenix Wright is an Ace Attorney, Cid himself is also ace! So Jiro declaring himself Ace Reporter is A-ok with me!

News never sleeps; that's my motto. But unfortunately, a one-man-band like myself has to sleep. So, to keep you in good stead before I return with the latest news, I have a special article guest written by a special man.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Emperor Paulpatine, The Ultimate Gay Taco-eating Poliwag Newbie Princess, aka Hoodie Man

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Hello, dear readers! It's me, your president! I'm here with a lovely history lesson. Some of you may have noticed the JLI and the Newbie Party and wonder to yourselves... who are they? It has been fully 5 years since either one of them has taken to the field of battle in an election, in the ill-fated election of 2006. Truly, it was shaping up to be an epic contest, contested by some absolute heavyweights, and nobody knew who would actually win!

• TUTU - the Totally Unfunny, Totally Unoriginal Party
• The Hot Air Balloons Are Actually Pretty Neat Party
• The Fat Chocobos
• The Justice League Unlimited
• The Newbie Party
• The Fluffy Pink Party
• The Pirate Red Mage Party

TUTU
Led by your current president, TUTU was a party based on the glorification of unfunny memes, and carried on the age-old tradition that the whole point of the elections was to spam the crap out of the place.

The Hot Air Balloons Are Actually Pretty Neat Party
Led by themagicroundabout and RSL, this was led by two of the nicest EoFFers of all time, and their party reflected this, being the most friendly of all the parties in the election.

The Fat Chocobos
Carrying on from the success of the #eoff in the last election (who, of course, did not deserve to win because they had less votes than BAoTW and I am not still bitter about that 6 years on or anything!) the Fat Chocobos emerged from the chatroom, led by Neel and Marick, as a family friendly restaurant. The name came from one of the gangs in the recent Gang Wars, who cheated and unfairly killed Psychotic despite his clear message before the massacre that he did not wish to attend the fateful meeting (I am not still bitter about that 5 years on or anything!)

The Justice League Unlimited
A late entry to the elections, but they quickly gathered momentum as a very unique and fun party. Led by superhero Super Delete and heroine Palindroma, they started the name change quest and gained ground fast on the other parties.

The Newbie Party
After winning the elections in 2004, despite having less votes than BAoTW (7 years on and I'm...oh you know the drill) and forming an offshoot called the #eoff party in 2005, the Newbies, led once again by Loony BoB, took more of a quieter role in this election, but still had a strong presence.

The Fluffy Pink Party
After fourth place in 2005, Fluffy Pink, led by boris no no, were back once again, trying hard to bring pinkness and justice to the forums.

The Pirate Red Mages
A brand new party led by Captain Maxx Power, who was filled with a crew of merry men who all took up positions in the ship. They all showed a remarkable bond of togetherness and loyalty to each other and their cap'n, and were proud underdogs.

As the titanic showdown drew ever closer, something terrible happened!

Election Booth disappeared off the face of the Earth and we had to cancel the elections! :( We will never know who would have won such a colossal battle, but maybe it was for the best. We all still had fun taking part, after all!

Election Booth sent me a really nice apology PM too :)

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Thank you for your contribution to the most comprehensive election coverage out there! I will see you fresh and early for the next news cycle! Stay classy, EoFF.

A member of the original 501st has turned reporter!? Someone from the Empire got a real job!? What is wrong with the world!?

Weirdo? You're calling me a weirdo? There's nothing wrong with people that have an ungodly fear of orange soda. If anything, you're the weirdo for drinking it! :mad2:

Ah I wish the Fat Chocobos would re-unite. We would rule the world!

No mention of the princess party. You guys are decks. ;-;

update- see the original post for members
of my party
more incoming as we speak

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With just under 24 hours left in the first stage of the election, your Ace Reporter is here to give a quick recap on the parties still in the race.

First up we have the Newbie Party. Lead by the eternal newbie Loony BoB, who is still sporting the traditional newbie avatar from the very beginnings of EoFF. The Newbie Party has a strong memberbase, but is lacking in newbie numbers. Will their campaign draw support from the new members of EoFF?

Next is the Poké Party. The youngest party, leader Timekeeper has quickly gathered two supporters to his cause. However, he still needs another member to be able to enter the next stage of the elections. Will he be able to catch 'em all?

The Cactuar and Hemp Taco Party was the first party to announce its participation this year, and leader Hypoallergenic Cactuar has garnered the largest and most diverse memberbase of all the parties. But will the party thrive in what is many of the members' first election outing?

The EVIL HOAK HOGAN BASHING ULTIMATE WARRIOR PARETY!, led by The Ultimate Warrior, seems to be heading for failure. Though The Ultimate Warrior has strong ideals, it seems he has yet been unable to summon any members to his side.

The The Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys Party is another party that looks to be floundering. With only two members, leader Laddy looks set to bow out of this election. Will their superior dress sense save them?

The Princess Party is a small party launched by Freya, focusing on all things Disney Princesses. They currently have only four members, but there is a discrepancy with certain members allegiances, so they might well fold yet!

The Justice League of the Internet Unlimited is a returning party, led by the powerful Super Delete. Combined with the efforts of the Brotherhood of Elitists, will the JLI be able to return to glory and defend EoFF?

The 501st Legion is the final party, and is certainly the heavyweight coming into this election. Returning from last year's success, the 501st Legion has the support of a number of popular EoFF citizens. Will their popularity transfer into election success?

We will find out which parties continue onwards and which ones fold in 24 hours! Ace Reporter Jiro signing out.

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The 501st Legion. From humble beginnings in 2010, they grew quickly into a superpower in the EoFF elections. Spearheaded by Mandalore the Guardian, the 501st Legion gained the support of numerous factions, absorbing several parties to create a conglomerate. The 501st Legion was not a party for the weak of heart, mind, or Force: it had strict regulations and each party member toed the line.

Some of the 501st Legion's key policies in 2010:
- Droid rights
- Death Star memorial
- War on Jedi terror
- Crackdown on drugs, incl. Death Sticks

This year, the 501st Legion has a revised set of policies. The most notable of these is the omission of a drug policy, attributed to the influence of the Apocalypse Party, which was absorbed following their demise in the 2010 elections. This backflip may well throw some of the more conservative citizens off side.

Another missing policy is anything regarding the Jedi terrorists. While the party voiced a strict no-jedi policy, Mandalore the Guardian encouraged known Jedi sympathiser fire_of_avalon (also known as foabi wan) to join the party.

In addition, the 501st Legion has adopted a "newbie friendly" policy after rival party the Newbie Party entered the elections. This party has a strong pro-newbie policy and no doubt threatens each and every party looking to bolster their numbers with fresh blood.

What can be behind these policy changes? There are signs, but this young reporter has decided to look deeper, look past the obvious. Mandalore the Guardian, leader of the 501st Legion as he may be, also has an equal: Julbacca. Is it possible that this inseparable duo are having differences, causing a power struggle within the mighty 501st Legion?

Let's look at the facts. Both Julbacca and Mandalore come from a long line of proud peoples. The Wookies of Kashyyyk are a race of mighty warriors, and fought valiantly during the Clone Wars. However they were then an oppressed people, being sold as slaves for manual labour and hunted as sport. Julbacca is a survivor and he has a body count longer than his fur coat. Mandalore is the same; a bounty hunter, the single clone who was raised normally by his father, he now stands as the most powerful mandalorian in the galaxy. These two mighty warriors, determined to be the best ever, have no doubt fought to try and decide the stronger between them.

There is also the fact that Julbacca may or may not have leaked the original Death Star plans while drunk in the cantina. As a former member of the Legion, I feel I am qualified to say that things are tense in the Legion camp, and the rift between these two might be growing. Or perhaps, as one anonymous person suggested, they are actually secret lovers and their hidden affair is causing a strain on their public lives.

Time will tell, and you can be assured that I, Ace Reporter Jiro, will be there to capture every moment of it for you.

I want daily audio coverage of this election. Recorded in a horse-racing commentator's voice.

You spread lies! Lies and slander!

Don't believe Ondores lies!

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Originally Posted by Pokéface

I want daily audio coverage of this election. Recorded in a horse-racing commentator's voice.

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I would record straight to Youtube if I knew how.

Also, I tell no lies :shobon: I'll tell you one thing though: The Princess Party has been sending me threats and insults. THEY'RE NOT AS NICE AS YOU WOULD THINK.

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Breaking News! Current President Psychotic has joined the Poké Party! What kind of ramifications will this have on the other parties? It is a well known fact that Psychotic commands respect and his popularity knows no bounds. Giving his allegiance to the Poké Party is an obvious boost for the party, and cements them as a credible threat in this election.

The Poké Party leader, Pokékeeper, will be approached for his views on this event as soon as possible. Watch this space for a potential interview!

This election race just gets better and better, gentle reader. Be assured, I will follow each and every news story to ensure the most comprehensive coverage out there!

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I caught up with Poké Party leader Pokékeeper for an exclusive interview regarding PsychoticWalrein's decision to join his party. He was hesitant at first, but eager for his party to get its voice heard. After some prodding he agreed.

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Jiro: What sort of effect do you think this will have on your party?

Pokékeeper: I was delighted to see that PsychoticWalrein knew that he couldn't go wrong by following his heart and decided to join the PokéParty. We all know Walrein is a tough, hardy Pokémon, and I do believe that his use of Sheer Cold, Blizzard and Encore will help push our party through these elections.

J: Has there been any indication that PsychoticWalrein will contest the leadership of the Poké Party?

P: No such discussion has taken place as of yet, but as PsychoticWalrein put it himself, our dream has always been to fight arm in arm.

J: Would you be happy to play the Swan to his Gillard, as it were?

P: It's rather unorthodox for a Pokémon to lead a person, but no matter where our destiny leads, I'll be there for EoFF, always come through. And that you can believe.

J: So do you think the Poké Party has what it takes to win the election?

P: At first I had my doubts, but now that we've got moving, I know we're gonna make it through. The Poké Party was born to be a winner, born to be a champion, born to be the very best.

J: Thank you for your time, and good luck!

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I have no intention of challenging for leadership. It's his party, and I am proud to just be a regular Joe...lteon who is part of the team. :) obviously I do have experience of leading a party in 5 different PokéBattles, so if he wants any advice, I'll give it to him! Ultimately, though, I am the Brock to his Ash.

best photos ever.

Those photos were very fun to make, and I think your experience will prove to be more useful than a rare candy :D

So that's what makes the PokeParty tick.

I want to change parties now

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The Poké Party has seen a rapid rise in it's members since it's conception only 48 hours ago. These are good signs for the party and it's leader, whose performance last year gave great strength to the 501st Legion.

The impact of PsychoticWalrein's membership is still unknown, but we can be sure his experience will aid greatly during the election tasks.

In other news, the Cactuar and Hemp Taco Party recently received a gift of coloured Cactuar avatars, kindly donated by Mandalore the Guardian. Is this genuine generosity, or perhaps a vote buying scheme?

The Newbie Party has successfully recruited members Melissaur and Shaibana, whose loyalty was torn between Loony BoB and Hypoallergenic Cactuar, leader of the Cactuar and Hemp Taco Party. While an obvious blow to Hypoallergenic Cactuar's ranks, the party still has the numbers to take on the rest of the competition.

With 90 minutes left until this first stage of the elections over, which party will cement itself as the dominant force, if any? Time will tell, gentle readers, time will tell.

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I apologise for my absence faithful readers, but technological meltdown (nothing to do with Japan, don't make bad jokes) caused me to be unable to bring you this breaking story. However, an anonymous former hero who is neither living nor dead, somewhere in between (and a former hero I might add) approached me important information!

This anonymous person informed me that the Deputy Prime Ministerial candidate of the 501st Legion is actually undead. He is a zombie wookie, gentle readers!

"It happened a few years ago, around Halloween," Anonymous said.

"He was seen being very secretive with the one known as livingdeadgirl and then for the next several days acted very strangely.

"Everyone assumed this was of course because he'd never been on a date before but the truth is she turned into one of the shambling horde."

This might well have major repurcussions throughout the 501st Legion who has a strict No Zombie policy! Get all the updates as they arise!

I thought you were running a respectable newspaper, not a tabloid. :colbert:

He is just following every news story to bring the best coverage possible.

You are running a year old party, so it's got a years worth of scandals to explore. For all we know you are also undead under that helmet. :p

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While I was sorting some files in my office, I stumbled upon a sealed and unsigned letter. It was a very strange thing, and not being one to suspect letter bombs or anthrax (because I am a well respected and liked journalist of course), I opened it, thinking it to be some sort of anonymous tip. It wasn't.

It was a letter from one of my trusted colleauges, and its contents are startling. I give it to you now, unedited, for it is important and deserves to be heard.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Trusted Colleague

I don't know how this is going to effect the elections and I do not care anymore. The people need to see the information that I have obtained on each candidate, regardless of what happens to me. Regardless of what happens in the elections, they must be made away before the wrong people are put into power. Please, this information must be revealed the the press and the Election's own Ace Reporter is the only one that can do it. You must help the people!

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After doing some digging, I uncovered some information that could prove damaging to the parties involved in the election. Each and every one is more damning than the next, though they are all very serious. If the candidates are supporting such things, who knows what else they are doing.

First, the Cactaur/Hemp Taco Party. A witness stepped forward with photographic evidence that details the crimes that this party has been committing. Illegal chemical dumping is only the tip of the iceberg, but there isn't any time to uncover the rest. The photographer of this picture would like to stay anonymous, but he tells me that it was taken at Yellowstone National Park. The ramifications from altering the environment could prove absolutely hazardous to not only the United States, but the entire world!

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Next is the so-called "Justice" League of the Internet. Though their group is comprised of known super villains (despite said super villains having.. extraordinarily useless powers), the people that they consort with under the radar are criminal masterminds. This following picture was taken by a private investigator hired by the 501st to track down any dirt on the JLI. The evidence is damning, and God only knows who else they are making deals with: Lex Luther? Magneto? Kim Jong-il?

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The heinous actions taken by The Poké Party are leaps and bounds above what has been discovered here. Clearly nobody told PokeKeeper that slavery was outlawed in most civilized countries a very long time ago. Those poor Pokemon must be saved from further abuse! The 501st has also uncovered a few pieces of the lyrics from a rough draft of the Pokemon theme song:

I will travel across the land
searching far and wide
teach pokemon to understand
who the smurf's in charge

(Not only does it condone slavery and pokeabuse, but for god sakes those lyrics are an affront to musicians everywhere)

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After doing a background check on the members of the Princess Party, those working for the 501st have uncovered some expunged records of the inspiration and one of the highest profile members of the group: Princess Peach. Not only was she arrested for drug trafficking, but it seems she was also the head of a prostitution ring, racketeering and jury tampering, and she may also have ties to PokeKeeper. The two of them appear to have been involved in a massive baby Pokemon trafficking ring that spanned the entire globe and was responsible for the kidnapping, selling, and death of thousands of young Pokemon. Oh the tragedy! Below is a picture of a not-so-good looking Peach being processed for her crimes:

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That's a pretty long wrapsheet for someone who isn't even 18-years-old.

And, of course, the most horrifying bit of information is saved for last. The acts that are about to be told to you are not only absolutely criminal, but they are downright disgusting. What kind of man, no. What kind of chocobo does this for a living and thinks he can get away with it? My sources have revealed to me that the leader of the Newbie Party was once the proud owner of a candy van. Not a van that sells candy, no.. that would be fine. This van was used to lure children for nefarious purposes. I don't even want to think about it anymore. The following picture is incriminating enough. Sickening. Absolutely sickening.

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I pray that this information reaches you in good health. God only knows what else these people are capable of and they may have already gotten to me. This information may cause me to be killed, but please publish it as soon as possible. I pray that nothing will happen to either of us as a result of this information getting out but please, you must help me! For the good of the elections! For the good of EoFF!

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Grave news EoFF, grave news indeed.

Now that's news.

Oh the "lies and political slander" thing is actually a legit thing to say here!

Nice try 501st! Seems the JLI have been one step ahead of you with using the powers of the press to express the truth and revealing the Pretty Princess porn ring. You're one step behind, just as you will be when the elections results are revealed!

When pokémon die, they are not gone forever. They become ghost types. Iceglow and Lynx even have a couple ghost types on their teams. Also the bond between a trainer and his/her pokémon takes years to fully mature. A trainer of the master caliber has an unbreakable bond with their team. While it is true that some trainers do not care for their pokémon properly, we make our best effort to show these wayward trainers the path to harmony with pokémon. If needed, then through battle.

Though it is true that the princesses would like their own pet Skittys, it is only through a respectable and experienced breeder. (Skitty breeding is one of the trickier processes due to the species being entirely female)

It's true. Julbacca and I were once together. I gave him the gift of undeath as an expression of love and he reveled in it. He then tore out my heart! I've since put my heart back in place as well as I could but his gift of undeath can never be taken away. He hides it well, maybe to hide his shame, but I would do anything to hurt him these days.

Jiro trusts the 501st? Oh, Jiro. How one can fall so far. :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by thelivingvillain

Nice try 501st! Seems the JLI have been one step ahead of you with using the powers of the press to express the truth and revealing the Pretty Princess porn ring. You're one step behind, just as you will be when the elections results are revealed!

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Your livingdeadgirl looks pretty trashy to me. How can we take the word of a lady of the night of the living dead as truth? True, Julbacca's been with a lot of women, there's a detailed account of it in the Writer's Corner! Sometimes women don't get a second turn at the Baccanator and get a little cheesed off. And then there's the feud between my party and the recently re-deceased Zombie party to take into consideration. If he had a relationship with this livingdeadgirl and if she turned him undead then he certainly wouldn't be part of a party who abhors the very mention of a shambling corpse. That would mean, by default, he would hate himself, and his narcissistic nature and massive ego are proof enough to me that this "breaking story" would be better off published in the Galactic Inquirer.

You of the JLI, however, seem to be hiding something. The lot of you consort with villains for crying out loud! What kind of heroes are you to be protecting the streets of EoFF? You who claim truth in your motto but deal with crooks and even hide away your very identities! I think voters will see who the greater of two delicious evils is here.

Hint: It's us. But at least we're straight shooters!

Notice how his version of your banner thingy has his claws destroying the fist.

Also the feud was never with your party. It was the apocalypse party the zombies fought with. They brought you into the fight. His vigor in attacking the undead is likely to hide his own zombie status.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by livingdeadgirl

It's true. Julbacca and I were once together.

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You deserve a medal for such a feat! :bigsmile:

Quote:

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You of the JLI, however, seem to be hiding something. The lot of you consort with villains for crying out loud! What kind of heroes are you to be protecting the streets of EoFF? You who claim truth in your motto but deal with crooks and even hide away your very identities! I think voters will see who the greater of two delicious evils is here.

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Voters who do not wish to see our innocent newbies being fed to random space monsters should never listen to him. Below is a pic of the unholy ritual they conduct on newbies. :(

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Newbie 108753759 being thrown to the sarlaac with the vicious Mandalore laughing away!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by qwertysaur

Notice how his version of your banner thingy has his claws destroying the fist.

Also the feud was never with your party. It was the apocalypse party the zombies fought with. They brought you into the fight. His vigor in attacking the undead is likely to hide his own zombie status.

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Notice how my banner is of my Mandalorian heritage. I'm not of the Legion, I'm a hired gun to lead the Legion. Likewise, my partner in crime is my hireling to help whip them into shape.

You remember that part where the Zombies beat us, right? And you should definitely remember all that trash talk you yourself flung our way. All that Ban-Kai and ninjitsu talk and summonings of flaming Ametseru's! Surely you remember that!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Christmas

Quote:

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You of the JLI, however, seem to be hiding something. The lot of you consort with villains for crying out loud! What kind of heroes are you to be protecting the streets of EoFF? You who claim truth in your motto but deal with crooks and even hide away your very identities! I think voters will see who the greater of two delicious evils is here.

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Voters who do not wish to see our innocent newbies being fed to random space monsters should never listen to him. Below is a pic of the unholy ritual they conduct on newbies. :(

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a1...nowns2/g13.png
Newbie 108753759 being thrown to the sarlaac with the vicious Mandalore laughing away!

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Why would I ever do this!? I've witnessed this exact same horror twice before! It's horrible! I wouldn't wish it on anybody!

You've stirred bad memories, Christmas. :crying2:

Edit: Is that a whirlpool in that sarlacc's maw? :eek:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mandalore the Guardian

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Christmas

Quote:

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You of the JLI, however, seem to be hiding something. The lot of you consort with villains for crying out loud! What kind of heroes are you to be protecting the streets of EoFF? You who claim truth in your motto but deal with crooks and even hide away your very identities! I think voters will see who the greater of two delicious evils is here.

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Voters who do not wish to see our innocent newbies being fed to random space monsters should never listen to him. Below is a pic of the unholy ritual they conduct on newbies. :(

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a1...nowns2/g13.png
Newbie 108753759 being thrown to the sarlaac with the vicious Mandalore laughing away!

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Why would I ever do this!? I've witnessed this exact same horror twice before! It's horrible! I wouldn't wish it on anybody!

You've stirred bad memories, Christmas. :crying2:

Edit: Is that a whirlpool in that sarlacc's maw? :eek:

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Ha! I got a survivor who managed to survive your onslaught! He is in a secured location getting treated by the doctors! We will know the truth when the doctors are done with him! :mymelbert:

Also, I got news that you are cheating on your girlfriend with Jennifer Aniston! Does that made you the arch enemy of all faithful men and women of EOFF? :mymelbert:

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NO WONDER SHE REFUSE TO JOIN YOUR PARTY!

EDIT: That is the whirlpool of souls filled with hatred after what you had done to them! :mymelbert:

That was Spring of 2010! Before I ever met Ellie! D:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Loony BoB

Jiro trusts the 501st? Oh, Jiro. How one can fall so far. :(

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My colleague is not affiliated with any political party. Perhaps his investigations were cut short before he could find any dirt on the 501st. Perhaps there is no dirt. But he might be dead now, so I would appreciate some sympathy :colbert:

AND WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR OLD FLAME!? I RISKED MY LIFE AND TO GET HOLD OF THIS EXCLUSIVE PICTURE BELOW.

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HOW COULD YOU!? TRYING TO MURDER HER AFTER YOU ARE DONE WITH HER! ARE YOU EOFF NO 1 PUBLIC ENEMY OR WAT!? :mymelbert:

PS: Jennifer Aniston is still alive people, no worries. We all know our Mandalore sux at shooting, even at point blank range! :bigsmile:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jiro

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Loony BoB

Jiro trusts the 501st? Oh, Jiro. How one can fall so far. :(

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My colleague is not affiliated with any political party. Perhaps his investigations were cut short before he could find any dirt on the 501st. Perhaps there is no dirt. But he might be dead now, so I would appreciate some sympathy :colbert:

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I find it difficult to have sympathy for someone who chooses to remain anonymous and is not actually confirmed to have suffered at all!

Are there no honest politicians any more? I seem to be the only trustworthy person around here!

Given that party members are being encouraged by yourself to spread lies about honest politicians, I would say that you are the most guilty member here, Election Booth. :redface: :smash:

^This man speaks the truth.

But I really did point a gun at Jennifer Aniston's head.

Stop making romantic comedies and agree to a Friends reunion! :argh:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mandalore the Guardian

^This man speaks the truth.

But I really did point a gun at Jennifer Aniston's head.

Stop making romantic comedies and agree to a Friends reunion! :argh:

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I guess I don't need to ask why it didn't work out with you two. =x

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Originally Posted by Christmas

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a1...nowns2/g13.png
Newbie 108753759 being thrown to the sarlaac with the vicious Mandalore laughing away!

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Excuse me, I'm not saying this picture is real or not, but you didn't even stop to find out the name of this poor victim? I name and cherish even my youngest and lowest level Pokémon! Shame Newbie Party, shame :mad2:

We will not disclose the name of the poor victims as a sign of respect for the dead and also to protect their family members and loved ones from the 501th Legion. I heard they will feed the whole family to the sarlaac to complete the package. :(

Oh, that's horrible. Is this happening to this day, Christmas?

This is an outrage! After all I've done for your newbie's BoB, you're going to sit here an believe this pack of lies!? That newbie probably thought it was a swimming pool and jumped in! It's a desert! Even I'd chance it on Tatooine if I came across a sarlacc with a mouthful of water! :mad2:

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Originally Posted by Loony BoB

Oh, that's horrible. Is this happening to this day, Christmas?

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It is happening to this minute to this moment. Countless newbies are being fed to the Sarlaac as we speak by that sick Mandalore. :(

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This is an outrage! After all I've done for your newbie's BoB, you're going to sit here an believe this pack of lies!? That newbie probably thought it was a swimming pool and jumped in! It's a desert! Even I'd chance it on Tatooine if I came across a sarlacc with a mouthful of water!

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WE GOT A WITNESS FROM THE POKE PARTY!!! READ YOUR OWN THREAD! THE POST IS IN GREEN!! :mymelbert:

And Julbacca didn't deny it either. :bigsmile:

Perhaps you should put a fence around your deathtraps. :mad2:

What I find equally shocking is that our current 'leader', Psychotic, allowed for this to go on during his reign. The same Psychotic that has joined up with the Poké Party.

The same Psychotic that insert butt plug on bunny and raped LITTLE MANUS (or more undisclosed victims). :(

As the current vice president I assure you that we have tried numerous times to push a search for all possession of sarlaccs and other high danger life forms. However, one member of the executive board (elected from the 501^st)has been filibustering on every single proposal. Such member is currently going by the label Super Delete. He by extension allows the sacrifice of innocent newbies to a horrific death.

I've done the nasty with a lot of nasties, but even a zombie is below my standards. The fact that you people would believe such blatant lies is both disheartening and sad.

Some women just can't handle the pain of being rejected by the Baccanator.

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Originally Posted by Christmas

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This is an outrage! After all I've done for your newbie's BoB, you're going to sit here an believe this pack of lies!? That newbie probably thought it was a swimming pool and jumped in! It's a desert! Even I'd chance it on Tatooine if I came across a sarlacc with a mouthful of water!

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WE GOT A WITNESS FROM THE POKE PARTY!!! READ YOUR OWN THREAD! THE POST IS IN GREEN!! :mymelbert:

And Julbacca didn't deny it either. :bigsmile:

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He thought it was a pool. Mandalore jumped in to rescue him, why else would he have gone down there a second time?! That place is nigh on eternal torment. :(

And why do you not have at least warning signs, a fence and someone filling the sarlacc with explosives and concrete? Because you secret WANT to off the voters after you were slaughtered in the polls last year no doubt.

Also I keep reading Baccanator as Baconator. You are now a fast food hamburger. Zombie fast food burger. :p

Clearly I am not a zombie then, zombies wouldn't eat a zombie.

As for the sarlaac, I generally find that a huge, gaping maw filled with sharp teeth and long tentacles is foreboding enough on its own. Why would we off the voters? We need the voters' support to pick the true party to lead.

The fact that my colleague, Mandalore, risked his life for someone after already having gone through the pains of the sarlaac speaks volumes.

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Originally Posted by Julbacca

Clearly I am not a zombie then, zombies wouldn't eat a zombie.

As for the sarlaac, I generally find that a huge, gaping maw filled with sharp teeth and long tentacles is foreboding enough on its own. Why would we off the voters? We need the voters' support to pick the true party to lead.

The fact that my colleague, Mandalore, risked his life for someone after already having gone through the pains of the sarlaac speaks volumes.

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Zombie Wookies would. :mymelbert:

You are right that the tentacles, teeth and whirlpool of souls filled with hatred is forbidding enough to keep everything at least a mile or 6 away. So the only way for a poor newbie to fall in is for him/her to be thrown in by your sadistic party.

A party which throws inocent Newbies into the gastly mouth of a sarlaac to stunt the oposition? boy am i glad i joined the RIGHT party!!

I wouldn't eat a zombie, then I'd be infected. And they're rotting, they'd taste horrible. :(

Mandalore was already inside once before, why would we go back? I don't even like Tatooine, it's too hot and there's so much sand. It gets in my fur and I find it all over my place for weeks afterward.

EDIT: And let's face it, we're an evil organization; we're not cruel. We have standards and aren't going to be throwing innocent newbies to a death of 1000 years.

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Last night the bodies of three cactuar mothers were found dead in puddles of glucose. One mother had been brutally beaten to death with small, spherical instruments authorities believe might have been pokéballs. The body had been stuffed into a princess costume in an act of humiliation.

Another mother was beheaded, leaving plasma burns on the flesh. Authorities are stumped as to what caused this, and one expert said "only some sort of laser sword could have done this."

The last mother was found near a trash can with the word "homophobe" carved into her. She had been involved in a plot to capture spiderman, but the result is truly terrifying.

We bring you more news as it happens, EoFF.

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With the second stage over and a preliminary round of voting underway, we take a look at the candidates for Prime Minister.

First we have Lusty Justy of the Princess Party. Originally only a member to keep the party in the race, Lusty Justy tried to turn-coat and defect to the 501st. When he was refused, he put his hand up for leadership of the Princess Party. This humble reporter feels that this is a strange ploy by the party, allowing an almost-defector run their party. Time will tell whether he is the leader the party needed.

Next is Hypoallergenic Cactuar of the Cactuar and Hemp Taco Party. Hypoallergenic Cactuar has been a very passionate leader, exhausting every avenue to try and acquire support for his party. He was called away for important business and his fellow party members continued running the party smoothly. This is the sign of a true leader; even in his absence, his leadership had allowed his party to function. Will it be enough to guide them through this round of voting?

Our next leader is Pokékeeper of the Poké Party. His party creation skills allowed him to form his party and garner support quickly, cementing himself and the Poké Party as a powerful side. He has managed to recruit an array of strong members to support him, and his party works with a synergy unlike I have ever seen.

We have Mandalore the Guardian up next, leader of the 501st Legion. Despite his party and his closest confidant being rocked by controversy, Mandalore has stood his ground and defended his party, swearing off these "false rumours". His dedication to his party and its legacy is strong, and might prove paramount.

Super Delete of the Justice League of the Internet Unlimited is next. A masked crusader for justice and right, Super Delete has even managed to bring the Brotherhood of Elitists in step to try and protect EoFF. Will his deals with the devil turn sour, or will the two organisations unite to create a truly powerful new society?

Lastly we have Loony BoB of the Newbie Party. His role as eternal newbie has allowed him to recruit a number of fresh faces to his side, and whose youth and vigour have propelled the party forward. Loony BoB's experience has guided these young newbies in their endeavour to create a better EoFF.

http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/d...hido/graph.png
An approximate representation of the party sizes.

Which of these leaders will take their party onwards? Only your votes can decide, so hop to it! Exercise your right to vote TODAY!

It's okay. I was planning on using fraud to win the election anyway. :bigsmile:

...

...

...ohhhh, yeah, that was good.

Hey BoB, come check out what's going on in the sta- OH MY GOD!

Newbie party pie chart #WINNING

Winning!

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill, fifteen percent concentrated power of will. Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain...and a hundred percent reason to remember the name!

Go Newbie Party! :mwahaha::cheer:

The coincidence of the Newbie Party worship of a drug-addled celebrity like Charlie Sheen and the rumors Pokénews publicized of Loony BoB's drug-based coercion plan is something remarkable. #WINNING does not seem to be all it is cracked up to be.

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Originally Posted by Genius Lynx

The coincidence of the Newbie Party worship of a drug-addled celebrity like Charlie Sheen and the rumors Pokénews publicized of Loony BoB's drug-based coercion plan is something remarkable. #WINNING does not seem to be all it is cracked up to be.

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Rumours are just that: Rumours. Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a personal distaste for drugs. Just look up any relatively recent thread that debates legalising marijuana for further thoughts on the matter from myself. :p Also, I have no opinion on Charlie Sheen as a person. However I will say that the Newbie Party respects the idea that people can support whatever celebrity they wish, so long as the members themselves obey the rules of the forums. Which at the moment they absolutely are.

Keep clutching at those straws, though.

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Originally Posted by Genius Lynx

The coincidence of the Newbie Party worship of a drug-addled celebrity like Charlie Sheen and the rumors Pokénews publicized of Loony BoB's drug-based coercion plan is something remarkable. #WINNING does not seem to be all it is cracked up to be.

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I hear it's nothing but cracked up

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Originally Posted by Loony BoB

Keep clutching at those straws, though.

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I suppose clutching at straws is better than what you were clutching earlier in this public thread?

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Originally Posted by Loony BoB

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...ohhhh, yeah, that was good.

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I get that graphs are your fetish, but could you think of the newbies?

The only drug sheen is on is called CHARLIE SHEEN!!, just like him, are party will be #WINNING, because thats how we roll

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While your favourite Ace Reporter, like so many other EoFFers, was getting stone cold smashed to celebrate the wonder that is St Patrick's Day, thieves broke into the General Square Enix forum's Poké Mart.

The culprits took off with numerous empty pokéballs. They also tipped over the shelves just to be complete dicks.

Officer Jenny reported that nothing else had been stolen, but the identities of the thieves are still unknown. Updates as they come.

In other news, your esteemed Ace Reporter was stalked while partying with friends and a grumpy old neighbour accused him of urinating on his neighbour's lawn. These accusations are actually quite false and I cannot believe how completely wrong this guy was, and I was the drunk one.

But it was a good night all round. Apart from the break-in. What jerks. Probably in league with that twat of a stalker dude. - ED- This is blatant defamation. We're hear to tell news, not gain lawsuits.

Where's the news article on voter turnout?

I VOTED! (this is a very rare ting for me xD)

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Originally Posted by Jiro

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I caught up with Poké Party leader Pokékeeper for an exclusive interview regarding PsychoticWalrein's decision to join his party. He was hesitant at first, but eager for his party to get its voice heard. After some prodding he agreed.

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Jiro: What sort of effect do you think this will have on your party?

Pokékeeper: I was delighted to see that PsychoticWalrein knew that he couldn't go wrong by following his heart and decided to join the PokéParty. We all know Walrein is a tough, hardy Pokémon, and I do believe that his use of Sheer Cold, Blizzard and Encore will help push our party through these elections.

J: Has there been any indication that PsychoticWalrein will contest the leadership of the Poké Party?

P: No such discussion has taken place as of yet, but as PsychoticWalrein put it himself, our dream has always been to fight arm in arm.

J: Would you be happy to play the Swan to his Gillard, as it were?

P: It's rather unorthodox for a Pokémon to lead a person, but no matter where our destiny leads, I'll be there for EoFF, always come through. And that you can believe.

J: So do you think the Poké Party has what it takes to win the election?

P: At first I had my doubts, but now that we've got moving, I know we're gonna make it through. The Poké Party was born to be a winner, born to be a champion, born to be the very best.

J: Thank you for your time, and good luck!

http://i666.photobucket.com/albums/v...a/Imtheman.jpg

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Can we have more reports with pictures please? :bigsmile:

I really like this one with all the fancy pictures. :bigsmile:

As leader of the PokéParty, I will do what I can to provide more photos like these, though I'm not sure how many more costumes I can just make up on the spot!

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Originally Posted by Bert

I VOTED! (this is a very rare ting for me xD)

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Ditto

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An inside source in Election Booth's office has confirmed that the voting turn out was quite poor in the preliminary elections. The source, who wished to remain anonymous because spouting confidential information is a bit of a dick move, said that they're expecting more voters when the decisive vote arrives.

"People just give a :bou::bou::bou::bou: when they feel like they can make a bigger impact," he said.

"With the prelims, we lose a couple parties, no big deal really. But when the smurfing presi- I mean prime minister gets thrown up on the pedestal, you wanna make sure it's not some smurfwit who doesn't know Final Fantasy from smurfing Teriyaki Chicken Adventures."

This lack of voters may have contributed to heavyweights the 501st Legion bowing out of the competition earlier than they would have liked. While Election Booth confirmed it was the 501st party members who were "dragging the chain", party leader Mandalore the Guardian confessed he just wasn't in it this year.

"Sorry fellas, I didn't do too great of a job hyping us up or bugging people to join like last year," he said.

"Next time the 501st rolls into town we won't flop faster than all the SW fanboys when Jar Jar Binks made his appearance. :monster:"

Keep an eye out for them next year as they return with more knowledge of the Dark Side of the Force.

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Citizens of Eyes on Final Fantasy, I :bou::bou::bou::bou: you not, this is the highpoint in my investigative journalism career. I have obtained secret documents which prove that Election Booth is a filthy smurfing liar!

As you can see in the below photo, Election Booth's personal diary entry states his intentions to rig the election in the JLI's favour! There is no doubt that something is very amiss here, ladies and gentlemen.

Full Diary
http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/d...hido/Diary.png

Zoom In
http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/d...ido/Zoomin.png

There is no excuse for this sort of behaviour. Election Booth should be sacked and imprisoned for election fraud. Who knows how many elections have been decided on his whim!

But it isn't just the intent I can prove. No, I had the official vote count here in my hot little hands, and I have photographed them as proof.

Official Vote Tally
http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/d...hido/Tally.png

You can see here the aptly titled "Official Vote Count" with Election Booth's notes underneath. They read "I'm not a real fan of the Poké Party so I think I'll smudge the results a bit in favour of those sexy beasts the JLI"! Okay well, paraphrased I guess.

Citizens of EoFF, this is an outrage. However, through my skills as an Ace Reporter, I have brought you the true winners of the Eyes on Final Fantasy 2011 election. As you can see by the official vote count, the true winners are The Poké Party! Shower them with your praise. Congratulations, Poké Party, and well done to the runners up. It was a worthy contest, despite unscrupulous meddling.

Congratulations Prime Minister Pokékeeper. May you lead us well.

So until next time, gentle readers, this is Ace Reporter Jiro saying, damn you look sexy EoFF.

True justice has been served his day!

Almost as true as if served by a Fist!

I just hope people actually read the news, otherwise we're in for a world of confusion.

Either way my party lost and I call nonsense!

Either way, the TRUE power of EoFF is in the hand of the Poké Party..... We shall rule from the shadows, like an elusive Gengar.

The only way to decide for sure is to start over.

Jiro, without your intuitive sleuthing, I do not know how the future would have turned out. The corruption surely would have spread, and the lies and deceit could only have piled upon themselves more and more. It takes a strong hunch and nose to track down the facts as you have done. I know Election Booth deserves a lot of recognition for running this show turned side, but I think the Most Valuable Player has been you, Jiro. A big thanks from the new Deputy Minister of EoFF to you.

I am thoroughly disappointed in my party's turnout in the voting. :( Good job to those that voted, and "D'oh" to those that did not! Another classic case of voter turnout affecting the results, as otherwise the Newbie Party - the people's party, rather than that of the rodents - would obviously have won.

Congratulations all the same, I suppose, to the rodent party. >=[ Hmph!

That the problem with newbies, they just aren't seasoned enough. They fail to realize just how important mock internet elections are.

Pretty sure more of the older members than the newer members neglected to vote, actually. Only EB knows for sure, mind you!

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Originally Posted by Loony BoB

>=[ Hmph!

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ohhhhh I've been waiting for seven long years for this moment. Let me lick your tears. I must consume every last drop. :love:

Surely you've got one up on me at some point since seven years ago!?

Possibly, but I haven't faced the Newbie Party since that dark day.

Damn heavy weights :p

hey guy's so whats going o..................

*Checks election result*

NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by Psychotic

ohhhhh I've been waiting for seven long years for this moment. Let me lick your tears. I must consume every last drop. :love:

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Oh the tears of unfathomable sadness! Yummy!