The Doctor Is In

Tell me about your problems. I will solve them all for you.

I'm single.

I find myself consistently unable to run at near-c velocities.

I find myself screaming around spiders. How do I fix?

If I do not ejaculate at least once every four hours, my testicles swell to the size of basketballs, which is a lot larger than their usual grapefruit size.

Sometimes I lactate.

Someone has a gun to my head and he says he will kill me unless I don't post in this thread, what do I do?

I'm having the same problem as MILF.

I can see that you all have many problems. Luckily I am qualified to deal with them all. :D

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Originally Posted by NorthernChaosGod

I'm single.

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Quit restricting yourself to men. There are plenty of women out there that would love you for the pair of ears you are.

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Originally Posted by Citizen Bleys

I find myself consistently unable to run at near-c velocities.

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Try running faster.

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Originally Posted by Freya

I find myself screaming around spiders. How do I fix?

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Do be such a big baby. It’s just a spider. Geez

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Originally Posted by Rantzien

Sometimes I lactate.

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That’s normal for cows. Now get off the Internet and get back to the dairy.

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Originally Posted by Crop

Someone has a gun to my head and he says he will kill me unless I don't post in this thread, what do I do?

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Well sounds like you’re dead already. RIP you.

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Originally Posted by I'm my own MILF

If I do not ejaculate at least once every four hours, my testicles swell to the size of basketballs, which is a lot larger than their usual grapefruit size.

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Fap at least once every four hours. It will reduce the swelling.

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Originally Posted by ShlupQuack

I'm having the same problem as MILF.

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Circlejerk.

I am slowly turning into marsupial. Is this normal?

I was not Raptured today. I believe I was schedule for 2 hours and 20 minutes ago. To whom do I address my complaint about the service of the Son of God?

I can't decide whether Liquid Swords or Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... is the superior album.

You're a :bou::bou::bou::bou:ty doctor.

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Originally Posted by Bunny

I am slowly turning into marsupial. Is this normal?

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Yes. Bunnies don't turn into wallabies. Bunnies turn into rabbits or at least just larger bunnies.
Unfortunately, I'm not a veteranarian. Please seek professional help. :jess:

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Originally Posted by rubah

I was not Raptured today. I believe I was schedule for 2 hours and 20 minutes ago. To whom do I address my complaint about the service of the Son of God?

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Oh, I'm sorry Allie. Apparently, the one true religion this time around was Methodist. Better luck next time.

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Originally Posted by I Took the Red Pill

I can't decide whether Liquid Swords or Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... is the superior album.

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Liquid Swords. QED

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Originally Posted by NorthernChaosGod

You're a :bou::bou::bou::bou:ty doctor.

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*sigh* I am just as qualified as Dr Phil. You get what you pay for.

Wanna go out? It will solve your single problem. ;)

You're a :bou::bou::bou::bou:ty patient.

My problem is Michael Cera keeps getting work. Is there no justice?

The only problem there is that he always plays the same character archetypes.

There can only be one George Michael Bluth, and it isn't that kid that knocked up Juno.

I know this guy on an internet forum claiming to be a doctor, giving out bad advice to other forum posters. How do I steal his shoes and social security number?

The correct thing to do here is post an answer to your own question seeing as you are now the doctor.

My advice: It's not Lupus

I'm still not sure what a hairlick is.

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Originally Posted by Shiny

I'm still not sure what a hairlick is.

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Probably because it doesnt exist.

Showing results for:
cowlick
hairlip

A hairlick is a cow's hairlip.

Obviously.

God do I have to tell you people everything.

Justy, you have to catch.