The EoFF Dating Game

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08-04-2011, 10:15 PM
demondude

The EoFF Dating Game

Tonight, I will be your love guru.

Bachelors and bachelorettes, I present to you the eyeson matchmaking extravaganza. It's simple: one of you lucky singles will have a selection of three potential partners who you will question over the round, and they will reply to me through pm and I'll relay the message. The catch? You won't know who they are. Once you choose which of the three mystery participants you want to take out, then courtesy of Genius Lynx, we will take you down to IRC where you can get to know each other a little better. Afterward we expect a full diary of the date and how it got on with the other person. Maybe a rating.

Now, as we know, Sharkythesharkdogg needs a woman. If any ladies (or men so inclined) would like to take him out, pm me for the round so you can be a contestant.

Round 1:

Bachelor: Sharkythesharkdogg

Contestants:

1) Contestant A - Northernchaosgod - Dumped
2) Contestant B - fire_of_avalon - Dated
3) Contestant C - Laddy - Dumped

Final result: Sharky and foa date successfully and have three children out of marriage. Separate when foa finds Sharky's collection of handicapped pornography.
08-04-2011, 11:00 PM
Peegee

can we nominate female members?
08-04-2011, 11:30 PM
demondude

Anybody willing to let sharky touch them.

Edit: We have our first ~~victim~~ contestant.
08-04-2011, 11:48 PM
Remon

Wow I'd feel really awkward about this. Good luck shark XD

And what's the point in listing contestants whose identity is kept secret? o.o
08-04-2011, 11:50 PM
demondude

So people know how many slots are left innit.
08-04-2011, 11:54 PM
Remon

Guess it works :p
08-05-2011, 12:15 AM
sharkythesharkdogg

Sweet zombie Jesus, once you get an idea in your head you really go all out Jake.

Also, I hate you.
08-05-2011, 01:24 AM
demondude

We have contestant B. :D

Edit: play #tot with us.

2ND POST: We have our third contestant!

So the floor is open. Sharky, ask any questions and our mystery players will pm me their answers. Good luck bro, this might be it for you.
08-05-2011, 01:35 AM
AngelWings8

*makes popcorn*

:squee: I'm excited to see what happens :excited: BEST SHOW EVER!
08-05-2011, 02:21 AM
demondude

Sharky's really shy bless him, so I'm relaying his message.

Quote:

I really like flowers. If you were a flower, what flower would you be? I'm a delicate, white flower
08-05-2011, 02:58 AM
sharkythesharkdogg

Contestanta B, how desperate are you? I mean you volunteered for this. Have you seen my pictures?

Also, how comfortable are you with being buried alive during a particularly rambunctious session of coffin sex?
08-05-2011, 03:26 AM
Pike

Quote:

Originally Posted by sharkythesharkdogg

Contestanta B, how desperate are you? I mean you volunteered for this. Have you seen my pictures?

Also, how comfortable are you with being buried alive during a particularly rambunctious session of coffin sex?

Oh this is gonna get good
08-05-2011, 08:51 AM
Pheesh

Oh man, Jersey Shore's new season starts soon and now THIS!

*cries from joy*
08-05-2011, 09:15 AM
Rantz

I'm excited to hear the answer!
08-05-2011, 10:31 AM
NorthernChaosGod

Flowers are gay, brah.
08-05-2011, 11:46 AM
demondude

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contestant B

If I were a flower ... I would be a field of forget-me-nots so that when I blow his mind he'll have a place to start the remembering process.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contestant C

It may not be a flower, but honeysuckle. So I can suck my honey all night long~
08-05-2011, 12:19 PM
Pheesh

This thread is going to be good. Maybe even great.
08-05-2011, 12:24 PM
Caboose

This is going to be a thread of absolute debauchery. I'm going to be here alot.
08-05-2011, 12:35 PM
sharkythesharkdogg

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthernChaosGod

Flowers are gay, brah.

Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?

If I was having a bad day, what creative insults would you use to kick me while I'm down? Racial slurs mean extra points. Get creative.
08-05-2011, 01:38 PM
Remon

I'd go for C
08-05-2011, 04:10 PM
demondude

Contestanta B, how desperate are you? I mean you volunteered for this. Have you seen my pictures?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contestant B

I do it for the lulz.

Also, how comfortable are you with being buried alive during a particularly rambunctious session of coffin sex?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contestant B

I would say, based on my previous experience, I'm fairly comfortable being in a situation where I lose all control, have a crowd gathered around me in semi-darkness, getting a little dirty and waiting for something heavy to fill my hole.

Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?

If I was having a bad day, what creative insults would you use to kick me while I'm down? Racial slurs mean extra points. Get creative.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contestant B

Julian's ears are actually an amazing example of progressive evolution. Julian and his ancestors were all members of a species we call Creepsters. The culture of these ancient hominids is quite fascinating; you see Creepsters engaged in many forms of voyeurism to report back to their "bros" about the exploits of stronger, more sexually viable males. The Creepsters would discuss what they witnessed and attempt to replicate it for themselves, thereby tricking some wayward female into continuing their less than stellar gene pool.

Julian, were he a prehistoric version of himself, with his ears, would lean against walls to report the sounds he heard back to his tribe.

Also, you think you're having a bad day? I'm the one that has to look at you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contestant C

If you were feeling bad and needed insults, I'd chain you up, gag you, and degrade like the piece of absolute tit you are.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contestant A is a little bit retarded and had to ask me if he/she needed to answer one of the questions.
08-05-2011, 04:20 PM
Loony BoB

*eats some of AngelWing's popcorn*
08-05-2011, 04:34 PM
AngelWings8

*brings slushies and gummy bears too* :D
08-05-2011, 06:49 PM
Raistlin

I'm rooting for Contestant B.

I wonder how many of the contestants are male.
08-05-2011, 06:58 PM
Peegee

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raistlin

I'm rooting for Contestant B.

I wonder how many of the contestants are male.

>implying women on the internet

i c wut u did deer
08-05-2011, 08:03 PM
Slothy

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelWings8

*brings slushies and gummy bears too* :D

*makes AngelWings his new best friend* This is quite the show. :D
08-05-2011, 08:11 PM
sharkythesharkdogg

Wow, you are some sick, sick people. It concerns me that my ultimate reward for being coerced into this cluster smurf is that I'll have to hold a conversation with one you. :|

Everyone knows the way to man's heart is through his stomach. Describe to me the ingredients you'd use to make me the perfect sandwich, and win my very desirable heart.
:smug:

No weird things! Pubic hair does NOT qualify as bean sprouts.

I guess at this point contestant b has 10 points, c has 5 points, and a is a total failure.
08-05-2011, 08:15 PM
NorthernChaosGod

Quote:

Originally Posted by sharkythesharkdogg

Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?

:colbert:
08-05-2011, 08:22 PM
demondude

I really like flowers. If you were a flower, what flower would you be? I'm a delicate, white flower.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contestant A

I'd be a rose because they're beautiful and everyone loves them. Also, you know, thorns.

Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contestant A

I once heard that Julian's ears double as both wings AND as satellite radio receivers. He's one step closer to the future that is cybernetic enhancements that most of us dream about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contestant C

Well someone has to listen to our sweet nothings, babe.

If I was having a bad day, what creative insults would you use to kick me while I'm down? Racial slurs mean extra points. Get creative.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contestant A

Insults are pretty played out, so I'd just physically kick you while you were down until you passed out to start it all over again the next day.

I'll probably find a better way of formatting it next round.
08-05-2011, 10:44 PM
Freya

Oh goodness! I like Contestant A's answer for the insults. heh
08-05-2011, 11:07 PM
Heath

Quote:

Originally Posted by demondude

Once you choose which of the three mystery participants you want to take out, then courtesy of Genius Lynx, we will take you down to IRC where you can get to know each other a little better.

DD, you seem to have confused 'dating game' with 'brothel.'
08-05-2011, 11:10 PM
demondude

It's what the people want.
08-05-2011, 11:12 PM
Heath

People don't want love and affection and acceptance from their peers. They want a remake of Final Fantasy VII or Nascar in 3D.
08-05-2011, 11:16 PM
demondude

Heath will be our next bachelor.
08-05-2011, 11:21 PM
Heath

Quote:

Originally Posted by demondude

Heath will be our next bachelor.

I don't want love and affection and acceptance from my peers. I want a ~~remake of Final Fantasy VII or Nascar in 3D~~ coke.

Also, I'm sorry to make all the ladies feel disappointed/extremely relieved, but I'm not on the market.
08-05-2011, 11:24 PM
Remon

It keeps getting better and better *pops corn*
08-06-2011, 12:28 PM
demondude

Everyone knows the way to man's heart is through his stomach. Describe to me the ingredients you'd use to make me the perfect sandwich, and win my very desirable heart.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contestant A

The perfect sandwich would be you sandwiched by me and Contestant B. If you didn't like you, you could just watch in the corner then.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contestant B

Eye of newt and jack of ass
All these answers are very crass
Though you'd like a fancy lass
You'll have to settle for my sass

Wool of bat and rotten tomato
Your sandwich will includepotato
You'll have to eat it lying prostrate-o
Because it'll be full ... of crappy potatoes....

Toe of frog and sprig of thyme
I'm finding it hard to complete these rhymes
So let's just make your sammich short & sweet
I'll give you a place to store your meat.

You guys tell me when you want the round to end. If I have to read another one of those, I might not be able to endure much more.
08-06-2011, 01:53 PM
sharkythesharkdogg

I agree with Jake, this is about all the torture any of us can stand. I suppose now it's time to expose that my match made in intarwebz heaven is a mouth breathing 4um tr0ll that reeks of ferret and sauerkraut.

I suppose I'll go with contest B.

Contestants A and C, thanks for all the abuse. Your answers were also quite amusing.

DD, if you ever drag me into another one of these I'll beat you to death with a smurfing tire iron.
08-06-2011, 01:59 PM
demondude

So Sharky has selected Contestant B. Sorry Contestants A&C, your personalities were too horrendous for somebody doing internet dating. Better luck next time Laddy and Northernchaosgod!

I am thrilled to announce, Sharky, that you will be taking out our wonderful fire_of_avalon. What a catch! Now usually we'd leave you two alone but because the involvement of the Eyeson community has been so productive so far, we're going to help you along on the date. I'll just go make the thread. I feel proud of you, big man. x
08-06-2011, 02:27 PM
Laddy

http://i392.photobucket.com/albums/p...EVER-ALONE.jpg
08-06-2011, 02:39 PM
fire_of_avalon

I don't smell like sauerkraut!

EDIT: Or ferret! (Had to check first, though.)
08-06-2011, 02:50 PM
Clo

I'll participate. But someone's going to have to remind me on FB in two days that you all still exist.
08-06-2011, 02:54 PM
demondude

I'll be taking a temporary absence soon so if somebody want to be a Love Guru for a round then give me the heads up. All you have to do is be an arsehole to the contestants - very much my specialty.
08-06-2011, 03:02 PM
Remon

Wow he picked the woman :D
08-06-2011, 03:02 PM
sharkythesharkdogg

Holy crap, I actually picked a woman! How you doin'? :smug:

Holy crap a woman actually volunteered for this! Time to go marinate in aftershave for a few hours and then borrow my dad's best suit. The pant legs are a little short on me, and the undershirt is too big, but I'll make it work. I look good in plaid, right?

A quick review of my favorites.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FOA

If I were a flower ... I would be a field of forget-me-nots so that when I blow his mind he'll have a place to start the remembering process.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laddy

It may not be a flower, but honeysuckle. So I can suck my honey all night long~

^^ I thought this was Julian, now it makes more sense, but still.... :onoes:

Also, how comfortable are you with being buried alive during a particularly rambunctious session of coffin sex?

Quote:

Originally Posted by FOA

I would say, based on my previous experience, I'm fairly comfortable being in a situation where I lose all control, have a crowd gathered around me in semi-darkness, getting a little dirty and waiting for something heavy to fill my hole.

Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?

If I was having a bad day, what creative insults would you use to kick me while I'm down? Racial slurs mean extra points. Get creative.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FOA

Julian's ears are actually an amazing example of progressive evolution. Julian and his ancestors were all members of a species we call Creepsters. The culture of these ancient hominids is quite fascinating; you see Creepsters engaged in many forms of voyeurism to report back to their "bros" about the exploits of stronger, more sexually viable males. The Creepsters would discuss what they witnessed and attempt to replicate it for themselves, thereby tricking some wayward female into continuing their less than stellar gene pool.

Julian, were he a prehistoric version of himself, with his ears, would lean against walls to report the sounds he heard back to his tribe.

Also, you think you're having a bad day? I'm the one that has to look at you.

Let's face it, this whole thing pretty much won the contest. Ba ha ha!!!

Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?

Quote:

Originally Posted by NCG

I once heard that Julian's ears double as both wings AND as satellite radio receivers. He's one step closer to the future that is cybernetic enhancements that most of us dream about.

You are a good sport, Julian.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laddy

Well someone has to listen to our sweet nothings, babe.

Oh, you sly devil!

If I was having a bad day, what creative insults would you use to kick me while I'm down? Racial slurs mean extra points. Get creative.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NCG

Insults are pretty played out, so I'd just physically kick you while you were down until you passed out to start it all over again the next day.

Everyone knows the way to man's heart is through his stomach. Describe to me the ingredients you'd use to make me the perfect sandwich, and win my very desirable heart.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NCG

The perfect sandwich would be you sandwiched by me and Contestant B. If you didn't like you, you could just watch in the corner then.

Well played.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FOA

Eye of newt and jack of ass
All these answers are very crass
Though you'd like a fancy lass
You'll have to settle for my sass

Wool of bat and rotten tomato
Your sandwich will includepotato
You'll have to eat it lying prostrate-o
Because it'll be full ... of crappy potatoes....

Toe of frog and sprig of thyme
I'm finding it hard to complete these rhymes
So let's just make your sammich short & sweet
I'll give you a place to store your meat.

We have some funny people around here.

The rest of us are just funny looking.
08-06-2011, 03:03 PM
demondude

Aha. Switch Laddy and NCG and you have the right quotes.
08-06-2011, 03:05 PM
sharkythesharkdogg

Quote:

Originally Posted by demondude

Aha. Switch Laddy and NCG and you have the right quotes.

Ahh. BRB.
08-06-2011, 03:07 PM
demondude

I hope you realise that your date is in the Love Tunnel btw. Here's a tip: don't stand up her up unless you're shagging in a cubicle.
08-06-2011, 03:09 PM
sharkythesharkdogg

Love tunnel? Where do you people come up with this?
08-06-2011, 03:13 PM
Raistlin

I knew Contestant B was the best.
08-06-2011, 10:15 PM
NorthernChaosGod

Lulz, there were two guys.
08-06-2011, 10:22 PM
Madonna

And it is official: fire_of_avalon is EoFF's hottest single lady. Searing wit, babe.
08-06-2011, 10:43 PM
sharkythesharkdogg

Quote:

Originally Posted by Genius Lynx

And it is official: fire_of_avalon is EoFF's hottest single lady. Searing wit, babe.

Yes, I know how to pick 'em.
08-07-2011, 12:37 AM
fire_of_avalon

Shucks fellas.
08-09-2011, 09:17 AM
zohaib hussain

she was hinting to you but she sounds like a slut... you did the right thing by doing nothing especially since she has a boyfriend.
08-09-2011, 09:32 AM
Rantz

........................
08-09-2011, 09:35 AM
Pheesh

We were all thinking it.
08-09-2011, 11:28 PM
NorthernChaosGod

Did that bot just call foa a slut?
08-10-2011, 01:43 AM
Madonna

Yes.
08-10-2011, 01:48 AM
fire_of_avalon

...wh... I...

Aren't any of you smurfers going to defend my honor?! Do I have to do everything myself?
08-10-2011, 02:11 AM
NorthernChaosGod

But you're the most badass one here.
08-10-2011, 03:41 AM
Raistlin

foa does sound like a slut. DON'T LET YOURSELF BE SILENCED, BOT
08-10-2011, 04:15 AM
TrollHunter

Quote:

Originally Posted by zohaib hussain

she was hinting to you but she sounds like a slut... you did the right thing by doing nothing especially since she has a boyfriend.

Am I the only one that laughed?

-cough- anyway... I'm going to go grab a weapon to defend myself with now.
08-10-2011, 04:20 AM
sharkythesharkdogg

Gossip, dirty flirting, and now a jealous ex-boyfriend/bot. This fake date has it all!!!

Time to hurt myself trying to protect my girl's good name! Yo-ho!!!
08-10-2011, 08:57 PM
Shiny

Quote:

Originally Posted by zohaib hussain

she was hinting to you but she sounds like a slut... you did the right thing by doing nothing especially since she has a boyfriend.

:lol: Best bot EVER.
08-18-2011, 04:18 PM
Christmas

Oh gosh, now I missed my chance to get a date!!! :(
08-18-2011, 05:22 PM
fire_of_avalon

I'm sure sharks is okay with sharing me, Christmas. ;]
08-18-2011, 07:44 PM
NorthernChaosGod

Dammit, I'm supposed to be up next. :mad2:
08-18-2011, 08:41 PM
demondude

Sharky is gonna be our next guru because quite frankly, the thought of finding some of you love is sickening to me. Sharky was an exception because I felt for the guy.
08-18-2011, 08:57 PM
sharkythesharkdogg

Quote:

Originally Posted by fire_of_avalon

I'm sure sharks is okay with sharing me, Christmas. ;]

:excited: I can barely handle one woman, though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by demondude

Sharky is gonna be our next guru because quite frankly, the thought of finding some of you love is sickening to me. Sharky was an exception because I felt for the guy.

I will only further ruin their lives. I'm like gasoline on a protesting monk.
08-19-2011, 02:02 AM
NorthernChaosGod

Quote:

Originally Posted by demondude

Sharky is gonna be our next guru because quite frankly, the thought of finding some of you love is sickening to me. Sharky was an exception because I felt for the guy.

I thought you loved me. :(
08-19-2011, 11:31 AM
demondude

You're a saturday night smurf and that's all.
08-19-2011, 12:41 PM
Christmas

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthernChaosGod

Quote:

Originally Posted by demondude

Sharky is gonna be our next guru because quite frankly, the thought of finding some of you love is sickening to me. Sharky was an exception because I felt for the guy.

I thought you loved me. :(

It's ok. I still care about you! :bigsmile:

RAWR~~!!!
08-19-2011, 02:16 PM
NorthernChaosGod

smurf you, DD. :nonono:

Love you, Christmas! :bigsmile:
08-19-2011, 02:19 PM
demondude

Whatever. I'll have you crying tomorrow.
08-19-2011, 03:07 PM
NorthernChaosGod

That's just weird, dude.
08-19-2011, 03:10 PM
demondude

:kakapo:
08-22-2011, 12:55 PM
Jiro

So who's going to find me a hot internet partner?
08-22-2011, 01:13 PM
demondude

Sharky can find you an internet partner.

Edit: Sorry Sharks but you got usurped by a jumped up Aussie.
08-22-2011, 01:45 PM
Pheesh

Sup. :cool:

So I'm going to host the next round and Dak will our dashing bachelor. We already have one contestant, any other interested suitorettes/suitors can pm me.
08-22-2011, 01:49 PM
Rantz

Remember - only male contestants because gay innuendo is the funniest!
08-22-2011, 01:53 PM
Jiro

I used the word partner for a reason.
08-22-2011, 04:54 PM
sharkythesharkdogg

Careful Dak. I thought I found true love after this shindig, only to wake up several hours later with a tag in my ear and a radio collar around my neck.
08-22-2011, 06:09 PM
Melissaur

lOlZ XD Jake you silly
08-22-2011, 11:04 PM
NorthernChaosGod

Quote:

Originally Posted by sharkythesharkdogg

Careful Dak. I thought I found true love after this shindig, only to wake up several hours later with a tag in my ear and a radio collar around my neck.

Sounds like a hell of a date.
08-23-2011, 12:14 AM
fire_of_avalon

Don't let him fool you, I only do that to the ones I really like.
08-23-2011, 12:54 AM
sharkythesharkdogg

I know you have trust issues and all, but I still think the tracking devices are a tad invasive.

Please don't get mad and make me "fall down the stairs" again.
08-24-2011, 01:47 PM
Jiro

It's nice to keep tabs on the people you love though!
08-24-2011, 05:23 PM
demondude

Great job so far, Phil.
08-24-2011, 05:26 PM
Pheesh

The mountain doesn't come to Mohammad, k? If these people want to get laid so badly they had better ask to be a contestant.

Also, Jiro, you can not be a contestant for yourself so stop spamming my inbox.
08-24-2011, 07:09 PM
NorthernChaosGod

Quote:

Originally Posted by Happy Noodle Boy

Also, Jiro, you can not be a contestant for yourself so stop spamming my inbox.

Lulz. You should let him, I want to see what happens if he rejects himself.
08-25-2011, 01:27 AM
Jiro

Hey you can't blame me for trying! Anyone in #tot with me that one day will know why.
08-25-2011, 02:49 AM
Pike

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiro

Hey you can't blame me for trying! Anyone in #tot with me that one day will know why.

I seriously hope someone has a log of this saved somewhere so I can read it
08-25-2011, 07:37 PM
Melissaur

What is said in #tot stays in #tot ;) Dak~
08-25-2011, 07:53 PM
demondude

Probably sucked his own dick or something and was impressed. I can't judge him.
08-25-2011, 07:59 PM
sharkythesharkdogg

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Fresh Prince of Mel Air

What is said in #tot stays in #tot ;) Dak~

Good ol' tot. Where Sharky ruins Axle Rose. It's also where he tries to imitate Louis Armstrong and winds up sounding like a drunk Cookie Monster.

And that is where those terrible secrets shall remain, RIGHT MEL?!?!?
08-25-2011, 09:22 PM
NorthernChaosGod

Dude, you sang GnR? I demand a clip.
08-25-2011, 11:46 PM
Pike

Quote:

Originally Posted by sharkythesharkdogg

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Fresh Prince of Mel Air

What is said in #tot stays in #tot ;) Dak~

Good ol' tot. Where Sharky ruins Axle Rose.

And DD asks questions about camel rape
08-26-2011, 03:58 AM
Jiro

Well aren't you curious?