Get a #^%$@ JOB!

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09-09-2011, 01:22 AM
Martyr

Get a #^%$@ JOB!

Whenever some selfish, lazy loser comes and tries to pull the Sympathy card for cash, food and other prizes, I like to imagine what I would do if my life somehow got totally smurfed.

Basically the game is, based on what we know about our environment and how smart we think we are in given hypothetical difficult situations, and given that we have nothing but the clothes on our backs (and they're too grimy looking for us to go in and apply for a legit job) and we don't get to rely on current social connections or special skills (it'd kinda be cheating if I hopped on a library computer and wrote articles for money because not everybody knows how to do that):
How long do you suppose it would take for you to have a proper home (bathroom, place to sleep, place to store clothes/objects), a steady job of some sort, and about 2 grand in the bank?

For me
I've been around town some, so I know where I can get some tomato picking jobs no matter how ugly and stupid I look. I know a place that gives away all it's expired bread when I ask. Usually, for 5 bucks, they let me fill my truck with it to feed my cows, but I'm sure they'd kick me a loaf or two that hasn't molded yet if I asked nice. They just need to get rid of it.
If I worked late night weekends before the farmers markets down south, I could probably pull in at least $200-$300 per week, and way I see it, I'd only be sleeping in the fields for about 2 or 3 weeks before I could get a room somewhere. But that'd be backbreaking hard work, especially since I'm so dang tall. If I got lazy and used to sleeping on the ground, and if I managed to save a hundred bucks and then put stuff into a bank account (instead of burying my cash under a rock somewhere- heaven knows I ain't sleeping with cash in my pockets), I might sleep outside a little longer just to save money, I think. I don't know how I'd respond if people attacked me while I slept though. I might sleep on the train.
I'd give myself 2-5 months before I had a pair of slacks and a job at McDs, only one step away from the American Dream.

So... Does anybody else have this figured out?
How would you lift yourself up out of abject homelessness and poverty if you suddenly lost everything?
09-09-2011, 02:43 AM
Jiro

I have a lot of people I would forcefully mooch off. Every branch of my family except my immediate family is dirt rich too.
09-09-2011, 03:30 AM
Laddy

Oh god there is literally no way to get a job for me right now.

Me? That's okay, I'm only 17. :bigsmile:

RICH!? Oh Jiro, will you marry me?
09-09-2011, 04:17 AM
Peegee

Let's see - so my car gets repossessed and i lost my job and stuff?

if i had my job but was homeless:

malls are open until late. The washrooms are free running water for bathing. The power plugs let me charge my laptop for emergency use. Free wifi at various places in downtown toronto (colleges, starbuc..wait not any more), a controlled diet prevents overweight-ness, and there are enough parks to afford me exercise via calisthenics. toronto has a plethora of free sites to entertain

if i didn't have a job:

welfare.

no jk. i would trek up north and settle near huntsville. I'd bring my fishing rod and just live as a hermit.
09-09-2011, 06:11 AM
Pike

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martyr

How long do you suppose it would take for you to have a proper home (bathroom, place to sleep, place to store clothes/objects), a steady job of some sort, and about 2 grand in the bank?

Dude I haven't had any of this in 27 and a half years, so I'm not going to give myself very good prospects in this little game
09-09-2011, 06:31 AM
Martyr

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pike

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martyr

How long do you suppose it would take for you to have a proper home (bathroom, place to sleep, place to store clothes/objects), a steady job of some sort, and about 2 grand in the bank?

Dude I haven't had any of this in 27 and a half years, so I'm not going to give myself very good prospects in this little game

Aww. But couldn't you dare to dream? Sometimes a little game and a little bit of imagination can show you the way to a door you haven't opened yet. And a little hope can give you the courage to open it.
(SPOILER)and bad luck can get you kicked out from wherever is inside, but I'm just sayin'
09-09-2011, 06:37 AM
Jiro

I missed the part about two grand in the bank. I'm only there at the moment because I'm using my scholarship as bank food instead of buying my textbooks.
09-09-2011, 04:16 PM
Pike

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martyr

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pike

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martyr

How long do you suppose it would take for you to have a proper home (bathroom, place to sleep, place to store clothes/objects), a steady job of some sort, and about 2 grand in the bank?

Dude I haven't had any of this in 27 and a half years, so I'm not going to give myself very good prospects in this little game

Aww. But couldn't you dare to dream? Sometimes a little game and a little bit of imagination can show you the way to a door you haven't opened yet. And a little hope can give you the courage to open it.
(SPOILER)and bad luck can get you kicked out from wherever is inside, but I'm just sayin'

That's actually a pretty legit response :shobon: I'd probably get in to working overnights at Wal-Mart and then also work a day job on top of it. Not here, because here all the people who work overnights at Wal-Mart speak other languages and I don't, but back in Montana I could probably do it.

(SPOILER)That glorious feel when I'm moving back to Montana next weekend
09-09-2011, 04:51 PM
Loony BoB

I have income insurance. So if I got made redundant, I'd still get paid, basically. So I'd need to either resign or get fired in order to get to this situation. At which point I would naturally mooch off my girlfriend while applying for other jobs. *shrug* She did it to me for years, it would be entirely justified. *nod*

Also, I'm not 100% sure, but I don't think I can get the dole if I got fired. I am, at the moment, a mere 'resident' rather than 'citizen'. I have a visa which I'm pretty sure the UK government would be quick to remove should I start claiming benefits.
09-09-2011, 04:55 PM
Psychotic

I would claim JobSeeker's Allowance as a source of income. Then I would visit the local authority, ask for a list of private landlords, and find a private room to let. I would then get the local authority to put down the deposit through the Rent Deposit Scheme. I would then claim Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit so my rent and Council Tax is fully paid.

There's a roof over my head and a source of income. Can you tell that I do this for a living? :greenie:

An actual job and 2 grand wouldn't be easy though.

edit: BoB, I am pretty sure you could claim contributions-based JSA for 6 months as you have presumably made national insurance contributions. Don't quote me on that as I don't deal with many FORNERS! I am also fairly certain you would not be able to claim income-based JSA as Danielle would be expected to support you. And yes, that is stupid.
09-09-2011, 04:57 PM
Peegee

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pike

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martyr

How long do you suppose it would take for you to have a proper home (bathroom, place to sleep, place to store clothes/objects), a steady job of some sort, and about 2 grand in the bank?

Dude I haven't had any of this in 27 and a half years, so I'm not going to give myself very good prospects in this little game

One of the unrealistic pieces of 'advice' I usually get is to save a ridiculous proportion of your income as emergency money.

Now, either this is unrealistic or unreasonable or impossible for some people, so a better piece of advice: generally you will come across various issues in a year. If you can avoid this for some reason (like in a certain eoeo thread), SAVE YOUR MONEY

save your money like your life depends on it, because you never know when something will happen to cost you 100 something percent of your after expense, after tax income.

If however that never happens, you have worse things to worry about, and may need to consider different options. Living paycheque to paycheque will not afford you escape.
09-09-2011, 05:16 PM
Old Manus

Quote:

Originally Posted by Psychotic

I would claim JobSeeker's Allowance as a source of income. Then I would visit the local authority, ask for a list of private landlords, and find a private room to let. I would then get the local authority to put down the deposit through the Rent Deposit Scheme. I would then claim Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit so my rent and Council Tax is fully paid.

There's a roof over my head and a source of income. Can you tell that I do this for a living? :greenie:

An actual job and 2 grand wouldn't be easy though.

edit: BoB, I am pretty sure you could claim contributions-based JSA for 6 months as you have presumably made national insurance contributions. Don't quote me on that as I don't deal with many FORNERS! I am also fairly certain you would not be able to claim income-based JSA as Danielle would be expected to support you. And yes, that is stupid.

The Daily Mail would be proud.
09-09-2011, 05:29 PM
Psychotic

Why would the Daily Mail care about little old me? I mean, sure, I'd have the audacity to claim benefits from a fund that I've paid into through taxes, but I'm not a single mum gypsy asylum seeker member of the royal family or anything. (LOOKIN' AT YOU, SARAH FERGUSON)
09-10-2011, 07:12 AM
crashNUMBERS

anyone else had a cowboy accent suddenly speak to them when the thread starter mentioned he bought bread for his cows?
09-10-2011, 12:03 PM
Martyr

Quote:

Originally Posted by dougicidal

anyone else had a cowboy accent suddenly speak to them when the thread starter mentioned he bought bread for his cows?

You can call me Martyr
09-11-2011, 12:47 AM
starlet

Hmm...I don't think I'll ever be out of a job thanks to my trade. As long as my pet grooming equipment and hands are working I'll always have work. Even if I got fired at both businesses I work at I'd still be able to go to some of my clients houses.
09-11-2011, 01:32 AM
Pike

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlet

Hmm...I don't think I'll ever be out of a job thanks to my trade. As long as my pet grooming equipment and hands are working I'll always have work. Even if I got fired at both businesses I work at I'd still be able to go to some of my clients houses.

I was always a little bit jealous of the groomers back when I worked in a pet store, I knew they could pretty much always have work because they're always in demand. They also made a lot more money than I did.

I could never do it myself, though. I can't stand the way dogs smell. :x
09-11-2011, 02:43 AM
NorthernChaosGod

What is wrong with the way dogs smell? :colbert:
09-11-2011, 02:55 AM
starlet

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pike

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlet

Hmm...I don't think I'll ever be out of a job thanks to my trade. As long as my pet grooming equipment and hands are working I'll always have work. Even if I got fired at both businesses I work at I'd still be able to go to some of my clients houses.

I was always a little bit jealous of the groomers back when I worked in a pet store, I knew they could pretty much always have work because they're always in demand. They also made a lot more money than I did.

I could never do it myself, though. I can't stand the way dogs smell. :x

They smell good when they're done though :3 Oh man...if you would've seen the Bouvier I had today you would have cried. She smelled like a barnyard, had lots of huge mats (I could have made toupe's with some of them!), covered with fleas and nasty skin under all that nasty coat. I'm pretty sure she hasn't been groomed in at least a year or 2. She felt a lot better after she was done though, you could tell.
09-11-2011, 03:10 AM
Pike

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthernChaosGod

What is wrong with the way dogs smell? :colbert:

I smell it enough at home! D:
09-11-2011, 09:49 AM
NorthernChaosGod

Bathe your dog. :doublecolbert:
09-11-2011, 03:57 PM
Pike

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthernChaosGod

Bathe your dog. :doublecolbert:

I leave that to my mom and sisters, because the dogs are THEIR dogs :mymelbert:
09-11-2011, 04:13 PM
Araciel

Dogs stink, even after bathed.

Also if you have an intelligence score of 7 or higher you can get a minimum wage job. The problem is if you've hit rock bottom (on the street/no clean clothes) no one will hire you because you have no address and look like a loser.. So you need to rely on a social outreach or something and that's when things would get really tough I assume. I came back to Ontario, was living on a friends' couch and got a job within a day through a placement agency. It was full time nights at a factory working four 10-hour days... not the best job but kept me in beer and nerd books... Then I landed a sweet job at a major communications company.
09-14-2011, 08:51 PM
Mercen-X

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martyr

Whenever some selfish, lazy loser comes and tries to pull the Sympathy card for cash, food and other prizes, I like to imagine what I would do if my life somehow got totally smurfed.

Basically the game is, based on what we know about our environment and how smart we think we are in given hypothetical difficult situations, and given that we have nothing but the clothes on our backs (and they're too grimy looking for us to go in and apply for a legit job) and we don't get to rely on current social connections or special skills (it'd kinda be cheating if I hopped on a library computer and wrote articles for money because not everybody knows how to do that):
How long do you suppose it would take for you to have a proper home (bathroom, place to sleep, place to store clothes/objects), a steady job of some sort, and about 2 grand in the bank?

For me
I've been around town some, so I know where I can get some tomato picking jobs no matter how ugly and stupid I look. I know a place that gives away all it's expired bread when I ask. Usually, for 5 bucks, they let me fill my truck with it to feed my cows, but I'm sure they'd kick me a loaf or two that hasn't molded yet if I asked nice. They just need to get rid of it.
If I worked late night weekends before the farmers markets down south, I could probably pull in at least $200-$300 per week, and way I see it, I'd only be sleeping in the fields for about 2 or 3 weeks before I could get a room somewhere. But that'd be backbreaking hard work, especially since I'm so dang tall. If I got lazy and used to sleeping on the ground, and if I managed to save a hundred bucks and then put stuff into a bank account (instead of burying my cash under a rock somewhere- heaven knows I ain't sleeping with cash in my pockets), I might sleep outside a little longer just to save money, I think. I don't know how I'd respond if people attacked me while I slept though. I might sleep on the train.
I'd give myself 2-5 months before I had a pair of slacks and a job at McDs, only one step away from the American Dream.

So... Does anybody else have this figured out?
How would you lift yourself up out of abject homelessness and poverty if you suddenly lost everything?

I need to move to where you live.

My mom and I are both struggling to find work anywhere. She has better credentials for Pharmacy Tech or Medical Assisting and I have better credentials for... just about everything else because I'm younger and can learn fast. But neither of us has any luck... and that's just what we need... a SHIAOTLOAD of luck! My dad's the only paycheck making $18/h in construction but he has to drive 45 mins out of town to get there. Gas, wear-n-tear, pg&e, insurance, truck payments, rent, food (we try to stay under $80/wk)... my dad's not getting younger...
I'm epileptic with a medical black mark on my profile preventing me from getting a license which makes it even harder to find a job. America is the land of opportunities... to scrape by on the skin of your teeth making less than minimum shoveling crap for the amusement of others...
09-14-2011, 10:21 PM
Del Murder

I'd steal some decent clothes from the Goodwill Store. The worst they could do would be to throw me in jail, but at least then I'd have a place to sleep. Then I'd bum a few coins off of anyone I could or look to find some on the ground or in tip jars. Only need a few coins. I would then go to the local library and use their public computers to write and print out a resume. Hopefully I'd have enough for at least 10 copies. Then I'd bathe myself at a public beach shower or a fountain or a pool. Again, any arrest would just land me in a warm cell with a decent meal for the night.

For lunch I would go to any fast food place where you don't have to bus your own table. There are plenty in the city. Americans are so wasteful I'd probably have a decent meal out of the leftovers of just one family. Maybe two.

Then I'd hit the streets looking for any Help Wanted sign. Retail would be best since I have experience, but I do not have too much pride to not do fast food if needed. The upside there would be the access to free or discounted meals. I'm pretty qualified and know how to handle an interview, so it shouldn't be that hard to land a minimum wage job. I'd of course have to lie about my address and employment history, but they wouldn't know that.

Dinner would be easier. Just wait by any restaurant waiting for them to throw out the scraps. Or, better yet, just ask a bakery or some other local establishment if they could spare any food. I'd offer to sweep in front of their place or do any work they may need. People are generous if you are nice to them and show you aren't just looking for a handout.

Night would be the most difficult. I have no idea where I would sleep. Maybe try to find a homeless shelter, but I don't know where those are. I wish I could sleep at the library, but I'm sure they take measures to prevent that. If all else failed I'd go into the subway and park it in a walkway tunnel or something.

Once I got the first paycheck, I'd buy a change of clothes and see about getting some low income housing. I'd use the internet at the library to research all the options open to me.
09-14-2011, 10:42 PM
demondude

If I lost everything I would exploit the kindness of my friends and crash in as many of their places as possible until I could get a minimum wage job. Interestingly, that's incredibly similar to my current position, except I sponge off my parents and I have two minimum wage jobs. I'm allowed to be a smurf up at the moment though because I'm young and lazy.
09-15-2011, 12:20 AM
Miriel

I'd become a high class "escort".
09-15-2011, 12:31 AM
Martyr

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mercen-X

I need to move to where you live.

My mom and I are both struggling to find work anywhere. She has better credentials for Pharmacy Tech or Medical Assisting and I have better credentials for... just about everything else because I'm younger and can learn fast. But neither of us has any luck... and that's just what we need... a SHIAOTLOAD of luck! My dad's the only paycheck making $18/h in construction but he has to drive 45 mins out of town to get there. Gas, wear-n-tear, pg&e, insurance, truck payments, rent, food (we try to stay under $80/wk)... my dad's not getting younger...
I'm epileptic with a medical black mark on my profile preventing me from getting a license which makes it even harder to find a job. America is the land of opportunities... to scrape by on the skin of your teeth making less than minimum shoveling crap for the amusement of others...

I'm in South Florida, and when I R.U.N.N.O.F.T., I had a car, which was a pretty good leg up, and one you ain't got. Other than that, I had to hustle to find a place to live and a job and in about 3 days, my $1k cushion was spent, and I needed work.
I found that waiting tables at a bar restaurant is a great way to make income with no job history, no skill, and no education. It's actually a plus if you know a lot about liquor and marijuana. I was an atrocious server: I was a man.
haha. No, but seriously, I had a little bit of an ego problem (restaurant patrons want slaves and tools they can manipulate, not humans), I wasn't the best at carrying food, I had a poor memory, and I am still atrocious at time management among tables. Yet I was able to work part time and pull $500.00 per week anyway.

Right now, my drive to work is 45 minutes+, and I drive a truck. I know plenty about upkeep costs. 300 bucks per month in gas alone. But I make it. I am a business owner and a college professor, but I managed to make it working at a restaurant first. It's just what you gotta do sometimes before you get the evasive hiugh pay job you want.

So, I don't know how you and your ma are trying to find work, but I know that the job market is hell out there. I hunted for teaching positions for half a year before I waited tables (the second time). I wouldn't be surprised if your mom can't find work in her field simply because I know so many seaoned professionals who are out of work because there is no money and no job in any field anywhere.
But I'll swear by serving, yo. You gotta wait on jerks who will make you hate yourself and the whole rest of the world, and all your coworkers will be potsmoking losers, young ignorant chumps who you won't want to associate with (or else they will become great friends and fun people you can have enjoy and know for years after leaving the job. You might be cool. I'm an antisocial, holier-than-thou, stuck-up jackass). But the bottom line is ther there is money. Never enough, and people don't tip well in general so you sometimes have to try to put in a lot of hours and act extra nice to the ones who ordered the steak medium rare with the mash on the side like in the picture and then get pissed and want a free meal because what they really wanted was the cobb salad - but that'll get you money when you need it. It's the ultimate get-out-of-poverty solution for me. bar restaurant.