An unfortunate incident.

topic: children or animals or birthdays or unfortunate incidents. I don't care.

When forums member Iceglow and I were children, our families were good friends, and we would frequently attend the other's birthday events - outings, parties, whatever. We had some good times, some good memories. But the one birthday that sticks out in my mind was Steve's in 1992.

We were going on a trip to what you Americans might term a "petting zoo" I believe. It was me, Steve, his mum and his big sister Emma. Now, Steve had got his heart set, absolutely set, on a donkey ride. He was so excited about it and wouldn't stop babbling away happily about donkeys and how great it was going to be to ride one.

Anyway, we got to the farm/zoo/whatever and had a lovely day out, as best as I can remember. I do remember being pecked by a turkey named Norman when I attempted to feed him some grain and we all called him "Naughty Norman". I don't think it really upset me that much at the time, but looking back on it I am filled with rage that a turkey would dare strike me. Whatever. He probably got made into Christmas dinner by now.

When we got to the donkey pen, things took a turn for the unfortunate. The donkeys had all contracted a virus and therefore there were to be no donkey rides. Steve lost it. Just absolutely and completely snapped. His mum tried to placate him, encouraging him to look at this nearby pig. Steve marched over to this pig and started ranting and screaming right in its ear, calling it stupid and saying he wanted a donkey ride now. The pig, for its part, did not seem to give much of a damn and was just casually stood there.

At this point his mum stepped in and sternly told him that if he did not leave that poor pig alone he would not be allowed to have any jelly (gelatin to Americans? I think?) at his party that afternoon. Incidentally it was a lovely strawberry flavoured train-shaped jelly, and it tasted great, but I digress. Steve stopped bellowing at the pig, slowly turned around, and gave her one of the darkest looks I have ever seen another human being give. He then slowly raised his arm right back, and promptly slapped the pig right in the face.

I

On a little piece of wood,
Mr. Spikky Sparrow stood;
Mrs. Sparrow sate close by,
A-making of an insect pie,
For her little children five,
In the nest and all alive,
Singing with a cheerful smile
To amuse them all the while,
Twikky wikky wikky wee,
Wikky bikky twikky tee,
Spikky bikky bee!


II

Mrs. Spikky Sparrow said,
'Spikky, Darling! in my head
'Many thoughts of trouble come,
'Like to flies upon a plum!
'All last night, among the trees,
'I heard you cough, I heard you sneeze;
'And, thought I, it's come to that
'Because he does not wear a hat!
'Chippy wippy sikky tee!
'Bikky wikky tikky mee!
'Spikky chippy wee!


III

'Not that you are growing old,
'But the nights are growing cold.
'No one stays out all night long
'Without a hat: I'm sure it's wrong!'
Mr. Spikky said 'How kind,
'Dear! you are, to speak your mind!
'All your life I wish you luck!
'You are! you are! a lovely duck!
'Witchy witchy witchy wee!
'Twitchy witchy witchy bee!
Tikky tikky tee!


IV

'I was also sad, and thinking,
'When one day I saw you winking,
'And I heard you sniffle-snuffle,
'And I saw your feathers ruffle;
'To myself I sadly said,
'She's neuralgia in her head!
'That dear head has nothing on it!
'Ought she not to wear a bonnet?
'Witchy kitchy kitchy wee?
'Spikky wikky mikky bee?
'Chippy wippy chee?


V

'Let us both fly up to town!
'There I'll buy you such a gown!
'Which, completely in the fashion,
'You shall tie a sky-blue sash on.
'And a pair of slippers neat,
'To fit your darling little feet,
'So that you will look and feel,
'Quite galloobious and genteel!
'Jikky wikky bikky see,
'Chicky bikky wikky bee,
'Twikky witchy wee!'


VI

So they both to London went,
Alighting on the Monument,
Whence they flew down swiftly -- pop,
Into Moses' wholesale shop;
There they bought a hat and bonnet,
And a gown with spots upon it,
A satin sash of Cloxam blue,
And a pair of slippers too.
Zikky wikky mikky bee,
Witchy witchy mitchy kee,
Sikky tikky wee.


VII

Then when so completely drest,
Back they flew and reached their nest.
Their children cried, 'O Ma and Pa!
'How truly beautiful you are!'
Said they, 'We trust that cold or pain
'We shall never feel again!
'While, perched on tree, or house, or steeple,
'We now shall look like other people.
'Witchy witchy witchy wee,
'Twikky mikky bikky bee,
Zikky sikky tee.'

I remember when we were talking about this on XBL the other day. While I can understand as I child it would be a depressing experience, you would think Steve would have learned to let it go by now. I know he tried to pass it off like it was all a big joke now and whatever but you could defintely sense the undercurrent of years old disappointment and rage lurking in his voice as you guys were reminiscing. Perhaps we should take him to Brighton or something and get him that ride on a donkey that is missing from his life. Seriously, if it bothered him so much that he slapped a pig in the face then christ someone's gotta do something about it. Pigs are sweet and friendly animals, generally no bother to anyone (unless your name is King Robert) and he full on screamed in its face and slapped it. The whole episode must have affected him more than he's let on.

That reminds me of this.
http://i43.:bou::bou::bou::bou::bou:...u:/1086885.jpg

I dare say. Somebody needs a nap.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NorthernChaosGod

That reminds me of this.
http://i43.:bou::bou::bou::bou::bou:...u:/1086885.jpg

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>4gifs
>.jpg

wtf

Blame tinypic, that is clearly a GIF.

How could you, Steve? That's just awful.

LMFAO Paul you filthy smurfing liar but I'm crying with laughter right now literally in tears!

Oh God that was good.

I wish I grew up with you irl and I wish this was a true story!

Here's a truly unfortunate incident.

http://becauseitisawesome.com/wp-con...7176728501.jpg

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cloud Strife777

Here's a truly unfortunate incident.

http://becauseitisawesome.com/wp-con...7176728501.jpg

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>Cloud Strife 777
>68285777

(SPOILER)http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a1...5852720957.gif

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pike

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a1...5852720957.gif

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???

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cloud Strife777

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pike

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a1...5852720957.gif

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???

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:greenie:

Doubles Guy | Know Your Meme

Is that the dude from Equilibrium?

Yes, that is Christian Bale.

Also, that was trips, Pike. :colbert:

Doubles guy works with trips, too.
http://knowyourmeme.com/i/000/037/92...nal/6x_win.jpg

I do not know what gibberish you are all spouting.

I would like to give credit for the concept of "As a child, Iceglow slapped a pig" to forums member DK. Please rep his post and not mine, Julian.

Duly noted.

Well we all know Steve has a whole host of skeletons in his closet that he gets quite irate about the airing of. Remember his post regarding his... unorthodox sexual preferences? And he tried to say it couldn't be him simply because he "doesn't like to cook"! What a lame excuse. But I didn't want to get some poor innocent animal slapped around the face so I just smiled and nodded and let the matter rest.

I got really excited thinking that Psychotic and Iceglow were pals from way back. Then it all crashed down around my ears. I'm pissed off now, gonna go smack an animal in the face.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jiro

I got really excited thinking that Psychotic and Iceglow were pals from way back. Then it all crashed down around my ears.

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This was my reaction as well. :mymelbert:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pike

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jiro

I got really excited thinking that Psychotic and Iceglow were pals from way back. Then it all crashed down around my ears.

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This was my reaction as well. :mymelbert:

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Pissed enough to smack a... pony??

So a bird pwned Psychotic?

Christmas you psychopath! what are you doing bringing back this story?

Though I admit Paul's gotten better in the telling over the years. He has legitimately convinced people who know me of it's legitimacy despite me promising them it's all lies.

Now I believe the story is true. Poor Pig. :(

Steve, it happened. I shut my eyes and I'm there. I'm there in that paddock as you bring your hand down with force upon that pig's cheek. It happened. Smack. I can hear it. I can hear your small hand. Steve, you can hear it too. You can see it. You can be it. Do it. Do it right now. How can you say this is a lie? This feeling? You know this is reality now. Stop fighting it and just be.

Paul's therapist is a smurfing millionaire from all this.

is the pig ok or what

Went on to have an incident with the Prime Minister, if I recall.

The irony is that whenever we used to play minecraft the wooden sword I made at the start would always be called "The Pig Slapper" in reference to this bulltrout.

I smurfing love you Paul you weird little man!

Edit... Arthur that's a damn good try there. Unfortunately, we're not that old yet. Paul claims this happened in 1992 (which doesn't quite work actually as I was old enough to no longer be interested or upset by the lack of donkey rides as I turned 7 in 1992) And David Cameron worked for the Conservative Party at the time.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mr Gashtacular

is the pig ok or what

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steve was the pig all along, the story is a metaphor