Flies on the floor... after being poked out by an umbrella

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03-08-2012, 09:05 AM
Bubba

Flies on the floor... after being poked out by an umbrella

Does anyone else get royally pissed off by people with extremely poor umbrella-handling skills?

Being six-feet tall, a lot of people I encounter are around "umbrella tip" height. How can you not see me coming??? Please can you just raise your brolly slightly to prevent me from having to wear a pirate-style eye patch for the rest of my life?!

Can anyone suggest an effective way of combatting these brolly-warriors?

The only thing I can think of is wearing a goalie's hockey mask on the way to work. Though people may give me a wide berth that way anyway...
03-08-2012, 09:08 AM
Pheesh

Swing your arms in wide circular swimming motions. Any umbrella or person in your path will be sorry.
03-08-2012, 01:08 PM
Jinx

Lul.....brolly ;D

I'm only 5'2", so I'm way under "brolly" height. I've never had to experience, so no advice from me, mate.
03-08-2012, 01:41 PM
Bubba

Quote:

Originally Posted by Happy Noodle Boy

Swing your arms in wide circular swimming motions. Any umbrella or person in your path will be sorry.

I think if I combined this technique with the hockey mask then I'd definitely be safe!

Quote:

Originally Posted by fierytempest

Lul.....brolly ;D

I'm only 5'2", so I'm way under "brolly" height. I've never had to experience, so no advice from me, mate.

I've just realised the British term "brolly" may be a little colloquial! You're very lucky to avoid these attacks, FT. Please be careful the next time it rains though, anyone around the 5' 6" mark will be in immediate danger from you...
03-08-2012, 02:05 PM
Jessweeee♪

I'm short. And it never rains where I live! So I don't know that feel.
03-08-2012, 02:13 PM
Pike

I live in a glorious place where it never rains.

It just snows.
03-08-2012, 03:00 PM
Sephex

5'10" myself and I never really have to deal with this. I don't live in the city (Chicagoland area), so I don't even see people with umbrellas too often.

I would suggest carrying a small flamethrower with you. If an umbrella gets too close and hits you, just burn it down so a lesson can be learned.
03-08-2012, 04:18 PM
sharkythesharkdogg

The lesson of a slow painful death from a full body staph infection after the third degree burns covering 80% of the victim's body don't heal correctly?
03-08-2012, 04:48 PM
Bubba

I actually liked the extreme nature of Sephex's suggestion... until Sharky's post made me appreciate the consequences that may arise from following through with this.

Something not involving any kind of criminal conviction for myself would be ideal... though I like Sephex's style!
03-08-2012, 05:14 PM
sharkythesharkdogg

Hey there, assumption Andrew.

I viewed my post as another positive to encourage you to follow Sephex's methods.

Nothing hammers home a lesson like mulling it over in the ol' noggin while lying on your death bed.
03-08-2012, 06:17 PM
Jiro

Umbrella etiquette is dying. I usually bring this thread up about the same time each year because it always smurfing rains on the Sunshine Coast and nobody knows how not to be a prick. The few covered walkways are cluttered with people using umbrellas. They push you into the rain, wave the damn things around if you get close, and don't offer to share a large one with a stranger like nice people would. Also seriously if you're approaching a taller person, step aside a little bit. Generally my head is down and I'm looking at my feet so the rain doesn't stab me in the eye and instead I get a smurfing umbrella spoke in my head. Thanks guys, that really makes my day.
03-08-2012, 06:27 PM
Pumpkin

I don't use umbrellas because I like getting rained on and the little buttons to close the umbrellas scare me so I have never had to worry about accidentally stabbing someone in the eye with one.
03-08-2012, 06:40 PM
Peegee

i don't use umbrellas because i'm a man.

lol misandry

anyway when I see tall people I raise my umbrella. I'm courteous like that.

LOL pg courteous. as if
03-08-2012, 06:43 PM
Carl the Llama

Being 6'4" I know how you feel Bubba, the easiest way to avoid this is the faithful pusher technique, just walk along and if an umbrella comes near you push it out of the way so the person beneath gets wet, you get the warm glow that you pissed of said asshole who walked along not looking where they were going and your eyes stay poke free.
03-08-2012, 11:05 PM
Sephex

Quote:

Originally Posted by sharkythesharkdogg

The lesson of a slow painful death from a full body staph infection after the third degree burns covering 80% of the victim's body don't heal correctly?

Yes.
03-08-2012, 11:52 PM
Tigmafuzz

I usually don't use an umbrella because I love the rain. I love jogging in the rain. I love walking in the rain. I love being in the rain. But I sometimes carry an umbrella with me anyway just in case I see someone trying really hard to stay out of the rain and they don't have one. Because I'M A NICE PERSON JIRO. Gah.
03-09-2012, 01:34 AM
fire_of_avalon

I do the umbrella raise, and it's also kind of like waving at the tall dreamboat man walking at yo- and he didn't notice. smurf.
03-09-2012, 05:19 AM
Jiro

Fuzzy T is the kind of guy I like. He'd hand you his umbrella and then walk in the rain beside you. I can dig that. I'd do that but I can never remember an umbrella anyway. That's what I have hair for: defence.
03-09-2012, 04:06 PM
Bubba

Quote:

Originally Posted by fire_of_avalon

I do the umbrella raise, and it's also kind of like waving at the tall dreamboat man walking at yo- and he didn't notice. smurf.

This is correct umbrella etiquette.

If only this could be taught to the inhabitants of my city. Flamethrower on standby.

FOA, I recommend wearing a hockey mask... and maybe swing your arms in a circular motion... The tall dreamboat man will definitely notice you then :p
03-09-2012, 04:08 PM
Pike

No matter how high I raise an umbrella, it will never be high enough. This is what happens when you are short.
03-12-2012, 07:40 PM
KentaRawr!

Whenever I'm in the rain, the only thing I really try to cover is my satchel. (It's not really a backpack because it's by my bum. @_@) So basically, my umbrella is always kinda behind me, so I don't knock out people's eyes. Of course, if it's raining really heavily I'll cover myself rather than the bag, but this doesn't happen often.
03-12-2012, 08:04 PM
Shlup

Walk through Tokyo on a rainy day and you will see very impressive umbrella choreography. Those Japanese have it down.
03-12-2012, 09:25 PM
Quindiana Jones

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaiserDragon

Being 6'4" I know how you feel Bubba, the easiest way to avoid this is the faithful pusher technique, just walk along and if an umbrella comes near you push it out of the way so the person beneath gets wet, you get the warm glow that you pissed of said asshole who walked along not looking where they were going and your eyes stay poke free.

This is the correct way to do it. Just push the thing away from your face. If someone's dog runs up to hump my leg, I ~~blow~~ push it away, and there's no reason why the same principle cannot transfer across all cases of oblivious wankers not paying attention.
03-12-2012, 09:37 PM
Shattered Dreamer

I hate random people with umbrellas! I'm 6 foot so the average person hits me in the face with the small metal parts along the umbrella. One afternoon one of them hit me in such a way it cut me pretty deep. Bleeding out the side of your head on a bus makes people give you odd looks I can tell you :lol:
03-12-2012, 11:55 PM
Freya

I watch my umbrella when around people but you sure as hell bet I intentionally jump in puddles to splash them though :D
03-13-2012, 01:14 AM
Carl the Llama

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freya

I watch my umbrella when around people but you sure as hell bet I intentionally jump in puddles to splash them though :D

If some cute/sexy girl wanted to get me wet I sure as hell wouldn't mind :D
03-13-2012, 02:10 AM
Jinx

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaiserDragon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freya

I watch my umbrella when around people but you sure as hell bet I intentionally jump in puddles to splash them though :D

If some cute/sexy girl wanted to get me wet I sure as hell wouldn't mind :D

Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?
03-13-2012, 03:04 AM
Tigmafuzz

Quote:

Originally Posted by fierytempest

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaiserDragon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freya

I watch my umbrella when around people but you sure as hell bet I intentionally jump in puddles to splash them though :D

If some cute/sexy girl wanted to get me wet I sure as hell wouldn't mind :D

Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

Maybe he isn't your typical male :O
03-13-2012, 03:11 AM
Carl the Llama

Quote:

Originally Posted by fierytempest

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaiserDragon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freya

I watch my umbrella when around people but you sure as hell bet I intentionally jump in puddles to splash them though :D

If some cute/sexy girl wanted to get me wet I sure as hell wouldn't mind :D

Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

If you put a sausage in a bun that already has ketchup in it... /smug
03-13-2012, 08:17 AM
NorthernChaosGod

You people are gross.
03-13-2012, 12:32 PM
Bubba

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaiserDragon

Quote:

Originally Posted by fierytempest

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaiserDragon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freya

I watch my umbrella when around people but you sure as hell bet I intentionally jump in puddles to splash them though :D

If some cute/sexy girl wanted to get me wet I sure as hell wouldn't mind :D

Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

If you put a sausage in a bun that already has ketchup in it... /smug

OK, so we only got as far as page two before an innocent thread on umbrella etiquette turns into a sexual innuendo-fest...

... and this is the reason why I return to EOFF on a daily basis! :D
03-13-2012, 12:52 PM
Loony BoB

Danielle is the most useless umbrella user that ever used an umbrella. I keep my distance.
03-13-2012, 02:43 PM
Quindiana Jones

Don't keep your distance, BoB. You've gotta get in close and use your elbows!
03-13-2012, 02:54 PM
Loony BoB

I can't get in close! She repeatedly stabs me with the little end bits of the umbrella! Elbows won't help me there.
03-13-2012, 02:59 PM
Quindiana Jones

Well then. I see only one option available.

Uppercut.
03-13-2012, 03:14 PM
Loony BoB

She's stronger than she looks. I'm not gonna risk it.
03-13-2012, 03:18 PM
Quindiana Jones

Ah, it's that low centre of gravity, yeah. You'd never get any real purchase. I dunno if you can manage it, but if you became Poseidon, you could just blow the umbrella out of her hand? Though, like I said, I dunno if Scotland has that yet.
03-13-2012, 07:01 PM
Carl the Llama

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loony BoB

I can't get in close! She repeatedly stabs me with the little end bits of the umbrella! Elbows won't help me there.

Get in close and do the gentlemanly thing and hold her umbrella for her, you get to walk side by side AND you stay eye poke free.
03-13-2012, 07:22 PM
Bubba

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaiserDragon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loony BoB

I can't get in close! She repeatedly stabs me with the little end bits of the umbrella! Elbows won't help me there.

Get in close and do the gentlemanly thing and hold her umbrella for her, you get to walk side by side AND you stay eye poke free.

...and dry!

Triple-whammy. This is good advice.
03-14-2012, 09:48 AM
Loony BoB

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaiserDragon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loony BoB

I can't get in close! She repeatedly stabs me with the little end bits of the umbrella! Elbows won't help me there.

Get in close and do the gentlemanly thing and hold her umbrella for her, you get to walk side by side AND you stay eye poke free.

I don't mind the rain, so it's no big deal for me. Certainly not enough of a big deal to hold a small, pink umbrella and hope that it's going to keep two people dry (it won't).
03-14-2012, 10:51 AM
Bubba

A true warrior likes to feel nature on his fists...
03-14-2012, 10:57 AM
Pheesh

A true warrior is going to end up with a true cold.
03-14-2012, 05:14 PM
Quindiana Jones

Just wear an anorak. Putting the hood up is optional. I have a giant afro which can keep my head dry for more than half an hour in rain, so that's usually sufficient. :D
03-14-2012, 06:43 PM
Carl the Llama

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quin 'n' Tonic

I have a giant afro

Pix or gtfo.
03-17-2012, 11:28 AM
Iceglow

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaiserDragon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quin 'n' Tonic

I have a giant afro

Pix or gtfo.

No really he does. It's a giant Jew-fro more like than afro but he really does.

Also: Towns get in close, carry her umbrella and angle it so it only covers her. This way you're walking side by side, you get to know she's dry and your face isn't going to be unexpectedly stabbed and you still get to enjoy the feeling of the rain wrecking your hair.

As for me, I' 5'10 so I get the same issues, god you should try walking down Oxford Street on a rainy Saturday or even worse, at Christmas time. You can duck, weave, shove, box your way through and the honest truth is you'll still be hurt. I've carried umbrella's when it's really bad out but in general I can never be bothered, carrying one when it rains on my way in to work means carrying it home when it is likely going to be dry; too much hassle. Sometimes I'll throw a hood up if I have one, my new leather winter jacket has 2 of these it's weird. Mostly though I'll simply carry on walking and deal with whatever happens to my hair when I get to my destination.
03-17-2012, 11:45 AM
Bubba

What happened to this thread title?
03-17-2012, 02:56 PM
Carl the Llama

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iceglow

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaiserDragon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quin 'n' Tonic

I have a giant afro

Pix or gtfo.

No really he does. It's a giant Jew-fro more like than afro but he really does.

Still want pix or gtfo :p

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