~*~The Secrets of the Staff Forum~*~

The staff forum is a treasure trove of all privileged information that hold the keys to the very existence of Eyes on Final Fantasy.

If you were to accidentally stumble into the staff forum, do you think you'd come across the famous Porn Forum, or the solid, tangible proof we've acquired that PG is actually a killer robot sent from 4chan in the future to troll staff and a new version of him returns every few years? Perhaps you'd find the staffers themselves kicking back smoking stogies, taking shots and shooting darts at photos of banned members while we only pretend to do work around the forums and instead spend our time arguing about the differences between cucumbers and zucchini, that there is no swear filter in staff and that we actually have our own secret language consisting exclusively of consonants to communicate like the cult that we are.

What secrets do you think you would discover should you glimpse into the crystal ball of EoFF that is The Staff Forum?

*This thread is purely in jest to elaborate the charicature of staff, to have a bit of fun, and to have the memberbase take punches at us. It is not meant to be taken seriously. If anyone has any serious questions for staff, feel free to pose them here! :jess:

**Also, we did argue about the differences between cucumber and zucchini. That actually happened.

a bunch of pretty boring discussions about like colour schemes and possible forum events stuff i guess

I would see the shion is super cool thread










I know you have a thread about me. Somewhere. Deep in the recesses of time. Watching. Waiting. One day it will emerge and ki



what were we talking about

The staff forum is like the rest of the forum but with more bitching and less getting done.

We discuss how cute parker is all the time. I have a thread dedicated to it.

THE PARKER MEGATHREAD TAKE 3 (300 pages long)

No joke. Someone in that thread thought that Emil photo you posted was actually you.

I feel this is a good way to find out more about how staff operates

do you like make polls and vote who gets banned i.e niale who was kinda annoying? is it majority rule or what

also is at all business or do you have fun staff events and stuff

serious questions

Is it true that it needs to be a unanimous decision for a banned person to come back?

how many people do i have to annoy to be banned from this hell

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Originally Posted by Parker

do you like make polls and vote who gets banned i.e niale who was kinda annoying? is it majority rule or what

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We throw chicken bones onto a slab of granite and read the signs they reveal to us in order to determine who gets banned.

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also is at all business or do you have fun staff events and stuff

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Sure, we have fun! As much as we do in GC or anywhere else in the forums like we do as a whole.

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Originally Posted by shion

Is it true that it needs to be a unanimous decision for a banned person to come back?

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It's on a case-by-case basis. If there are for-realsies serious questions about staff policy, I would direct you to The Transparency Thread in feedback, because this thread is for speculation on the zany antics that go on behind the curtain!

We often have drunken parties. We all go into a secret staff chat room and discuss ways to bother Steve.

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Originally Posted by Parker

how many people do i have to annoy to be banned from this hell

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Staff never get annoyed.

They built a statue in the staff forum to commemorate my ridding the forum of the menace known as crazy PG. I believe the statue is now covered in pigeon poop and Psy may or may not have drawn a penis on the statues face.

And a moustache. Don't forget that glorious, glorious moustache!

I bet they talk about their day and posting goals and is this picture porn I guess it kind of is but do we care

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Originally Posted by Shorty

And a moustache. Don't forget that glorious, glorious moustache!

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It had better be a Swanson.

There is no staff forum. The discussion of the existence of the staff forum is a ruse to draw attention away from the fact that none of the staff are in fact real. All of the staff are very clever bots designed by Loony BoB to draw the blame on any and all changes to EoFF from him and to give him friends on this site. All of the members are possibly cleverly designed bots as well. I am still unsure if maybe everything in my offline life is in fact a lie, and perhaps I am a bot as well.

I just wanna take this opportunity to tell the staff that they are all great and cool and generally a-ok in my book

I looked into the void and it looked into me.

It was alright I guess. I wasn't a big fan of the thread dedicated to pictures of BoB's wood.

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Originally Posted by Jiro

I looked into the void and it looked into me.

It was alright I guess. I wasn't a big fan of the thread dedicated to pictures of BoB's wood.

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It got really bad once he learned how to whittle.

How is it a secret if we all know about it?

I wonder what percentage of my posts were in staff forum


I wonder what percentage of my posts in staff were passive/not-passive aggressive swings or rants about people

I need pie chart power FAST

they probably have a thread for sharing nudes of members

I'd guess there's a thread where they just decided to start playing April Fool's jokes every month.

We don't really call them April fools jokes. Often times we just do things. Actually, often times psy just does things. Actually... A lot of times he just does things. Random name/word replacements, random forums. The like.

It's easier to play around instead of doing things. More entertaining too.

Our staff stick in the mud is Wesley. Surprise. He's always all, "I'm lame. I think cute things should be abolished. I think we should all post in eoeo and rant about police being bad and discussing politics with freed." And were all "shut up wes"

coughTheres probably a thread about trying to eradicate me from existence. I've been investigating the staff operating this cesspool for years now, it only makes sense that they want to be rid of me.

or... at least maybe one of them has noticed me? AM I NOTHING MORE THAN A TRANSPARENT HUSK TO THE LOT OF YOU? HAVE YOU NO LOVE FOR THE HANDSOME, WISE AND GRACEFUL TROLLHUNTER?!?!?!?!111!!! :pissed:
I WILL MAKE THIS FORUM TREMBLE WITH FEAR, AND YOU WILL ALL BOW BEFORE MY MIGHT... until I'm banned. BUT I WILL RETURN, THERE IS NO KEEPING ME AWAY FROM MY DESTINY.... unless you continue to ban me.... MAY THIS FORUM BE COVERED IN WEIRD GIFS FOR ALL ETERNITY.

Ahem, sorry about that. Had a slight cough. Meh, I think that the staff section is basically the general section, but with more elitism and whining.

There's no rules in the staff forum. None. So while you might think LOL PORN or what have you, I've developed a nice sideline in making my own spambot-esque threads and filling the forum with FFXIV GOLD MUCH RATES V1@GR@ and the like.

And yes, I can flame. No, no, it's not elitist flaming about all of you - I just let rip into whatever staff member I feel like for no apparent reason. BoB made a very detailed thread about the statistics for each forums and I just said "go chew a box of monstrous dongs you slippery buttcrown" and he couldn't touch me.

Most likely a bunch of stupid trout that would make me judge them even more then I already do.

A 30+ paged thread arguing my real gender and a message to me, "Goddammit, ToriJ, stop reporting yourself!"

Whenever I think of EOFF staff discussing anything I always picture this...

Loony BoB is Rufus, obviously

Attachment 50995

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Originally Posted by Bubba

Whenever I think of EOFF staff discussing anything I always picture this...

Loony BoB is Rufus, obviously

Attachment 50995

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That's pretty accurate, but instead of discussing world domination they debate what does and does not constitute a cucumber.

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Originally Posted by Vivi22

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Originally Posted by Bubba

Whenever I think of EOFF staff discussing anything I always picture this...

Loony BoB is Rufus, obviously

Attachment 50995

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That's pretty accurate, but instead of discussing world domination they debate what does and does not constitute a cucumber.

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NO

DON'T

NOT AGAIN

NOT AGAIN! :argh:

The conversation inevitably ends when one person points out that Chevy is a pretty awful car manufacturer and the Americans get defensive.

Seriously. I have never, ever, ever, been more angry at anything in my life than that conversation. Cucumber lemonade? CUCUMBER LEMONADE?! My eye is twitching just thinking about it.

SHUT UP I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU DRINK IT

I would go back and lol at all the times I almost got banned.

LOOK IT'S NOTEVEN LEOMONADE IT WOULD BE CUCUMBERADE OH M GODDDDSAs Asojisd

I am going to drown you in a pool of cucumber lemonade and declare victory over your corpse once your lungs are choked with the most delicious beverage ever.

Cucumber with lemonade sounds like an abomination.

Cucumber and lemonade? More like pukumber and lemonade!

...man, sorry. That really was awful.

You're all philistines.

I'm glad I could contribute to this reliving of one of staffs greatest hits.

Kind of related. And I know I brought this up before, but whatever.

There was a FFVII thread that really got out of hand many years ago in the early days of EoFF. I can't remember what the argument was about, but it spiraled out of hand to the point where members were seriously viciously debating each other over what the material of Vincent's coffin was made out of in order to prove their point.

I remember reading the thread out loud at edczxcvbnm's parent's house one time with other friends of ours. Seriously everyone had tears streaming down their faces. However, it got to the point where the thread turned plain stupid. ed and I were wondering how the thread didn't get closed yet. So one of us posted "YOU CAN REVIVE AERIS!"

Then we reported ourselves immediately to Kishi and the thread got closed. You could tell he totally was looking for a flimsy excuse to close the thread, so it made the situation that much funnier.

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Originally Posted by Jinx

I want to read that thread.

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Oh god. It was archived. It's still funny to me, but holy hell, I also completely missed that I was getting way to serious about people taking the thread way too seriously. Live and learn, I suppose. I'll...uh...just say that I am also using it as an example on how much I have...matured(?) throughout the years.

No, but seriously, it's an awesome example of how much younger people took such nonsense so seriously. If that thread happened today, I probably wouldn't even notice it.

http://home.eyesonff.com/general-arc...-spoilers.html

It's an EoEo thread in the FF forums xD

I thought the guy in the pipe was just a sick/drunk guy.

I remember digging around forever trying to find the medicine or whatever else I was supposed to find to cure that fella. I just knew I was going to get some cool item from him. :|

http://i.imgur.com/cgcP2p4.png

lmao

I reckon they just gossip a lot! And plot April Fools!

As for me getting discussed, I reckon I'm mentioned as frequently as Madeleine Albright is.

....Did someone seriously go in that archived thread and rep Shoeberto? The confusion he'll endure...

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Originally Posted by Psychotic

LOOK IT'S NOTEVEN LEOMONADE IT WOULD BE CUCUMBERADE OH M GODDDDSAs Asojisd

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Wait so is there or is there not lemon in this drink? Either way I want to try it.

It is actual lemonade with cucumber added to it. I can't find the recipe I used when I made it, but the closest thing I've found is here.

I didn't bother with making syrup, though. Just blended the cucumber to a pulp and strained the juice directly into the lemonade. And it was wonderful.

Pfft that's not so bad. It's just lemonade with even more slightly sweet water in it. Sounds delicious c:

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Originally Posted by Jessweeee♪

Pfft that's not so bad. It's just lemonade with even more slightly sweet water in it. Sounds delicious c:

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That was my thought too but SOME people found it weird and then were calling american cucumbers not cucumbers and yeahhh

I KNOW I WAS SO IRRITATED BY THAT. All the Europeans were like "What you call cucmbers aren't cucumbers, they're courgettes" and all us Americans were like "What in the blue hell is a courgette?" so someone googled it and it turns out a courgette is a zucchini so the Europeans thought we in American called zucchinis cucumbers.

But we don't, we just have superior cucumbers to those long skinny things.

I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE trout TALK MY CUCUMBERS.

The argument was really over cucumbers and zucchini and my cucumber lemonade was just a tangent that caused some folks to go into a blinding rage.

I don't like the word "courgette". :colbert:

Cucumber lemonade sounds pretty bad but I'm not sure it sounds worse than lonny bob's "Is soup a drink?" thread

Oh my god you guys cucumbers and zucchinis aren't the same thing they don't taste anything alike and zucchini lemonade would definitely not be as tasty as cucumber lemonade.

S'what I said! But dem Europeans and their naming things incorrectly. They got all emotional and screamy and well, you know how emotional those Europeans get sometimes. We tried to chill them out with some cucumber lemonade but it seemed to just dig the gourd hole in the garden a little deeper.

You don't mess with a man's cucumber.

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Originally Posted by ToriJ

You don't mess with a man's cucumber.

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Because it's the best way to get jacked?

But cucumbers are better than courgettes. I've been to restaurants where they put cucumber in water rather than lemon, abd I much prefer it.

I actually have seen the staff forum due to a privilege mishap. Nothing to see there except how people really feel about you...or maybe that is just me because I was a nightmare back in the day. Pushing those limits without ever really just totally crossing that line :/

It is for the most part exactly what you expect and that is totally disappointing. "What do we do about X who is causing a ruckus?" "X person on the knights is kind of not around anymore...replacement?" "New event idea/planning event"

All of the dreams of might have been there are totally dashed and is boring a trout...then again...it has been like 5 years so maybe you have wisened up have more fun instead of all business. Having fun in business threads doesn't count!

The first thing I did when I got in the Staff forum, was search myself. I was severely disappointed by the lack of drama.

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Originally Posted by Shiny

The first thing I did when I got in the Staff forum, was search myself. I was severely disappointed by the lack of drama.

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I didn't search myself, but I was slightly disappointed that the only thread about me in the warned members forum was about an April Fool's joke from a few years back.

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Originally Posted by Shorty

I don't like the word "courgette". :colbert:

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But it sounds so delightfully French! Like aubergine! So much better than eggplant because of Frenchness (ick eggplant is a bad word).

eggplant is the worst word and you know some total idiot thought it up.

aubergine ftw

cucumber lemonade seems like an interesting concept. I wonder if I can put cucumber in my gin. Shorty confirm this for me

Surely can, Shirley. Rantz enjoys cucumbers in gin quite a bit!

make sure you cut the cucumbers into ribbons, not disks

stay classy

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Originally Posted by Jinx

If anyone puts cucumber in my water or lemonade without me knowing/asking me, I will flip my trout.

Keep that nasty out of my beverage.

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And so it was written, and so at least one person had to do exactly what was written not to do because it was written not to do it just to see Lady Jinx trip her trout.

And that person was never seen again.

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Originally Posted by Parker

make sure you cut the cucumbers into ribbons, not disks

stay classy

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this is good advice thank you

It's been a few years. Did you folks ever come clean to the member base about The Thing?

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Originally Posted by edczxcvbnm

it has been like 5 years so maybe you have wisened up have more fun instead of all business. Having fun in business threads doesn't count!

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You're out of date there ed, it was over 10 years ago! Only BoB and Shlup (though she left and came back) remains on staff of that era. We've changed. :mwahaha: I'm having fun reading the thread where this happened though, and the panic that ensued. Bless 'em.

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Originally Posted by Citizen Bleys

It's been a few years. Did you folks ever come clean to the member base about The Thing?

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Which one? There's like five Things.

Zucchini and Courgette are both acceptable words for what I feel is a vegetable that is sadly underused.

Aubergine is fine but the word egg plant is not. Don't tease me by offering egg then provide some squidgy, purpley-brown abomination.

Also, controversially, I think that sidewalk is a superior word to pavement.

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Originally Posted by Psychotic

Which one? There's like five Things.

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Like I said, it's been a while. When I left, there was only The Thing and The Stuff. The other three might just have happened during the many, many years that have elapsed since then.

The Thing, The Stuff, The Junk, The Execution and The Lawsuit.

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Originally Posted by Psychotic

The Thing, The Stuff, The Junk, The Execution and The Lawsuit.

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Girls Aloud?

I am The Stuff with The Junk[edit], ladies :smug:

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Originally Posted by Parker

I am The Stuff with The Junk[edit], ladies :smug:

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I'd like to get in your (law)suit

So is there going to be a staff forum open house? :bigsmile:

At this stage, those ppl that have been here forever but was never a staff, that would be the only forum we wanna visit if this place is gone. :bigsmile: