The Journal Thread (March)

Monday 4th February.
Weather: sunny/cloudy
Mood: ...none. Just tired.

Today wasn't too bad... apart from having 3-4 maths exercises for homework, 10 paragraphs for English to write up, another English assignment all due tomorrow anyway. Oh, and the accounting test that I'm having tomorrow which I thought I was having on Wednesday. *shrugs*

The bright side of today was, I got out of the last 3 periods of school (and the homework that goes with them). I was doing sexual harassment training instead. I'm one of the "student sexual harassment resources" now. *nods* The activities were interesting, using real life stories. We also had a guest speaker in from Rainbow Youth, an organisation run by obviously, youths. It's an organisation that helps "queers" (that's the word the speaker used). Aka, homosexuals, transgenders and bisexuals. It was a really interesting talk. Overall, pretty good day so far.

Cancerproblem is out of the picture.
The're some minor problems to deal with.

Dear Journal,
fifteen members of eoff owe me mail. at least four owe me phone calls, and one of them hung up on me when i rang them today (though not their fault it seems).

I don't think they understand how insignificant and ignored it makes me feel. *flourish exeunt*

I'm gonna go bug Nandor now.

Yeah, hey...look at this! I posted! Yeehaw! That's the first time in...uh...well, a while. I guess. Yeah. I dunno, I figured this is the only place I could say "I've been gone for a while, opps" and not get it deleted for being spam or something. Yeah, I dunno. Anyway...I made my signature even better and, well...I haven't been doing much in the past few months really. I was in chat a lot so most of you didn't even know I was gone. Ah well, c'est la...vie, or something. Yeah, I dunno...this didn't really have a point. Yeah. *shrug* Hey, why am I posting in the Jan/Feb thread if it's March? Eh, whatever.

Dear Journal,
Alixar has a point. Is eoff like a strange time warp that bends the months and stretches them phrasmotically?

of course no one *owes* me mail. i guess i expect too much. sigh.

i got stuck in an elevator on friday. yay.

mmm...guitar...

Yo journal,

Today, I felt that This needs to be made. But since I don't have the power to create a new thread, I just splitted the current one to make this. *cough* lazy Scott *cough*

Well.. I just fainted. Yippy skippy. u_u I actually got so upset about something I fainted.. I hate it when that happens. X_x;; Ah well, just another fun nite in my life I guess.

Sometimes I wish my life had a rewind button. If it did, I'd go back to this morning and I would've stopped myself from shaving off my goatee... I miss it so much.

I wish somebody would waste their time with me.

13-3-2002

today i started working for ICI as lotus notes person..

yet i still need to find out how it exactly works O_o

Diary,
Played road hockey pretty well all day yesterday with the guys. It was great fun, except around 1:00 AM last night, this morning technically when I took a hard slapshot from Jesse in the throat. When it first happend I thought I was dying because I couldn't breath for a minute - I am essentially fine now, but my throat still does hurt a bit. Ah well, what are you going to do?


Counting down the days until the trip this summer! Matt, Paul and I backpacking across Canada! OH YA!

Well, besides the fact that I didn't get to see my best friend today whom I really like and instead was bothered by the one I hate, it's been an okay day...hey, that rhymes, but anyway. I got a lot of english and psychology homework to do-I have to read Gone With The Wind by April 22nd, and at the same time I have to finish Little Women for a huge book report. Actually, I should be reading at this point, but it's much more fun to be on here complaining about my life. It's all good though-I'll just go home and play FFX!

I need some advice-I got a really annoying "friend" who won't leave me alone even when he sees I'm trying to read. Like I said above, I'm trying to finish GWTW, and the cover is big and red, and he doesn't even notice it! I've told him off several times, and dropped subtle hints... Hey, Nova Dragon-could I get your friend to slapshoot my friend in the throat with a nice hard puck? That'd be too funny to watch. :mog:

3-16-02, 12:27 AM

I'm beginning to want to give up my will for life.. I've thought so much since my birthday on tuesday, (turned 16, 3-12), when the day sucked. Ever since I was born, I've had obstacles put in my way... As this being my first contious effort to write them down.. I might as well make it count...

Since the beginning I have had the hard life... In the simplexity of childhood, I know that I was not granted the 'good' life. My parents were 18.. My birth happened between their B-days.. My moms, March 10, my dads, the 15th... My mom was the partier, and she would go away, and wouldn't come home, this becomes significant later... My dad, I don't think he was even in the picture.. My Grandpa had legally taken full custody from them both, knowing that it was the best thing for me... which I guess it is, considering the alternatives... I don't remember anything, but subconsciously I do.. I have dream, not ightmares, but not good dreams a lot.. From when I was young, I can see myself sitting in this chair at the ages of 1-2 1/2 and my knee would be up on the ledge, and i'd be looking out a window, waiting for my mother to come home from her wild nights, sometimes, she wouldn't come home and I would fall asleep there.. Later I found out that these dreams actually happened.... We still have that chair... Around that same age, my uncle came home to help my grandpa take care of me, he would become a permanent member of the household after my mom left home.

My grandpa worked a 12 hour shift, 7 days a week, 3:00pm-3:00am. My uncle was taking care of me then... Tat was about the age I became one of those annoying and mouthy kids.. which everyone was at one time. Well, my uncle would physically abuse me for the next 4 years of my life... Untill the age of 7, nearly everyday i got the hell beat out of me... I almost died more than once.. At this time, my dad was kinda in the picture, and my little brother had been born and around the age of seven, i think my little sister had been too... (Note* All mom's kids with different guys.. These two are on mom's side). Perhaps Nathan was thought of.. (anonther mom's kid, and the last one). My dad i'm pretty sure came around during this time.. after it though, he stopped.. never heard of him, or that side of the family for 3 1/2 years... At the age of seven, I didn't just stop getting beat, i witnessed what I thought was going to be the death of my uncle. One night, my uncle was sick, and was puking everything up.. I stayed by him, even though all the torment i had went through... He took care of me, and was really the only person that raised me, considering my g-pa was working most of the time... The next day, at the hospital, i learned he had a serious brain tumor.. A part of me was over joyous, the other was gut wrenching sorrow.. he lived, then he moved away, and i lost yet another person.. but he came back the next year. He had left with his ex-wife...

Well, the following years wern't too bad, I was the main guy everyone picked on at school, but that i guess wasn't so bad, considering everything I had went through allready.. Untill age 10, i didn't hear from my dad or that side of the family at all.. I didn't even know about my little sister (kid with his wife, there are 2 others).. Then he came around for about a year, and then everything just stopped with him again, but the rest of the family remained in contact. Ironically enough, me and my uncle were still, and are still very close.. I have other aunts and uncles but, well, they aren't really important...

Well, the next major thing came, probably in the summer before my sophmore year which is a kinda big jump. I had learned that my Grandfather, the single most important person to me was givin 90 days to live.. I had learned that a month after he was given it... then the next month.. everything was better.. The stress was so great during that time... Yet, I never let on.. I'll never forget the fear i fealt inside.. I didn't know where I would go.. or what I would do if he died... But he wasn't going to die, whatever had happened was a miracle.. by god, i dunno.. My grandpa isn't a religious man, niether am I... So, why God would do it, I wouldn't know... but it happened, a miracle of god or not.. it happened..

Later came christmas, my maternal family christmas was the same old same old.. I got some ok stuff... The Father side christmas surpirsed em when my dad and cousin picked me up, lets just say, i didn't talk to him much.. New Years, my dad's side of the family spent the holiday at his house, i went there, and my mom actually called me at 12:00 and wished me happy new year, I was VERY SURPRISED. Well, things went on, then March came around. I was turning 16, big sweet sixteen. Little did I know, my family would be bastards...

3-12-02, My Birthday.. The day was good and all at school, my friends were all like happy b-day, we love you michael, and ya. But, then when i got home, i was anticipating calls from my family members... Only 2 called, the uncle, and my aunt on crack.. Noone else, not even my own parents, and i had even called my mom on sunday which was her b-day... So now, its saturday. I guess I'm not suicidal, just trying to sort things out... I have never been to a counselor in my life, I'm a 3.5-3.7 GPA on a 4.0 scale... I guess.. I could have had it worse, but everything just keeps piling on top of eachother.. I guess the things that keep me going are my good good friends and my family who i care about, whether they choose to care for me or not...

End Time 12:52AM

I need to spend a little time for myself. My sister will take care of everything while I'm gone. I'll take the next plane to France.

Diary,

Got home from Toronto about 30 minutes ago. Did my admission tests for college - pretty darn easy if you ask me. Didn't get a minute of sleep last night, ah well! On the plus side I was finally able to spend some time with my old man, we got some lunch and took in Lord of the Rings at the Famous Players after I finished my tests (my second time watching the movie, his first.) I am glad he enjoyed it! Anyway, now that we are back at home he can take it easy for the rest of the weekend. I think he just laid down on the couch now!

Finished downloading 2/3's of Lord of the Rings off Kazaa, only have 1 hour left to finish so that's pretty cool. The quality is not quite that of Famous Players, but oh well, at least I will not have as much trouble waiting for it to come out on DVD!

Even though I got no sleep last night I am getting together with the guys tonight, and like usually we will probably be out until all hours of the night! Ah well, I guess it's good that I am finished high school and I will not have a problem making up the sleep.

Still counting down the days until Matt, Paul and I backpack across Canada this summer, oh boy is that going to ROCK! Speaking of that I should find out if Paul needs any help getting his stuff for the trip - he needs to buy a fair bit of it - I will ask him tonight.

19th March 2002

We're gonna have another meeting here soon I think. Can't wait for that. It also means holidays are coming up soon! Yays! I'm also gonna give a few people a ring and write some letters. I've put on some extra shifts at my part time job so I can somewhat cover most of the costs. I figure I'll spend most of these holidays at home. Recouperate from school.