The Greatest Birthday of All (AKA I couldn't wait until the morning)
Today is Independence Day, the birthday of the greatest country this world has ever seen, the United States of America. For two hundred and thirty eight years this land has been the envy of all the world for its liberties, freedoms, and opportunities.
From the First Amendment that affords freedoms to all, to the Second Amendment which defends those freedoms against tyrants and invaders alike, the very fabric of the American government is dedicated to the preservation of individual liberties and God-given rights.
I did not have the good fortune to be born an American, yet perhaps there is some good fortune in that in itself - for I have lived in the world beyond those golden shores and I have learned, first-hand, how vital America's freedoms are to human happiness and prosperity.
I have visited that great country several times in my life and next month I will be visiting again. I cannot wait to go down Main Street and have a Bison Burger, washed down with Moose Drool, and follow it up with an ice cream sundae or an original-style Dr. Pepper from the candy store.
And next year I will be marrying Pike. Now, don't get me wrong - I am marrying her because I am crazy about her and I would voluntarily move to a socialist hellhole like Norway to be with her. But I won't have to, instead I will move to the US of A, and I will be able to become an American citizen as well. It is the most appealing combination of circumstances.
My sole regret is that I am not eligible to run for President, for I believe I would be able to lead America into a new Golden Age. But if the Founding Fathers, in their infinite and inimitable wisdom, adjudged that the foreign-born were not to become President, so I shall respect their decision.
A very happy 238th birthday, and here's to 238 more.
God Bless America.
