Do you dwell on the past?

Seeing some replies in the first kiss thread I just got curious if you do get hung on the past on pretty much anything. I shouldn't done that, I shouldn't go out with him/her, I should have do this etc.?

Me myself it depends. Most of the time I don't really think back about anything but when I get depressed (which is really a frequent part of my life), I actually do dwell quite a bit. I do have regrets like not apologizing to that one girl for being a douche, not being more outgoing during primary school etc.

But then again I kind of agree on the thought that all the stuff I've done actually makes me who I am. Both my successes and failures so even if I was given a second chance at redoing some things in my life, I would probably keep them the way they happened in the end.

What about you?

For the most part I don't dwell on the bad stuff from the past. I'll dwell on things for a little while and then work on forgetting them. When the memories come back up through some sort of discussion, I don't really have a problem talking about it, but I'm usually not upset about those things anymore or anything.

I'm always thinking about good things from the past though!

I do my best to move on. The past is the past, and that's where it needs to stay.

When it comes to people and them screwing me over- I don't dwell on it, but I also never forget, and I rarely forgive in IRL situations.

I feel i'm relatively good/quick to move on from negative experiences but that doesn't mean I don't think about them from time to time. I just don't let them hold me back, instead I choose to learn from them. Makes plotting revenge easier that way ;)

Yes. Depending on the experience I'll either be sad, angry, or go "That was smurfing stupid" in my head until I forget about it. Then it will pop back up in my head for one reason or another at a later date and it's wash, rinse, repeat.

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Originally Posted by ToriJ

Yes. Depending on the experience I'll either be sad, angry, or go "That was smurfing stupid" in my head until I forget about it. Then it will pop back up in my head for one reason or another at a later date and it's wash, rinse, repeat.

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Yeah, i really hate it when that happens. For absolutely no reason something I would rather forget will suddenly pop into my head, maybe even years later after the fact. Of course there's nothing you can do about it but just try and distract yourself. But yeah, I know what you mean.

Pretty much the same - I do sometimes, usually if I'm worried about some aspect of my life/future or being seen as a dork for my history (did I mention that first kiss was at 30) or just in the mood for wondering what could have been.

Seeing as it stems from the kiss thread. When I was 13 I had a huge crush on this girl (who didn't though, she was one of the prettiest in the year)... and SHE actually asked ME out one day. Totally stunned me. Well as someone seen as very dorky even then, always picked last for those dreaded dancing lessons and with zero self esteem I just assumed (partly fueled also by fear of what to do if I did get a girlfriend) that someone dared her to as a prank and therefore refused her.

Even with my rock bottom self esteem it started to dawn on me afterwards that she was probably sincere, as a nice kind girl without any sort of mean streak that I'd ever seen but I was just too embarrassed by that point so when her friend asked me why, I just said "not my type" and went on my merry way, spending the next 5 years regretting it!
I sometimes look back on that and wonder how different my life would've been if I'd been a bit braver that day, believed in myself more, etc. Would it have snowballed and transformed me.

I honestly don't know. But then it comes back to, I quite like who I am now. Things aren't perfect, especially in the eyes of others: I'm not a high paid high flyer, live with parents but we enjoy living together, have had some romantic encounters but mostly destined to be alone and avoided by most etc etc. But *I* like who *I* am and don't know if I'd really want to be living some alternative life. Maybe after I die if there's some kind of "New Game+" where you can preset a life decision and see where it leads I'd do that, but I'm not going to spend the rest of my life dwelling on something that happened 19 years ago (this of course is just one example, it's not some kind of life defining regret xD).

You can't change the past. So "worry" about it to the extent of learning from it, then stop worrying, that's what I think.

I try not to. I have a tendency to focus on the negative events in my life - primarily because they led up to my current health situation, which is utterly controlling my life most days - and all it really does is make me feel worse about how things are for me now...and things aren't that bad.

I actually feel a little disgusted with myself when I look back, because when I do I inevitably start to feel sorry for myself, and I've always hated that. It doesn't accomplish anything except to make things worse, and if things are THAT bad, then making them worse is the last thing you want to do. Past is past, and looking back on it won't change it. I'll occasionally get nostalgic for the "good old days", back when there was something to watch on TV in the morning, Sega were still in the console business, Power Rangers was awesome, and all I had to think about was whether I was going to go fishing in the stream or bug-catching out in the field, but beyond that...

I've let a lot of the past go in order to be happier. Sometimes I dwell fora bit before I move on. In terms of first impressions of others, I will probably dwell on them until they've given me reason to believe they are different.

Yes I do. I don't want to but I always seem to manage

Sometimes the past can hurt. But whattaya gonna do? Run from it, or learn from it?

I don't dwell on it exactly but I don't forget things and they tend to still hurt even after many years.

Eh not so much. I don't think many things i've done in the past are worth the time to dwell on them. Having an argument in my head over and over once it's over though. Who doesn't do that!

I dwell on recent past but I'm getting better at getting over stuff thank god lol

I tend to dwell more on thoughts of the future and worry about that more than I worry about the past.

I often struggle with worrying in general (past and future) although deep down I know there is actually nothing to worry about in the present 99% of the time.

I try to remember some wise words that were said to me in regards to worrying and being scared about the future or getting angry about something in the past. Whilst it is okay to have these feelings from time to time if you -really- think about it, where is that negative emotion going to get you? NO WHERE! What is thinking like that going to get you? NOTHING!

I say it to myself abruptly in my head as this is how it was said to me at the time. At the time I didn't like to hear it - it helps me when I think about it like that these days to be stern with myself and realise, it is 100% true and I owe it to myself to do better.

I recently had a negative experience at work and couldn't stop worrying about to a point where it made me sick. Then a thought occurred to me. I -can- allow myself to keep thinking about it and it's not got to get me anywhere. Or I can choose to realise that I am better than that and MUCH tougher than that 1 little incident and reflected upon moments in time where I have done some really hard things which took all the courage I could muster.

I try my best to believe in myself and know that I am strong. Even if I forget sometimes and need to remind myself.

I feel like I went a little off topic, but this thread seems like a good place to share this and it has been nice to see how other people manage not worrying about things they cannot change.

Far too often.

I suppose the best thing to do is get engaged in things and look forward to what you can do in the future.

I dwell on the past far more than is healthy. Part of me enjoys it, though, in a perhaps masochistic fashion. I sit and dwell on a particular moment or decision for so long the process becomes intensely meditative and I lose track of the physical world. It's kind of nice.

far too much sometimes, sometimes i can let it go

i have a bigger problem on dwelling/thinking about/ planning my future with things i want to do or study and then never get around to it....

Occasionally I dwell and let things get to me a bit, but otherwise I am better at either holding memories back by focusing on the present or at least trying to focus on positive feelings about a memory.

For example, let's say I think about an old SNES game I liked or something. I'd start thinking about and end up being sad or frustrated that I can't be back in that moment again, or how it reminds me of other good things around that particular memory. I'll start hardcore nostalgia tripping and get pretty depressed about it at my worst.

So instead of feeling down, if I catch myself thinking about something good I'll avoid thinking that I miss those times and instead simply focus on the fact that I was able to have such a good time, and how fortunate I am to even be in the position to have a good memory like that.

In terms of stuff like video games, I'll remind myself that my child/teen me would get pretty pissed off at me if I was getting sad about the good times I had instead of fully realizing that I have a plethora of options of how I can play games today, not to mention all the cool technology that I have readily available now. Just the idea of emulators and Steam alone would make my younger self overjoyed, and I should feel the same about stuff like that today. Be it a superficial thing like video games or more pressing matters.

Most of the time.

Yes. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing so long as you don't let it consume you, but allow it to shape who you are today and in the future.

No, once I'm over it, I'm over it for good. Getting to that "over it" point can take some time though.

Frequently. I like to think I've learned from past mistakes and they've made me a better person, but certain things wrack me with guilt and bother me immensely.

Best (or worst) example is when my best friend was being abusive towards his girlfriend, my attempts at being the proverbial shoulder to cry on ended up going way too far. We (us guys) are still friends but the whole thing will haunt me until the day I die.