Let's Play Stand Guard Once More

I tried doing a lets play of this before but I was doing it wrong. Sanky to shion for showing me how to do it right.

This is a mod of Final Fantasy III (v1.0) that I made years ago for lulz.

Enjoy!

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I'm gonna play my hack of Final Fantasy VI and make fun of myself a lot

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I changed it! I think one of Sky Render's versions called it the "Demon War." Yes I know it is wrong, but it takes up fewer spaces. :3

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Yeah cuz those aren't destructive to the environment or anything

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MAGIC EVERYWHERE IN THIS BITCH

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A quote popularly attributed to Georges Santayana.

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SPOILER: Biggs and Wedge are toast.

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We're going to be much more concerned with green-haired-destroyer-of-worlds.

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Time to march through that snowfield! The theme that plays here is known as "Death On The Snowfield," but it's actually the main theme of the game's main character, who will be revealed straightaway! Huzzah! Off to a great start here!

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I changed it :3 Cuz I wanted to

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Since the skill slots for the MagiTek Armors (as piloted by Dead and Deader) got all these "????????" skills added to them when I hacked it, I decided to give them actual skills. Nothing earth-shaking, but now they can try for an instakill attack with the Blaster. It's bitchin when it works

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Yes, green-hair lady, kill them in one hit with your Bio Blaster. Thanksssss

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I played this game for years without knowing that the second battle with the guards is skippable. If you don't walk in a straight line, the battle never triggers. Ha!

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Then they get surrounded...the game is trying to teach you about the battle system early, so you won't be shocked to get pincer attacked for the first time...I kinda wish they'd have saved it and let it shock me. :/ Oh well.

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So I get attacked again, and this time I...wait, green-hair lady can use Bio Blast to one-shot this battle too. So nothing to see here, move along

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I think they are suspicious

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Woolsey calls this a Repo Man and Slattery calls it "Highway." So I combined them into "Highwayman..." LOLZ

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That's all for tonight. You like, iz good

And still of a winter's night, they say, when the wind is in the trees,
When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
When the road is a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
A highwayman comes riding
Riding--riding--
A highwayman comes riding, up to the old inn-door.


I'll quote you spooniest, if I may:


MOAR

Let's go!

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When last we left our intrepid heroes, they were committing a war atrocity and then hiding in a cave

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Why do they have to ram the wall? Is it too hard to burn down with a fire beam or something

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This guy...doesn't mess around

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Now we fight-a da boss!

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They splain this stuff to you, it's your fault if you die

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In this fight Bio Blast is useless cuz it'll hit the shell, so I go with TekMissile.

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w00t

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Stating the blindly obvious like Counselor Troi never could

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Intelligent input, Wedge why don't you just have another beer then

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I've got a bad feeling about this

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Imagine the reviews if the game ended like that

Good morning to you! I will be back in a while with m0AR

What did I show you how to do?

Good LP spoons :)

Let's go!

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So the green haired destroyer of worlds wakes up in a bed with a creepy old guy staring at her! This isn't weird...?

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...In the best gorram RPG ever made, so stop complaining

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I need an adult ARVIS: I am an adult!

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If the game started here you'd wonder if she was drunk or something, but actually her head hurts because she EXPLODED, what the hell game?

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Mind control! Twice as fast as breaking someone's spirit and just as demoramalizing!

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I'd be freaking out too, that means you don't know where your food is

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Is this guy a doctor or something?

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Garth...that was a haiku.

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The green haired destroyer of worlds has a name!

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Once again, is he a doctor or something cuz he sure seems to know a lot

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Those brown things are dogs, I take it from the barking noise

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This all just went south quick

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And this guy seems pretty upset

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Durrr what are the things

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MISSION 1!

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So he ushers me out of the house, prolly cuz I did steal the Elixir out of his Grandfather Clock

NEXT TIME

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Durr

Let's go!

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So she gets caught trying to sneak out the back way

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And escapes into the Caves of Narshe

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Terra gets caught a lot

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Oh trout

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You did not see it but she fell down the hole

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Dream sequence!

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This is Kefka. Don't feel bad for hating him, everybody hates Kefka

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He's kind of a dick

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And this Ghastra guy doesn't seem very nice either

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But on to better things! Time for a new character

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He looks shocked

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another haiku

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Bull trout! Anyway it looks like things are moving forward

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Yeah and they don't even give a smurf

NEXT TIME

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POLITICAL DRAMA

Let's go!

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I've just about had it with Old Man who knows everything

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"Our friends in Figaro" was an edit I made as a result of a conversation with my brother...I don't remember the rationale behind it, but it's got alliteration :3

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SWOOP SWOOP

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Is she dead or sumpin'

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Then the ever-tenacious Marshal shows up

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Only cuz you suck at fighting

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:D

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Now are the moogles!

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Kickass

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If you hide here until everybody walks by...

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Then move here right before the last guy goes by...

...You can get to the Marshal before a battle even triggers

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...Like so!

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Most people don't realize that the Marshal won't start using his Charge attack until after both dogs are beaten. So I leave one alive to cripple his battle strategy. Take that game!

NEXT TIME

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VICTOLY

Moogles! woo-hoo.

[Also: lazy ass, fight all the fights! =P]

When are we going to get a Final Fantasy Moogles game?

When!?

How is this not a thing already?

Final Fantasy: The War of the Moogles
starring Mog as King Mog the Cuddly
and Queen Meg the Cute-as-a-button
and Princess Mag the Squeeky

Against the evil Tonberry empire led by King Stabby the Slasher King
And Choppy the Chef, a good Tonberry who helps the Moogles defeat his own people, because all he wants to do is stab vegetables, not Moogles.

Am I off topic? Sorry Spoons, but this should be a thing. Can't help myself. Play on, bro.

Good LP! Keep it up!

Let's go!

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So this Locke guy picks up Terra and runs like hell...bonus points if you catch the subtle SotN reference here.

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Moogles were originally mentioned here but I rewrote it... :>

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Mind fog eh? You really need to get that looked at

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Amnesia is a side effect of concussions, so there's usually dizziness and vomiting involved...but we can't have Terra being not sexy, can we? :3

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After he took my circlet off...I need an adult LOCKE: I am an adult!

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That seems suspiciously specific

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So I try to go back into the town but this guy catches me, so it's southward ho!

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Every game from this era has enemies where you're just like "screw these guys"...usually they appear right at the beginning. Black Wind and Leaf Bunny are two of these...

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Here is a castle in the middle of the desert, Figaro, I'd presume (If I hadn't already played this about a zillion times)

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I'm gonna go for a full Veldt run this time cuz I'm bored...you have to encounter an enemy formation at least once for that formation to appear on the Veldt. This means you spend the first half of the game basically collecting monster formations, and you can even get redundant formations (say one Leaf Bunny and two Leaf Bunnys and a Black Wind). I try to cut down on these redundant formations, in order to make the Veldt go quicker.

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Damn right you better let me in, I'm here on important green-haired-girl-delivery business

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So he looks her over and she naturally gets a little peeved at him

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Another haiku

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Edgar: "That's who I think I am. Who the hell are you"

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Locke tries to horn in on Edgar's not-so-subtle schtick here...

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...So Edgar whispers something to him and he's off, leaving this defenseless lady right after saying he'd never leave somebody helpless when they've lost their memory? :/

NEXT TIME

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Doesn't seem like such a bad guy though

Oh, man. Full Veldt run. That's bold.

Wouldn't be the first time. :3

Let's go!

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See, like I said, not a bad guy

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A fair question

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Uh...

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:|

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Pervert

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Yeah, I was wondering the same thing Terra

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And he just leaves??? Ok

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Terra is complaining

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So let's explore the castle! As for this, tell ya who's got two thumbs and ain't afraid of Ghastra...THIS GUY :up::up:

er...gal

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Haha, n00b

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Technically, a Star Wars quote in a Final Fantasy mod should shut down the internet

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Ha! This gal wins my favorite person in the Castle award

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...Uh, yeah, about that

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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

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I like to think that she does eventually end up marrying him, but there had to be some awkward questions about the chainsaw and hockey mask

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Sounds like trouble's a-brewin'

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Oh so another playable character? But this is no ordinary playable character

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Once, in Ancient China, there was a legend that a certain young monk would grow up and become the world's most skilled warrior, and defeat a great evil. There would be 1000 years of peace after this warrior's victory, and all would hail his valiant deeds.

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That young monk was on a train that was suplexed by Sabin Rene Mutha Smurfin Figaro.

NEXT TIME!

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The real question is, are you gonna feed me cuz I'm wafer-thin :3

Let's go!

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The original Woolsey is "anything that moves." I changed it cause it made the Chocobos nervous. Though if you think about it, you can put a skirt on anything :3

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Settled with a coin toss eh? That seems a stupid thing to do when the governance of a nation is at stake

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They didn't feed me so much as a scone! The hell!

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And heeeeeere's Kefka! :D

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I'll quote Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw here, to give you an idea how I feel about Kefka:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yahtzee Croshaw

"I liked how the over-arching story can be summarized in less space than a pamphlet."

SHOWN: THERE'S A GUY WHO'S TRYING TO DESTROY THE WORLD BECAUSE HE'S A DICK

---

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He really is a giant ass

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And it's not just cuz he's not on your side! He's a dick to everybody, all the time!

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LULZ

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That seemed uncalled for

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It's cold comfort but you do get to hit Kefka on occasion. :3

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I take this opportunity to equip the Mithril Pike that I stole from Mog when you weren't looking :D

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So he makes you talk to his two guards (SPOILER: ALSO TOAST) before he'll talk to you directly...what a jerk

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A lot of things are said

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Kefka at least knows how to get to the point quickly...none of this "becoming one with the planet" business, now ;D

NEXT TIME:

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Way to go, Edgar, that'll show him

Let's go!

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So Edgar gives Kefka a big line of bull

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And I don't think he's buying it

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Ass!

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That Edgar doesn't refer to Terra by name here means he hasn't learned her name yet. :3 Seemed legit

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Replacing the ellipse here with a simple period speaks volumes about Edgar's emotional state, as well. (lifts teacup with pinky in the air, smokes clove cigarette)

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The line about tea and crumpets was taken direct from the Slattery version.

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I always try to beat Locke to the stairs :D I succeeded this time, but it's probably because of the dash patch that's built into my mod. :3

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Can it really piss Locke off so much that people call him a thief that he'd yell at Terra? I think not, hence the change here :cool:

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Which explains where he was just now...think about it, Locke has already gone back to Narshe and talked to Arvis about stuff, then brought that info back to Edgar! Fridge brilliance!

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Terra is complaining again

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It must be hard for an RPG to convey a convincing stutter. I always thought it sounded kinda natural at times.

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If you think about it, Terra has no way of knowing at this point who are the "good guys" or "bad guys" or if there's even a right side to take. It's fair enough that she's confused.

NEXT TIME!

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Flip a coin...?

Let's go!

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Best read in Solid Snake's voice

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Best read in Commander Riker's voice :3

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Yamate!

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Well, if you insist and light my castle on fire, who am I to argue

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Gotta hand it to Edgar, he's persistent with his line of bull even though he just got out of bed and his castle is on fire and stuff

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Edgar: What am I paying you for??

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Rush me to the burn unit

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I like to think that Edgar then punches him and says "Not on my ship"

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This is why I like Edgar

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He keeps an ace up his sleeve

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Kefka is still being a dick

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An order usually reserved for submarines

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Locke is clearly enjoying himself

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Very Ghibli-ish, to have a mechanical castle that can burrow under the desert, don't you think?

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This bears the distinction of being the first time your party's actions injure Kefka in some way. I snapped a photo for posterity. :D

TUNE IN NEXT TIME
SAME BAT-TIME
SAME BAT-CHANNEL

Let's go!

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Kefka seems unhappy

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These guys are such redshirts that they don't even get named

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Sure enough they're going to try to kill us

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Edgar is upset about something

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Yeah, u mad bro?

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To be honest, it always seemed kind of ridiculous that Locke has no reaction to seeing Terra cast magic for the first time, and needs it pointed out to him by Edgar. My estimate of Locke's intelligence = -20

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:|

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Now he gets it

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Terra's all "Idk lolz"

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The M-Tek Armor Pilots:

A: So, how's it going?
B: Oh, three days away from retirement
A: Hey that's great
B: Yeah, I'm planning to enjoy myself

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Anyway, they seem to have reached a consensus

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She winks at them? There seems to be some subtle humor here that I have never quite picked up on

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Anyway we KILL ZEM and ZEY DIE

Do you think this scene should have been cut? It's not nearly as good as scene 27, but it's much much better than scene 42

I always took the wink to mean "that's not the only difference between us, boys. Look at dese curveses." Or something along those lines. Even though Terra isn't much of a flirt.

What has always bothered me about the conversation between Edgar and Locke is that Edgar is so surprised and flustered by Terra's use of magic, but then he's all diplomatic and political about their differences.

I guess from all of this we're supposed to be getting some flirting or something going on between Terra and Edgar, but the dialogue doesn't convey that very well.

But anyway, keep going Spoons.