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Allright, let's try this.
I've been wanting to play through my Steam list, and Pike's thread inspired me to get the ball rolling. Documenting stuff in this thread might help me remember stuff better as well, as I suspect this project might take a while.
I see I have 295 games right now, and combined with my hoarder boyfriend we have a combined list of 620 games. I'll be sticking to my list, though. At least I know I'll stumble across games I like.
1001 Spikes
11th Hour
7th Guest
First game up is 1001 Spikes
The story seems to revolve around a retired adventurer and his two children. One playing the role of the abiding daughter, and one playing the role of the black sheep good-for-nothing son, draped in Indiana Jones-esque clothing. Yes, that would be us.
Look at the happy bunch.
Well haven't we all.
THEN one day the father dies, and a box appear. I hope it's not Gwyneth Paltrow's head.
Oh phew.
So our young hero starts out adventuring like his father, and the game can begin.
The game revolves around getting to the other side of the screen without being killed, but along the road you'll have to avoid a fair dozen of traps in various forms. Avoiding them is one thing, but to be able to do that, you'll have to anticipate when and where a trap will spring, which is not all that easy.
The buttons are quite easy, there's short jump, high jump and shoot dagger.
The height of the jump is mostly used to avoid death, and the game is more than happy to kill you off if you should happen to pick the wrong jump. shooting daggers are mostly used to get rid of enemies and block projectiles.
People who have played Mega Man can relate. Often it's possible to guess where a trap might be, but quite often you'll find yourself tossing your arms in the air screaming HOW COULD I POSSIBLY KNOW THAT!
But hey, from each death you go through, you've learned something you probably shouldn't be doing in your next try. Repeat this process a lot and you just might finish the level.
Better get used to seeing this screen.
Aaaand, this is where I stopped playing!
All in all a very enjoyable game. I liked it a lot, but then again, I really like games that make the player suffer. This is absolutely one of those games.
Gotta love a game that reminds you you're dead after you just died. I'm looking at you Resident Evil, and you Dark Souls, I know I'm dead mother smurfer! I just smurfing saw it happen on the screen!
seems like a cool game. im not very good at platformers so i would definatly see that death screen alot
Those kinds of game over screens are my favorite.Quote:
Originally Posted by ToriJ
YOU ARE DEAD
That's it!Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessweeee♪
*tackles the screen*
Uhh... I need a new TV. My old one was in a fire.
YOUR TV HAS DIED
Well, some gasoline and a match will do that. I mean... It was an unexpected tragedy. I don't know how it could have happened.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessweeee♪
Next up is a horrible, horrible game. I'm talking about this little gem from 1995:
The game has filmed video sequences with real life actors. Check out the cheesy intro if you'd like. It starts at 1:30 in this video:
I'll give you an example of how douchy the main character is:
Robin: I can't go on like this, everyone's saying I slept with you to become your Producer
Carl: Well, didn't you? *sniggers*
Robin: I can't believe you just said that, you of all people. I'm a good producer.
Carl: Robin, you're good at a lot of things. ;)
So the story is: a bunch of people have gone missing, the last person in line being Robin. Suddenly struck with a bad conscience, Carl sets out to find Robin, starting off with investigating a mansion with a horribly annoying narrator who's more than happy to comment on Carl's every move. The narrator always talks in puns and will most often end his pun by laughing at his own pun. This game is worth checking out for that cheese alone.
So the gameplay is quite easy, there's a bunch of puzzles around the house which you have to solve, and you can't really investigate much until you've taken care of the puzzle it seems. I got stuck with this one for quite some time. IT SEEMS SO EASY AT FIRST SIGHT. I'm sure it took me a good 20 minutes. 20 minutes of whinny noises.
Among all these puzzles there's always an overarching riddle which you have to solve. The riddle is referring to a random object in the mansion that you have to examine. If you examine the wrong object, the horrible narrator will come up with a horrible pun and laugh at his own joke again. Repeat until you either find the correct item or strangle yourself. This one was referring to a bottle of tonic water, for some reason.
This one I got, it was referring to this painting of some birds. But only one of the birds would give you a correct answer. The other birds would give you horrible puns again.
Also, this game suffers from some bad game design. Even though this door is quite wide open, it's still not possible to enter. Simply because this is a room you're not supposed to enter yet. The mansion has a long hallway of doors like this, and knowing when to enter them would require some guesswork. Gotta love old adventure games, eh?
Anyway, not a very user friendly game. Should probably avoid this one unless you're in it for the cheesy acting/dialogue and the horrible puns of the narrator.
Attachment 62086Quote:
Originally Posted by ToriJ
Yeah, they really like to rub it in sometimes, huh.
Haha that game is Levian as all hell.
That's ingenious. That's the best game over screen I ever saw. For real! I'm actually being dead serious. Dead smurfing serious. That's brilliant, right? "You and your friends are dead. Game over." That's priceless. Like, I can't believe it! Isn't that a mean thing to say to kids? Nobody ever dies in Nintendo, they're either "defeated" or they turn into an item and like float away. But here comes a game like Friday the 13th that just cuts the bulltrout, shows some balls, comes flat out and says "You're smurfing dead. And your friends, too." Beautiful. And what happens if there's a sequel? It would have to say something even worse. I - I got it. I got a good idea what it should say. It should say:Quote:
Originally Posted by LevianAttachment 62086Quote:
Originally Posted by ToriJ
Yeah, they really like to rub it in sometimes, huh.
You're Dead.
Your Friends Are Dead.
Your Family's Dead.
Your Smurfing Pets Are Being Skinned Alive.
Your Mom's A Smurfing Whore.
You Suck At Life.
The Whole World Hates You.
You're Going To Hell.
Live With It.
Game Over.
1001 Spikes looks like a game that I would play for about ten minutes before ragequitting.
angry video game torijQuote:
Originally Posted by ToriJThat's ingenious. That's the best game over screen I ever saw. For real! I'm actually being dead serious. Dead smurfing serious. That's brilliant, right? "You and your friends are dead. Game over." That's priceless. Like, I can't believe it! Isn't that a mean thing to say to kids? Nobody ever dies in Nintendo, they're either "defeated" or they turn into an item and like float away. But here comes a game like Friday the 13th that just cuts the bulltrout, shows some balls, comes flat out and says "You're smurfing dead. And your friends, too." Beautiful. And what happens if there's a sequel? It would have to say something even worse. I - I got it. I got a good idea what it should say. It should say:Quote:
Originally Posted by LevianAttachment 62086Quote:
Originally Posted by ToriJ
Yeah, they really like to rub it in sometimes, huh.
You're Dead.
Your Friends Are Dead.
Your Family's Dead.
Your Smurfing Pets Are Being Skinned Alive.
Your Mom's A Smurfing Whore.
You Suck At Life.
The Whole World Hates You.
You're Going To Hell.
Live With It.
Game Over.
If Pike could only last ten minutes, I'd probably only last five.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pike
I try to give overly frustrating games a lot of time to see if I'll ever stop being frustrated. I put several hours into Dark Souls before deciding no, I was always going to be frustrated with it. xD
Allright, next up is a game from my childhood, and the game from last time, 11th hour, is the sequel to this game. Naturally, they're both quite similar. I'm talking about:
Differences from 11th hour is that there's no overarching string of riddles, just a house full of puzzles, really. Puzzles that I never understood in my childhood and that I'm now capable to solve because of adulthood. Yay! This time I know English as well, so I've got that going for me as well.
Anyway, like many other silly 90's game, this one also has real life acting with bad graphics:
Here we see a homeless man hitting a woman over the head, if you couldn't tell. Homeless people are evil like that.
Now the story is actually a bit creepy, and a bit confusing. This homeless person gets into the business of creating children's toys, and suddenly all the children start dying of sickness. Nobody connects the deaths to the toys and the children keep dying grasping their teddy bears. Fast forward a little bit and suddenly 6 people are trapped in a house with a bunch of puzzles. I suppose the player is the 7th person, making us the 7th guest. I don't know, I'm just guessing here.
Anyway, the house is filles with puzzles like this:
and this:
and this:
That last one is actually where I got my custom rank from, way back when. Apparently it's from the longest vowelless sentence. If you don't consider Y to be a vowel.
After this I got stuck in an underground maze for 30 minutes and I could not for the life of me get out again. 90's adventure games are not very user friendly like that. It was a huge giant maze and by the end I started to feel like Jack Nicholson and there was no way out but to restart the game. :(
I seriously need to finish this game some time. It annoys me that I haven't finished this game after all these years.
That 1,000 Spikes game looks utterly horrible. Not as in "this is a bad game" but as in "this is an unforgiving and extremely difficult game".
The other two look kinda interesting.
I love it when Levian plays a Levian game :3:
I have the Guest games. I am glad they are amazingly terrible and I look forward to playing them.
You got ripped.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pike
It's definitely both unforgiving and extremely difficult. A lot of trial and error involved. You'd have to appreciate a little self tortureQuote:
Originally Posted by Loony BoB
They've all definitely been Levian games so far. I've enjoyed them all so far :]Quote:
Originally Posted by Psychotic
They are indeed amazingly terrible, and I love them for it. The sequel is actually worse than the orginal game, which makes it even funnier. If I had to pick a word to describe these games, it would be evitiutni. Which is, like, the complete opposite of intuitive.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shauna
[Anyway, next game up. We're entering the A's:
AaaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! for the Awesome
Attachment 62396
This is apparently a base diving game. You jump off a building and earn points by hugging nearby surfaces on your way down to the finish line
Attachment 62397
The diving part and the wall hugging thing is not too hard, but once I opened the parachute I started losing control over where I was heading, seemed like the wind pulled me away from my target.
Attachment 62398
In addition to hugging walls, you can also jump through checkpoints for additinal score.
Attachment 62400
The game would randomly provide me with uninteresting facts about stuff that has to do with humans falling.
Attachment 62399
Anyway, this isn't really my type of game, but it was more enjoyable than I expected it to be. It was a bit addictive trying to unlock new levels and get as many points as possible. The game does get old quite quick though. and the music of the game makes me wonder if Sum 41 still exists.
What Sum 41 song was it? This is important!
HUGS: 26
This game wins points for the most unintentionally adorable points system ever.
and teeth are experience points. You gain them by not falling to your death!
Oh, I really don't think it was Sum 41, but they could've fooled me. It got me listening to the old Sum 41 songs again.Quote:
Originally Posted by Psychotic
I think so. the not white dude left the band thoughQuote:
Originally Posted by Levian
Right, I'm going to skip Age of Empires 2 because I've played it hundred times before, and so have you.
Moving on to.
AI War: Fleet Command
I saw the name and instinctly figured this would not be a game for me, but I will be trying all these games, so I booted it up.
First reaction: how do I start a normal offline game?
I concluded that it's only possible to play online, and it seemed quite complicated, so I decided to play through the tutorial.
Attachment 62517
This image is what met me next and my brain just had a meltdown. My brain just shuts down when it sees things like this, it doesn't want to learn.
I'm sorry, but I can't play this game. :(
Not a Levian game, huh? xD
That's a Pike game!
Dammit, Levian's brain. Why you do that?
Okay I am not even through the opening get cutscene of The 7th Guest, and this is already amazing. What is even happening. xD
The music. The skeleton hand. The skull with the pulsing brain for puzzles. Ridiculous.
Yeah, it's a weird game for sure. Make sure to save before you go behind the shelf with tin cans, you're screwed if you don't. ^^ Silly unforgiving game.