We're now a fried chicken franchise
Hello. It can't have escaped your notice that the forum business isn't exactly booming. The half a dozen (if I'm lucky) replies to this seasonal jape thread will be testament to that. The EoFF brand name is still valuable though, so we've decided to take things in a new direction. Say hello to Eyes on Fried Chicken!
To welcome you to our new business venture, have a look at some of the tasty meals we have available on our menu. They're copy paste duh-licious!
BASE BUCKET - $60
You waited ten years for this bad boy and here it is. It may have undergone a few changes, perhaps a few features that you thought would be there but weren't. It hits the spot, though, with its blend of herbs, spices and bromance. But on the bright side, that's it! I've come up with a new recipe!
EPISODE WAFFLE FRIES - $10
(Included in season pass)
Our first piece of poorly photoshopped additional content: Episode Waffle Fries. With this ten dollar purchase, experience the untold story of Waffle Fries the way you were truly meant to experience them.
•Uncover the truth as you see things from the perspective of waffle fries, pushing your taste buds to their limit as you discover that regular cut fries have a dark secret.
•Special items of plastic cutlery that can be carried over to the main bucket—exclusive to those who eat Episode Waffle Fries
•Two brand-new Waffle Fries modes: 'Lightly seasoned' and 'BBQ sauce dip,' made available upon eating Episode Waffle Fries.
EPISODE POPCORN CHICKEN - $10
(Included in season pass)
An original episode told from the perspective of the franchise Assistant Manager, Psychotic. With EFC in ruins after Shauna's employment tribunal, Psychotic faces the food hygiene inspector to protect Colonel BoB's livelihood at all costs. Joining him along the way is Night Fury, high commander of cleaning the bathrooms, who is determined to rescue her sister Freya from her deadbeat boyfriend, Sephex.
Featuring fast-paced food orders and multiple endings, it is finally time to learn about the untold events that transpired during one of the most dramatic lunch rushes in the EFC restaurant.
EPISODE CHIZZA - $10
(Not included in season pass)
So Pizza Hut is popular with the kids, right? The YOLO selfie snapgram generation love them some Pizza Hut. To remain hip and relevant and try to get away from our increasingly ageing customer base, we're gonna have a Pizza Festival item on our menu. But we'll call it chizza. Why? Because god has abandoned this planet and all life on it. Hashtag Chizza. Tell your friends. Do a tweet.
please
EPISODE AMERICAN BURGERS - $20
(Not included in season pass)
I'm dropping the thinly veiled references with this one because I want to address a weird phenomenon in the UK. Fast food chains have are on a bit of a kick with naming burgers after assorted place names in the USA. I'm honestly expecting Burger King to come out with the Scottsdale Cheese Melt any smurfing day now. The New Jersey Bus Stop Special. Anyway, I hope it gives you comfort that at least one nation out there views you and your culture as glamorous and exotic. Savour that.
BUCKET: ROYAL EDITION: $80
The Royal Edition brings the acclaimed epic to new heights, packed with add-on content and new features. It has all the stuff listed above, but it also has beans and corn now. We created this special edition to reward all of our loyal fans who so kindly bought the base bucket at full price. What? You own the base bucket and just want the beans and corn separately? Haha! :hahaha: you people are off the chain, you know that?
