The EoFF Soap of our Lives
As a part of chatroom awareness week, I must let you all know of what has just taken place in #eoff. This is the EoFF soap opera. Enjoy. I hope to write a sequel. It makes no sense, yes, but it is a soap opera.
The EoFF Soap Opera
Characters
Michael
Played by Ilsadar
An innocent, naïve person. When he first came to the Big City (which never receives a name), he just wanted to make it in the acting world. However, an entire society of greed, corruption, lies, murder, and mystery quickly came to rise around him. He witnesses all of this, and this soap opera is the days of his life.
Maria
Played by sephxangel
When she first came to the Big City, she just wanted to be a dancer. However, The System took control of her, and she soon found herself a prostitute, relying on drugs and cheap sex to get her through life.
Alejandro
Played by SomethingBig
Maria’s father, fabulously wealthy, he always wanted the best life for her. However, the Big City soon changed all that, and his life become one of white collar crime…and perhaps even murder.
Patricia
Played by fire_of_avalon
Patricia is a natural inner-city woman that befriends Michael in the early stages of our soap opera. She warns him of the danger to come. However…does she really want the best for Michael?
Barry
Played by Spaceman Spiff
We’ll find out what part he plays.
Scene One
Setting: a park, filled with trees. Michael is walking his dog. Suddenly, Patricia emerges from the shadow of a tree.
Patricia: Are you Michael, the nice, over-dramatic guy?
Michael: *flustered* Uh…yeah.
Little do the two know that Alejandro and Maria are spying on them.
Patricia: I have some news that I think you’ll be interested in.
Michael: About what?
Patricia: It’s about Alejandro. You know, the leader of the Spanish Mafia.
Michael: What, Alejandro? Spanish Mafia? What are you talking about, you cook?
Michael takes a few steps backward, but his dog snarls at Patricia. Scared, Michael releases the dog’s leash, but the dog doesn’t run for Patricia. Instead, it runs over to Alejandro and promptly poops on his shoe. It then runs back into Michael’s arms. Alejandro, furious, shoots the dog.
Michael: My doggy! OH MY GOD, not RAMEN!
Patricia: *not worried* Michael, I think it is time you sought your own power within the Spanish Crime Syndicate.
Alejandro and Maria walk over to Michael and Patricia.
Alejandro: How are you two, tonight?
Michael: I swear to God, I will find who killed him, and kill that bastard.
Alejandro: Who's the bastard that killed your dog?!
Michael: Alejandro, who is this woman? *points to Patricia*
Alejandro checks Patricia out.
Maria: Yes, who is she?
Patricia: Michael, I need to speak with you later, about Alejandro.
Alejandro: Maria, go back home before I hide the lolipops!
Patricia: In private.
Alejandro: Private, eh?
Patricia: Wait for me by the docks.
Michael: Ale, you better tell me what is going on.
Alejandro: Fine, Michael, go take Maria out for some dinner.
Patricia: Michael, I still need to speak with you! By this tree!
Michael stands there confused, and pissed about his dead dog.
Alejandro: let's go have some dinner, rose bud.
Michael: What are you two talking about, my dog is dead!
Alejandro and Maria leave.
Patricia: Michael, remember what I said about the spanish Mafia?
Michael: That dog I had had when it was a puppy
Patricia: It was a hit.
Michael: What!?
Patricia: By Alejandro’s men.
Michael: Alejandro? the spanish mafia?
Patricia: Michael, you're young and handsome and overdramatic. His daughter loves you! And he loves his daughter more than anything in the world!
Alejandro is back, hiding in a tree, spying on them.
Michael gasps. Patricia looks around. Alejandro loads a gun. Suddenly, Michael’s dog walks over to him.
Michael: Ramen! He's alive!
Patricia whispers to Michael "The Docks". Alejandro aims at michael then shoots. Alejandro accidentally hits the dog. Alejandro falls out of the tree
Patricia: Now run you fool!
Michael: NO! Why, why is this happening...
Alejandro walks up to them.
Alejandro: Patricia, I want you to marry Maria.
Patricia: WHAT?
Michael runs to the street and flags down a taxi and tells the driver to take him to his home. Alejandro gets picked up by 2 members of the spanish mafia. Alejandro whispers to the two members of the spanish mafia and tells them to hunt and kill Michael. Michael arrives at his house and locks himself inside.
Scene 2
Setting: Alejandro’s house. Him and Maria are talking.
Maria: But I love him, father!
Alejandro: Over my dead body being eaten by sparrows that are being eaten by planets! I must now go meet Patricia by the docks, even though she told Michael to.
Maria: Even if I am having his child!
Alejandro gasps. Suddenly, Patricia walks in and grabs Alejandro and runs. Alejandro kisses Patricia.
Alejandro: My hero. Let’s go to the docks.
Patricia: I try and I try to :love::love::love::love: things up, and you people always outdo me!
Alejandro actually has a member of the mafia in his coat.
Maria: I turned your mafia against you!
Alejandro: for what?! SEX?! Patricia! shoot her NOW!
Maria: no...for POWER!!!!
Maria shoots Patricia. But Patricia also has a member of the Spanish Mafia in her coat.
Patricia: It's time you all started listening to me!
She pulls out a .357 Magnum.
Patricia: I am the one who ruins lives around here.
Alejandro is still checking patricia out.
Patricia: Do you understand that? ME!
Maria: but you can't kill me! other people haven't come into play yet!
Patricia: I INSIST you all cease ruining your own lives, so I may. Now. Alejandro, you will go into genotherapy for you AIDS, so you will mutate into a giant slug and be hunted like a beast. Maria, you will go to the obstetrcian I tell you to, who is actually a scary man, and get hit in the head, giving you amnesia. So you don't know who the father of your baby is,
Alejandro secretly calls 5 members of the spanish mafia to hunt michael down. They all go to the park.
Scene 3
Setting: Michael’s house.
Michael picks up the phone and calls his friend James. Nobody answers. Michael feeling unsafe in his home, he puts on a trench coat and a hat and some sunglasses. Michael goes into the cellar and sneaks out the back entrance in the courtyard of his home and walks casually down the street. Michael walks down the block and through the neighborhood. Michael walks past the park where he was earlier that evening. Michael sits on a bench outside the parks entrance and thinks about Ramen...Michael notices ramen limping out of the park and rushes over to him. Michael flags a taxi down and rushes to the nearest animal hospital. However, while they are in the taxi, as they pass Alejandro’s house, Patricia shoots the dog through a window.
Michael: No!
Michael runs into the park. Michael ends up running into alejandros who is knocked over into Patricia.
Patricia: You will join the Mafia to get revenge for you doggie, but you will become obsessed with your daughter and candy, just like Alejandro. The man you secretly hate. BECAUSE HE IS YOUR FATHER.
Michael: You start explaining to me what the hell is happening in my life. I know some how you're connected.
Patricia fades into the darkness again. Alejandro shoots Ramen 5 times.
Michael looks as ramen dies then punches Alejandro.
Michael: You son-of-a-bitch!
Just then, 10 members of the mafia show up.
Michael notices Maria who is strikingly beautiful.
Alejandro: Maria, michael raped your mother and your grandmother!
Maria: WHAT?
Alejandro aims gun at Michael.
Alejandro: Maria, Michael is the one that raped your mother.
Michael: Maria, i didn't even know your mother.
Alejandro: Maria, Michael is the one that raped your mother.
Suddenly, Barry enters the scene.
Barry: EVERYONE STOP. I have something to say. I'M HER MOTHER.
Alejandro: Darnit, Michael!
Alejandro aims gun at Michael. 10 members of the spanish mafia do the same.
Alejandro: I want to tell Maria something. Let me speak.
Barry: You see, I'm a transvestite prostitute vampire.
Michael: I don't care if I die, you loved me, remember.
Alejandro: MARIA! I'm SomethingBig! I'm part of a larger mafia called the EoFF spanish organization!
Maria: you lied to me!
Alejandro: Michael’s the one that lied to you. Remember how he tried to trick you into thinking that he was your father?! The bastard did that to your mother as well!
Michael: He’s lying! I’m a naïve, gentle man.
Barry: Noone is listening to me. Maybe I'll just kill the lot of you and drink your blood and rape your dead bodies.
Alejandro: he told you that he was your father, took you home, then raped you.
Michael: No! Your father's men abducted you. They drugged you up
Barry: When I was a female prostitute vampire, I was raped by Micheal here.
Maria: i'm starting to remember now..... i do love you micheal!
Barry: I was so embvarrasse at being raped, depite my profession, that after giving birth to Maria, I had a sex change. You see Maria is actually a boy, named Mario.
They are now at the docks. We don’t know why.
Alejandro: michael, i'm gonna hav eyou thrown into the water.
Alejandro signals for the spanish mafia members known as Cid's Knights
Alejandro: michael, here are your options. you either leave my son alone, or you get thrown into the shark infested waters!
Michael: Wait! Maria! Don't believe any of it
Alejandro has the Cid’s Knights throw him into the water.
Maria: Father, I love him!
Michael: MARIA, HELP! RAMEN, HELP ME!!!
Alejandro shoots Ramen. Ramen dies. Then he comes back to life. Michael is saved by the reincarnated ramen who is undead. Alejandro tapes maria's mouth shut. Alejandro whistles to a nearby helicopter. Maria is taken to Antarctica.
Alejandro takes Michael and ties him.
Alejandro: What did you do with my daughter?
Michael: You just sent her away.
Alejandro: Ah, yes. I have a very short memory.
Patricia comes back.
Patricia: I thought that I was the one that ruins everyone’s lives!
Maria returns, and Michael watches as she shoots herself.
Michael: NOOO!
Barry stabs everyone and leaves. Later that morning, the grotesque scene was found by authorities. Patricia was later arrested, Maria's body was found and the men of the Mafia were rounded up and arrested. The city turned peaceful once again, and the memories of this night was left in the minds of its citizens. No one spoke about it anymore, it was like the towns big secret, for others to come and discover...Like soap suds up on our bodies in the shower...these are the EoFF Soap of our Lives.
