Groaners!

We've all heard 'em. The jokes that your only response to is to roll your eyes. But sometimes, we *want* to roll our eyes. So here goes:

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame unique rabbit?
Tame way. Unique up on it.

What does an eskimo get from sitting on a iceberg for too long?
Polaroids.

I knew a girl who was oing out with a guy with a wooden leg. But she decided to break it off.

One day a guy goes to a fish and chip joint called the Abbey. It was a cathedral themed restaurant, and everyone was in monk outfits. The guy noticed that, while the chips were great, the fish was horrible. The guy confronted one of the guys, but he protested "Don't look at me! I'm a chip monk! You're looking for the fish friar!"

Keep 'em coming people. Remember! Groaners ONLY!

How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator?
You open the door, and put it in.

How do you get an antilope into a refrigerator?
You open the door, take the elephant out, put the antilope in.

How do you get a car into a refrigerator?
Silly you! you really think a car fits into a refrigerator?!

What do you get when you put a chicken and a net together?
A chicklet.

Me: Knock knock
You: Who's there?
Me: Banana.
You: Banana who?
Me: Knock knock
You: Who's there?
Me: Banana.
You: Banana who?
Me: Knock knock
You: Who's there?
Me: Banana.
You: Banana who?
Me: Knock knock
You: Who's there?
Me: Banana.
You: Banana who?
Me: Knock knock
You: Who's there?
Me: Orange
You: Orange who?
Me: Orange ya glad I didn't say banana?

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have any guts.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.

What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad.

What do you cal a lesbain Eskimo?
A klondike.

Why are bloodhounds rich?
Because they're always picking up cents!

:rolleyes2

What do you call a cow that won't give milk?

A milk dud

What do I call a cow that won't give milk?

Steak.

chaos: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side...

Rubedo: Knock Knock
Who's there?
No one
No one who?
No one

Albedo: *Laughs maniacally*

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look at them and says "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence

Knock knock
Whos there?
Dwaine
Dwaine who?
Dwaine the bathtub in dwowning.

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger after it was thrown. Then it hit me.

What did the man say after walking into the bar?
Ouch!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Giga Guess

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger after it was thrown. Then it hit me.

What did the man say after walking into the bar?
Ouch!

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chaos: xD

Rubedo: I laughed at the second one...

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hey, let's go ride bikes!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Strider

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hey, let's go ride bikes!

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xD That was the best one ever.

And oh-so-true!

On my defense: I despise this joke.


Q: What do you call an Alaskan lesbian?

A: A Klondike.


AHAHAHA.

Whaddaya call Stolen Cheese?

Nacho Cheese!

These "Spoilers" are very bad jokes. U should be 21 and not be able to ban me.
(SPOILER)Whats grosser a dead baby in 4 garbage cans or 4 garbage cans in a dead baby?

Whats grosser a dumpster of dead babys or the one baby eating his way to the surface?

My stupid ass principal:
If your phones are not working please call the main office.
if you cannot hear my announcments please move closer to the speaker.

A bear walks into a bar, and up to the barman and says "I'd like a pint of beer and...", the bear stops for a while, and then says "a packet of crisps"

So the barman replies, "Why the long face?"

Ohohoh! Can I steal Kane's really hilariously funny joke? Even though it's not "a groaner"?

Well, doctor, all I remember is that I had complete amnesia.

Guy 1: I'll race you to that tree.
Guy 2: OK. If I get there first, I'll mark a line in the sand. If you get there first, you wipe it off.

My friend:
What do you hunt on Halloween?
Cari-BOO!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lindy

A bear walks into a bar, and up to the barman and says "I'd like a pint of beer and...", the bear stops for a while, and then says "a packet of crisps"

So the barman replies, "Why the long face?"

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I don't get it.

Neither did I >_>

A bear wlaks into a bar and says "I want a beer."
Bartender says "We don't serve bears here."
At that the bear gets completely irate, and starts tearing the bar apart, to which the bartender says "We don't serve belligerant bears here."
At that, the bear eats the grizzled old cougar at the end of the bar, to which the bartender replied "We don't serve stoned belligerant bears in here."
At the the bear was confused.
"Stoned?" the bear asked.
"That was a bar-bitch-you-ate. (Barbituate)"

Okay, maybe that doesn't qualify as a groaner, but it did make me roll my eyes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Giggles

Neither did I >_>

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I don't know if I got it right. I guess, why the long space? @_@ *loses*

Did you hear about the new pirate movie?



Yeah, it's rated ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR





HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHASHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH AHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHASHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHASHAHA HHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHASHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHA HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHASHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHH AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHASHAHAHHHAHAHAHH AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA HAHAHHAHAHAHHHASHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH AHAHAHAHAH*gasp*HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHASHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHASHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAH AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHHHASHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH AHAHAH

A guy went into a Wisconsin Post Office and complained to the Clerk saying, "Back in 1850, a Pony Express rider used to be able to get a letter from Milwalkee to St. Louis in two days, and now it takes three! Why does it take so long now!!??"

"Well, sir," the clerk replied, "the horses are quite a bit older now."




How do you shoot an elephant?

-with an elephant gun.

How do you shoot a blue elephant?

-with a blue elephant gun.

How do you shoot a red elephant?

-Hold his nose till he turns blue, then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.



Why is it a bad idea to run through the jungle between 3 and 5 pm?

-cuz that's when the elephants are jumping outta the trees.

Why do Aligators have flat heads?

-cuz they ran through the jungle between 3 and 5 pm.




Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?

-so he could hide in a strawberry patch.

Ever seen an Elephant in a strawberry patch?

-works pretty good, huh?
:D

I believe it's supposed to be a horse that walks into a bar and orders a drink and snack, not a bear since horses are known to HAVE long faces.

Take care all.

:: rolls eyes ::

This joke reallyreallyreally makes me laugh a lot. It's not a groaner, and I'm stealing it from my good buddy Kane :o


Q: What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?

A: "Don't expect me to get hard, I just got laid!"


hehehe~

Quote:

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Originally Posted by zacks_clone

:: rolls eyes ::

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That's the point...

A priest has lost his rooster, so next day at Mass, be asks his congregation. "Has anyone got a cock?" All the men stand up. "Has any SEEN a cock?" All the women stand up "No no no, has anyone seen MY cock?"
All the kids stand up

One day in church, the priest notices that donations to the collection plate have been dwindling. Finally after a great deal of deliberation, he stumbles across an idea. The next Sunday, he said "For whomever gives the largest donation, that person will be able to choose his or her 3 favorite hymns."
People were moderately inspired to donate, but one spinster promptly wrote a check for $1000. The priest was astonished and quickly ushered her to the pulpit.
"Now, what is your preference, miss" the priest inquired.
The spinster squinted her etyes and said, "I want him, him, and him!"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by The Captain

I believe it's supposed to be a horse that walks into a bar and orders a drink and snack, not a bear since horses are known to HAVE long faces.

Take care all.

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I also think it's supposed to be the point when you mix them up, y'know. Since the bear one's punchline is "So why the long paws?", but in my experience it's always funnier if you mix the two up.

JUST BECAUSE YOU ALL SUCK AND DON'T UNDERSTAND DOESN'T MEAN IT'S NOT FUNNY.

And also, I think it's pretty obvious that horses have long faces and bears don't, so I'm not stupid.

Never said you were stupid good sir.

Pardon the misunderstanding.

Take care all.

I didn't think the cock joke was funny. Or even worthy or groaning. More like worthy of a look of utter digust.

But I won't hold it against you.


And Lindy, sometimes if you don't understand something, that makes it not funny for YOU. So we didn't find it funny. Yay for you if you did! Don't get angry about it :o

ever seen a bear without the fluff? pretty long snouts on them things. :D


another joke.

A nun and a priest were out on visitation, walking out to rural farms when a blizzard blew up. They were quite a ways away from the house they were heading for, and even farther from the one they'd just left, but off to one side of the highway, they saw a little log cabin. so they trudge off towards this cabin through the wind and snow, and when they get there, they find a bunk, a sleeping bag and a pile of fluffy blankets. so the priest, being a gentleman, lets the nun have the bunk, grabs the sleeping bag and curls up on the floor. after about ten minutes, the nun says, "father I'm cold." So he jumps up, looks at the nun, who was a rather attractive young lady, fetches some more blankets, and piles them on top of her. "now sister, when this blizzard blows over, we'll head on to the Johnson's farm and get a nice warm blanket, but it's going to be pretty cold here tonight, and all we have to do is just survive these next six hours." Said the priest. "But, we've got shelter and warmth, so I think we'll be ok." The nun nods, snuggles deeper under the blankets, and the priest gets back into the sleeping bag.

fifteen minutes later, when the priest was about to fall asleep, the nun again says, "father I'm cold," this time in a more insistant voice. So the priest got up, grabbed more blankets and piled them on top of her, climbed back into the sleeping bag and tried to get back to sleep. Four more times, the nun declared in an ever more insistent voice that she was cold, each time just before the priest fell asleep and each time he'd pile more blankets on top of her.

Finally, the priest sat up and said, "are you still cold?" the nun nodded. "well, then, I think there's only one thing left to do. We should pretend to be married, just for tonight. But nobody back home will know, everything that happens here stays here. Agreed?" the nun nodded. "So we're husband and wife now for the night. are you still cold?" the nun nodded.

"then as your husband, i'll say Get up and get your own damn blankets and lemme get some sleep!"