Hilarious drunken stories

What are your funny drunken adventure story things? I'll start with one, but it's not as good typed. ;)

So once, my friend and I get really drunk, and we're down in Redondo Beach (it's this beach outside of LA). We're throwing a huge party the next day, so we decide it would be a GREAT idea to go caroling to raise money for it. So we wander around the streets (it's about 10.30 pm on a Friday night) belting out Christmas carols (yeah, it was August).

We walk up to someone's front door, and knock. No one comes to the door, so we start singing and think maybe that'll bring them out. Nothing. So we walk a few houses down, and do it again. Still, nothing.

The third house we try, a guy actually comes to the door; and my friend and I were so surprised that someone actually came we forgot to sing. So, we finally manage to stutter out that we were gathering donations for a party we were throwing the next day. Never mind that our school was well over an hour away from where we were (never mind how we got there, either).

He tells us to pike off or he calls the cops.
I ask him if I can at least use his bathroom.
He pulls out his cellphone and begins to dial.
I puke in his bushes.
He looks at me in utter shock.
We both turn and run.

On our way back, my friend kept thinking we were being chased by the cops, and ran as fast as we could back to where we were staying (at one of our friends's house). On our way back, my friend kept thinking every car was a cop car, so he jumped out in front of the street to stop the cars and check if they were cops. (They weren't.) Somehow, we make it back.

Next morning, around 7 am, a cop shows up at the front door looking for us. There is a long awkward pause where I think of the various ways to escape this situation. Turns out my car was illegally parked. :rolleyes:

There. Share yours. Bert, I'm counting on you. And I've already heard the paintball one.

It would've been more hilarious had the guy chased you down, tackled you, and held you until the cops busted you for vandalism and public intoxication.

drunken stories are never funny unless you're drunk. Still:

- stumbling around swearing, and apparently I said G-damn, which I don't do in real life
- stumbling around dancing
- stumbling around puking

See I'm so not 'fun'. Neither is being drunk

My grandparent's had their 50th wedding anniversary earlier this summer. It was at the Marriot Hotel in Coronado. Before dinner started it was open bar, so I had a few beers. Once we got to our table, my cousin said he'd buy all the drinks for the people at the table. So once again it was like open bar. I had a few more beers. My mom's cousin and her husband decided to go across the hall to get some more powerful drinks. Jagerblasters and such. They were out of shot glasses, so they had to use regular glasses. Her husband gives us all one and tells us to chug. I do so. Jagerblasters are like.. jager and redbull mixed together. Crazy stuff. Anyway, I think I had two more after that.

Later on there was dancing going on. Zoot Suit Riot came on and I said to my aunt in a drunken slur "AHh I love this song!" so we swing danced. It was fun until the end. I sat down and started to feel kinda woozy. I went out to the bathroom across the hall and almost threw up on some old guy (He proclaimed "Holy moses!") in there. I don't remember the throwing up, I just remember afterwords with my head in the toilet and my dinner all over the stall. Beef does not taste as good coming up as it does going down. My other cousin came in and helped me up and then I noticed my shirt (or I should say, my dad's nice new silk shirt which he let me borrow) was ruined. Ohhhhh well. I didn't care at the time. I was supposed to drive home but no way. I slept in my cousin's hotel room and ended up in my parent's hotel room the next morning.

I have pictures of my dancing on my domain, but I don't feel like linking to them. ;)

I dunno if mine is all that funny.. maybe just the end of it. I guess you had to be there.

Also: I felt like a complete ass the next day and I still get embarassed by it when my aunt brings it up. :shame:

You're not supposed to get ripped at family functions, Matt. xD

Every time I drink BJ's friends try to get me to talk about sexual things, 'cause BJ always refuses to. They're constantly trying to get me to describe his cash and prizes, which I refuse to for fear of never seeing those again.

Other than that, I will decline to state.

What, no pink vomit stories?

Alcohol laws sure do suck in the USA, don't they? 21? Need for ID? *laughs* Good Ol' England doesn't have that stuff. That's why we have the highest teen alcohol consumption in the world, actually :lol:

Anyway, although I haven't been drunk for AGGGGGGGES the last time I was I coined the phrase "NASHbeast" as me and a friend wandered through a graveyard hurling abuse at gravestones (I remember calling one a cola machine or something. Whatever the hell one of those is xD) when a squirrel appeared and I yelled "NASH!" at it and so did my friend and it ran away.

And so the legend of NASHbeasts was born. Not really funny but...it's awesome.

Lets see...last Friday my boyfriend got so drunk he was paraleptic and fitting and we had to carry him down to the hospital till 2 in the morning.

That was fun.

Ooh, heres an amusing one. Get this. My boyfriend once got so drunk he got depressed and started hitting his head on the wall then I had to sit on him to stop him getting a knife and slashing his wrists open.

Yeah, I found that so funny it was unbelievable.

¬.¬

An atchal funny story would be when I was at my friends 18th and there was a PA system...and that PA system was playing Good Riddances 'Heresy, Hypocricy and Revenge' (hardcore punk screamy track for those not in the know). There were microphones.

Yes, I did a duet with some guy I barely know called Pad.

In true hardcore style, much micswinging, screaming, growling and putting the mic into the bemused faces of my friends so they could sing along.

Kinda bad when your a 5ft 4 17 year old with a high voice.

I'm kinda going off alcohol at the moment. For various reasons. Take a guess.

Chaos

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ShlupQuack

You're not supposed to get ripped at family functions, Matt. xD

---

I didn't know my limit. I do now. :p

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Matty Pie!

I didn't know my limit. I do now. :p

---

Yeah, stay away from any wedding anniversary parties over 40 years. After that they're just too much. :p

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ShlupQuack

You're not supposed to get ripped at family functions, Matt. xD

---

...Which leads PERFECTLY into my story. At my great-grandfather's 90th birthday, my sister was a bartender (disregard the fact that she was, like, 15...) I paid no heed until I saw her draped across a chair. I approach her, and she is NOTICABLY blitzed. Not puking drunk, but one helluva buzz. I tell her to do the standard equilibrium test as I've always seen (Stand on one foot, touch your nose) and she failed miserably, so I left her with simple instructions. "Stay here, and do NOT let your grandmother see you like this." And after that, I have teased her mercilessly about being my little lush of a sister...

When my mate was seven, he lost his drinking virginity and drank all the 'Jesus blood' during a mass at school and he ended up dancing on the tables and it took 7 teachers to get him down :D

The other night I think actually a week ago tonight I had a little too much to drink and I woke up sleeping in a pizza box. :D

I woke up last thursday morning wearing a massive multicoloured sombrero. I don't remember why.

Must've been a god night, Doc.

Yeah, it was a friends birthday. I remember a mate of mine kept losing contol of his legs and slipping over, and I kept on singing Dance Magic Dance from the Labyrinth in between asking people if they were looking for arms house.

Still don't know how the sombrero became involved.....

Bert how did you fit IN the pizza box?

I only cry when I get drunk, but once, my friend told me he remembers climbing into a refrigerator and proclaiming himself to be Pen Pen the Penguin.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by fire_of_avalon

Bert how did you fit IN the pizza box?

I only cry when I get drunk, but once, my friend told me he remembers climbing into a refrigerator and proclaiming himself to be Pen Pen the Penguin.

---

well I wasn't all the way in it :rolleyes2 :p bit was just more or less laying on it. In the bluecheese infact :D

A girl from my American Literature class is in the hospital because she drank too much and her heart is all messed up. Haaaaahahha. Not so funny.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dr Unne

It would've been more hilarious had the guy chased you down, tackled you, and held you until the cops busted you for vandalism and public intoxication.

---

You know, you're right.

When I was 18, me and my cousin were doing our Saturday night ritual, throwing a party somewhere, when we decided we had to go to the gas station and buy some donuts. ( I used to work there so I knew they were an hour fresh ) One of our friends and his girlfriend go and when we get there we decide we need to buy all the donuts! We got back to the car and were like " what are we gonna do with all these donuts? Eat them? No, theres too many!" About this time I remembered a few years back throwing a donut on my neighbors roof and got to thinking that our friend (dave) needed to be initiated into our Mustache group. ( Another drunk story, cousin was Mr. Mustache, I was Baron Von Mustache, and girlfriend was Mrs. Mustache) So we could go around doing stupid stuff with donuts. We put em' all over the place. I remember one made it in our friend "sweetpea" 's glovebox of his car, one made it in our Aunt's mailbox( who happened to work at the post office) and a couple made it on random doorsteps cause the nexy day was Easter and it made a great present to find on your way to church. I could tell a story from every Saturday night but that would be way to hard, I'm lazy.

Oh, I have tons of stories.
I just can't remember why.