Final Fantasy IV - "Ah, The Power of Cheese"

That is damn funny stuff.

Gimme more :D . Hey, you're wunderfull. I like you, gimme more :D

"Congratulations, you're a full-fledged terrorist"

Roflmao

XD! Good stuff man, good stuff. Keep up the good work... or else!

Another excellent episode!

I'm glad you enjoy it, it's fun to write. I say this stuff in my head every time I play the game through, I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds it funny.

xD! Keep up the good work!

<3 @ Fan Comics

It's simply great! Keep up the good work! :D

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Originally Posted by ShlupQuack

That is damn funny stuff.

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:D :love: :D :love: :D :love: :D :love:

Give me MORE!

Episode III - "The One After Episode II" At this point in Final Fantasy IV I always like to take a step back and feel really good about all of the great things I've accomplished in the game. Here is a list of some of the highlights so far: Ruthlessly murdered old men and women. Stole jewels. Got fired. Harrassed town folk. Wallowed in self-pity. Killed a little girl's mother. Set the little girl's town on fire. Slashed the little girl with a sword, putting her into a coma. You're shaping up to be one hell of a hero! And to think, you're only about 20 minutes into the game. Anyway, when the little girl awakens from her coma, Cecil forces her to tell him her name. She agrees and decides to become his sidekick and help him out on his adventures. Just the reaction you'd expect from her, right? Of course. Before heading out go visit your mysteriously dying girlfriend. From the looks of her emotionally charged dialogue, you can tell her mysterious lethal sickness is bad news! If you ever want Rosa to say anything beside "Mmm..." again, you had better do some research, and fast. You can start at this bookshelf. Well would you look at that, what luck! The title of the first book you set your eyes on tells you EXACTLY what you need to cure your girlfriend. If only all things in life were this cheesy... I mean easy. Before rushing out to get the cure for Rosa I suggest you make a few important story-progressing stops. First of all you're going to want to put your hands into the fireplace before leaving the house. OUCH! FIRE BAD! That must have been how Rydia's friends and family felt when you torched them in their sleep. I've always questioned this guy's sexuality, I don't know why... Once you've had enough of this town head for the cave to the northwest. Don't worry about catching desert fever like Rosa, she's the only one in the game that's allowed to catch it. You can thank the stupidity of the hypothetical illness for that one. Appearantly killing off everything in Rydia's life wasn't enough for Cecil. He'll constantly let her get knocked out in battle and just laugh about it as everything that kills her in one hit takes a whopping 1 damage from him. Tellah, the senior citizen, will notice Cecil's fascinating ability to take 1 damage from every aggressive monster on the planet and demand that he help defeat the big ugly monster at the end of the cave. You're supposed to believe that Tellah has amnesia but that was just a cheap excuse to make it so you could only use crappy ass spells. No one seems to feel uncomfortable at the fact that the cave is infested with decomposing corpses that are somehow magically alive and trying to kill you. I guess it's no big deal, just use Tellah's crappy Fire 1 to take them all out. Rydia is basically useless because she's still scared of fire, aww poor baby. I guess it doesn't matter, if a gust of wind blows her too hard she'll fall down knocked out. Pay no attention to Octomamm's freaky soul-piercing eyes and take him out with a few swipes and Bolts. CAREFUL, believe it or not he can actually hit Cecil for more than 1 hp per turn *gasp* OH NO, TERRIBLE BOMBARDMENTS FROM THE AIRSHIPS! This scene would be a lot more tragic if the dead guys were actually dead. Appearantly these were those new bombs that, instead of killing people, make them constantly state the obvious. And then there is this guy... For some reason I was expecting more of a "HOLY F***ING SH** HELP ME, AHHHHHH MY LEGS, I CAN'T FEEL MY F***ING LEGS!" response when I talked to this guy. What was I thinking? Obviously losing profuse amounts of blood and being on the verge of death after a firey explosion would make any person in their right mind want to enthusiastically give hints to healthy passerbys. Okay, it would REALLY suck to see the castle your daughter is in get bombed. However, it would REALLY REALLY suck if you found out she was the ONLY person that died in the bombing. It might even make you mad enough to let all of your anger out on the guy who brought her there. This is why the following scene constantly goes down as the most vulgar scene in any video game to date. CAUTION: The following screenshot may be too vulgar for young readers. You have been warned. TO BE CONTINUED! (you spoony bard!)

I love how you didn't use "You spoony bard" which had actually caught me rather of guard since it seemed so obvious that it would be there.

Hilarious. Truly hilarious.

(EDIT: I just read the fine print. Touché.)

Just wunderfull who you are doing it. I cannot wait untill the next episode. It really is great.

I love your work, man! Keep 'em coming, these are funny as hell.

I LOVE THIS! :D :D :D

Excellent and funny stuff! Keep up the good work. :D

This is great, can't wait for part 4.

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TO BE CONTINUED! (you spoony bard!)

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O god I do hope so

You actually neglected "attack while mist will freeze with breath"? Why?

This is a good example of why FFIV deserves its own forum.

"Watch out terrorists, it's George W. Bush! I mean Titan!"

This series is pure class. Very nice, Necronopticous.

I'm guessing it's based on the original "Easytype" version of FFIV? I've seen a few differences to the Anthology version I've played.

Yes, it's based on Easytype AKA Final Fantasy 2

:D

They're getting better and better!

MORE!

FF2US is NOT FFIV Easytype. Easytype is even more dumbed down and has a different sprite for Zeromus.

Jeez, they're close enough.

I want more

Brilliant.

Episode IV - "If only he were as smart as he is weak" Well, as you can clearly tell from the climax of the last episode, Tellah is too angry to continue traveling with you. But his leaving really goes to show you... With the loss of every angry old man with amnesia comes a vehicle that allows you to cross water that has three pointy rocks sticking out. Well, we'd all really like to get to stopping the evil Golbez and his Republican Wings, but first thing's first, we have to save Rosa from the evil clutches of the horrible desert fever! I think desert fever was supposed to symbolically suggest that she slept around with members of the Taliban. Once you reach the lair of Antlion you'll realize that Edward does exactly the same thing as Rydia in battle. Gets knocked out continuously. Best to just hack away with Cecil and let the two useless weaklings stay dead until the end. Since Edward has been dead since the very first enemy encounter in the cave, he'll have to remind you at the very end that you're in the lair of Antlion. Well thanks for the info Captain Obvious. I guess the idea was to show you that Edward is just like pretty boy singers nowadays. Completely and totally clueless. Well I guess Antlion is tame if your definition of tame is big red aggressive freaky horned cockeyed beasts that want to devour you with a gross looking toothed oriface in their face. If Final Fantasy IV had voice acting they would have definately gotten Mr. T to play Antlion. YES he's THAT aggressive. Anyway, surprise surprise If you sit there guess how much damage Antlion will do to Cecil? That's right, 1 hp. Guess how much he'll do to Rydia and Edward? If you said 5 gazillion you're absolutely correct. If you decide to actually attack Antlion, be prepared, he counters with a move that does exactly the same thing that takes 1 hp, but for some reason it takes like 30 hp, even from Cecil. That's right, a 2900% increase. Call Chocobos and slice Antlion while drinking potions like a freak until he's defeated. Before heading out you'll have a nice informative talk amongst yourselves. This must be one of Cecil's special abilities he was taught in Baron's Dark Knight training program: The ability to answer someone's question with a phrase that is totally unrelated without anyone realizing it. Classmate: Hey Cecil, what's the square root of 8? Cecil: There is a bed in my room. Classmate: Ah! Got it, thanks man! After you're finished here, head back to town to save Rosa! There's something wrong with this picture. I thought the idea of curing her was so I didn't have to listen to this crap anymore? I'm sorry. For my. Overuse. Of the period. Now who are you sleeping with!? I always sensed such a jealous overtone to this conversation. I also always get the feeling Rosa just made up this whole damn illness. Maybe it's the "I'm-so-not-a-real-sickness" symptoms, maybe it's the fact that rubies don't cure sicknesses, even if they are guarded by aggressive sand-beasts. Or maybe it's just the horrible job Rosa does at fake-coughing after she's already "cured" If you don't really hate Edward, well... You should. Square knew this, and decided that if he's going to persist as a character in the game something HAS to be done. Therefore you get a useless scene to basically illustrate that Edward plays such bad music it is capable of killing foul demons. YES! Kill the BushHag! I find it funny that of the two characters on screen beside Edward, only one comes from the water, and that's Anna. "I believe in you Edward! Your music is so horrible it does physical damage to the enemy and occasionally lulls them to sleep!" Maybe it wasn't the bombings that killed Anna afterall... TO BE CONTINUED! (Can't think of anything witty or clever.)

Still going strong.:)
I'm tempted to Sticky this thread, but this forum is already rather full of Stickies.

I'm pretty sure it'll be generating enough posts to keep it at the top of the forum, anyway, and you can bet it'll be getting archived once the story is over.

I absoluty love this. You're doing a great job.

Dude, keep 'em coming. These rock my socks.

*wipes tears from corners of eyes* :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Man.....this is wonderful stuff....

lol pretty funny, I like episode 3 "youll want to put your hand in the fire place before you leave....OUCH!!!" lol XD

oh yeah keeps getting better

I'm definitely enjoying this. Keep up the good work. You'll have a million chapters before you get to the end, but it looks like you're tackling the game at a good pace.

Extremely funny! Keep it up man! :cool:

Keep going! This stuff is hilarious!

Another great episode, can't wait for more.

I made a promise to never post anything like "Good job man, I love that stuff", and then put a smile in the end.

But I have no other choice.

Good job man, I love that stuff :D

...

This is absolutely wonderful. I can't believe how retarded the translation in the US version is. Thank God I got a fantrans. In conclusion:
MORE! MORE! MORE!

If you think the FFII US translation was bad, play more NES games.

Episode V - "The Empire Strikes Back" Well, Edward and his overwhelming stupidity have been stealing the spotlight and Cecil doesn't like it, not one little bit. So in order to get things back to normal he breaks us in with another classic moment of emotionally tormenting Rydia. "fire" must be that new lingo meaning "terrorist attack that I, myself, committed" Now that Rosa has been "saved" and Edward has proven his manliness to his dead girlfriend and killed a rabid BushHag it's finally time to stop Golbez! FIRST STOP... uhh... A mountain... With a karate man on top... and some bombs. This karate man will be a great asset to your team due to his permanently inflamed nasal passages that allow him to sneeze on his foes at will. As soon as you meet him you'll be forced into a boss battle against MomBomb. I'm guessing the idea behind this hideous beast's name was that he/she's the "mother of all bombs" although the name doesn't really suggest that at all. MomBomb can be tough if you don't put Yang's ancient mucus technique to good use. Covering Mombomb with snot is an assured win in this battle. A flying dragon kick couldn't hurt either. Yang begins his emotionally moving story about how his training buddies were just murdered by bombs but Cecil, being the complete and total asshole that he is, uses his famed "this-has-nothing-to-do-with-what-you're-saying" phrase technique. "My friends and I were ambushed and..." "Yeah, cool, whatever, we're going to Fabul" Cecil is already scared of losing the focus of the story progression again to the karate master Yang so he makes a pre-emptive blow at Rydia this time. Cecil doesn't want Yang to be any more important than himself although he does realize that Yang has great (and unusual) powers and thus forces him to join the party. Yang is told that, if he refuses, Cecil will hold him down and spray decongestant in his nostrils rendering his lifetime of nasal-kung-fu training utterly useless. After you're finished on the mountain, head to Fabul as you originally planned. You can do lots of interesting things in Fabul that no person in their right mind would want to pass up. Start out by talking to this young man: Sounds like a great idea little fella, however... It would be of a little help if you explained just who in the hell you were talking about you randomly violent little son of a... Next pay a visit to Yang's wife Ah... Just the response I expected. Anyway, if you're feeling spent you can catch some Z's in the least likely of places. This speaker of this troublemaking piece of dialogue insisted that he/she remain anonymous. My money is on Cecil, that bastard. After you're done causing trouble in Fabul, go have a chat with the King. I don't see how this King gets anything accomplished responding to everything he discovers by screaming "Truly!?" at the top of his lungs. No, we were just pulling your leg King, you fell for it. Why bother? I'm pretty sure Cecil could hold off any enemy force with his spelling and grammar mistakes alone. After an intense battle against the invading enemy force, the team is forced to the last stronghold to protect the crystal from Golbez, the crystal room itself. Kain will now make his first appearance since the terrorist attack at Village Mist. Playing through this scene is almost like playing Final Fantasy IV on a foreign rom, you just kind of have to put together what's happening through the pictures rather than the text because it's completely nonsensical. And just when you thought it couldn't be worse. Stunning entrance. Chills my bones every time I see it. Well, needless to say, Kain bitchslaps Cecil, takes the crystal and also kidnaps Rosa. After all of the things that Cecil's already accomplished I'm not even impressed. Before Golbez and his gang left with their loot they tortured the King of Fabul by reading off a whole list of fun facts. The King now suffers from severe laryngitis. The Queen thinks he may never be able to scream "Truly!?" ever again. But she does show great confidence in the King's ability to overcome it. Hmm, actually I take back what I just said. I'm not so sure this is confidence, it could just be bad writing... Yeah... Bad writing. TO BE CONTINUED! (Truly!?)

YES! THIS WAS GREAT!

Give me more!!

This is probably going to go down in EoFF - no, Final Fantasy - history as an all-time classic:D

I can't believe how bad the dialogue is in the original game. I'm glad to own the PSX version.

1000 Views. Glory.

Yay! An update! Loved it.

If you don't mention anything about the dancer in Mysidia that turns Cecil into a pig in the next episodes, I'm going to be disappointed. :p

yeah, I loved it. You are great in this stuff. I am looking foward to the next bard.......I mean part.

Simply brilliant!!!:D

The Final Fantasy "Ah, The Power of Cheese" website is officially coming soon. I've pretty much completed the design, now I just need to find a home for it. Anyone interested in giving me a few megs of their webspace and immortalizing it with "Ah, The Power of Cheese"?

Just let me know.

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Originally Posted by Necronopticous

The Final Fantasy "Ah, The Power of Cheese" website is officially coming soon. I've pretty much completed the design, now I just need to find a home for it.

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Truly?!

Generic positive feedback, Necronopticous!

And as you already know I'm more than willing to host your website. Send the files to my e-mail when you get the chance. :)

I [img]http://home.eyesonff.com/images/smilies/heart.gif[/img] Necronopticous.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

That's hilarious [B][U]When will the next one be outI want more

Final Fantasy IV "Ah, The Power of Cheese" Version 1.0

Enjoy.

The site looks GREAT! Can't wait for Episode VI.

:D

It is satisfying to know that our forums have spawned something so great, so powerful. I'm tempted to make a global announcement praising this thread for all those who never come to I-IV, but if they don't come in here then they don't deserve it.

It's awesome that you guys enjoy it. I will continue the episodes in this thread as usual you don't actually ever have to visit the site, but I did spend lots of time on it, so I hope it is enjoyable as well :D

Love the site. :D If I want to read one particular episode, I can go read it without having to search through 60+ posts. Much better too for loading time, especially since I am on crappy dial-up.

You did a great job on the site. I like it very much, you are a great one. Continue with this and you will go down in the History of EoFF, I think.

That is so awesome! This is the best thread ever!!

Yay! It's own website!

Truly?!

Sweet website
When is VI out

Yeah, you should do one for VI!

The whole point here is making fun of FFIV's ridiculous translation. FFVI didn't have a ridiculous translation, so it wouldn't work.

I believe he meant where is VI as in where is episode VI, and FFVI did have a rather sub-par "son of a submariner" translation, but it wasn't nearly as bad or spoofable as this (some parts are, however).

Zadam meant Episode VI, and Halenite meant FFVI, I figured.

The new episodes were good and funny. Truly!? There's one thing I'd like to mention, though. The Bard is called Edward (Gilbert in the Japanese version). Edgar is the king of Figaro in FFVI.

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Originally Posted by Sephiroth1999AD

The Bard is called Edward (Gilbert in the Japanese version). Edgar is the king of Figaro in FFVI.

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Yeah, I know... Someone pointed this out to me earlier. I already fixed it on the site, my fault.

PLEASE Finish Episode VI soon!!!!!!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by abrojtm

FFVI did have a rather sub-par "son of a submariner" translation.

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Don't start all that..... please don't.........

Wow, I'm very impressed. This is very funny and I actually enjoyed reading it. Great stuff!

The non-updatedness makes me sad in the pants.

Series 1 is over, this thread is taking a break while I have lots of papers and tests to study for and complete. Series 2 will pick back up soon don't you worry :D

Can you put all these comics on a webpage (i have some webspace if you can send me these comics in picture or word format)? I would love to share these with my friends who aren't with this board.

Click on the CHEESE in my signature, I'm way ahead of you.

Series 2

Episode I - "Affirmative Action is going to be all over this" The King of Fabul is officially put down, so as you probably already guessed, you'll be getting a slick new ride. This time you don't have to have three rocks sticking out of the water to pass. And so, it's time once more to head off in no particular direction until you run into trouble again. Before you leave Yang will share some touching dialogue with his wife. Yeah, I think it's safe to assume Yang never gets any. Anyway, the crew of dwarf clones is utterly fascinated with Cecil for some reason and the Captain even offers his personal welcome to you. Feat eh?... I wonder if he's talking about how you just failed to protect the kingdom of Fabul? Or maybe he's a sadist that has heard about how much abuse you dish out to Rydia on a regular basis? I suppose he could be referring to any of the wonderful things Cecil has done so far in the game... Uh oh! Looks like trouble! Wait- I think there's trouble... Umm, What does that exclaiming sentence even mean? It seems to be a question although it's just a loud, assertive remark. Oh, Leviathan, king serpent of the seas, right. Okay so there is trouble, glad that's cleared up. After Leviathan decides to attack you for no reason you'll all be hurdled from the ship. Cecil is somehow trajected into the air where he travels miles in a southward direction conveniently placing him right next to the town that progresses the story and leaving him teamless so that he can have spies in his party without breaking the 5 member team limit. Very slick. Cecil is speechless at the situation. Well, almost. Funny, I was thinking the same thing. So just where is it that Cecil lands? Well, you've been here before in the game, except last time you were offing old guys. Anyway, the place isn't too thrilled about you being back and they do all kinds of nasty things to you. This includes poisoning you, Turning you into a pig (and laughing about it with incremental pauses), And worst of all, confusing you with really, really bad game translation. Hmm, something tells me he doesn't understand. The following conversation that takes place with the elder is basically impossible to understand but luckily, again, you can sort of make it out from what happens. You'll be assigned two helpers (spies!) to assist you in becoming a Paladin. If you succeed they'll totally forgive you for killing their citizens and stealing their most prized possession, sounds like a deal! Make your way out of town and up the mountain to get started on your task. Half way up you'll meet up with an old friend, Tellah! He's still pissed off but since you only have 3 out of 5 spots in your party filled he joins you - and its a good thing he does otherwise you might not suspect that you'd have to fight a boss at the top of the mountain. You have to be pretty damn evil for someone to physically feel your evilness. OH NO It's the bush hag again! Oh wait, scratch that. After casually introducing himself and shaking your hands, Milon will initiate battle with you and magically have undead zombies fighting alongside him. Dispatch the mysterious zombies before you go for Milon as they'll eat your brains if you don't kill them. After you do enough damage to Milon he'll use his "12 Periods in a Single Textbox" attack. After you defeat Milon walk 4 steps and you'll fight another boss. Milon, again. Very exciting stuff. Beat him again and he'll tell you that you did so. After this its all downhill, literally. Cecil becomes a paladin and swears he will never be such an asshole ever again, Tellah spontaneously remembers all of his spells, and the group returns together for a warm welcome. Well, it didn't work for Michael Jackson, but Cecil is sure getting a good response from going dark to light. This black mage is so excited he decides to exclaim the obvious. TO BE CONTINUED! (Is that true!)

thanks man. I actually burst out laughing on occasions...awesome stuff :)

It's fantasticly. I enjoy it. It's a piece of art.

They're gonna write songs about this stuff. Then somebody will parody those songs.

That comment about Michael Jackson is absolutely horrible!
Yet so true.

Hurry with the next episode.

But do not hurry.

It's all just great stuff!!! Keep it up!!! ;)

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Originally Posted by Halenite

Hurry with the next episode.

But do not hurry.

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XD

Yay for the start of Series 2! That made my day. :love:

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Originally Posted by Halenite

That comment about Michael Jackson is absolutely horrible!
Yet so true.

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Hence the title of the episode.

Fantastic, as expected.

You rule. Seriously.

While this thing was insanely funny, the coversation between the elder and Cecil wasn't at all confusing.

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Cecil: I must hurry!
Elder: I do understand.
But do not hurry.

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What is so confusing about that? Cecil lets the elder know that he needs to hurry, and the elder is saying that he understands why Cecil would be in a hurry, but is letting him know that being in a hurry is a bad idea here because haste generally makes waste.

Also, this is from the first episode:

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Cecil unleashes a variety of attacks that kill any horde of aggressive enemy force in seconds, of course once you get control of Cecil he magically forgets how to do them and never remembers for the remainder of the game.

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No, he doesn't forget. "Litbolt" and "Firebomb" are items, not skills, and you do get them in Japanese version. Also, you can use a Game Genie for the US version (FFII) and buy things from stores called "Dummy", and all that these mysterious "dummy" items are. They are items originally from FF4 that were omitted to make the game more simple. Some other items include the Smut, and the various healing items. For example, there used to be eyedrops for blind, echo screen for silence, mallet for mini, and so forth. But when we got the game, they condensed them all into "Heal", because it would be too complex for our fragile American brains....

Oh my god, I'm so lame because I point out dumb stuff like that. I swear, I really just need to shut the f**k up every now and then. My bad.

Feion

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Originally Posted by feioncastor

What is so confusing about that? Cecil lets the elder know that he needs to hurry, and the elder is saying that he understands why Cecil would be in a hurry, but is letting him know that being in a hurry is a bad idea here because haste generally makes waste.

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Is that true!

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Originally Posted by feioncastor

No, he doesn't forget. "Litbolt" and "Firebomb" are items, not skills, and you do get them in Japanese version. Also, you can use a Game Genie for the US version (FFII) and buy things from stores called "Dummy", and all that these mysterious "dummy" items are. They are items originally from FF4 that were omitted to make the game more simple. Some other items include the Smut, and the various healing items. For example, there used to be eyedrops for blind, echo screen for silence, mallet for mini, and so forth. But when we got the game, they condensed them all into "Heal", because it would be too complex for our fragile American brains....

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Don't forget that there couldn't have possibly been references to the terrorist attacks on the world trade centers either, and there isn't any monster in Final Fantasy IV called a Bush Hag (*see image), and that Cecil doesn't actually try to kill Rydia in Village Mist after she survives the package.

I don't think "Ah, The Power of Cheese" means to be a very accurate account of the events in Final Fantasy IV, although that's just my opinion.

I would love to see what you have to say about Mystic Quest, or some of the scenes in FF6

Oh good lord... I'm dying with laughter!!

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Originally Posted by Marick

I would love to see what you have to say about Mystic Quest, or some of the scenes in FF6

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Oh, GAWD!
I can just imagine some of the MQ stuff.

yea, exactly, Mystic Quest was by far more cheesy than FFIV... though I still consider it a good game.

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Originally Posted by feioncastor

Oh my god, I'm so lame because I point out dumb stuff like that. I swear, I really just need to shut the f**k up every now and then.

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Agreed! :p

Wow. This is outstanding. It's as good or better than other comics on the net. Awesome. Hilarious.

But, uh, while I read this, I ate fried chicken. And then, instead of eating ice cream for desert, I thought that beany-weenies might be healthier. or something. SO I ate that.
I had the most wicked, pseudo-nauseating (I couldn't throw up even though I kinda wanted to) stomach ache. But I didn't have the strength of will to stop reading this. So with every joke I was just dying because I couldn't stop laughing and my laughing was destroying my stomach.

I have a love/hate relationship with you for this.
Hopefully I won't have a killer stomach ache the next time you post.


...!?

Ohh, this is EXCELLENT! *claps*

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Originally Posted by Necronopticous

Well, it didn't work for Michael Jackson, but Cecil is sure getting a good response from going dark to light.

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Loving it! :thumb: :love: :rock:

:lol: :lol: :lol:. It's hillarious, keep up the good work.

Episode II - "Underdeveloped characters make good bosses" I admit, discarding your old ways and becoming a Paladin was pretty awesome but I don't know if it merits exclaiming and questioning a double set of ellipses. I don't know if it's just me, but I'd expect this "legendary sword" to be pretty damn good, but of course, a little while later you'll be buying a sword whose power doubles this one from some town weapon shop. Hmm, I feel sort of uncomfortable taking advice from a town elder who willingly admits he knows absolutely nothing about anything. He should give himself more credit, after all, he's a master of being badly translated. Before actually taking the Serpent Road talk to this guy: It's easy to do something for an undefined amount of time purposely given with no reference points. In this guy's logic, I also just wished ever since, therefore I am still not impressed with the knowledgeless elder. After you take the Serpent Road you'll find yourself all the way back at Baron, talking to the townsfolk will give you hints at where you should go. The clues are subtle and slight, for example: "There is a karate man in the Inn" Upon entering the Inn, you'll find Yang, surprise, surprise. You'll have to face Yang and his two henchmen in battle, but if you think a plot twist is coming, think again. Yang is a weakling and goes down easily, especially with the help of Tellah's newly remembered spells, but nothing is going to stop him from telling you to Shut up! before you put him down. That includes the fact that you didn't even say anything... And the award for worst possible grammar and diction goes to... Tellah! After properly catching up and reuniting with Yang in the Inn, head for the very convenient secret waterway into the castle. Upon reaching the castle you'll be greeted by Baigan the Cheif Guard of Baron who will also join your party. Hmmm... The only thing fishy is that getting Baigan in your team would mean that you'd have 6 members where 5 are only allowed in the engine of the game. So naturally, he turns into a boss monster. Rawwr. After you kill Baigan you'll get the opportunity you've been waiting for since the beginning of the game, finally being able to confront the King of Baron to give him a piece of your mind. Okay, save your breath, he's going to turn into a boss monster too. You see? I don't want to say I told you so but... Well, I guessed that the King would turn into a boss monster but never in my wildest dreams did I envision it being such an ugly one. Kainazzo is, hands down, the most horrendous looking creature Final Fantasy IV has to offer. Get your fill of his ugliness now because in after a couple lit-3's he'll be put down for good. ...But not without a last attempt to squash you on your way out of the throne room. Luckily Palom and Porom are there to sacrifice their lives to save you by casting stone on themselves. Soft would cure any other case of petrification but doesn't for this one. That's due to the um.... the fact that there is no reason. But rest assured, you can't heal them, reason or not. Oh, and in case you were wondering if the King of Baron's dissapearance counts as the loss of an elderly man. It does. TO BE CONTINUED! (If I don't get institutionalized from having recurring night terrors about Kainazzo)

XD! Keep up the jawesome work there, Necronopticous.

Yeah, Tellah has some of the worst grammar as far as I can see.

Man...Kainazoo is pretty ugly. Ya got that right.

woohoo. more more...

serious talent man, serious talent..

by the way, on the ugliness scale,

FuSoYa > Kainazzo

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by the way, on the ugliness scale,

FuSoYa > Kainazzo

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When he's dead he looks like a mop!

MOPU! XD

Wow.

Final Fantasy IV is my favorite game off all time. I played through the original english translation countless time. What you have done with the original American version is great! Keep them coming!

About the "Let's sleep in the King's bed!" line: in FFIIIj, when you go to the top of Princess Sara's tower in Sassoon Castle, you can walk up to Sara's bed and, er...put delicately, your righteous noble Light Warriors do some serious shakin' around during the night. So I'd assume that the thing about sleeping in the King's bed was a tip-off to FFIIIj's corresponding scene, but it shouldn't have been there for two reasons:
(1) Since Square never translated FFIIIj anyway, the scene in FFIV has no context and is just nonsensical. If the American audience knew that it was a tip-off, things would've made more sense.
(2) If the Light Warriors in FFIIIj were giving themselves a good time in the bed of a pretty girl, and Cecil is apparently supposed to be doing it in the bed of an old guy...ew, I don't wanna think about the implications there.

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Originally Posted by theundeadhero

When he's dead he looks like a mop!

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He does indeed resemble a mop. Which is why he's so useful.

I mean, his skills as a magic user can't be matched, and when he's dead, he doubles as a mop, capable of soaking up the toughest spills. Fusoya's mop-esque appearence is not without reason.

Honestly, do you look anything like a mop when you're passed out? I think not.

Feion

Come up with the next chapter soon!

Don't worry, it's coming. I'm a busy man these days

Don't tempt us. ::drools::

more i say!

your comics have been one of the few things that haven't failed to make me laugh during this very difficult and depressing time i'm going through this winter.

yours as well as a certain fanfiction i read on another site... not sure if the author is on here, and i'd have to put proper credit, but its a parody on FFIV, really hysterical.

anyways... more cheese please! :D

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anyways... more cheese please!

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More Ovaltine Please!

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Originally Posted by feioncastor

No, he doesn't forget. "Litbolt" and "Firebomb" are items, not skills, and you do get them in Japanese version. Also, you can use a Game Genie for the US version (FFII) and buy things from stores called "Dummy", and all that these mysterious "dummy" items are. They are items originally from FF4 that were omitted to make the game more simple. Some other items include the Smut, and the various healing items. For example, there used to be eyedrops for blind, echo screen for silence, mallet for mini, and so forth. But when we got the game, they condensed them all into "Heal", because it would be too complex for our fragile American brains....

Oh my god, I'm so lame because I point out dumb stuff like that. I swear, I really just need to shut the f**k up every now and then. My bad.

Feion

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Hmmm, I guess my rom must be translated then, cause I definitely have luck mallet's, diet food, echo herbs, etc... It is EXTREMELY annoying against enemies that have "Bad Breath"... :mad: Every status in the book except the good ones. And a turn for each one. Those stupid dinosaur things guarding the ribbon used it, but I reflected it back onto them! :D

Special Extended Edition!
Parental Guidence Suggested

Episode III - "Rated R for Ridiculous" Just as soon as you get comfy in your new ride, you'll be approached by Kain, still under thr control of Golbez. Cecil is informed that if he ever wants to see Rosa again he must obtain the earth crystal and hand it over. Frightened by the thought of never seeing his girlfriend again, Cecil does what any one of us would. He goes to the town led by dozens of scantly clad women and home to the only brothel in the world, the great Toroia. As would be expected, there are lots of interesting people in this town. Some of the highlights include the famed "bad grammar warning guy": The "Hmm, I wonder if TwinHarps will be essential to the story in the near future" girl: And the filthy old pervert: After you're done introducing yourself to the ladies walking around town (and skinny dipping in the lake) head to the whorehouse. The Toroian whorehouse, referred to by its codename "Cafe" is one of the most interesting locations in the whole of Final Fantasy IV. I'll let the following images speak for themselves. One of the prostitutes will offer you a mysterious "pass" for a whopping 10,000 gil. For Cecil's sake, raise the money. This is Cecil's only chance in the game to receive questionable favors from the "showgirls" Whew. Well, after you've satisfied Cecil's raging libido head to the strangely placed Black Chocobo farm in the brothel's basement. Be sure to read the headline posted to the wall. And if that doesn't do it for you, perhaps the near phonetically impossible noise that Black Chocobos make will. When the signs of bad translation show even in the random noises of farm animals in your video game, that's pretty bad news. Anyway, once you're all done in town head for the castle. You might be wondering if you missed something. Perhaps a background on this mysterious elf who is evil by nature and decided to steal the earth crystal. The story of Dark Elf is as follows: He is a mysterious elf who is evil by nature and decided to steal the earth crystal. Trying to understand may spontaneously cause your head to explode. My advice is to not even bother. Instead, go visit Edward! If you're thinking something along the lines of "What!?" then you're way ahead of yourself. Just wait until Cid opens his mouth. This is what you would get at a restaurant if you ordered the "Irrelevent Textbox, (hold the sense.)" Well, if you hadn't guessed, its time to catch a Black Chocobo and fly to the Dark Elf's cavern to retrieve the stolen earth crystal. Make sure to equip yourself with wooden armor and weapons so that you won't be affected by the magic-metal barrier that the Dark Elf created. On a tangent, as it has went unsaid long enough. VampGirls are HOT Oh yeah, Dark Elf is also a robot who speaks in all caps. ...while disregarding the more basic rules of semantics. He might not be the most gramatically correct boss, but he never fails to wipe you out on his first couple of turns. Luckily, Edward's horrible music pulls through for you again. That's right, it's so terrible that it disrupts magnetism and allows you to equip all of your metal weapons again. Take the opportunity to destroy Dark Elf and obtain the earth crystal! But wait... Dark Elf seems to have more tricks up his sleeve! ...nevermind TO BE CONTINUED! (After I finish printing out these VampGirl pinups <3)

NICE! Best one yet! I'll have you're share! That I will!

I've been converted, truly a magnificent thing. TRULY!?

Great, it was great again. Ps. If you have some of those Vampire Girl pinups left,send them =P

Vampgirls ARE hot!

:lol: :lol: :lol: Things don't get much funnier than The Power of Cheese. :lol: :lol: :lol:

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This is what you would get at a restaurant if you ordered the "Irrelevent Textbox, (hold the sense.)"

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I love that. Good work.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

lol.I can not believe i have not come on this thread before. Absolutly stunning stuf herer................. and yesh that is deliberate ironie.

I await tentatively for the next instalement :p

thanks necro :D

Holy crap. I honestly can't remember the last time I laughed this hard at something I read on a message board.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Don't worry, me and my enterprise will leave positive feedback.

Excellent work you have here. I'm pleased to see something of this caliber spawn from such a site as this. This could be big, man - you're sitting on a gold mine of raw humor. Keep it up! :)

Always nice to hear the feedback. I'm glad you all enjoy it, don't get too carried away, however, or I'll take all of your shares!

Amazing, MAKE MORE

Nice work again! Keep it up!

I'm sad to say I didn't find this thread until a few days ago! I wanted to say I love the story! It's so hilarious!

This parody has inspired me to replay FFIV. :D

It's mostly funny. But Please Don't Do Michael Jackson jokes anymore - I find them offensive!

This parody makes me want to bite the idea and do the exact same thing for FFI.

Episode IV - "Another one bites the dust" Great indeed. Now that you've retrieved the Earth Crystal from Dark Elf you have everything you need to get Rosa back from the evil clutches of Golbez. Meet Kain! In! the airship! To make the trade! Great! Oh no! The entire Red Wings clone crew has been turned into BushHags! If you don't want Rosa to suffer the same fate, you had better do what Kain says. After ascending into the clouds alongside Kain's airship you'll somehow magically be inside a tower. Ignore the impossible nature of the situation and press on. (Cue evil lighting) Uh oh! It appears Golbez not only has Kain under control but Yuna from Final Fantasy X as well! The following boss battle can be tough if you don't dispatch the sisters in the following order: Fat one >> Short one >> Sexually suggestive one The magus sisters never suspect that you know to kill off the obese one first, thus, they never fail to be surprised when you win the fight. Hurry on, Golbez is just ahead! YEAH! YOU FOUL TRAITOR! ... Wait... Golbez was always on the bad guy side, not quite a traitor... Okay ignore that textbox! Nobody calls Tellah an old man and gets away with it! Well... at least not without saying GRRR...... Unfortunately this is the end of Tellah, and while you might think that there is some deep symbolic significance or importance in his death, there isn't. You see, you're about to get Kain back on your team and rescue Rosa. This would make 6 members on your team, you get where this is going. Speaking of rescuing Rosa. Cozy? Don't you mean SEXY? Two characters in one sprite, now that's what I call hot. Green lights AND hyphen-delimited syllabled laughter. This can only mean one thing. A boss in a bikini! No fears, with Kain back this fat-assed-less-than-half-dressed-horizontal-lightning-bolt-shaped-crack-for-eyes wench hardly poses a threat. But not even Kain's physics defying jump ability can rid you of Cid's reaction to a dangerous situation. TO BE CONTINUED! (And you were expecting a vehicle!)

How will the heroes escape the crumbling tower?!
Find out next time on the series 2 finalé of Final Fantasy IV: "Ah, The Power of Cheese"!

In the words of Cid: Wooow! Can't wait for the next episode Necro-- erm... N-Dawg.

WooooooooW??

Cheese always gets better with age.

Well done. :spin:

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This parody makes me want to bite the idea and do the exact same thing for FFI.

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Go for it! Humor is always appreciated.

You can do a lot with FF1, even though the dialog is lacking, it's almost all bad!

Great stuff! TPOC! What about more? Another Episode??

...!!...!!

:) I'm enjoying it.

Fat one >> Short one >> Sexually suggestive one

Priceless! :p

P.S.: OMGWTFBBQ!!! Look down at my sig! :eek: BOSS IN A BIKINI!!!!!!!!!!!!111oneone :hahaha:

But the one in your signature doesn't have a horizontal lightning bolt crack for eyes now DOES it?

Wonderful, as usual.

Once again...well done!

:laugh: I loved it! It's so funny!

Dude, for the next one, go talk to the Dwarf to the right of Giott.

"The King has shown more love to Luca since the Queen passed away!"

Hilarity.

This is utterly hilarious. I have laughed so hard, and this makes me want to play FFIV again.

OH NOES! NO NEW VEHICLE! Remember what I posted earlier - it's hilarious.

Once again, great laughs necro.

can't wait for the next episode.

rofl This is hillarious!

Wow I just read all of those episodes. I usually don't have the attention span. This is absolutely amazing work, I crack up on every other line just about. I never noticed how stupid Cecil was until now. Poor avatar...

LMFAO,I cant syop laughing! this is the funniest thing ever! pls finish the next one soon! *falls out of chair laughing* LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

Episode V - "What?" Well, normally Rosa would deserve a "thanks!" and "good job!" but since half of the game has been saving her from the stupid situations she manages to get herself into, it's not necessary. Well, if you've been waiting for some of questions that the game has opened up to be answered, the next scene will, at the very least, confuse you into thinking you just got some those answers. Basically what Cid is trying to say tell you is that you need to drop a key made out of solidified magma down a bottomless well in order to open the way to the underworld. In Cid's logic 'so to speak' we can also assume that his earlier outburst of "Wooow!" probably meant something along the lines of "There is a dog in my coffee" You've got your path set out for you, since there is only one bottomless well in the world, however, if I were you I would spend some time around the town. You can start at the bookshelves in the observatory: It is sounding like very insight! Okay, just one more stop, do yourself a favor and talk to... him: Um, no comment. Drop the key in the well already! What? Something tells me that dropping the key down the well would not result in this outcome but what the hell, right? Let's enter. Just two seconds after you've entered the underworld you'll already encounter your first chunk of trouble. Unfortunately, the Enterprise doesn't hold out, not even through improperly exclaimed bursts of shouting. But not to worry, Cecil has a genius solution to the predicament. What? In case you were wondering... Before going to meet King Giott, collect the following classic textbox on the left wing of the castle: OH! And just when you thought my logic was failing! I love being right. Anyway, Giott turns out to be a very fine dwarf. Friendly and helpful, I wonder if he's got an ogrish one? All is well until *gasp* the time when all is not well! What!? The new and improved Yang with super extra-sensory powers! Now capable of feeling the act of someone listening in on your conversation. Take advantage of Yangs amazing power and head for the crystal room to face the eavesdroppers! I'm not sure which form is freakier... Regardless, now that you have Rosa's healing power restoring your team every turn Calbrena will go down in no time. Unfortunately, the trouble is far from over... Oh yeah and that too... Golbez! Oh no! Hold gas! Golbez doesn't like to play fair and now you're totally defenseless to him! Why didn't he use this unstoppable move every other time you've come into contact with him? Could it be that he, himself realizes what an embarassingly dumb name it has? Golbez calls upon his evil shadow dragon and sadistically watches as it devours your helpless party one by one... Just when all hope seems to be lost- Rydia saves the day! Doesn't surprise me that Cecil takes some of the credit for Rydia summoning and killing Golbez single handedly... It also doesn't surprise me that the first thing he tries to do afterward is use a "yo mama" joke on Rydia: Rydia has truly grown, she is finally able to stand up to Cecil's relentless torment. With Rydia back, the crystal safe, and Golbez defeated, it's truly a great day in the world of Final Fantasy IV! ... What? TO BE CONTINUED! (Get well Shelley!)

LOL!!!

i love it! my favorite one yet! "an ogrish one...", "yo mama joke on Rydia" oh man, you kill me!

thanks jeremy :D you rock my world

<3

:love:

That is all.

Hmm, the new Rydia sprite is also very cool. Maybe new idea for Poster? :P. Anyway, it's as always fantastic.

If you can't see the pictures right now that's because the host is temporarily down, should be back up soon.

I thought the same thing about the "your mother..." line when I was a kid. I never really noticed how much they say "WHAT?!" either. Well done!

Very funny. :) :thumb:

*applauds you* This really made my day. I hope you won't stop after FFIV is done, I'd love to see the same thing done to... ohhh... FFVII. Or VI, since I'd rather read something about VI than VII. And I'm sure they contain the same amount of poorly translated quotes. Not nearly as many as IV...

Ted Woosley always makes for bad translations.

I'm doing pretty well on IV, I don't want to start talking about what I'm going to do afterward until this one is at least nearing completion. I'll just be happy to finish this game to be honest.

I honestly haven't laughed that hard in a very long time. The "yo mama" joke and the "I wonder if he has an Ogrish one?" things were probably the highlights for me.

Feion

What!?

Brilliant, as always.

I know I'm supposed to say something.

Oh yeah... What?!

lol, they do say that a lot don't they?

Since this if full of other requests, I would love to see one on how horrible FFVII is. Someone could make it on the monsters alone.

I think this should be published, it's absolutely hysterical.

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Originally Posted by Doomsday

Yeah, I laughed my ass off at the mother joke.

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Yea, that one made my day! Great stuff Necro!!! :lol:

Me: Freaking HILARIOUS.

King of Fabul: TRULY!?

Me: Stop that.

You know the part where goblez was saying to Tellah "This doesnt concern you old man"? I think Goblez has a thing for old men >_> Why else would Tellah say Traitor?! And why would Cid say the dangerous word of cheat? >_> it makes sense now...

Nice stuff ^^

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Originally Posted by Flying Mullet

Ted Woosley always makes for bad translations.

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But Woosley didn't translate FFIV. A team of Japanese people did.

Keep up the good work Necro.

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Originally Posted by abrojtm

But Woosley didn't translate FFIV. A team of Japanese people did.

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I was referring to FFVI when they were talking about making fun of its script.

Oh, right :). FFVI's script was nothing compared to FFIV's though, at least they made an effort for the plot to make sense (you son of a submariner!!! xD).

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Originally Posted by abrojtm

(you son of a submariner!!! xD).

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I haven't the foggiest!

We want more! We want more! We want more!

Series 3

Episode I - "They were clearly out of ideas" Golbez is obviously one tough cookie, but I don't think anyone expected him to have the power to survive solely through his severed hand. Not only does he continue to live through it, he also displays that he is able to talk with it, walk with it, dim the lights in the room with it, and worst yet: steal the crystal and dissapear with it! Honestly, if this twist came as a surprise to you, you need to get out more. This sounds like a really great idea, but it's really your only option since there is absolutely no where else you can go in the underworld on foot. Before you take off, make some conversation. Something tells me that this is not a very secure password. And of course: Kind words, really. Once you're gotten your fill of dwarves head off toward the Tower of Bab-il. *Screenshot not pictured to scale! The Tower of Bab-il is exactly like the Tower of Zot making it highly uninteresting to go through, however, at the end you will get to face off against Dr. Frankenstein and his Monster so hang in there! You said it! What? Did you think I was kidding about this? I wouldn't get your hopes up for nothing. Don't be frightened by the appearance of this boss, after all, the battle is easier than it would be for Mary Shelley to sue Squaresoft. To avoid a lawsuit, in Final Fantasy IV, Dr. Frankenstein magically turns into a mechanical skeleton that likes to poison you. Classy. But just when you think you've bested the rip off, he's got another cliché up his sleeve! Dwarves, Biblical towers, Frankenstein, Robot Skeletons, and Super Cannons all in a half hour of gameplay. Wow. Silly girl, dwarves are always in danger. They're dwarves! You had better hurry and stop the cannon anyway, Giott was a nice guy after all. I think it's safe to say Cecil just got moated. The good thing is that whenever someone says there is absolutely no way to do something in an RPG it usually means it is entirely possible, and about to happen. Even if it means someone had to sacrifice themselves. *gasp* No need, living is something human beings do by default. ...Unless, of course, you happen to be Yang right now TO BE CONTINUED! (This is the first time I've used "moated" since Jr. High, I swear)

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No need, living is something human beings do by default.

...Unless, of course, you happen to be Yang right now

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:love: :love: :love: :love: !!!!!!

ROFL

"Tell my wife...to live for me!"

Loving it! :thumb:

You updating=me not stabbing you :D :D :D

Great stuff! C'mon! I want the next one NOW!!! :D

If the next one is done by Tuesday I will [img]http://home.eyesonff.com/images/smilies/heart.gif[/img] you.

Just beat the game for the first time this evening. This was very funny before, and now, it's hilarious. ^^

Thanks for the awesome commentary.

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Originally Posted by Flying Mullet

Ted Woosley always makes for bad translations.

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You REALLY can't compare what Woolsey did to what the FFIV translation team did. Woolsey's script was intelligable and coherent. Doing a FFVI parody would be about 3 panels long, and consist of Kefka calling Edgar a "son of a submariner!" Locke stealing some poor bum's clothes, and Celes contemplating how fun it would be to jump off a cliff. There, I just gave you the entire thing.

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Originally Posted by TheUndeadHero

Since this if full of other requests, I would love to see one on how horrible FFVII is. Someone could make it on the monsters alone.

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Get me a PS emulator that can take screens and I'll do it.

Hmmm, you should probarly do it about FFI too. That has more stupid translationmistakes. Oh, and I love the new episode.