Why Won't You Open?!

Everything. EVERYTHING; is user proof these days.

Now, it may just be my lack of defined muscle tissue, but it seems like every bottle, every package, every program is working against me.

I spent nearly 7 minutes trying to open the top of one of those fancy sport drinks. To no avail! I felt as though my inyards would disembark from my body.

This drink is not the only item protesting my consumption.

Computer programs simply fail me, closing everytime I try to open them or pooping out an error message in the midst of a project I'm working on, rendering all work obsolete.

Advil bottles are more likely to sprout legs and do a jig rather than give up their tastey sedatives enclosed.

Pickle jars must literally have their edges beaten in with a knife before they budge even an iota.

Like really? Stupid son of a Stupid. >=( It's time someone smack these products into submission. Back into the kitchen where they belong!

HI ASHLEEEY. <3

Have you ever had those Dole juices? Those are the bloody devil. Sometimes I can open them, but usually me&roomie have to call upon a specially trained team of juice opening males we have on call 24/7.

I actually have developed an attempted-to-open-juice callus on my finger. :(

Another thing! Why does everything come in like inch thick plastic now? I recently got new headphones, and it took the jaws of freaking life to get them open.

Clearly the work of the Space Devil.

I find a strange pattern arising at how hard pasta sauce jars are to open. Definitely requires feats of immense wrist strength. Sometimes I can't even open packets which have those 'tear here' lines on them. I think I'm becoming an invalid :(

Those plastic things are evil, and if you aren't careful they'll cut you back. I hate plastic things.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Emerald Aeris

HI ASHLEEEY. <3

Have you ever had those Dole juices? Those are the bloody devil. Sometimes I can open them, but usually me&roomie have to call upon a specially trained team of juice opening males we have on call 24/7.

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Hey Elyse! :D

Hmmm... team of thing openers... that might just work!

I shall employ a team of Ninja Thing Openers.

My BJ opens my unopenables for me. :D

omg ashely ;_;

I can never open CDs and DVDs when I first buy them. They suck.

Sports drinks give me a hard time sometimes. That's when I get out a steak knife and saw off the top of the bottle.

Apparently i'm the bottle opener master. Everyone gives me their bottles to open and I can usually do it. I suppose I have strong hand/grip muscles. That'll help in other places too...

Did you try using the magic word?

Doubleyoo Tee Eff? I haven't such a problem you must just suck @ lief! ELL OH ELL!

I couldn't even open my water bottle this morning. And I was really thirsty. :(

Everytime I try to open those plastic packages things I cut myself or stab myself. The packaging is more durable than any product that has ever been contained by that loathsome stuff.

I can also tell whenever we're having pizza or spaghetti because you can hear the sauce jar being wailed on the floor to make it openable :p.

Stupid packaging.

Microsoft Windows.

pickle jars are my nemesis. they never open!
plus those sports top water bottle? they're leathal!
i was trying to open one with my teeth, it sliped and i cut my lip open!!!!!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:
they come straight from hell, i swear.

Um...CD plastic wrappers or whatnot, damn Snapples *though I WILL them to open!*, um...Peanut Butter & Jelly jars *those damn things are EVIL*

Quote:

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Originally Posted by fire_of_avalon

Those plastic things are evil, and if you aren't careful they'll cut you back. I hate plastic things.

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YES. And to add insult to injury, the plastic things always have a cardboard insert with instructions and stuff on it, so you can't even rend it with a pair of kitchen shears without damaging the contents. Blargh.

It's all in the wrist.

Thermoses are hell to open sometimes -_-
and the bathroom door always seems to lock itself :eek:

You know those breakable chocolate balls that are hollow inside? You're supposed to slam them against something and eat the individual pieces of the wreckage.

I broke mine with a sledgehammer.

Lots of these things are supposed to be theft-proof so you can't just steal whatever it is in the store without paying. I think I'll become a thief so that I don't feel insulted when things don't open for me.