Originally Posted by Big Ogre Umaro
My 2nd time playing through Final Fantasy 7 was going very nicely. I had gotten to the 2nd disc... when I thought I might try some ressurection.
I popped open the little hatch on the back of the Playstation, exposing the raw Parallel port, and inserted the Game Rapist. I wasn't concerned with unlimited Master Materia, or having everyone on Lev. 99.... I was into something a little more.... occult.
I had chosen to enter the dark side. To use all the unholy power of the GameRapist to bring back my best character. She was beautiful.... she had nice smelling hair.... she had these..... amazing green eyes. I think I was in love with her. If you know nothing else as you read the horror story that you are about to go into, then know this: What I did for her, I did out of love.
My woman's name was Aeris. When that bastard Sephiroth ran her through with the powerful Masamune, a sword that had once helped the Light Warriors destroy Chaos, and a newer, braver group of Light Warriors take X-Death down.... I felt like I had been driven mad.
I knew it was going to happen. That is the horrible thing. I knew that Aeris was going to die. I had played through the game before. The horrifying thing about video games (RPGs especially) is that even knowing the future doesn't help you prevent it.
I wished that I could have gone under that sword for her. So that she could put an end to the madness that the villian had put on the world. I wished that I could just... just read her words one more time. But all the love and all the foreknowledge in the world couldn't have saved Aeris in the Ancient City that day. I knew that, and it pained me, but I went on anyway. I was strong. I defeated the enemies at the end of the first disc, and went on to the 2nd.
I could no longer take it. Why had the game designers done this to me? I knew what was going to happen! Why couldn't I change it? I loved her, dammit!! We... we had a date at the Gold Saucer together. Well... not me and her.... her and that BASTARD Cloud. God, she never loved me. She loved HIM. But.... but I controled him. Every step he took was really my step. I used my Playstation controller to.... to become Cloud Strife. If she loved him, and I controled him... then that means that she... she really loved me, right? Well.... I loved her and that was all that mattered!
But none of it mattered anymore, anyway. She was dead. I was alone. Sure, there was Tifa. Cloud would fall in love with her eventually. But she was different. Cloud was obligated to love her. Sakaguchi told him to. I never wanted him to love her! But that meant that my control over Cloud wasn't complete. I could never.... become Cloud and save Aeris. No matter how I tried. It would never be.
I played bitterly on the 2nd disc. I was coming to grips with the fact that I really didn't have complete control over Cloud. I could tell him who to attack... could even make him turn against his own friends. I could tell him where to walk..... make him look right at a piece of shining Materia, but never pick it up. He would just leave it there if I didn't make him do it. If I put the controler down, he would just stand there. Blinking. Not breathing. Just... blinking.
I could do all that. But I couldn't make him not love Tifa. I couldn't make him save Aeris. It was all Sakaguchi's fault. I thought about killing him. But I knew I never would. He lived far. I wouldn't make it there. My love for Aeris and her absense from the game were together burning a huge hole in my heart.
Maybe I did what I did next because I never had a real girlfriend. Oh sure there was the occasional girl, but nothing that ever struck me as real. I never.... I've never been in love. Not... REAL love. I didn't think I had. But... Aeris to me was like... like REAL love. Maybe it wasn't real love for ME, but she loved Cloud. They were in.... they were in love SO much.
I started to come to grips with what was happening. I started caring about what it was like for Aeris more than what it was like for me. I knew I would never be with Aeris. I'd never hold her, or kiss her, or make love to her. That was an impossibility. But if... if I could find a way to bring her back..... then she could do all those things with Cloud. I would never see them or hear of them, but Cloud would. And, more importantly, Aeris would. That's all I cared about. Her happiness. I would lay down my life for her to be happy at that point.
With all this in mind, I hope you don't put too harsh a judgement on me for what I did next. I inserted the GameRapist into the open slot of the Playstation. It made an audible creaking sound. I always wondered if that creak was one of pain, or one of pleasure. Maybe it was both. Maybe the Playstation liked to be violated every once in a while. Maybe it liked to walk on the wild side. Cheat on the game designers a little bit. Maybe it made the Playstation feel more alive. More..... human.
At any rate, the GameRapist was now in the Parallel port. I stuck in the game CD. It was just a piece of plastic. It never occured to be that Aeris only existed on that little piece of plastic. Her entire history and life were contained on just.... just some bumps and code created in some factory in the middle of nowhere. I wonder if I would have cared if that had occured to me.
I already had the code installed. I entered it absently the week before. I didn't even know I was doing it. I put all the codes I got from the website. I had over 60 Game Rapist codes for Final Fantasy 7, ranging from Ultimate Weapons to Unlimited Gil.
I only selected one.
As I followed the (fairly complicated) procedure for bringing back my beloved, I remembered a book I once read. It was called..... Pet Sematary. I don't know why I thought of it then, but it crossed my mind nonetheless.
Then the moment came. I simply had to switch an empty slot for the third slot in the PHS, and.... THERE SHE WAS!!! The only girl I ever loved... my heart skipped a beat. I went and saved the game, as the instructions told me to. I thought about making a backup of the old game, but why would I need to? I stared at her beauty for a moment, enjoying every pixel of her face portrait, thanking the character designer (who, despite being someone other than Yo[img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img]aka Amano, did more than a wonderful job), and everyone in the world. There was the beauty that had won me over. There was the wit and the charm. There was-- wait. Wit and charm? Would those still be there?
Sure, I had Aeris' body back. Her body is a very wonderful part of her. But... did I have her mind? Her cute ways? Her funny dialogue? Would all the things that I loved about her besides her good looks gone? The game writers certainly didn't write anything for Aeris to say after she was DEAD, did they? When they were done with her, they threw her away. Aeris was there, fighting along with Cloud. They were RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER, but... would that make him love Tifa any less on Disc 3? What was this thing that I brought to life? Was it a woman? Was it a character in a video game? Was it... was it a shell? Yes, that's what it was. It was a shell. Nothing more. Just half a thing which I used to love. She was still beautiful.... oh god she was beautiful.. but she was no more. She was just a lovely...... zombie. I could look into her eyes and see all the life that was there before (even though it never occured to me that there never WAS any life in that polygonal temptress), and it would all be the same at that little moment.... but none of it mattered because even though her BODY was here, nothing else was.
I realized then that I kind of hated her. At least this incarnation of her. I hated her for not making Cloud love her instead of Tifa. I hated her for making me love her instead. I wanted her to go away.
If I could just take her out of the party... and never put her back in... then it would all be alright. I could just ignore her every time I went into the PHS. It would.... all be fine. I could forget about the love I once had for her. I could try to believe that I didn't still love her.
But, unfortunately, that's not what they had in mind. THEY being the evil psychotics who dictate what someone's fate it. My world was torn. I couldn't think straight. And on top of it all, GameRapist had made Aeris as stuck in the party as that BASTARD Cloud. I felt a dull pain in my stomache when I remembered that I had saved over my pure game.
So I played on. My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest and eaten by Mason Verger's wild evil pigs (excuse the obscure reference. Twas added to make one person laugh). I felt worse than I ever had in my life. I wanted to die. Not only to die, but to kill. There she was, no more alive than a Zombie. Just as mindless. Sure she could use magic, and she had her lev. 4 Limit. She would certainly be more than useful in battle... but she'll never love again. She'll be there when Cloud and Tifa realize they're in love. She'll be watching when the game camera fades out and she'll be there in between that time, and when the game camera fades back in. It'll be hell for her. She'll hate every second. I feel bad for her, but I can't do anything. There's..... nothing. I should have let the evil zombie psycho b*tch stay dead. My head hurt. I wanted to die. I thought maybe then I could be with Aeris' soul. Her body sure wasn't using it. Her soul was truly the most beautiful part of her.
I loved her.
But now I wish she were more dead.
