"Smart @$$ Comments" of 2004

This was an email a friend sent me... there are a few perverted comments sooo...

Smart Ass Answer #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said. "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Smart Ass Answer #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy. "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied," No ma'am, they're dead."

Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, " Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way w/o a ticket.

Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Smart Ass Answer #1:

A college teacher reminded her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

XD

#1! #1!

I vote #1.

lol

Of 2004?

Yea, 2005 isn't over yet :)

1, or 5

Is there a point to this thread?

Post Smart-Ass comments (acceptable ones). Not just comments.

1 is great. :D :D

When I was in sixth grade the teacher told us to 'take our seats', so I picked mine up and said 'where do you want me to take it?' I had to go sit outside for a while.

#1 is fing great!

in ninth grade my history teacher told me I'd have to take notes in order to get an A in the class and I told her I wouldn't take notes and I would get an A anyway. (I think I got an A, but don't really remember).

Or the time in 8th grade when the high school band director came by to hear the rising 9th graders and he says to me "you play very well. now you just need to get a private teacher to go to the next level" and I said "I seem to be doin just fine on my own."

Jay Leno: It is said that when women are having an orgasm, part of their brain shuts down. Hey Kev, you know what that part is?

Kevin Eubanks: Sorry Jay, I don't.

Jay Leno: (fixing his tie) Didn't think so.

:D

A girl who had the hots for me called me one day, and we talked for way too long as usual. During the conversation, she was whining about how we never hang out. She said "We never hang out Nick.. I really want to see you.." To which I responded "Well, you've seen me before... Why don't you just conjur up a mental image?"

xD

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Del Murder

When I was in sixth grade the teacher told us to 'take our seats', so I picked mine up and said 'where do you want me to take it?' I had to go sit outside for a while.

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You're my favorite. My smart ass comments were never that good :/

'But Mrs. Krabbapple, how would I know where the principal's office is?' *innocent look*

well she I have a bad habit. Like in musical chairs
Leader: Take a chair and get ready to play
*everyone sets down the chairs and the music plays but I lift mine up*
Leader: what are you doing?
Nick: you said take a chair
or the unforgetable
I didn't do it on purpoely I just hit the handle trying to destroy the foseball table... moron
I vote for number 2

My childcare teacher told me to take my earrings out, to stop looking in the mirror and then told me to move, I was fed up so I stomped off to another seat she said
"I have one bug word for you, attitude"
Later, my friend pointed out I should have said:
"Yeah, well, I've got two big words for you..."
I thought that was hilarious :p

I was talking when a teacher was, so she told me off & said, "JOSH! How dare you interrupt me while I'm speaking. Repeat what I just said..." , so I said, "JOSH! How dare you interrupt me while I'm speaking. Repeat what I just said...". That got me in a bit of trouble... Especially because it was in Year 3.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TisWas

I was talking when a teacher was, so she told me off & said, "JOSH! How dare you interrupt me while I'm speaking. Repeat what I just said..." , so I said, "JOSH! How dare you interrupt me while I'm speaking. Repeat what I just said...". That got me in a bit of trouble... Especially because it was in Year 3.

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Heehee, that's beautiful :cool:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Me, in another forum

*Sees Greg's wang* Oh no thanks, I don't smoke.

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My AP stats teacher pulled #1 on a student in our class once. That was 2001. :up:

The bridge one is also told by Engvall in his "Here's your sign" thing:

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope — talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. Said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So..is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."