Favourite Monty Python Quotes.

Life of Brian:
*scene is the PFJ talking. Stan keeps on interrupting them with "or women" whenever they say 'man'.*
Reg: Will you shut up, Stan? Why are you so obsessed with women?
Stan: I want to be one.
Reg: .....You what?
Stan: From now on I want you all to call me Lorreta.
Judith: but why do you want to be Lorreta, Stan?
Stan: I want to have babies.
Reg: You can't have babies!
Stan: You oppressing me?
Reg: I'm not oppressing you!
Stan: Its every man's right to want to have babies.
Reg: You can't have babies, stan. You don't have a womb. Where's the fetus going to gestate, you gonna keep it in a box?

What are you favourite Monty Python Quotes?

"We found this spoon."

Reg: They've bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had, and not just from us, from our fathers, and from our fathers' fathers.
Loretta: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers.
Reg: Yeah.
Loretta: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers.
Reg: Yeah. All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?!
Xerxes: The aqueduct?
Reg: What?
Xerxes: The aqueduct.
Reg: Oh. Yeah, yeah. They did give us that. Uh, that's true. Yeah.
Commando #3: And the sanitation.
Loretta: Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Reg. Remember what the city used to be like?
Reg: Yeah. All right. I'll grant you the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done.
Matthias: And the roads.
Reg: Well, yeah. Obviously the roads. I mean, the roads go without saying, don't they? But apart from the sanitation, the aqueduct, and the roads--
Commando: Irrigation.
Xerxes: Medicine.
Commandos: Huh? Heh? Huh...
Commando #2: Education.
Commandos: Ohh...
Reg: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.
Commando #1: And the wine.
Commandos: Oh, yes. Yeah...
Francis: Yeah. Yeah, that's something we'd really miss, Reg, if the Romans left. Huh.
Commando: Public baths.
Loretta: And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now, Reg.
Francis: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let's face it. They're the only ones who could in a place like this.
Commandos: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Xerxes: Brought peace.
Reg: Oh. Peace? Shut up!

Dunno about quotes, but the whole Rabbit scene in the Holy Grail made me laugh out loud.

The Vikings and their spam.

Waitress: "Well, there's Spam, egg, sausage, and Spam, that's not got much Spam in it."

Mrs Bun: "I don't want any Spam!"

Mr Bun: "Don't make a fuss, dear. I'll have your Spam. I love it. I'm having Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam, Spam, and Spam."

Waitress: "Baked beans are off."

Mr Bun: "Well, can I have Spam instead of the baked beans, then?"

Waitress: "You mean Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, and Spam?"

And so forth.

"It's time for the ritual spankings!"

"I have a cousin in Wome called Biggis Dickis!"
(could have been brother, can't remember its been a while since I've seen it)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Slade

"I have a cousin in Wome called Biggis Dickis!"
(could have been brother, can't remember its been a while since I've seen it)

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Its "I have a gweat fwiend Wome named Biggus Dickus!

That whole scene is good.

Oh, and the scene where the Roman guard catches Brian writing "Romans Go Home" in Latin on the palace, and then lectures him through how to write it properly.

"Now write it 100 times before sunrise" xD

"Incontinentia... Incontinentia BUCKET!" is awesome. The whole Wome scene is hilarious.

But that's redundant - the whole Monty Python entity is hilarious.

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

"I find your American beer like making love in a canoe."
"Why's that, Bruce?"
"Cause it's smurfing close to water!"

"Spare a talent for an ex-leper?"

"And they were forced to eat Sir Robin's minstrels. There was much rejoicing."
People: "Yay."

Black Knight: "It's just a flesh wound!"

"What are you going to do? Bleed on me?"

"I'm not dead yet!"

And the whole parrot sketch.

person that takes away dead people (man1): "Bring out your dead!"
Young man: "Here take this one!"
Old man: "I'm not dead yet!"
man1: "I can't take him, he's not dead!"
Young man: "Yes he is! look, he smells ad and look like 'e's so just take 'im!"
Old man: "I said I"m not dead!"
man1: "but he's not dead, I could get in trouble!"
Young man: "here, I'll pay you, just take him!"
man1: "well, all right!"

or something of that sort....

"Autumn went to Winter. Winter went to Spring. And spring skipped Summer and Autumn and went straight back to Winter."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mittopotahis

Its "I have a gweat fwiend Wome named Biggus Dickus!

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Thats it! I remember now. I loved that movie. Might have to hire it out again and relive the magic :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TurkSlayer

"And they were forced to eat Sir Robin's minstrels. There was much rejoicing."
People: "Yay."

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Friar: "Here lies the Grail at the Castle Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh........"
Arthur: "What?"
Friar" "Well, he must've died while carving it."
Arthur: "Oh come on. If he died, he wouldn't bother to carve "ahhhhhhhhhh....", he'd just say it!"

The entirety of "Every Sperm is Sacred".

Freakin' brilliant.

well this isn't a qoute but i find it really funny

the part where they coming in with the cocnuts impersating a horse gallop

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Episode 25

(Set: A tobacconist's shop.)
Text on screen: In 1970, the British Empire lay in ruins, and foreign nationalists frequented the streets - many of them Hungarians (not the streets - the foreign nationals). Anyway, many of these Hungarians went into tobacconist's shops to buy cigarettes....

A Hungarian tourist approaches the clerk. The tourist is reading haltingly from a phrase book.

Hungarian: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

Clerk: Sorry?

Hungarian: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

Clerk: Uh, no, no, no. This is a tobacconist's.

Hungarian: Ah! I will not buy this *tobacconist's*, it is scratched.

Clerk: No, no, no, no. Tobacco...um...cigarettes (holds up a pack).

Hungarian: Ya! See-gar-ets! Ya! Uh...My hovercraft is full of eels.

Clerk: Sorry?

Hungarian: My hovercraft (pantomimes puffing a cigarette)...is full of eels

(pretends to strike a match).

Clerk: Ahh, matches!

Hungarian: Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Do you waaaaant...do you waaaaaant...to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?

Clerk: Here, I don't think you're using that thing right.

Hungarian: You great poof.

Clerk: That'll be six and six, please.

Hungarian: If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I...I am no longer infected.

Clerk: Uh, may I, uh...(takes phrase book, flips through it)...Costs six and six...ah, here we are. (speaks weird Hungarian-sounding words)

Hungarian punches the clerk.

Meanwhile, a policeman on a quiet street cups his ear as if hearing a cry of distress. He sprints for many blocks and finally enters the tobacconist's.

Cop: What's going on here then?

Hungarian: Ah. You have beautiful thighs.

Cop: (looks down at himself) WHAT?!?

Clerk: He hit me!

Hungarian: Drop your panties, Sir William; I cannot wait 'til lunchtime. (points at clerk)

Cop: RIGHT!!! (drags Hungarian away by the arm)

Hungarian: (indignantly) My nipples explode with delight!

---

:D

Practically all of the quotes in The Life of Brian.

The entire scene with the black knight is amazing.

"It's only a flesh-wound!"

Reg: Look, If you're wanting to join the PFJ you'd have to really hate the Romans.
Brian: I do!
Reg: Oh yeah, how much?
Brian:...A lot.
Reg:..Alright your in.

Quote:

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(Set: A tobacconist's shop.)
Text on screen: In 1970, the British Empire lay in ruins, and foreign nationalists frequented the streets - many of them Hungarians (not the streets - the foreign nationals). Anyway, many of these Hungarians went into tobacconist's shops to buy cigarettes....

A Hungarian tourist approaches the clerk. The tourist is reading haltingly from a phrase book.

Hungarian: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

Clerk: Sorry?

Hungarian: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

Clerk: Uh, no, no, no. This is a tobacconist's.

Hungarian: Ah! I will not buy this *tobacconist's*, it is scratched.

Clerk: No, no, no, no. Tobacco...um...cigarettes (holds up a pack).

Hungarian: Ya! See-gar-ets! Ya! Uh...My hovercraft is full of eels.

Clerk: Sorry?

Hungarian: My hovercraft (pantomimes puffing a cigarette)...is full of eels

(pretends to strike a match).

Clerk: Ahh, matches!

Hungarian: Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Do you waaaaant...do you waaaaaant...to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?

Clerk: Here, I don't think you're using that thing right.

Hungarian: You great poof.

Clerk: That'll be six and six, please.

Hungarian: If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I...I am no longer infected.

Clerk: Uh, may I, uh...(takes phrase book, flips through it)...Costs six and six...ah, here we are. (speaks weird Hungarian-sounding words)

Hungarian punches the clerk.

Meanwhile, a policeman on a quiet street cups his ear as if hearing a cry of distress. He sprints for many blocks and finally enters the tobacconist's.

Cop: What's going on here then?

Hungarian: Ah. You have beautiful thighs.

Cop: (looks down at himself) WHAT?!?

Clerk: He hit me!

Hungarian: Drop your panties, Sir William; I cannot wait 'til lunchtime. (points at clerk)

Cop: RIGHT!!! (drags Hungarian away by the arm)

Hungarian: (indignantly) My nipples explode with delight!

---

Ah man, that is just classic. :D

"Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"

Quote:

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And the whole parrot sketch.

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Actually, there's why to many to list, those, are the ones that stick out right now. xD I haven't seen Monty Python in a long time.

MandyWhat Star sign is he?
Wise Man Capricorn
MandyCapricorn eh, what are they like?
Wise ManHe is the son of god, our messiah
MandyThats Capricorn is it?

---------------------------------------

Wise Man we were lead by a star
Mandy Lead by a bottle more like

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Mandy He's not the messiah he's a very naughty boy

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MandyWhat are all these people doing here?
Brian I think they must have popped by for something
Mandy Popped by?, swarmed by more like

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ArthurCamelot
LancelotCamelot
GalahadCamelot
Guy pretending to be a horse It's only a model
Arthur shh, Knights i bid you welcome to your new home now let us ride to Camelot

Knights singingWe're the Knights of The Round table
We Dance whene'er able
We do routines and chourus scenes with footwork impeccable
We dine here in camelot
we eat ham and jam and spam a lot

We're Knights of the Round Table
Our Shows are formidable
But many times, we're given rhymes
That are quite unsingable
We're opera mad in camelot
We sing from the diapraghm a lot

In war we're tough and able
Quite indefatigable
Between our quests, we sequin vests
an impersonate Clark Gable
it's a busy life in camalot
Knight SingingI have to push the pram a lot

ArthurOn second thoughts lets not go to Camalot it is a silly place

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Monk...And the lord spake, saying, "first shall thou take out the holy pin , then thou shalt count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt not count neither count thou two, excepting that thou then procceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my site, shall snuff it. :choc:

"You bastards! You vicious, heartless bastards! Look what you've done to him! He's worked his fingers to the bone to make this place what it is, and you come in with your petty feeble quibbling and you grind him into the dirt, this fine, honourable Man, whose boots you are not worthy to kiss. Oh it makes me mad!"

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elder berries! ...Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

"Who are you that is so wise in the ways of science?"

Number 2: the Larch

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dreddz

Dunno about quotes, but the whole Rabbit scene in the Holy Grail made me laugh out loud.

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I Told you about the rabbit but you said "Noooo it's just a rabbit"
And I like the parts where Arthur would exclaim "Jesus Christ!" in the Britsh accent.

BridgekeeperWhat is your name?
ArthurI am Arthur, King of the Britons
BridgekeeperWhat is your quest?
ArthurI seek the Holy Grail
BridgekeeperWhat is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
ArthurWhat do you mean? An African Swallow or a European swallow?
Bridgekeeper I dont know
(is ejected from bridge)
BevedereHow do you know so much about swallows?
ArthurYou have to know these things when your king :choc:

Although, I love almost ANYTHING from Life of Brian and Holy Grail... Mine has to be: "Who throws a shoe? Honestly!"

Also:

"What else floats on water?" "... Very small rocks! Lead! Lead!"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Matrinka

Although, I love almost ANYTHING from Life of Brian and Holy Grail... Mine has to be: "Who throws a shoe? Honestly!"

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I believe that's Austin Powers.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Matrinka

"What else floats on water?" "... Very small rocks! Lead! Lead!"

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That whole sketch is hilarious.

"So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?"
"Build a bridge out of her!"

'She turned me into a newt!'
'.....'
'I got better'

The three movies, "Life Of Brian", "The Holy Grail", and "The Meaning Of Life" are all classics. It would be impossible for me to pick a favourite.

Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
Cleric: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "Oh Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Brother Maynard: Skip a bit brother..

"Oh I see you have a machine that goes PING" - so stupid it was funny, and I haven't watched the meaning of life for a while so feel free to correct me if it fulfills your desire.
But the life of brian and the holy grail were classics! eg:
crowd: She did it! She did it! *cough cough* uh he did it! he did it!
and the haggling scene ^_^

I also love the football WC for philosophers.

"Nietzsche is getting a warning for accusing Confucius of having no free will."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jrgen

I also love the football WC for philosophers.

"Nietzsche is getting a warning for accusing Confucius of having no free will."

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I'd forgotten all about that. xD

"I fart in your general direction!" - It ain't classy and it ain't smart but somehow, still funny!

"'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!" - 'Nuf said.

EDIT: I'm going to the castle where they filmed The Holy Grail on Saturday! Yay for me! I'll have to go out and buy a coconut now.

It's just a flesh wound!

Interviewer: Good evening. I have with me in the studio tonight one of the country's leading skin specialists, Raymond Luxury Yacht.
Raymond Luxury Yacht: That's not my name!
Interviewer: [tries literal pronunciation] I'm sorry; Raymond Luxury Yatscht.
Raymond Luxury Yacht: No no no, it's spelled, "Raymond Luxury Yacht," but it's pronounced, "Throat Warbler Mangrove".
Interviewer: You are a very silly man, and I'm not going to interview you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Brian The Pink Shark

BridgekeeperWhat is your name?
ArthurI am Arthur, King of the Britons
BridgekeeperWhat is your quest?
ArthurI seek the Holy Grail
BridgekeeperWhat is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
ArthurWhat do you mean? An African Swallow or a European swallow?
Bridgekeeper I dont know
(is ejected from bridge)
BevedereHow do you know so much about swallows?
ArthurYou have to know these things when your king :choc:

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My favorite as well. :love:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dragon Ash

EDIT: I'm going to the castle where they filmed The Holy Grail on Saturday! Yay for me! I'll have to go out and buy a coconut now.

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I think they sell coconuts at the castle. At least that's what I remember from the documentary that comes with my edition of Holy Grail.

"he's pining for the fjords!!!" lol
"Oh F**k off!"....."How would you like us too f**k off oh lord?" hahaha cracks me up every time!

Brian: You are all indivudaul!
Crowd: Yes, we are all individuals!
Brian: You are all different!
Crowd: Yes, We are all different!
Guy: No I'm not!
Crowd: Shhhh!

I love it.

"And he was brave sir Robin, he bravely ran away, he bravely turned his tail and fled, bravely he chickened out."
I don't know if this is the right order though.

"We are the knights who say Ni"
"Bring us a shrubbery",
"We are the knights who say Ecky-ecky-ecky-f'tang-zoop-boing! Goodem-zoo-owli-zhiv"
"Bring us another shrubbery and arrange them in a two-tier effect with a little path in the middle and cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring."

Both of these are from the Holy Grail

Well i always laugh at this scene in The Holy Grail

Arthur approaches an isolated castle guarded by soldiers ( #1 & #2 )
S #1: Where'd you get the coconuts?
A : We found them.
S #1: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
A : What do you mean?
S #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.
A : The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
S #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
A : Not at all. They could be carried.
S #1: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
A: It could grip it by the husk!
S #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
A: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.
S #1: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
A: Please!
S #1: Am I right?
A: I'm not interested!
S #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
S #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.
S #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
A: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
S #1: But then of course a-- African swallows are non-migratory.
S #2: Oh, yeah...
S #1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway...

Also a few Scenes from the Flying circus

Man: "I have trained these mice to squeak at certain frequincies when i hit them with this mallet" man begins hitting mice with mallet
Voices from background: "You sick bastard!!" "I think im going to barf" and so on

Rustic Shepherd: It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their 'ind legs. Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet.

hunting a moth]
Hank Spim: Well, I follow the moth in the helicopter to lure it away from the flares, and then Roy comes along in the Lockheed Starfighter and attacks it with air-to-air missiles.

Annoucer: "And now for something completely different"

The whole How to Hide skit (involves the blowing up and shooting of man people) and the How to Defend Yourself When Attacked by Someone With Fruit skit.

So many funny things in the Monty Python collection

I like that inscription in that cave that ended with "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" ROFL!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by fantasyjunkie

I like that inscription in that cave that ended with "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" ROFL!

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The castle of Arrrrgggggh.

S #1: Where'd you get the coconuts?
A : We found them.
S #1: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
A : What do you mean?
S #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.
A : The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
S #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
A : Not at all. They could be carried.
S #1: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
A: It could grip it by the husk!
S #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
A: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.
S #1: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
A: Please!
S #1: Am I right?
A: I'm not interested!
S #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
S #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.
S #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
A: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
S #1: But then of course a-- African swallows are non-migratory.
S #2: Oh, yeah...
S #1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway...
____________

TIM: Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
ARTHUR: Where?
TIM: There!
ARTHUR: What, behind the rabbit?
TIM: It is the rabbit!
ARTHUR: You silly sod!
TIM: What?
ARTHUR: You got us all worked up!
TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit.
ARTHUR: Ohh.
TIM: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.
ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide; it's a killer!
GALAHAD: Get stuffed!
TIM: He'll do you up a treat mate!
GALAHAD: Oh, yeah?
ROBIN: You mangy scots git!
TIM: I'm warning you!
ROBIN: What's he do, nibble your bum?
TIM: He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!
ARTHUR: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
BORS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

[ Rabbit flies at Bors’s throat and savages him to death }
ROBIN: I done it again!
TIM: I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--
ARTHUR: Oh, shut up!
TIM: Do they listen to me?

Holy Grail is a classic!

"and then the animator had a fatel heart attack and died, the black beast was no more!"

Does it have to be a quote from the movies or the tv series as well?

On the Life of Brian:
'Next. Crucifixion?'
'Ah, no. Freedom'
'What?'
'Eh, freedom for me. They said I hadn't done anything, so I could go free and live on an island somewhere.'
'Oh. Oh, well, that's jolly good. Well, off you go, then.'
'Naa, I'm only pulling your leg. It's crucifixion, really.'
'I see. Uh, very good. Very good. Well, out of the door. One'

That scene cracked me up!

We would like to apologise for the way in which politicians are represented in this programme. It was never our intention to imply that politicians are weak-kneed, political time-servers who are concerned more with their personal vendettas and private power struggles than the problems of government, nor to suggest at any point that they sacrifice their credibility by denying free debate on vital matters in the mistaken impression that party unity comes before the well-being of the people they supposedly represent, nor to imply at any stage that they are squabbling little toadies without an ounce of concern for the vital social problems of today, nor indeed do we intend that viewers should consider them as crabby ulcerous little self-seeking vermin with furry legs and an excessive addiction to alcohol and certain explicit sexual practices which some people might find offensive. We are sorry if this impression has come across.

"And now for something completely different...a man with 3 buttocks."

Quote:

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The entirety of "Every Sperm is Sacred".

Freakin' brilliant.

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Ha! I just watched that this weekend. : D Gawd I love that movie now! Oh, and I loved this bit from the Holy Grail. ^^ Where Arthur's arguing with a couple of peasants:

"King Arthur: I am your king.
Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king then?
[Angelic music plays... ]
King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Dennis: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.
Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.
Dennis: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
King Arthur: Bloody peasant!"

Am I the only one who thinks The Meaning of Life is sub-Python standard?

"No one expects the spanish inquisition!"

all of holy grail, especially the hwole black knight scene, and the scene with "the knights who say ni"

A...... SHUBBERY!