Irrational National Sensation! (Out Now!)

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03-11-2006, 02:46 AM
Levian

Irrational National Sensation! (Out Now!)

IT'S NEW,
IT'S FANTASTIC,
IT'S WORTH MORE THAN YOUR GRANDMOTHER,
IT'S THE
NEW,
AWESOME
SKIPMASTER 2000

All my life, I've been walking around wondering what people would think if I suddenly one day decided to myself that TODAY, I would wear a gold bikini and a rifle to the mini market.
Ok, so I haven't been wondering this all my life. In fact, I've never thought about it until five minutes ago, but that's not the point.
I'm not going to stand on a ladder just to wait for someone to start shaking it, and if by any chance they will, I will gently or violently kick them in the face until they stop and go away, depending on which gender they're currently in.
This is not a matter of integrety, it's a matter of self counciousness and my freedom to wear anything I want to on top of my head, like a vase or lasagne.

Sure, I can't sing, but at least I'm terrible at it.
Seriously, my singing voice could dislocate shoulders within a 50 mile radius. Speaking of singing, do you know what I dislike about old people?
They always whine about how things were so much better before. At which point I would normally say "When? during the war? When Kennedy got shot? When Japan got bombed?", now I just nod and agree.
Then they tell me to speak up because their festering ears are malfunctioning and I tell them that I didn't say anything, then they change the subject to something totally unrelated, like cats.
Nobody would like a cat if it didn't have any fur. It would look like a snake, not even a cute snake, more like a snake in the freeway.
Some people should never be in the freeway, like old people. They just get a heart attack behind the wheel and smurf things up. Same with pregnant people. They just start giving birth. Birth is gross, there's nothing beautiful about birth at all, there's just blood and gore and crying. "Congratulations! A boy in slippery goo just came out of your bloody vagina! How do you feel?!"
I just feel like my day should be filled with something interesting, like piano lessons, or a conflict that would get worse and worse, but in the end of the day everything would be fine and I would've learned a valuable lesson, and this whole process could go over and over again during primetime each wednesday and thursday, but my life isn't a sitcom. It's not even a sit.

edit 1 year later: I can't believe this thread wasn't closed. xD
03-11-2006, 02:53 AM
theundeadhero

When you said skipmaster I though it was one of those things that you swirl around with one leg and jump over with the other. They had little counters on them to let you know how many times you have skipped! :(
03-11-2006, 02:54 AM
Levian

It's a skipping rope. The only difference is that we charge you 100 bucks more for it.
03-11-2006, 03:20 AM
Luther X-Rated

Same here it seems like the elder people don't like me skating on thier sidewalk.
I say, "The sidewalk is not your property" but then the elder couple just calls the police.
They also dont like me skating on "church grounds", which means five miles from the church. Yeah, I got busted trying to argue the situation I just ended up getting
an M.I.P (Minor in possession) for having one of those little novelty whisky bottles.
So yeah elder people and cops make me mad.
03-11-2006, 03:25 AM
Psychotic

You're really hung up on old people, aren't you? Soon they'll be dead. Admittedly to be replaced with more old people, but they'll be dead soon enough too. And then these happy days will be yours and mine.
03-11-2006, 04:16 AM
Xaven

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

IT'S NEW,
IT'S FANTASTIC,
IT'S WORTH MORE THAN YOUR GRANDMOTHER,
IT'S THE
NEW,
AWESOME
SKIPMASTER 2000

I was the jump rope king in second grade. Ah, good times.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

All my life, I've been walking around wondering what people would think if I suddenly one day decided to myself that TODAY, I would wear a gold bikini and a rifle to the mini market.
Ok, so I haven't been wondering this all my life. In fact, I've never thought about it until five minutes ago, but that's not the point.

What a great idea! Except you might have to change the bikini to pink and polka-dotted, and the mini-market to the mall. :cool:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

I'm not going to stand on a ladder just to wait for someone to start shaking it, and if by any chance they will, I will gently or violently kick them in the face until they stop and go away, depending on which gender they're currently in.

Depending on which gender they are currently in? Hmm... And what's with gently kicking? That doesn't seem very pleasant.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

This is not a matter of integrety, it's a matter of self counciousness and my freedom to wear anything I want to on top of my head, like a vase or lasagne.

A lasagne hat. Hey, post that in Neel's thread about him being bored of his hat.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

Sure, I can't sing, but at least I'm terrible at it.
Seriously, my singing voice could dislocate shoulders within a 50 mile radius.

American Idol is the show for you! I want to make fun of you as you fail miserably in the preliminaries, and dislocate Paula's shoulders.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

Speaking of singing, do you know what I dislike about old people?

Me being the person I am, I sit there for hours, bored out of my mind, yet smiling and nodding and agreeing with everything they spew out of their mouths. I makes me sad, becase I think that they're lonely and have no one to take to, so I try to be that person, so they don't end up depressed and commiting suicide.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

They always whine about how things were so much better before. At which point I would normally say "When? during the war? When Kennedy got shot? When Japan got bombed?", now I just nod and agree.

Yup.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

Then they tell me to speak up because their festering ears are malfunctioning and I tell them that I didn't say anything, then they change the subject to something totally unrelated, like cats.

Why does that seem so familiar?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian again

Nobody would like a cat if it didn't have any fur. It would look like a snake, not even a cute snake, more like a snake in the freeway.

My 7th grade science teacher had three hairless cats, and he loved them to bits. They were really cute except for the sagging skin.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Still Levian

Some people should never be in the freeway, like old people.

Or my sister.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

They just get a heart attack behind the wheel and smurf things up. Same with pregnant people. They just start giving birth.

All the time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Un-Levian

Birth is gross, there's nothing beautiful about birth at all, there's just blood and gore and crying. "Congratulations! A boy in slippery goo just came out of your bloody vagina! How do you feel?!"

Yuck, yuck, yuck. :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

I just feel like my day should be filled with something interesting, like piano lessons, or a conflict that would get worse and worse, but in the end of the day everything would be fine and I would've learned a valuable lesson, and this whole process could go over and over again during primetime each wednesday and thursday, but my life isn't a sitcom. It's not even a sit.

Your life is a sitcom. You just don't know it yet.
03-11-2006, 06:10 AM
escobert

Wow, you have too much free time Xaven :p
03-11-2006, 06:27 AM
Markus. D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bert

Wow, you have too much free time Xaven :p
03-11-2006, 10:26 AM
Jess

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

I just feel like my day should be filled with something interesting, like piano lessons, or a conflict that would get worse and worse, but in the end of the day everything would be fine and I would've learned a valuable lesson, and this whole process could go over and over again during primetime each wednesday and thursday, but my life isn't a sitcom. It's not even a sit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xaven

Your life is a sitcom. You just don't know it yet.

Dude. You just told him. :mad2:
03-11-2006, 10:44 AM
ScottNUMBERS

More than my grandmother? Get out of here. :mad2:

Edit: Grandfather and a couple cousins you may have yourself a deal.
03-11-2006, 12:13 PM
Alive-Cat

Levian, that belongs in Writer's Corner and deserves to win many awards! I love it! :D
03-11-2006, 02:28 PM
Anaisa

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

All my life, I've been walking around wondering what people would think if I suddenly one day decided to myself that TODAY, I would wear a gold bikini and a rifle to the mini market.

You should try it, an then you'll find out.

Quote:

I'm not going to stand on a ladder just to wait for someone to start shaking it, and if by any chance they will, I will gently or violently kick them in the face until they stop and go away, depending on which gender they're currently in.

I say go with the violent kick, regardless of gender.

Quote:

This is not a matter of integrety, it's a matter of self counciousness and my freedom to wear anything I want to on top of my head, like a vase or lasagne.

A pizza might look quite nice as well.

Quote:

Speaking of singing, do you know what I dislike about old people?

Everything?

Quote:

They always whine about how things were so much better before. At which point I would normally say "When? during the war? When Kennedy got shot? When Japan got bombed?", now I just nod and agree.
Then they tell me to speak up because their festering ears are mal-functioning and I tell them that I didn't say anything, then they change the subject to something totally unrelated, like cats.

Old people are disgusting. Their ears are probably malfunctioning because there full of hair. People say"You'll be old someday" I say: "If thats what you think, my suicide will come as quite a shock. Euthanasia should be made mandatory after a certain age, or rather a certain level of hideousness. Once you get so repulsive an useless, its time you were leaving, because your making the place look ugly. Your scaring the kids, an more importantly, ME. Old people are like the living dead, I occasionally see a group of wrinkled festering figures slowly moving along in the distance, an think the zombie invasion has started. I'm just about to go home an whip on something more skimpy, because thats more suitable wear for killing zombies isn't it? When I realise their just old people.

Quote:

Nobody would like a cat if it didn't have any fur. It would look like a snake, not even a cute snake, more like a snake in the freeway.

I would still like them, id take pity on the poor little things.

Quote:

Some people should never be in the freeway, like old people. They just get a heart attack behind the wheel and smurf things up. Same with pregnant people. They just start giving birth. Birth is gross, there's nothing beautiful about birth at all, there's just blood and gore and crying. "Congratulations! A boy in slippery goo just came out of your bloody vagina! How do you feel?!"

Giving birth is sick!:barf: Everyone knows babies should just be grown in laboratorys, or in a little tank at home. An if they don't know that, then they should. Spread the word. An old people shouldn't be allowed to drive. I don't want to look at them when i'm out in the car. If we're not allowed to dispose of them, then they should at least only be able to use public transport. An thats their own seperate form of public transport, an any vehicle they travel in, has to have blacked out windows, so we don't have to look at them.
03-11-2006, 10:28 PM
Levian

I feel like we've connected on another level, Anaisa.
03-11-2006, 10:30 PM
escobert

Levi I want to connect with you :(
03-11-2006, 10:34 PM
Levian

Shoo, kitty. I don't know where you've been.
03-11-2006, 10:36 PM
escobert

Oh hum my life as I know it is over! Please just bring me out back and finish me off Johnny!
03-11-2006, 10:52 PM
Anaisa

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

I feel like we've connected on another level, Anaisa.

Good. That was just what I was hoping for.
03-11-2006, 10:56 PM
Jess

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bert

Levi I want to connect with you :(

plz :(

I'm not a fan of old people either. Am I win?
03-12-2006, 04:04 AM
Rengori

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

Nobody would like a cat if it didn't have any fur. It would look like a snake, not even a cute snake, more like a snake in the freeway.

My aunt has one of those things. I hate it because its claws are all long and pointy and it jumps up on my stomach when I'm sleeping on the couch.
03-12-2006, 12:32 PM
Rye

Old People suck because they think they have the right to be a total jerk and cut you in line and stuff because they're old. They should be freaking glad that we don't ship them off to retirement homes like I want to do with MY grandma who comes over every summer from Italy.

Now, usually, if you only live with a family for a month a year (well until this "I'M MOVING TO AMERICA!!11" business which makes her stay here ALL summer) or not even, don't you think the person shouldn't act like they have total authority on your life?

She's so nasty. She had the nerve to tell me that I can't always get what I want because my Mom doesn't have a job and only HER son, my Dad, does anything when I wanted a hat that was 20 dollars. Except she did it in broken English, like "AAAAH JEEEEEEZZICA YOU NO CAN ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU MATTAH NO WORK, ONLY YO FATTAH!!!!" My Mom does have a job, she just doesn't work in the summer because she wants to watch us and make sure that YOU, grandma, don't set the house on fire.

Okay, you lived in America for nearly 20 years (before moving back to Italy) and you still can't speak English? Pfft. And then she kept on whining at my parents how the college/Uni I want to go to is too expensive and that they can't send me to it. Yeah, like you have any imput on what I do? If you were SO concerned, you'd freaking use your small fortune to help me afford the college I want to go to, because it IS very expensive (NYU), but no. You're a greedy selfish bad Grandma.

Oh, I was ranting. Sorry. xD But yeah, I don't like old people. Unless they're the nice kind of grandparents that tell you INTERESTING stories and give you cookies, ship them to retirement homes.
03-12-2006, 06:34 PM
Xaven

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rye

Oh, I was ranting. Sorry. xD But yeah, I don't like old people. Unless they're the nice kind of grandparents that tell you INTERESTING stories and give you cookies, ship them to retirement homes.

And the ones that slip you money behind your parents' backs. Those ones are awesome.
03-12-2006, 06:52 PM
Stayin Dizzy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levian

They always whine about how things were so much better before. At which point I would normally say "When? during the war? When Kennedy got shot? When Japan got bombed?", now I just nod and agree.

unfortunately times were much better than. Wars bombings and murders are a million times worse today and are sadly even common. This type of ignorant attitude is why old people are senile toward the young. They worked hard their whole lives so we could be where we are, and we shun them or throw em in a home. You people should be ashamed of yourselves. They didn't worry about crap like their favorite show or musical artist they were too busy contributing to the bettering of this world. I have a lot more to say but I'm so f'in disgusted by how people think today i need to go throw up
03-12-2006, 07:53 PM
DMKA

Quote:

Originally Posted by theundeadhero

When you said skipmaster I though it was one of those things that you swirl around with one leg and jump over with the other. They had little counters on them to let you know how many times you have skipped! :(

"Skip-It" is what those were called. lol early 90s.
03-12-2006, 09:35 PM
Anaisa

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daryn

unfortunately times were much better than. Wars bombings and murders are a million times worse today and are sadly even common. This type of ignorant attitude is why old people are senile toward the young. They worked hard their whole lives so we could be where we are, and we shun them or throw em in a home. You people should be ashamed of yourselves. They didn't worry about crap like their favorite show or musical artist they were too busy contributing to the bettering of this world. I have a lot more to say but I'm so f'in disgusted by how people think today i need to go throw up

They worked hard their whole lives so we could be where we are? They usually get thrown in a home because they can't take care of themselves. What are we all supposed to do, give up work an spend all our time taking care of people who are past their sell by date? I know lots of old people who aren't contributing to the bettering of the world, an spend most of their time watching crap TV shows.