If World War II was a real time strategy game

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05-22-2006, 08:17 PM
eestlinc

If World War II was a real time strategy game

(I didn't write this. someone sent it to me. not sure where it came from)

If World War Two had been an online Real Time Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this.

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*
05-22-2006, 08:18 PM
Miriel

Are you bored today eest?
05-22-2006, 08:20 PM
Laugh at face of Danger

That's kinda cool.
05-22-2006, 08:24 PM
eestlinc

this is so classic:

Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker

and this:

*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
05-22-2006, 08:24 PM
Strider

Hah!
05-22-2006, 08:24 PM
Psychotic

This is faked. None of that happened because RTS weren't invented then. You fail. Quit posting such nonsense on the boards, n00b troll.

(TAKE THIS POST VERY SERIOUSLY, EYES ON)
05-22-2006, 08:26 PM
I Took the Red Pill

It's amazing how accurate it all is.
05-22-2006, 08:34 PM
Perducci

I saw this on some website a while ago. It made me lol.

Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them

and

Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late

Were my favorite parts. :D
05-22-2006, 08:40 PM
themagicroundabout

That will come in real handy when revising for my History test this Thursday.
05-22-2006, 09:07 PM
Shoden

Wow, I think I just learned everything about WW2!!! Do some other wars next time!
05-22-2006, 09:26 PM
Rye

xDDD That's amazing. Fock you!
05-22-2006, 09:29 PM
Old Manus

eestlinc went around the filter 11 times. Permaban plz
05-22-2006, 09:42 PM
eestlinc

my bad.
05-22-2006, 09:45 PM
Loony BoB

I dunno, man, did Roosevelt really join the game that early? Shouldn't he have, like, arrived way late?
05-22-2006, 09:46 PM
eestlinc

well, he was playing, just not doing anything. might have made better mention of the lend-lease act, though.
05-22-2006, 09:50 PM
Tavrobel

~~eestlinc, you play WAY too much Starcraft/Warcraft/FPSes.~~
Only a Battle.net Experience maker would have the time to do that. Looks most like Starcraft jargon.
05-22-2006, 09:52 PM
eestlinc

Quote:

Originally Posted by eestlinc

(I didn't write this. someone sent it to me. not sure where it came from)

but yes the copying and pasting did take a long time.

edit: I never played Starcraft. It was always Age of Empires for me.
05-22-2006, 10:07 PM
Tavrobel

Quote:

Originally Posted by eestlinc

Quote:

Originally Posted by eestlinc

(I didn't write this. someone sent it to me. not sure where it came from)

but yes the copying and pasting did take a long time.

edit: I never played Starcraft. It was always Age of Empires for me.

Ohh, wow. I guess it's hard to hit Ctrl + C and Ctrl + P. So Hard. Impossible.

SC > AoE, but AoE was first, so therefore, AoE wins. But Warcraft was same time, and Warcraft is > SC and AoE.

It's definitely SC. The terminology and progression of writing/n00bishness is far too different from anything else. However, there's nine players; this means it could be an FPS, but there are few chatrooms where people act as such.

I WOULD laugh, but since this is the reality of online play of my favorite game, ut's hard to have a sense of humor.

Quote:

tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets

Only SC calls Nuclear Warheads Nukes, and is the only game which has such a capability.

Quote:

paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*

Eliminated is what occurs when you die in SC melee.

Quote:

Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker

Only SC has hax anymore.
05-22-2006, 10:09 PM
eestlinc

same difference though. and you can get nuke troopers in Age of Empires if you cheat.
05-22-2006, 10:13 PM
Maxico

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tavrobel

Only SC calls Nuclear Warheads Nukes, and is the only game which has such a capability.

Command and Conquer?

Also

Quote:

deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help

and

Quote:

Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****

Please me immensely.
05-22-2006, 10:33 PM
Tavrobel

Oops about the C&C Nukes. I forgot about those. But C&C newbs aren't quite as bad as SC newbs, whose insult and dialogue progression follows as such described.

Quote:

same difference though. and you can get nuke troopers in Age of Empires if you cheat.

They aren't nukes, per se, just stuff that blows up. 88 Range is bogus, though, they can shoot across the map, if you are hitting buildings, or attacking an aoe.

The other stuff (rush) can be used at any game, so it doesn't matter.
05-22-2006, 10:33 PM
udsuna

It skipped around a bit in the timelines. Plus I really think it should have mentioned, well, how about Pearl Harbor for example? Also should have had more involvement with China. You know what, in general, it missed out entirely on the Pacific and Asian theatres. Plus, it should have had a couple cracks about Musallini and how he essentially got his backside handed to him invading Ethiopia.... I mean, seriously, of all the countries in the world. That's like America losing to Vietnam.... oh, right....
05-22-2006, 11:00 PM
Tavrobel

To be completely fair, the Communists have a really good track record of winning wars. Fortunately, most of their own governments collapse on themselves.

Quote:

I mean, seriously, of all the countries in the world. That's like America losing to Vietnam....

That cut me deep, mon. Real deep.
05-22-2006, 11:57 PM
Mirage

Quote:

Originally Posted by udsuna

Plus I really think it should have mentioned, well, how about Pearl Harbor for example?

Quote:

Originally Posted by eestlinc

T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u

;]
05-23-2006, 12:02 AM
XxSephirothxX

That was considerably funnier than it had a right to be. :p
05-23-2006, 01:45 AM
Big D

Clever, I laughed.

Except for the way it overlooks Russia's huge contribution and huge sacrifices from 1941 onward, it's quite apt.
05-23-2006, 01:52 AM
Hawkeye

I never knew eestlinc was the comedian.
05-23-2006, 02:13 AM
eestlinc

every year i hope to win most funniest and then i :cry:
05-23-2006, 02:58 AM
Madonna

There should have been commentary on Germany's rush.

Kekeke
05-23-2006, 04:11 AM
Mittopotahis

Absolute Genius.

It would probably be better if I knew what happened during WW2. All I know is that Japan bombed America, Germany got involved somehow, Hitler killed a ton of Jews, and then himself. America nuked Japan.

That's all I know :)
05-23-2006, 04:13 AM
szetok

ahahaha that was awesome. this thread deserves something.
05-23-2006, 04:38 AM
escobert

Quote:

Originally Posted by eestlinc

Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker

lolz
05-23-2006, 04:48 AM
DK

I saw this somewhere before. I think it might have been kontraband, but I can't remember. Pretty funny.
05-23-2006, 05:33 AM
fantasyjunkie

Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
:D :D :D :D
05-23-2006, 05:40 AM
Rase

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azar

That was considerably funnier than it had a right to be. :p
05-23-2006, 05:53 AM
Azure Chrysanthemum

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rase

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azar

That was considerably funnier than it had a right to be. :p
05-23-2006, 06:24 AM
Del Murder

This brings nerdom to whole new levels. I like it.
05-23-2006, 06:46 AM
Yamaneko

Hitler[AoE]: lol holocaust
05-23-2006, 07:15 PM
eestlinc

so which is more offensive, joking about the holocaust or joking about nuking Japan?
05-23-2006, 09:28 PM
Master Quan

There wasn't any joking about the holocaust in that.

edit: Oh. Right. Didn't we have a thread on that anyway? Resulting in a lot of people getting angry?

edit: edit: Wait, did I post in that thread?
05-23-2006, 10:12 PM
Skarr

wtf are nukes???
holy ****!holy ****!holy ****!

eest Wins!!!
05-24-2006, 03:53 AM
RSL

Heh, that was humorous. Yeah, that did remind me a lot of Starcraft. I loved that game.
05-24-2006, 05:32 AM
Madame Adequate

Were you people all born yesterday? This has been around for ages.

And this isn't a particularly good version, though it has it's moments.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/World_W...8video_game%29
05-24-2006, 06:19 PM
eestlinc

so sorry we aren't all as up to date as you on internet gamer humor.

also, brevity is an important aspect of humor. that one you linked to is way too long and also less funny in general.
05-24-2006, 06:25 PM
Yamaneko

Just admit you failed, eest.
05-24-2006, 11:43 PM
eestlinc

*seppuku*

will you be my second, Yamasucko?
05-24-2006, 11:45 PM
RSL

Quote:

Originally Posted by eestlinc

so sorry we aren't all as up to date as you on internet gamer humor.

also, brevity is an important aspect of humor. that one you linked to is way too long and also less funny in general.

I agree with every word of this post! Not everyone sees something the minute it is discovered.

And yeah, I liked the version in this thread better, it seemed less like a history lesson told in "noob" talk and more like a starcraft parody (which is funny to me because I used to play that game.)
05-24-2006, 11:45 PM
Sephex

Well, I liked it. That "HOLY ****" part made me laugh out loud for real.