lol what jokes do you know? me....umm why didnt eh chicken cross the road.....to get to the other side (ya i know >< lam)
what you got?
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lol what jokes do you know? me....umm why didnt eh chicken cross the road.....to get to the other side (ya i know >< lam)
what you got?
Why did the thread get closed?
*waits*
Hah. Just kidding. See? Joke. ^
OK SO THIS GUY WALKED INTO A BAR.
GUESS WHAT HE SAID!
OUCH!
There. I said it first.
im sure im gona regret asking......why?Quote:
Originally Posted by G SpOtZ
why is the deepest question ever.
IF IT'S AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA!
oh man, I'm on a roll!
I have the most brilliantly awful joke ever, I made it myself.
What do you call an egg with a large red mustache?
...Yolksemite Sam!
i like that one lmao got one for bugs bunny too ^^:) :D :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Rye
Why can't Jesus eat M&M's?
(SPOILER)They keep falling through his hands.
A gentlemen goes into a 20 story building, goes to the very top, where there is a bar. He goes to the counter and asks for a drink. The bartender obliges, and the gentlemen starts enjoying his drink. Soon, another guy at a counter, a drunk, starts yelling and hollering, and all other ways of being rude. After about 10 minutes of this the gentlemen cant stand it so he leans over to the drunk and asks him to be quiet. The drunk, instead of calming down, challenges the gentlemen to a bet.
He says "Hey, you, Ill bet you a million bucks that i can jump out of this window, and have the wind push me back in before i hit bottom, okay?"
The gentlemen easily agrees, and so the drunk jumps out of the window. The gentlemen runs to the broken window, peers down, and true enough, the wind pushes the drunk through the window on the 2nd floor! Running up the stairs, the victorious drunk comes to the gentlemen and asks for his million dollars.
"But, I thought you would surely die! Im sorry, i really dont have a million dollars, so i guess i cant pay up." The gentlemen says
The menacing look on the drunks face tells the gentlemen that it isnt going to end well. So, he jumps out of the window, and falls to his death.
The drunk sits back down to continue drinking and the bartender goes over to him and exclaims.
"You can be a real jerk when you're drunk Superman!"
THIS IS A JOKE.
What starts with ''F'' and ends with ''UCK?''
Firetruck! ^_^
What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from jail?
A small medium at large!
Two fraternity brothers...
Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one afternoon and become lost. After twenty hours with nothing to eat or drink, one of them spots a lamp floating by. He picks it up and a genie pops out. The genie notices the poor condition of the brothers and grants them one wish between the two of them.
After a lot of arguing over who gets the wish, one of them blurts out, "I wish the ocean was made of beer."
Magically, the ocean turns to beer.
Infuriated, the other guy yells, "You idiot! Now we have to piss in the boat!"
Just A Juggalo
A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"
"They're for my juggling act," the man says.
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by
You''re So Ugly
You''re so ugly, when yo'' mama dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering!
Working On The Fourth Husband
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
Why do zombies stay away from me?
(SPOILER)Because they want brains
A Helpful ManQuote:
Originally Posted by Sora!
A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn't usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty woman is the driver so he goes back to help.
As he is hooking his truck to her car he says, “You know, you are the first pregnant woman I've ever helped out of a ditch.”
“But I'm not pregnant,” she says.
“Well, you're not out of the ditch yet,” he says.
A man is sadly sitting at the bar counter with a full mug. This big trucker dude comes up to him and drinks the whole mug and the man starts crying and put his head on the counter.
The trucker then says "Aww come on, it was just a joke! I can't stand to see a guy cry."
Then the sad man says "It's not that... Today was just the worst day of my life... First I'm late for work and I get fired... Then I went outside and my car was stolen... Then I was mugged in the subway, and when I got home my wife was sleeping with my best friend..." He lifted his head and looked towards him, "And then you come over and drink my poison..."
The temptation to post a dead-baby joke is just too strong *struggles*
awww i want to hear it ^_^Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreddz
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labour_Party_(UK)
To add to the crazyness, the official site of the British Government Party isn't working at the moment.
While giving birth a doctor tells the woman of a new machine that can transfer the pain to the father, her husband agrees and the doctor gives the husband 10% of his wifes pain, he is warned about how painful it will be, but amazingly doesn't feel a thing. After a while the husband has taken 100% of the pain and the woman has an easy birth. When they finally arrived home they found the milkman dead on the doorstep.
Why are all blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of juice?
It said concentrate.
What's a stupid man's idea of safe sex?
A padded head board
A red head goes for a drive in the country and she has to stop as there is a farmer who is moving his sheep from one pasture to another across the road.
She rolls down the window and says to the farmer, "If I can tell you the exact number of sheep that you have, can I keep one?"
The farmer figuring that a city girl would never be able to agreed.
The red head guesses the number and is 100% correct. I mean not off by one sheep.
The farmer is an honest man and tells her that she did guess the right number.
She gets out of her car, selects her animal and puts it in the car. Just before she drives away, the farmer asked her a question. "If I can tell you the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?
top ten lists > jokes
TOP 10 SIGNS SOMEONE PLAYS TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES
10. They ask for all their money in quarters.
9. They're not sure what season, or year it is.
8. They're best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends).
7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards.
6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams.
5. Their fingers twitch all the time.
4. When they are sick at home the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right.
3. They can play 2 player games by themselves.
2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name.
1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can not be bothered.
lol Coach told me this one
Okay so this guy goes to hell. He meets the devil and the devil talks too him.
Devil: Hey you like drugs?
Guy: Yeah man i love drugs, any kind.
Devil: Your going to love mondays then.How about Beer?
Guy: Yeah i love beer, Hell sounds awesome!!!
Devil: Good your going to love wensdays. Do you love gay sex?
Guy: NOOOO dude i'm straight.
Devil: Well your going to hate Fridays then.
All the good ones will get deleted anyway. I'm talking from experience here.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreddz
I have a feeling you didn't finish this joke? Or is it so bad that I don't understand it?Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Angel
Oh dear god xDDD That's so mean! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by GooeyToast
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!
I think its just up to Leeza :/Quote:
Originally Posted by Levian
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leeza
Yeah, I really hate it when people slap on a "No offense" right after an insult. No offense, btw.
edit: Actually, I'd like to express my feelings further on this one. I agree Dead Baby Jokes is too explicit for EoFF, that's not the issue. It's more the second part where people liking the jokes being bad people. I do like mean jokes, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm a mean person. I'm a nice guy, and I can't remember the last time I ever hurt anyone. It's just a joke, and there's nothing more to it than that. It's not like I would laugh if I read about a baby in a garbage bin if I read it in the newspaper or saw it on TV. I laugh, while shaking my head, because it's so horribly mean, and obviously not true. So it really does not reflect the person itself. At least not as a generalisation, but obviously individual cases.
[leeza]*snip*[/leeza]
just ask for more!
[leeza]Better not as these are not in very good taste at all. ~ Leeza[/leeza]