Sexual Partners

Hi all. 1st things 1st. Thanks to everyone that PM'd me yesterday and today but this really IS the last Poll I am going to create and the last Post I am gonna make. I ain't gonna change my mind about that now. Sorry :( This is for you and now I stop.

This might be a little controversial for some so I hope no one gets easily offended. The basic question is this:

If you met someone who had a LOT of sexual partners, would you NOT date them/stop seeing them?

3 days ago I met a girl I haven't seen for a year. I went to school with her and her name is Louisa. She is as gorgeous now as she was back then. When she was at school, though, she had one of the worst reputations for sleeping around that people in about 15, 16 different schools knew who she was (I live in London and there are a lot of schools per town). I once asked her when I was AT school how many partners she had and she told me it was well over a 100. Naturally, most guys thought she was a slut and so did I. And most things that a girl can do sexually, she has done.

I left school to go to a different college and didn't see her again until a couple of years ago when I met her in a shop. I got talking and we'd both grown up and I somehow liked her alot more. We hung out for a couple of days and just talked... and it was then I realised why she let any guy sleep with her. I wont get into it here other then to say that her childhood was messed up. Seriously messed up and very sad. And I could understand her better as a result.

I didn't see her again until a year later. Last year in fact. Again, we got talking and just being with her was nice. I enjoyed her company. However she wanted something more from me and wanted to be my girlfriend.

Now this is the truth. This is what I thought last year: I WOULD have gladly had a relationship with her IF it wasn't for her sexual history. The only thing that held me back was that she had been with so many guys, and about 30 of them I actually knew personally. :( So nothing happened at all.

I told her I was sorry and we didn't see each other again until 4 days ago. We met on the train and I was really surprised and happy to see her again and we got talking. She was engaged and her life was much better then it was before. I'm happy for her but I was thinking to myself today...

I was thinking how differently things could have been with her because now my thoughts are all 180. Now I couldn't care less how many guys a girl has been with and it just doesn't bother me at all. And maybe last year it didn't bother me either but it was many of my friends saying 'I shouldn't date a whore like that'. I wish I hadn't listened (especially since I barely see those guys anymore) and in all honesty... I am sure Louisa's sexual history didn't bother me last year either. It was more people telling me not to date her that prevented me. I regret it because she is a genuinely nice person with a kind heart.

So the point of this Thread is: Does a girl/guys sexual history bother you? Would it effect your relationship if you knew how many people they'd been with? And do the opinions of your friends and family matter to you when seeing a girl/guy?

And is sexual history more important then personality? I believe people can change and they make mistakes when they are young. Nobody should be judged on mistakes they make when they are younger.

I just know that now... I don't care at all. 1 or a 100, it doesn't matter to me.

If you are your own sexual partner, does that count :(

But yes; there is a certian whoreage I cannot except, simply because I would think they would easily cheat or be a complete nymph, and I hate competition.

Yes it would and has, I generally don't have sex with girls my freinds have.

It wouldn't bother me unless she was a slut. You wouldn't want to kiss a slut. You don't know where that mouth's been. Being serious.

yea that would be sloppey secounds haha

It matters because it shows that they are either a nymph or have that low of self-esteem/will of their own to do it that much.

30+ people? I'd be all, "daaaang, wtf you man whore?!" And it would bother me a lot cause I don't want to be with a man whore and I'd always be afraid that one day, while we were still together, he'd go off and be all man whorish and break my heart.

Ew no. I would want him to be my sexual partner only. And I guess I don't care if he's had sex before two or three times, just as long as he doesn't have like an STD or AIDS or something.

There's a point that I don't particularily mind. And then there's excessive. 30 seems excessive. Basically, it all depends on the history involved.

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Originally Posted by Miriel

30+ people? I'd be all, "daaaang, wtf you man whore?!" And it would bother me a lot cause I don't want to be with a man whore and I'd always be afraid that one day, while we were still together, he'd go off and be all man whorish and break my heart.

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She just had a really bad childhood.

I mean, really, REALLY bad and she had a hard life. Her Dad was a complete scumbag and I pretty much understand why she went the way she did. Girls, and guys, can end up looking for affection in the wrong places and people can exploit that.

Thats why I am not so quick to judge anymore. Sex is one thing. But the make-up of the persons mind, and what they have been through, is another entirely.

Edit: She hasn't slept with 30+ people. It's more like 100+ Those thirty are the ones I know about and have spoken to at some point when I was younger.

I just also believe that mistakes people make when they are younger should NOT be held against them when they are older. It's not right to do that, in my opinion. When we are young we can be easily led and are "impressionable". We should not be judged on mistakes that we make then. Which is why I just think stuff like (young) sexual history should be over-looked in favour of personality and AS LONG AS the person has grown up and become more mature because of their experiences, like Louisa has.

Is she hot?

If she is, bang her.

Their personality would conflict with my own.

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Originally Posted by Nominus Experse

Initially, it may not bother me, but as time went on, particularily if or when I began having sexual intercourse with her, I would become agitated.

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They make creams for that one, buddy.

Sexual history means nothing. Unless she has some sort of disease.

The past doesn't matter that much. What matters is what happens now.

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Originally Posted by bipper

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Originally Posted by Nominus Experse

Initially, it may not bother me, but as time went on, particularily if or when I began having sexual intercourse with her, I would become agitated.

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They make creams for that one, buddy.

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Very clever bipper...

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Is she hot?

If she is, bang her

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yeh i heard shes easy.....oh [img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img]..sorry man...that was bad to say.....i do feel sorry for her...im messed up....nevermind childhood....i was messed up before that...i jus am....dunno how an i dunno why...anyways....i dont really care how many dudes a chick has slept with as long as one of them wasnt like some dude that i know is disguisting and the kinda person i wouldnt even want to sit in the chair after theyd bin sittin in it...
lemme break it down for ya.....
as long as the chick is clean hot and smells nice....i wud do her.....

I'd like to marry a virgin. That way, I know that sex isn't everything, or anything for that matter.

It's not a question of 'doing her'. If i wanted to sleep with her I am sure she would have consented. But i didn't want to sleep with her because i know thats not what she wanted. She wanted a relationship. I dont use people for sex.

For those that say, 'no, no i wouldn't' there is also this to consider. Sometimes those that are promiscuous conceal their sexual history when they are genuinely in love with a person. Suppose you were to find out their history after falling in love with the person, maybe having children and being married, etc...

Would you suddenly divorce them if the truth came out? Even if they were very loyal throughout their marriage?

Thats why i feel sexual history is unimportant to the nature of a persons heart and personality and their actions later in life.

if i meet a girl i dont know....i wouldnt jump into bed with her....id take her out for a while...get comfortable....and then...well...ya know...but generally if i didnt know her sexual history...i probably wudnt ask...

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Originally Posted by My_car_is_faster_than_you

I'd like to marry a virgin. That way, I know that sex isn't everything, or anything for that matter.

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Woo, good luck with that :p

As long as they don't bring it up, I think I can get over it. ;) It bothered me a lot more when I didn't have those experiences myself, though. But now that I've been in a sexual relationship, if I were for some reason to enter another one, it wouldn't bother me so much my partner's sexual history.

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Originally Bespoken by My_car_is_faster_than_you
I'd like to marry a virgin. That way, I know that sex isn't everything, or anything for that matter.

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the only reason marriage was invented was so you can have sex without goin to hell.....im not very religious....so abstention and marriage seem stupid to me...

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Originally Posted by sephirothishere

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Originally Bespoken by My_car_is_faster_than_you
I'd like to marry a virgin. That way, I know that sex isn't everything, or anything for that matter.

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the only reason marriage was invented was so you can have sex without goin to hell.....im not very religious....so abstention and marriage seem stupid to me...

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Wow you just completely justified gay marrige....

I dislike the double standard that says it's alright when guys sleep with alot of people, but not okay for girls. It's really stupid. I think it's gross both ways. Then again, I'm bias towards sexual intercourse in the first place.

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Wow you just completely justified gay marrige....

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i know...im a genius....but not gay.....just to tell everybody.....

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Originally Posted by sephirothishere

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Wow you just completely justified gay marrige....

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i know...im a genius....but not gay.....just to tell everybody.....

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I may mess that up with my STD induced Dyslexia.

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I may mess that up with my STD induced Dyslexia.

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try not to...hahahaha.....

I'd try not to care, but honestly I'd get jealous, not to mention paranoid that with all those others there's no way I could be the best, or even close.

Edit: This is academic of course, as it rests on the presumption I'll ever be in a sexual relationship :p

I honestly do not know. I think it would have to depend on the situation, but even then I am easy going, so I would not care, unless the person kept bringing up past partners.

I really don't know. :(

I'd want to say that it wouldn't bother me, unless it was the female Gene Simmons, but it just might.

I don't think I've ever dated anyone who *had* a sexual history, so yeah it probably would influence my thinking.

I seriously doubt I'd date a guy who's had multiple partners before me, mainly because...well, since I'm a virgin, I have no experience in that category. I'd constantly be afraid that I wasn't pleasuring them enough and that they'd leave me for that reason. I don't have to worry 'bout this though, my boyfriend is a virgin :)

if a gilr is hot and...uhh..nevermind.....hot girls dont need to worry about pleasurin guys cuz guys are pretty easy to please...but it wouldnt bother me who shed had sex with...as long as i dont know them...

I don't want to sound mean, but if the girls vagina looks like a train just went through it. This would be mehttp://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k2...Runningman.jpg

there is a point where it's ok, but yeah 30...that's quite a bit of people, that would turn me off...or at least want them to get tested for STDs, lol!!

My track record's not exactly saintlike, so it doesn't bother me as long as the other person isn't bothered by mine.

It would depend on what I wanted out of it. If I wanted stability, then no. If I wanted something casual, then I wouldn't really care.

So long as I know the person isn't STD ridden (depending on the amount of people, I'd probably want them tested), I wouldn't really care too much, so long as the number wasn't too big.

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Originally Posted by Rye

So long as I know the person isn't STD ridden (depending on the amount of people, I'd probably want them tested), I wouldn't really care too much, so long as the number wasn't too big.

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I'm surprised more people haven't mentioned this. I would be really worried about contracting a disease.

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Originally Posted by Rye

So long as I know the person isn't STD ridden (depending on the amount of people, I'd probably want them tested), I wouldn't really care too much, so long as the number wasn't too big.

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Lol; nothing says lovin like getting your partner tested :D
( i do agree though)

Just because someone has a promiscuous past, doesn't mean that that's who they are today. The change people go through when they're in High School to college can be very dramatic. Her sexual history might be the same, but if she's had a history on cheating on her boyfriends, then no, you shouldn't date her. However, if that isn't the case, then I don't think it's that big of a deal. My theory on everything is that you shouldn't judge people on their past, give them a chance to prove who they are today.

I would never be attracted to a slut!

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Originally Posted by Anaisa

I would never be attracted to a slut!

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A simple no would suffice :cry:

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Originally Posted by Rye

So long as I know the person isn't STD ridden (depending on the amount of people, I'd probably want them tested), I wouldn't really care too much, so long as the number wasn't too big.

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It would definetly turn me off. Relationships are about that one person, who stands out from everyone else because you love the person.

If I found out the woman I was dating still had many sexual partners, the relationship would end right away. If the woman had had many sexual partners in the past, I would ask that the she be tested for an STD before having sex with her, and have a good long talk with her about it. The relationship would possibly end after the talk.

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Originally Posted by bipper

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Originally Posted by Anaisa

I would never be attracted to a slut!

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A simple no would suffice :cry:

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If "no" alone, is enough to deter somebody, they were never that interested in the first place.

This reminds me of Chasing Amy where the girl participated in some pretty freaky sexual activities and was a lesbian for awhile and then she met Ben Affleck's character and they fell in love and she ditched that whole lifestyle and lesbianism for him but he found out about the whole threesome sex thing and he was all "wtf!?" and she was all "dude it's in the past" and he should have just accepted her cause she was past all that and she loved him but he was a stupid jerk head and instead of just letting it go and being with her he suggested that THEY have a threesome with his bestfriend who might be gay and she was all "wtf?! Go scew yourself! *slap*" and then they lost each other all because he wasn't able to get over her past.

So I guess it really does depend on the person and their attitude and if all that stuff is behind them. But anyone who says that a person's sexual history is a non-issue is being niave, cause I mean, c'mon. It always matters. Sometimes it matters a tiny bit and sometimes it mattes a lot, but it still matters.

it matters to me but it's not a deal breaker.

Diseases would be my only worry here.

Didn't Wilt Chamberlain sleep with 20,000 women?

that is the story, but if you slept with one person per day every day it would take you almost 55 years to sleep with 20,000 people.

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Originally Posted by Miriel

This reminds me of Chasing Amy where the girl participated in some pretty freaky sexual activities and was a lesbian for awhile and then she met Ben Affleck's character and they fell in love and she ditched that whole lifestyle and lesbianism for him but he found out about the whole threesome sex thing and he was all "wtf!?" and she was all "dude it's in the past" and he should have just accepted her cause she was past all that and she loved him but he was a stupid jerk head and instead of just letting it go and being with her he suggested that THEY have a threesome with his bestfriend who might be gay and she was all "wtf?! Go scew yourself! *slap*" and then they lost each other all because he wasn't able to get over her past.

So I guess it really does depend on the person and their attitude and if all that stuff is behind them. But anyone who says that a person's sexual history is a non-issue is being niave, cause I mean, c'mon. It always matters. Sometimes it matters a tiny bit and sometimes it mattes a lot, but it still matters.

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yah i was going to quote chasing amy till i read you already ruined it for meh....ah well

i don't know that it would matter that much to me. aside from the fact that what's in the past is the past, aside from lasting consequences like children or long-term stds, or a bad reputation/past lovers who are numerous and make a point to remind us of those relationships.

as you grow older, time passes and you realise how many failed relationships people can have had, depending on how long they have been sexually active, not to mention one-night stands, FRIENDLY friends, etc.

i'm at the age of 24 now and it's expected of me to have been sexually active since at least 18. this is 6 years almost 7, in which time i may have had carnal relations with numerous partners, not to say that these many relationships couldn't be meaningful in their own way besides.

if the person is worthwhile and you respect them for who they are and not what (or who) they've done in the past, then it's no big deal

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Originally Posted by eestlinc

that is the story, but if you slept with one person per day every day it would take you almost 55 years to sleep with 20,000 people.

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what about multiple girls in one day

Yeah, you didn't count orgies. ^_^

Would not bother me at all. I had sex with a LOT of girls before I got married. That was 16 years ago and I don't cheat on her. :)

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Originally Posted by fantasyjunkie

Would not bother me at all. I had sex with a LOT of girls before I got married. That was 16 years ago and I don't cheat on her. :)

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heh yeah i think i mentioned the age thing...i don't know but i'm pretty sure the average age around here is below 20

They would need to be tested first--STDs are a serious problem these days.

Hmmmm...

Both of the guys I've dated were virgins. So am I, so I guess...i don't know.

(I can't believe I'm still awake.)

Anyway, for me, (I may be really weird) but sexuality is just to have kids, and that's it. Absolutely no sex before marriage. I've seen way too many families break up that were premarital relationship marriages.

It may sound "harsh" but for me, it's a total dealbreaker. No virgin, no wifey. That's cause I'd expect to marry someone with the same standards as me. If they can't keep themselves clean in that respect, then why should I lower my standards?

It is a proven medical fact that, on occasions where a girl plays an active sport, such as soccer or basketball, where they use their legs a lot, that their hymen can be ruptured, or destroyed entirely. That's happend to me, because of 4 years of marching band. So, while I am not 'physically' a virgin, I *have not* been with someone.

What about then?

i think he means that if you're not a virgin by intercourse...we all can accept that accidents and stress can do things like that. it sounds like he means being true to one person

admirable

(Still can't believe I'm awake)

Above, is what I meant. I don't care if they are physically a virgin, just a moral virgin if that makes sense.

Makes sense. I just wanted to make a point, anyway. :P

morally a virgin...yeah sounds good

So what about "born again virgins"?

hah i'm pretty sure there is no going back...sometimes i wish i could

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Originally Posted by ValkyrieWing

So what about "born again virgins"?

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I never really got that.

Once you get a taste of Big Jim you won´t want anything else in your life who cares about the past!As long as they don´t have any disease.

Yet for some reason i didn´t vote that...

Yes, it would affect my decision.

I wouldn't want to end up with a bargain-basement whore, now would I?

Why bother?At least they have more experience in "doing it".But if it's rape then it's another story.

What about the option: "I would not date anyone who has not had a lot of experience?"

Far as I'm concerned, there's not a human alive who has the right to judge. If someone's had sex- it was either something meaningful and good. Or it was something they regret doing. Either way, anyone can list things they regret doing, and who can begrudge someone a good thing?


Except prostitutes. Something about someone who does it for money bothers me. Not as pathetic as people who pay for it, though.

I had 2 partners before I met my ex, he had loads. But I didnt care because I wanted to be close and personal with him. But if he came back to me after being with other people, then I couldnt be with him, knowing someone else has been with him instead of me.

If she's had a lot of sexual partners, then she's got a personality that doesn't match mine, so we probably wouldn't fit together anyway. And I'd feel weird being with someone who's been with very many people. It's not that I think she would cheat, it's just that it's icky. I know a girl who's been with 50 men. Yeah, she told me. I know they're not all like her, but she went on internet chat sites looking for men to have sex with. She even had a sexual relationship with a married man. Now that's an example of a girl that I wouldn't want to date. All I'm saying is I most likely wouldn't date a chick who's been with very many men, but no rule without exceptions. I know a girl who's had 2 abortions by the time she turned 16, don't know her body count, but she's definitely date material, even though I'd probably feel weird at first. Oh, and she'd have to take a test. Twice, naked.

The only thing that matters is that nobody is being deceitful to each other. Does she have partners now that you don't know about and care about (like you want to know if this is an open relationship)?

Because what she did before she dates you is none of your business and shouldn't matter. It matters in the sense that you might CARE that she might have herpes or other STDs but she can just get tested for you and there you go -- she's clean so does it still matter she had sex with 100 guys?

For me very few things matter in a relationship. Only the important things: attraction, respect, and pie.

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Originally Posted by ValkyrieWing

So what about "born again virgins"?

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Hymen Reconstruction Surgery. HRS for short. Hymenologists do them all the time.

While I do not believe that intercourse is a sacred or incredibly special thing, I believe that a number should be within reason for a persons age. An 18-year-old who has had more than twenty partners in her entire life is utterly ridiculous, especially when considering that she probably started no later than 15 years of age. However, if a 30-year-old has had about twenty partners, it is slightly more understandable.

This is not to say that an excess of partners is a good thing. Random sex with a different partner every other day or even week isn't really my thing and I frown slightly upon it. I don't normally judge a person though.

I think I lost sight of the question.

100 partners is far too large a number for me to even fathom. I would probably not do anything of the sort with her, regardless of how I felt about the person.

"I was single, and I went clubbing often. And I am good at what I do *wink*"

100 partners works. The above sounds like a male centric reason though. However I don't see why a female can't say the same thing.

The only reason I used "her" and "she" is because I am a male. I didn't even realize I had done such a thing until I reread the post. What I said above is not a gender-specific statement and is in regards to males just as much as it is to females.

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So what about "born again virgins"?
Hymen Reconstruction Surgery. HRS for short. Hymenologists do them all the time.

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you shud change your name to rabbit....garr