Infidelity.

If a girl or a guy cheated on you would you forgive them and continue with the relationship?

I don't know how many people here have ever been in that situation (and if it's a very personal question then I apologise and hope you do not get offended by anything that is written). I was just wondering because of some newspaper articles I read this morning about divorce rates being on the rise in the UK and how infidelity is cited as the main factor.

I was just wondering what people here would do if it happened to them. Would you be able to forgive them or not? It's not such a black and white issue in my opinion. If I'd been with someone for just a couple of weeks or months and they cheated on me, then, yeah, I would perhaps break up with them. It could be a sign of bad times ahead.

But if I was with the person for a long time, like many months or years, then I think I would forgive them and try and repair the relationship. If it was partly my fault for the person cheating on me (ie, if I was neglecting her in some way) or if it was a one-off mistake, like a one-night stand, and my girlfriend/wife deeply regretted what had happened, then I would forgive them and try and continue and improve the relationship. I wouldn't want to waste all the good months and years I'd spent with someone because of a bad period in a relationship. I think it's too easy to give up on relationships these days because of mistakes and it's better to try and improve something that was once special.

What are peoples opinions on this?

*By the way, i know i said i didn't wanna continue making Polls and Threads... but because a few people PM'd me and sent usernotes i realised this place has some seriously sweet people! Especially 'the monkey' :) You're special! So i'll carry on*

I honestly don't know. The stronger part of me would probably want to break it off, because I think cheating is one of the most horrible things you can do to a person and it kills the trust, but the weaker part of me would want to forgive them to try to make things like they were before.. It depends on what it was, really.

I'd forgive everything if I really love the guy, if not I wouldn't and I would revenge! ;)

I think I'd keep the relationship going if she told me and asked for forgiveness, I think that shows she's sorry. That'd be her last chance though, and if I figured it out from someone else, we'd break up. I guess how long she'd been doing it would matter too, but honestly I don't think I really know when it comes to this situation. It's not something I like to think about.

I would die of sadness. :whimper: But before that, I would brutally torture them. :mad2: By the time I'd finished, they wouldn't be capable of getting woman, man, nor beast, to have relations with them. So no, I wouldn't forgive them.

Absolutely not.

If my girlfriend cheated on me, there's no way I'd be able to continue the relationship, as I couldn't cope with living the rest of my life in fear of her doing it again. Trust is an integral part of a relationship, and if an affair takes place, trust is lost forever.

been there done that.

No sane woman would turn me over some second rate playboy!

There is absolutely no room for infidelity in a relationship. If my girlfriend cheated on me, even if it was one time, I would not stay with her. Regardless of how much I love the other person, the trust that I need to have in a person to actually pursue a relationship with them would be shattered and there would be no chance of it ever being regained. There is, and never will be, any reason to cheat on someone you are with.

If the scenario was that she was drinking too much and "accidently" slept with another guy, it would make no difference to me. While it may sound harsh, she put herself in the position for such a thing to happen and I would not be forgiven regardless.

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Originally Posted by Rye

I honestly don't know. The stronger part of me would probably want to break it off, because I think cheating is one of the most horrible things you can do to a person and it kills the trust, but the weaker part of me would want to forgive them to try to make things like they were before.. It depends on what it was, really.

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Yep. But I normally listen to the stronger part and kick ass.

No. No way. Hell no :D Infidelity makes me mad. Anna Karenina makes me mad.

If a girl wanted to bang another guy, that's fine. I just wish she would tell me, so I could let her go. That way we might just be able to stay buddies.

Cheating makes me sick. The secrecy, lies and other putrid behaviour related to cheating. I wouldn't forgive someone who cheated on me. They must take me for a fool. And I probably would be fooled for a while, too. But I would be fooling myself. I would know what was going on. No doubt I would try to hide from it; try to convince myself that I am being paranoid, and everything that seems off is just coincidence. It would eventually swell, however, into a giant ball of pus not even I could ignore; confrontation on the matter inevitable.

I wouldn't be violent. Being cheated on would make me feel low enough—I wouldn't need looking like some ruthless redneck on The Jerry Springer Show to make me worse. No, I would spring it out on her one day; hurl it from my gut as if the whole ordeal was a poison I had swallowed. It would be a question. No way do I have enough faith in my instincts to outright accuse her of something. Should she say no? I don't know. That's a whole other problem. Yes, on the other hand, is simple. She would be out of my life. Him, too. He would probably be a friend, because that's the way things seem to go. I would do everything in my power to never talk to them again.

If either of them tried to patch things up, I would ignore them. Sure, I would flirt with the idea of forgiving them once or twice. An idea easy to trash, though. I guess I'm just unfairly stubborn about some things. Being lied to and cheated on likes this by my friends is one of these things.

How would I deal with a one-off cheat? I don't know. I guess if it didn't snowball into the kind of long-term cheat mentioned before then I would never notice it. Unless I was told about it, which could.. I don't know. It's complicated. I suppose it would be better to wait and see with this one.

Gah.

:)

I highly doubt it. The "what if it happens again?" would be too large in my mind for me to ever trust the person again.

I couldn't not forgive them. I have pretty much no interest in sex myself, so I can completely see why they'd do it.

The only problem I have with it is the lying and stuff.

I will forgive them.Always give people a second chance for pete's sake,A SECOND CHANCE!!

You didn't put the animal/plant option in the question. :(

I refuse to associate with people who cheat on other people. Actually, I refuse to associate with people who are the people that people cheat on other people with.

*explodes*

So no, someone like that isn't good enough for me.

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Originally Posted by roto13-ness

I refuse to associate with people who cheat on other people. Actually, I refuse to associate with people who are the people that people cheat on other people with.

*explodes*

So no, someone like that isn't good enough for me.

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I bet you use a gameshark when no one is looking :eek:

Nope! If you turn down the LevLove, there's no turning back. Out of my life, woman.

Simple as that.

I definitely forgive my girlfriend but I don't think we can become lovers anymore, just friends.

I really don't know...but if that happens...which it wont because i'm never gonna get a gf...back to the topic...if that happens...I'll be beside her forever...of course as a good friend that is...:eep:

I don't think I'd forgive them unless they apologise. This is my new opinion, if I was asked this few months ago I'd have said that I'd forgive them even without apologising.
Now things are different and I think I got tougher and solid, I wont forgive without apologising any more. It doesn't worth it.
From what I have seen in life, it is not easy to go on after someone has cheated on you, or have neglected the friendship between me and him/her. Still it all depends on how we live and what we go through.
Few months ago I'd say, I'll forgive. Now I wont.

I can understand why she would do it. I can even understand why she did it.

What I can't understand is why she'd disrespect me on that level. And rather ponder this and distrust her for all time, I would sooner dump her and avoid thinking about this ever again.

if it happens to me id be all in her face and like.... "you filthy skanky whorebag....."

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Originally Posted by Devil Man

But if I was with the person for a long time, like many months or years, then I think I would forgive them and try and repair the relationship. If it was partly my fault for the person cheating on me (ie, if I was neglecting her in some way) or if it was a one-off mistake, like a one-night stand, and my girlfriend/wife deeply regretted what had happened, then I would forgive them and try and continue and improve the relationship. I wouldn't want to waste all the good months and years I'd spent with someone because of a bad period in a relationship. I think it's too easy to give up on relationships these days because of mistakes and it's better to try and improve something that was once special.

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Er... see I don't understand that. AT ALL. I think that forgiving someone for cheating early on in the relationship, before feelings get too involved and such is much more understandable and reasonable than forgiving someone for cheating after you've been together for awhile.

Seriously, it's so much more of a betrayal to cheat on someone you're in a established relationship with rather than cheating on someone you've gone on a few dates with. Let's say you did have something amazing and special, the person who cheated on you just threw all that away. It's such a huge action of disrespect, such a huge betrayal of trust.

In whatever case, cheating is unacceptable and I'd break it off if I were ever cheated on.

Cause I'm awesome and I deserve better than that. :)

It depends on the situation for me to forgive something like infidelity.

I'd hit them with a stick :twak: that'll teach them.

INFIDELS!

*ululates*

If you lot had super sperm then they wouldn´t have left you!!!!!!!!!!

Depends on how far along the relationship has been, or the nature of the relationship.

Well, what I would do is this. I would tell them "If you cheat, that's the end. I'm telling you in advance." I'd also expect the same from them. Then if they cheated, it's over.

I say yes, but only if I really cared for the person enough and the cheating wasn't that bad, as in there wasn't any form of sex involved. But that's it, again and it's over.

never been in a position to be cheated on...so i have no idea

I would end the relationship. However in my last relationship, I did something with my ex and told him and he told me how some girl who fancied him kissed him, but he said he stopped it from going further. That was 7 months in and we forgave each other. But if it happened further into the relatioship, there would be no forgiveness. Im not the most confident person in the world and it would beyond hurt me if my guy did that to me.

This would basically happen to me if someone cheated on me.

Of course I have to have someone in oder for someone to cheat on me but still.

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Originally Posted by Rye

I honestly don't know. The stronger part of me would probably want to break it off, because I think cheating is one of the most horrible things you can do to a person and it kills the trust, but the weaker part of me would want to forgive them to try to make things like they were before.. It depends on what it was, really.

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Yeah, I think I'd be the same. It's so hard to know what I'd be like in that sort of a situation, though. Although it does depend on how they cheated - if it was some long-term thing, the relationship would be over. One night stand sort of thing....ack. I would probably want to forgive but the whole probably not being able to trust them ever again, and being hurt like that might make it too terrible to continue.

Hmm!

If it were my husband, I would want to try to to heal the relationship, but I think I'm too jealous to actually deal with it. If his cheating didn't make me leave him, my 'boil the bunny' jealousy would make him leave me.
But then again, he doesn't have the cojones to cheat on me. And I am too lazy to try to cover up another relationship...

To me sex is just not big a deal. It depends on WHY my partner cheated.

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Originally Posted by fantasyjunkie

To me sex is just not big a deal. It depends on WHY my partner cheated.

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Yeah. I think that cuddling and holding hands would hurt me even more than just sex.

Jeez guys, this isn't EoEO. Where are all the comments about threesomes and such? I'm so disappointed right now.

I already posted about threesomes in the other sex thread. :p

Having sex with someone else = instant breakup material.

For less than sex, I used to let it go if the girlfriend regretted it and came clean fast, but these days I'm a lot less tolerant and would be much more likely to dump them. Still, not 100% sure. Depends on the circumstances.

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already posted about threesomes in the other sex thread.

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threesomes and other sexfests dont count as cheatin if theyre ther aswel participatin or wathcin or whatvere......

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Originally Posted by NorthernChaosGod

I say yes, but only if I really cared for the person enough and the cheating wasn't that bad

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cheating just for kisses, but even if there was sex involved I'd forgive him but I think I'd break up with him! That would mean that he wasn't patient AND didn't respect me!

Dunno...one part of me would still want to make it work...the other would be so hurt, I'd say something irreconciliable.

Infidelity doesn't work. I know.

Open arrangements can be agreed on, but they tend to hurt more than benefit. Cheating is a no-no in any relationship. Honesty is everything.

I agree that the length of the relationship is a factor: shorter= dump them as an unfaithful waste of your time; longer= more worthwhile healing the relationship. Sometimes circumstances also come into it.

I also agree that as one gets older, one tends to be less tolerant of infidelity.

Recommendation: don't do it.

if the chick had a child i didnt know about from a previous encounter....(i know is not cheatin but.....) i wud be outta there.....kids piss me off.......

I've been cheated on and it made me lose just enough trust that it changed the dynamics of our relationship, especially when we were apart from eachother.

I've cheated, unintentially destroying relationships and hurting people I deeply cared about enough to make me not ever want to do it again.

I've now adopted a zero-tolerance, one-strike-and-you're-out policy with regards to cheating. Why should I tolerate the cheating by my partner when I no longer tolerate it from myself?

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Originally Posted by Yamaneko

Jeez guys, this isn't EoEO. Where are all the comments about threesomes and such? I'm so disappointed right now.

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If my gf cheated on me with another girl. OMG I would so ttly have a 3some ^_^_^_^

If my boyfriend cheated on me I'd probably try to forgive him, but I'd find it really difficult.

I picked yes.

I would really hate to forgive someone for cheating, and I couldn't imagine being around them if they had done so. Plus I think if a person has weak enough will power that they do cheat, then that won't change, and it's only a matter of time before the chance arrises again and they take it.

However, I love my current girlfriend too much and I wouldn't want to lose her.

But if it happened more than once I'd have to end it.