So perhaps you have some humorous stories concerning what you have done to wild or domesticated animals?
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So perhaps you have some humorous stories concerning what you have done to wild or domesticated animals?
:(
I saw a wild pig once. I wasn't hunting, but I happened to have my rifle with me anyway (We hilljacks carry rifles everywhere we go. Except court.)
So I blew it away and ate pork that night.
(SPOILER)Well, not that night. I ain't that quick a butcher. We ate pork about 4 days later
In year 7 or 8 something like that I was going out with this girl and we'd gone over to her boyfriends house so she could dump his sorry ass for two timing on her (yeah I wasn't much better neither was she since she hadn't dumped him before starting to date me but it was a kiddy relationship, one of the last few I had) Well we we're in his lounge and he said "oh stay here I just wanna go shop" and went out his parents were at work and stuff so we waited and well after like 40 minutes (the shop was 2 minutes from his house) we we're really bored of just sitting there with music tv on and kissing and stuff and wanted to go. So we looked for him out of his window since he hadn't taken his keys and noticed he was kissing this girl who he had been cheating on my girl with. Well we didn't know that the girl was one of her close friends and so my girlfriend was severely pissed off with him for it.
I know get to the point will you? that's what you're thinking you're thinking what the heck does this have to do with wild or domestic animals? Well here goes.
Severely pissed off with the guy my then girlfriend goes in to his room and picks up his pet hamster who he apparently really loved, put it in his microwave on full power for 10 minutes (alive) and pressed go, I was so shocked I didn't think to press the wall socket to off and so 2 and a half minutes later this hamster EXPLODES no lies just like the movies it was hillarious, I couldn't believe it, immediately after the hamster blew up my then girlfriend grabbed our coats and led me away from this guys house thus leaving his microwave to cook the remains of his hamster for another 7.5 minutes on full power and locking the guy out so he'd have to wait untill his mom came home.
I learnt to be very careful of that girl.
Another funny story or quite funny if you look at it right.
Ever here the saying "hitting 2 birds with 1 stone?" Well there were a couple of wood pidgeons in a tree in my garden and they were severely annoying me so I threw a piece of flint up in to the tree to scare them off. Well the flint strikes the tree and splits in to two and the two incredibly sharp pieces of flint in turn fly off towards the birds and strike home around the throat area thus killing BOTH birds! I did not eat pidgeon pie but in the morning they we're gone, I guess the local foxes liked the food.
A wierd one was what a friends mom did to the neighbours cat who pooped in her house if it could get in, she grabbed it and rammed a pepper pot up it's ass and shook it before letting it walk out with the pot still in it's ass.
:barf: :barf: :barf: :barf: :barf:Quote:
Originally Posted by Iceglow
The stories are supposed to be humorous, not evil!
You people suck.
I SHOULD REPORT YOU TO THE AUTHORITIES!
THERE SHOULD BE A LAW BANNING PEOPLE BEING NEAR DEERS AND HAMSTERS. (Deer fun fact: I heard they're, like, from the unicorn family or something.)
Although I have always wondered what might happen to a microwaved animal, I've never been so cruel or sick to actually entertain the actual thought of performing an experiment...
My god...
Concerning hamsters, I once sat on my bed rather quickly and heavily when I was angered (I was young), and unbeknownst to me, I had launched my hamster into the air, up into my fishbowl.
Luckily, I had a friend over who saw the whole event and was able to rescue the little guy before he drowned in my fishbowl.
I've also had hamsters (while in their balls) wander into the heating ducts of my childhood home. You could hear them rolling about, running into things. Getting them out was a royal pain in the ass, though...
I had my hamster named Joel from the time I was 13 (got him two days before my birthday) until February of last year. He was my best friend, to be honest, because he never got upset and bit me no matter what I did.
I don't remember when this was, but I was sleeping and his cage had been left open, apparently. So whilst I was in REM, he got out of his cage and landed on my back (his cage was on a shelf above the head of my bed) and decided to lay down. Well, I was dreaming that something warm landed on my back and so I smacked him in my sleep, then rolled over and went back to sleep, only to wake up five seconds later saying "OH MY GOD, JOEL!" because I had woken up when I heard him fall on the floor. I scrambled under my bed and there he was, sitting on his back feet, looking at me as if to say "aren't I cute?" with his front paws in the air. I was SOOO glad he wasn't hurt!
I was walking with my friends and I just felt like doing a forward roll. So I did. I wouldn't had I realised the ground was all gravelly and bleh. But it was still fun, just hurt my shoulder a tad. Forward rolls are fun.
What a cruel girl, Iceglow.
That first story, not the gross one, reminds me of that time me and my friends where in the woods and we came across a cow, only we didn't know it was a cow at the time. We didn't know what it was so to find out my brillant friend decided to throw a stick at it.
I dunno if this belongs here or not, but my cousin lived across from an emu farm. One night at about 4 in the morning he calls me and asks me about the "Chubawhazits" and he came over and got me out of bed and we went to his neighbors farm where there was a mutilated emu or maybe emus all over the place. And because of me and my crazy stories he thought it was a Chupacabra. We later found out there was a pack of wolves in the woods behind the farm.
My first cat was one that just wandered up to my house one day when I was, oh, 3 or so. Instead of petting it, I just kept pulling its tail. Apparently, though, she enjoyed it, because she stayed around the house and soon became "my" cat.
my sister runs over squirrells for fun.
A few years ago a friend and I looked out a window of my house and saw a deer grazing in the yard 20 or 30 feet away. We watched it for a few seconds, and then he tapped the window. The noise surprised the deer, and it jumped in the air, turned around, and started to run away from the house. But it was moving so quickly that it ran straight into a tree in its attempt to escape. :p We cracked up.
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Originally Posted by Roto13
LMTOQuote:
Originally Posted by Nominus Experse
Red or grey?Quote:
Originally Posted by CelestialStarDust
My dad always tried to run over pheasants. Bastard pheasants.
while on a adventure in the night my buddys and I came across a few deer in a field. I mean hey I live in Vermont the things are EVERYWHERE along with 305839568240698406746746096 other wild animals. Sooo anyways, Eddie deciedes that he need to kill this deer since it obviously is mocking him. so he unties his shoes and chases it with a swiss army knife. No luck however. Damn deer are too fast and their skin seems to be reinfoced with some alien chain mail! Now my buddy Josh chasing skunk while were drunk as a skunk was a bit more sucsessful but, another story for another day!
Throwing a snowball on a critter is harmless. And funny.
Nuking a pet on the microwave is evil. That girl is a psycho. I hope you wear iron mesh underwear cause if you piss her off more than boyfriend #1.... Ever heard of Lorena Bobbit ?
I've eaten a few ants, but that's only funny to people under the age of 8.
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Originally Posted by Levian
CAN OGRE HELP ME WITH THOSE ANTS IN MY KITCHEN? :bigsmile:
I don't know, schoolyard ants is more my field.
I put my dog in my bedroom, the one with the glass door, and when I came home, she looked at me all cute. I smiled and she jumps up and hits the door multiple times. So I ran over to her, and she got more excited. She jumped toward me, hit the door, and did a flip, i was like WTF!?!?I was funny, but im glad she wasnt hurt.
Some of these stories are mean! :(
And bordering on the lines of evil...Quote:
Originally Posted by Jess
Mine was an uncontrollable act :( A lot of other ones seem to be controllable...that makes me sad.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nominus ExperseAnd bordering on the lines of evil...Quote:
Originally Posted by Jess
I didnt know my dog was going to hit the glass window! :crying:Quote:
Originally Posted by ~*~Celes~*~Mine was an uncontrollable act :( A lot of other ones seem to be controllable...that makes me sad.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nominus ExperseAnd bordering on the lines of evil...Quote:
Originally Posted by Jess
hmmm still about the deer...What a great shot but it was easy because of the deers big as ass...
That hamster story is pretty much the most disgusting thing I've read in my life. I really hope that chick gets run over by a dump truck.
When my big dog was a puppy, he used to get really excited and try to jump. He's never really been able to, because he has bad joints. So he actually kind of hops. We call it the Wolfwood Dance. Because Wolfwood is his name. Once he did a backflip off the front porch while doing the Wolfwood Dance. It was scary until we knew he was okay. Then it was funny.