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Why Final Fantasy Type-0 HD's NPCs have driven me into a murderous frenzy
The world of Orience is populated by whiny entitled cretins and I would take no greater pleasure than to brutally murder every last one of them. I would give Square-Enix all of the money in the Western Hemisphere if they made killing NPCs as possible as it is in Skyrim.
Everyone, everywhere, wants you to do something for them. And you know what? That's fine. That's peachy. As an RPG veteran, I'm used to the world and his wife being unable to find true love or decide which shade of blue is the most fetching to paint their house without the almighty hero offering judgment. Job done, trinket bestowed upon the party in reward, jolly good times had by all concerned.
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Say hello to this overwhelmingly grateful gentleman who I had helped with five previous requests.
...unless you say no. My god, you will be allowed to never hear the end of it.
"Perhaps I overestimated you cadets", they'll sneer. "I don't know what the doctor sees in you" I don't know either, "Guildsman", maybe our countless successes against the odds saving you and the rest of the Dominion's lives? "Oh, sorry, I was looking for Class Zero, must've been mistaken..." they'll remark in their passive-aggressive way. Still, rather that than the ever present predictions of doom as you're told for the umpteenth time that unless we stick together, the Empire will stroll on over to Akademia, skin us alive and make jump ropes out of our intestines.
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Ridiculous reason #52: To prove I'm not picking on someone I just met.
What gets me is that so many of these requests are so utterly banal and pointless. "I'll be needing you to travel hundreds of miles away to the other side of the world to kill fifteen Bombs" Alright, we're listening, why? "To prove your strength to me as I reckon you're not as tough as I've heard". Fantastic. Brilliant. No, no, you're right. It's not as if we're a key tactical element in a destructive global war or anything, we'll toddle off six sections of the world map and get to killing those Bombs just so your delusions aren't crushed! I'm honestly expecting the next NPC to say "I had a dream that I licked a Ultra-Deathosaurus's toenail. Could you go out there and kill sixty of them just so I can do it in real life?" and that would probably be a lot more valid than half the requests I've seen made of Class Zero so far.
By far the absolute worst person in the history of Orience is the Logistics Officer. You'll have met her in the entrance way to Akademia. Between every mission, without fail, she will demand you bring her more and more supplies. Not even ingredients or low level supplies, no, this woman is only interested in the top level stuff and unless you're coughing up dozens of Megalixirs and Mega-Remedies she don't wanna know. Oh, what's that, you don't even have such a ridiculous amount of rare supplies to begin with? Step back cadets, you're about to get sprayed with the guilt hose!
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It's also our fault the Logistic Officer's phone fell out of her pocket and into the toilet this morning too apparently.
You are the god damn Logistics Officer you haughty moron. This is your job. What was the plan here? "Hmm, I need to arrange for vital supplies for the Dominion forces... I know! I'll pandhandle Class Zero in the entrance hallway! They'll have the supplies we need and then I can just sit back and enjoy the rest of this war. Genius!" Are you just that shudderingly incompetent at your job? Did all the real Logistics Officers die in the initial assault and you're just some intern they stuffed into the role? We are the cadets you are meant to be supplying you absolute weapon. What, you want us to provide you with a potion just so you can hand it straight back to us again? Yeah. Okay. Brilliant. Thanks. For. That.
The thing is though, all of this, every last bitchy or snide remark thrown the way of the beleaguered Class Zero could've been avoided. I don't know whose bright idea it was that you could only accept one sidequest at a time, but I would sincerely like to hunt them down, meet them and spend three hours berating them through a megaphone about what a worthless person they are.
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Why yes, my party with a highest level of 39 will happily go into a Level 72 area just to get your diary back!
Maybe an NPC actually does have a worthwhile quest that, hey, you know what, I might just enjoy doing. "What's that, you have a super fun obstacle course filled with unicorns and pizza and unicorn shaped pizza you need someone to test out? We'd love to! Just give us one second, we need to turn in this request for the cadet over here. Heh, we had to get 60 killsight kills, you wouldn't believe how lon-" "No? NO!? What in the name of sanity and all that is good and holy is wrong with you Class Zero, you kitten punching deviants?! Here, take this gun and fill my head with your hate-filled bullets until it becomes a red bloody pulp. Go on, you may as well as you've already done it metaphorically you depraved scourges of humanity and bile-spewing devourers of dreams!"
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Yeah? Well Nana is an old lady's name so go suck on a Werther's Original you shrivelled crone.
...smurf you, Orience. smurf every single grasping, annoying and downright obnoxious one of you. I hope you weren't counting on Class Zero to save the you because we'd like nothing more than to listen to your agonised death screams.
