Jokes

[Kanshisha]

Well this thread is for sharing jokes around... i got 2:
1:
There was this drunk guy and his non-alcoholic friends came to visit...
The drunk guy lived in a small apartment and had a large gong on beside the window....anyway the non-alcoholic guys asked what it was...the drunk guy said it was his talking clock...the non-alcaholic guys just laughed and started not to beleive him...Then the drunk guy says watch it will talk and tell the time! so he grabs a gong stick and smashes it onto the gong...10 Seconds later a voice came from another room and said: "Hey you bloody Bastard its 10 past three in the morning!!!"

2:
There was this guy in heaven and the gate keeper to heaven said:so whats a good deed you have done? and the guy that just recently Died said
well there were these bike riders with black leather harrasing this girl...so i went to the leader and said to stop it... he ignored me so i ripped off his nose ring and threw a punch....Then the gate keeper says: golly thats amazing!! When did this happen?
The guy just died says : "Oh this happened just 5 minutes ago...."

[Sakura]

www.bash.org
HAHAHAHA.....

[Christmas]

THE LIVING JOKE HIMSELF.

edit by Levian one month later: HEY!

[blackmage_nuke]

What's a surgeon's favourite musical instrument?
The organ!!

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor!!

Why did the scientist have 2 hydroxides?
Because he wanted to play the double bass!!

XD
[evaile=B.mage]-[/evaile]

[Bunny]

Three blondes walk into a building.

(SPOILER)You'd think one of them would've seen it.

[Kanshisha]

? did they hit walk into the door? or is that the end of a half completed joke...

[Vikeve]

So there are three guys who die and go to hell. Each o them are addicted to something that wound up ruining there live. One is addicted to fighting. One is addicted to money. One is addicted to sex. So Satan says to them "well, you three weren't supposed to die till tommarow so I'll cut you a deal. If all of you can make it through one day without fighting, collecting money, or having sex then tommarow you'll go to heaven"

So he zapps them back to earth. The three of them stick together and begin walking down a road whan a big man walks down the road and bumps into them. The guy who is addicted to fighting punches him in the face and poof he's back in hell. The other two continue walking when the guy who is addicted to money sees a penny on the ground and he decides to take it he bend sover to get the penny and poof there both back in hell.


Edit: did yuo read the spoiler mark? That joke is completed ive heard it before.

[Bunny]

? did they hit walk into the door? or is that the end of a half completed joke...

See, you need to take the joke as being completely literal. They walked into the building. Because they didn't see it.

Because they were blonde.

See? The joke is ruined now because I had to explain it.

There are three guys walking along the beach. A black dude, a mexican guy, and a white man. They stumble upon an abandoned lamp, the black dude picks it up and rubs it, out pops a genie. The genie says that he will grant them one wish a piece.

The black dude thinks for a minute and says, "I'd like all of my people in America to be free and back in Africa." The genie nods, waves his hand, and all the black men and women are free and back in Africa.

The mexican guy steps up and thinks for two minutes before finally saying, "I want all of my people to be free and happy and back in Mexico." The genie nods, waves his hand, and grants the wish: All the Mexiicans in the United States are free, happy, and back in Mexico.

The white man smiles, steps up and says "So. You're telling me that all the black people and mexican people are out of the United States?" The genie replies, "Yes." The white man says, "Cool. I'll have a coke then."


<3 Boondock Saints

[Ben]

There are three indians, One has a big deer, and the other two ask, "How'd you get big deer?" He said, "Me folow big tracks, me find big deer" So the one of the indians does the same thing, "Me folow big tracks, me get big deer" The third one comes back all bloody, "What happened to you?" "Me folow big tracks....get hit by train"

Oh! and one more!

A blonde, bruenette, and red head all go to jail. And are about to be exicuted. The Red head stands on the platform and the exicutioner says "ready, aim" and the redhead yells "Tornado!" and everyone looks around and she ecapes, The Bruenette is about to be exicuted and they say "ready, aim" And she yells "Earthquake!" and they look around and the brunette excapes, The Blonde gets up and they say "Ready, Aim.." and she yells "Fire!" Thats the end of that, lol.

I know I had some spelling errors.

[LoveArya]

lol

[Kanshisha]

Lol she tried but failed...never say fire when guns are pointing at you....even if its true...That there is a live fire...