1 "Eat the wrapper! I'm f-ing serious. You're lazy and irresponsible, every last one of ya, tossing your trash wherever the hell you feel is most convenient. Suck it up! Either learn to dispose of your crap properly and clean up the environment around you or start eating the plastic off your damned Twinkies and Snickers, ya fat asses! Afraid it'll block your digestive track? Here's an idea: shred it first. The human body stands a better chance of breaking down the complex makeup of a candy wrapper than most any other creature. It's time you jerks put it to some use." - signed, the Idiot

2 "Get neutered! You'll feel better and you'll be doing the rest of us a favor. Your aggression and prejudiced behavior are inspired by a subconscious sexual suppresion. Once your chemicals are rebalanced, you'll calm down and realize your thoughts are pointless. Just do what your f-ing told and leave the thinking to the big boys." - signed, the Head

3 "Jump! Why drag everyone down with your whack long-winded contemplations on life? If you feel useless it's because you are. You lend nothing to a dying society with your emotional fallout and your psychological self-diagnoses and examination of the world's harsh realities cruel torment sucking your will to live." - signed, the Jackass

4 "Get out! If you've got some skeletons in your closet, you'd best realize people will find them eventually. You're better off coming out to the world on your own terms rather than being dragged out by your hair a whimpering mess and strung up by the masses who use the keeping of secrets as an excuse to ridicule and torture each other to sate their own monotonous existence. It doesn't matter if you're gay, a pedophile, a necrophiliac, or a murderer. The world is much kinder to those who admit who they are early on." - signed, the Hypocrite

5 "NEVER CALL ME A HIPSTER!" - signed, me