All the Final Fantasy Villains...Sit Down and Talk

[Wolf Kanno]

Rufus: So you're a talking tree?

X-Death: Yes, I see you were easdropping on my conversation...

Rufus: I'm a buisnessman, it's what we do. Anyway, I was just wondering... You know how mother nature feels right? Can you tell me where the Promised Land is?

X-Death: Have you ever talked to a tree before? Gawd they never shut up. And all they do is bitch and complain.

Rufus: Really?

X-Death: Oh, yeah, house plants mostly just talk about how stupid you humans are.

Rufus: (Whispering) Scarlett, I have a new campaign slogan for ShinRa. ShinRa: Getting back at the planet cause your house palnts are talking behind your back.

Sephiroth(speaking from the back ground): Cloud and Sephiroth's Excellent Erotic Adventure? It has pictures?

Garland(FFI): So you're name is Garland as well?

Garland(FF9): Yes, I am the guardian of the people of Terra.

Garland(FFI): I'm a Knight in the service of a retarded king. I tried to date his daughter and he sent these four assholes to rough me up. Instead they killed me and my soul was sent into the future to become him. (points to Chaos, Chaos waves to them)

Garland(FF9): Ouch, that's a nasty makeover... Me, my problem comes from my family. I have two sons. They're not really my sons, I created them. The first one got amnesia and joined some actor's guild. I never thought he was right to begin with but hey, he's still better than my second child...

Garland(FFI): Who's he?

Garland(FF9) points to Kuja.

Garland(FFI): Good lord... Here, let me buy you a drink.... I mean damn...

Vayne: So... are you two related somehow?

Shuyin: Well yes, sorta've...

Seymore: NO!

Shuyin: We're villains from the same game.

Seymore: No, I was the villain from that game. You're the loser villain from the ty sequel no one likes. You don't even have a really good backstory...

Shuyin: Yes I do, I wanted revenge against the people who killed my beloved!

Seymore: If she really loved you, she would have come back as a zombie like us. Face it, she burned you.

Shuyin: That...(sniff) not true... WAAAAAAGHHHHHH!!!!

Seymore: Now me, I'm a real villain. I came back from the dead to build my ideal Spira. BY KILLING EVERYONE!!!! I started with those detested Ronso cause, well I have allergies and...

Golbez: No one gave a damn about you. Sin was the real villain in that game. The writer's threw your worthless butt into the story cause they needed someone who can talk.

Seymore: How dare you...

Golbez: Furthermore, you got killed like what? Four times. I mean damn. Being undead is all you have going for you. You barely did any real damage compared to the rest of us. Face it, you're the flunky in your game, Sin and Yu Yevon are the real villains. I mean, you could be ommitted from the story and it wouldn't really make a difference.

Seymore:.... WAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! Kuja, hold me!!!

Kuja: DAMMIT, I'M NOT GAY!!!! How many times do I have to say it?

Everyone looks at Kuja like he was speaking in tongues. They eye his clothing...

Kuja: This is called a fashion statement! Just cause I wear women's lingerie does not mean I'm gay. Besides, have you ever wore women's underware? It's so silky and soft and it conforms to every part of my body...

The sound of Garland(FF9) weeping loudly from the back can be heard...

Sephiroth: How did this happen? I was the total badass. The villian that inspired a generation of badass villians...

Ultemacia: Hear, let me show you my collection of Cloud/Vincent/Kudaj/ and Sephiroth yaoi fanfiction. Some of it was so explicit, most websites won't even show it in it's entirety. I even have pictures.

Sephiroth: What has happened to me...

To Be Continued...