All the Final Fantasy Villains...Sit Down and Talk

[Wolf Kanno]

Zemus looks to see a lady next to him...

Zemus: Ultemacia, I didn't see you there. I thought you were chatting with the prissy boys?

Yunalesca: I'm not Ultemacia.

Zemus:.... Very funny, I guess I'll never understand this "time witch" humor.

Yunalesca: But I'm not her! I'm Yunalesca! I was a summoner turned zombie so I could teach generations how to sacrifice a loved one to temporarily stop Sin.

Zemus: Nice try, but you've got the long silver hair, bad make-up and lack of clothing. You're obviously Ultemacia.

Yunalesca transforms into her freaky "Medusa head" form and eats him.

Yunalesca: Geez, men are such idiots. First my husband flirting around with that "Lenne" girl and now this...

Shuyin: Did you say Leene?

Yunalesca: Yes, my husband was flirting around with a girl by that name. That's why I turned him into the final Aeon and ditched him into Sin. I knew it wouldn't work but it's what he deserved.

Shuyin: (watery-eyed) WAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH!!!! She was seeing other guys before she even ditched me in death!? WAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Yunalesca: Gawd you're a loser...

Seymore: Yunalesca! Darling! How's it been? You're keeping up well.

Yunalesca: Seymore! Well you have to when you're my age and decomposing.

Seymore: You're hair is fabulous! How do you do it?

Yunalesca: You know, some blood from sacrifices a few weeds and voila! Hair tonic that will outlast your corpse!

Seymore: Do tell...

Ultros: Attention guests! Now is the time when we will give out the award for best villain in a Final Fantasy.

Everyone hushes and listens attentively.

Ultros: ...and the winner is....

Everyone edges in closer....

Ultros: Shuyin?!

Everyone: WHAT????!!!!!!!!!

Ultros: Apparently, his story of lost love and rejection. As well as his protagonist's with their very short skirts and practically exposed cleavage did very well with the large demograph of 40 year old virgin males.

Shuyin: I WON! IN YOUR FACE!!! See Lenne, I don't need you. I'm loved by all!

X-Death: Screw this contest! We should have settled this the way we all know how. By a BATTLE TO THE DEATH!

All the villains rush the stage and kill Shuyin. Ultros scrambles out of the room as an epic battle beyond description ensued. Only Kefka and Sephiroth don't participate cause of being trapped or tied up.

Kefka: NOOOOO!! Death and carnage and I'm trapped here?!

Sephiroth: This is the greatest and most inspirational band ever... (sniff)

Seymore: Yunalesca. Yu-yevon. We need to get out of here. I wasn't built for fighting. I mean, I just got my nails done and everything.

Yu-Yevon: I agree. Everyone to the giant whale... I mean Sin!

Zeromous: Big Whale?! You stole that idea from my game! BIG BANG!!!!

The three zombies are eradicated.

Sephiroth: I know what I need to do now. Time to accept my fate and reclaim my throne...

Kefka: How dare you kill each other and not let me be involved! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kefka transforms into God Kefka and Sephiroth blasts hios way out of the janitor closet with his one wing and long sword. The tow enter the battle and begin slicing down villain after villain until the meet and begin another epic battle...

Xande: What the hell just happened?!

Golbez: Sephiroth came out of the closet, and Kefka just snapped! Now they are both battling for villain surpremacy like it was some stupid fanboy fantasy! (They both glance at you)

Sephiroth: If Judas Priest, the greatest metal band ever!, can have a gay front man, than I can still be the greatest bad ass villain and still be able to sleep with Cloud!

Kefka: I'm still more lovable than you! And far more EVIL than you will ever be!!!!

?????????: What is this?! A greatest villain competition with a dinner party and everything and you don't invite me?

A mysterious cloaked figure appears between Kefka and Sephiroth. He has a hold of both their hands which were about to lay the final blow.

Sephiroth: Who the hell are you?!

Kefka: Why did you stop the killing?!

?????????: HOW DARE YOU FORGET ABOUT ME.... THE GREATEST FF VILLAIN OF ALL TIME?!!!

Sephiroth and Kefka get loose and each back off. They sense the overwhelming murderous intent from the cloaked stranger.

Both of them: Who are you?

?????????: It is "I"...

The figure removes his cloak to reveal.... (SPOILER)GILGAMESH!

He pulls out the Masamune, Excalibur, Buster Sword, Atma Weapon, Gunblade, and Excalipoor.

(SPOILER)Gilgamesh: Let's see if you two have the "stones" to take me on...

A new, more grand battle erupts as the three combatians battle throughout the dinner hall. The battle was the stuff of legends but it's victor would eventually emerge as...

To Be Continued...