What if...#1

[eestlinc]

"...infiltrate the White House and steal Phoenix's exclusive transportation, Air Ship One."

"And how will we do this, oh wise yet also cute dragon knight?" inquired the eternal shoeshine boy.

"We will kidnap and replace the official White House Maid. She is the secret holder of Air Ship One's top secret security codes."

"Rydia???? How will we ever be able to kidnap her. Surely Rafael will notice immediately that his favorite servant is missing in action."

"I told you it was a plan simple yet fiendish in it's intricacies. We simply have to replace Rydia with a decoy."

"And who will be this decoy?????"

"Ah, my dear Lefeinish expert, you said yourself that Daryl is the spitting image of Rydia. She will get into the White House, relieve Rydia of her duties, and sing the national anthem at the home Redskins games while she's at it!"

"But does Daryl approve of this plan? She will be putting herself into extreme peril..."

[Supernova Goes Pop]

"Oh, but of course she will!" Kishi replies, absent mindedly fiddling with an adult pleasure toy.

Unne sighs, and dons one of them Arnold voices, and says "I should've stayed home today.."

(ooc)Arnold is that red-headed midget from The Magic School Bus!(/ooc)

--------------------- Meanwhile...

Rydia is being chased around the White House by Rafael, still in his dirtied underpants, beer-gut flapping gracefully in the wind.

"Come 'er, puddin'!" he shouts, with a surpisingly disgusting Southern accent, while charging after the terrified Rydia.

"Get away from me, Rafael! You smell like the stables, look like elephant droppings, and you're a SOUTHERNER! Bah!" she screams, whole dodging the crowds of Canadian midgets that infest the White House.

"But you KNOW you want me.."

"I want you about as much as I want a shotgun blast to my face!"

Rydia continues running, and eventually topples headlong into Phoenix, knocking her flat on the arse.

"Eeek! Ahhh! Other assorted sounds of surprise!" The President screechs, as she drops her papers everywhere.

As Phoenix's incredibly huge butt approaches the ground, everyone pass simulataneously, the earthquake soon to follow from the mighty ass colliding with the floor immenent.

"It's the end, Rafael! Hold me!" says Ryd, as she passes out dramatically into Rafael's hand. The other one is stuck in his belly-button, picking out 3 year old lint.

Inches before the Butt of Apocalypse (huge, might I add) hits, Daryl swings in on a vine, wearing nothing but a loincloth and club! Yes, no bra either! She swings through the air, topless, coming closer to Rydia. When in range, she kicks Rydia out the winda.

"Eeep." Rydia mumbles, as she lands on a conveniently placed spike of jagged, burning metal.

Phoenix's butt hits, shaking the entire White House to the very core. Windows crack, walls collapse, people scream. The lights go out, and Daryl is thrown onto Rafael, in a odd, yet arousing position. Topless still, too. Rafael wakes from his lint-picking stupor, to see a topless Tarzan woman lying on top of him.

"Oooh, baby.." he purrs.

"Awww, crap" Daryl sighs, defeated.

[Daryl]

OOC:	Heh. I can't even write a response to this right now. Let's just say, dear Supernova Goes Pop, that your time is coming. >=D

[Supernova Goes Pop]

OOC:	Heh. Fear me. Well, now I'm going to be very embarassed. Not.

[Morticia]

OOC:	You are all dead.

As Rydia trembled, fearing the end of the world, the rest of the gathering wondered what was wrong with her. "She must be on crack; and it's definitely not FFL-quality crack," Rafael observed. "It's not even Legardinia or BP quality crack!"

Just then, the Prime Minister of Canada walked into the scene of drunken stupor that was the White House. "My imoto-san has all the fun!" Prime Minister Bleys Maynard complained. He wandered over to where his little sister sat holding a bottle of Jack Daniels and looking rather confused.

"Drunken nights near election times are off-limits for us now, imoto-san," he said, wagging his head sagely.

Just then, a Canadian midget, obviously a Liberal, began to sneak nearer to Bleys...

Phoenix

[Endless]

OOC:	Fear our wrath!

"SGP!", Bleys yelled.
"Yes, it's me, Sugpo, or Supernova goes pop, whatever", the midget said, "how could you think you would escape from home, my dear?".
Bleys had to admit, with a glimpse of reason in his eyes, that he was stuck with her.
Could he even say "her" ?
Fast analysis of the situation.
She was short
She had flat b00bs
She had a start of beard and moustache.
"Let's face it", thought Bleys, "I was dead drunk when we married".

OOC:	I have some more time to write. >=] Phoenix, I'm sorry, but Bleys will suffer.

SGP wrapped her arms around Bleys, smiling with ... smiling. Bleys tried to look at the ceiling. He noticed a crack in the paint. "Crack", he thought, "that's what I forgot in Halifax, sh**!"
He made the error of looking at his wife. She immediately caught his face in her hands, and pulled him. Bleys just had time to take his breath.
They kissed.
It lasted, long, awfully long.
Finally he was released, half choking.

Now come on, my dear", said SGP, pulling him by the ear.

She stopped in front of the President Of The USA, Phoenix. "May I use your broom closet?", she asked. Phoenix, a little surprised, asked why. "Because he has something to finish. He ran out of the house right before, yelling your name and 'President'". SGP winked.
"Oh, I see" *g* made Phoenix. "Go ahead. It's on the left, second door". SGP thanked her and pulled her husband.

All we can say is that the following scene is forbidden because of people less than 18 years old.

OOC:	You were warned

Bleys went out the first, pulling back the buttons of his pants, followed by SGP, scratching her crotch. She realized that she forgot to put back her underwear. She took it in the closet and put it back, half hidden behind her husband.
She noticed the bottle of Jack Daniels and rushed.
"I was wondering where it was"
She opened it and started to drink.

Bleys didn't want so much. He sneaked away, going back into the room he thought to be good. Daryl was lying there, still in her Tarzan suit.
She was uncounscient, after running from the mess she was in.

He carefully closed the door.

OOC:	Should I go on?

Error.
She woke up and noticed something was wrong.
The bump in his pants, that shape she could recognize.
She breaked out her butter knife.

She was htreatening Bleys.

OOC:	It's not over, next post... Mwahahaha >=]

[Cactuar2000]

OOC:	My god.. this country would be a shambles with me in charge... there'd be nowt left by the end of breakfast.

[Danni]

OOC:	omg vivi.. that's gonna be hard to follow xD

Bleys noticed the butterknife held threateningly in Daryl's hand. He started to back away but just as he did his Wife burst out of the broom closet.

"Dearest?" She called.

Bleys looked around in a frantically... what to do? Daryl slunk closer to him the knife still in her hand ass SGP spotted him.

"Bleysie poo! What do you think you are doing with that.. that jungle floozy??"

Bleys whirled around in terror. SGP had pulled something out of her panties.. a shiny spork. He knew that spork well, it was her implement of punishment. He winced at the painful thoughts that object evoked. His hands went protectively to his crotch.

Just then the door to the room was kicked open and a large drunken scotsman staggered in.

"what in the name of god are ye arses doin?"

Phoenix ran into the room to investigate all the noise.

"Oh my.. Wyllius! what are you doing here?"

[Citizen Bleys]

OOC:	I'm married to a man? Never mind that, I'm married to a Liberal? This means war!

A roar like thunder shook the White House. Plaster dropped from the ceiling and a shadow fell over the house, transforming noon to midnight.

"O dear God," whispered Phoenix, "This can't be happening."

"And why not, Mother?" came the laconic reply. "Don't you miss me? It's been long since I've been to this backward planet, Earth. I see you've been up to trouble."

From the artificial shadows strode the form of Toshiharu Maynard, Conqueror of Sirius Sector.

With a glance at Rafael, Toshiharu commented, "I see you've been drinking again." Nonchalantly, Toshiharu kicked Rafael square in the arse.

And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething
As if this Earth in fast, thick pants were breathing
A mighty fountain momently was forced
Amid whose swift, half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail!
And 'mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
Flung momently down the sacred river!

Five miles meandering with mazy motion
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran
And reached the caverns measureless to man
And sunk in tumult to lifeless ocean
And 'mid this tumult Kubla heard from afar
Ancestral voices prophecying war!

The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountains and the caves
'Twas a miracle of rare device!
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!

OOC:	Note: the bit about "Kubla" was put in there for completeness--I don't want to introduce a second new character, since I am acting as though already bound by the new "twist" I'll introduce into "What If" #2

[Morticia]

OOC:	Bleysie...you've just signed your own death warrant. *g*

Toshiharu looked around after kicking Rafael. He glanced at his mother, and then over to his father.

"Father, mother marrying a Frenchman who can't hold his liquor is a sin; but a forgiveable one. However, you marrying a LIBERAL is just beyond redemption."

Toshiharu walked over to his father, tossing both Daryl and SGP out of the window and into the thorny rosebeds below. Once he reached Bleys, he slapped him, HARD. "That is for hitting me once when I was a child!" Pulling out a remote control and pushing a few buttons menacingly, Toshiharu summoned the Second Worst Poets in the Galaxy; the Volgons.

"I hope you enjoy an evening of recitation of the Greater Volgonian Epics, Father," Toshiharu said, an evil grin on his face.

OOC:	I told you so. Fear. Toshiharu is, and always has been, a mama's boy! Phoenix

[Wyllius]

OOC:	I'll have you people know that I'm very much sober and ready for ACTION!

ACTION!

[Endless]

OOC:	Do you like French?

He started to read, Volgon French poem.

O blas bougriot glabouilleux
Tes micturations me touchent
Comme des flactouillis slictueux
Sur une blotte mouche
Grubeux, je t'implore,
Car mes fontins s'empalindroment...
Et surrénalement me sporent
De croinçantes épiquarômes.
Ou sinon... nous t'échierons dans les gobinapes
Du fond de notre patafion
Tu verras si j'en suis pas cap!

Bleys was agonising, the eyes filled with terror.

[Morticia]

OOC:	God bless the French

Bleys gripped his head in agony. Toshiharu grabbed him by the hair and dragged his father out of the White House.

"Wow," Rafael said, "I hope my children by Phoenix aren't as strange as hers by Bleys, Nameles, and CK."

Wyllius looked around from his place and laughed evilly. "That's one hell of a kid," he said, giving up a toast for Toshiharu.

Phoenix

[Belladonna Knight]

Daryl and Sugpo landed among the brush, freshly covered in bruises and bloody scratches.

"You HUSSY! This is all your fault!" Sugpo spat in a high-pitched voice. She began slapping at Daryl's hands, in some crude and laughable attempt to inflict injury.

Daryl swung her club in a wide overhead arc, ready to smash Sugpo's skull... but found her swing blocked by a spork.

"I will not be defeated so easily, you husband-stealing jungle whore!" Sugpo praaded Daryl with the spork.

"Eee! I'll show you a 'jungle whore,' you ill-mannered, short-tempered, hairy sasquatch BITCH!" Daryl swung her club like a baseball bat, and clocked Sugpo across the temple, leaving her very much unconscious.

When Sugpo came to, she was chained to a pole in some dingy alley, on all fours, shaved clean and arse-naked. Daryl was standing over her, now wearing an overcoat and holding a fine steel cane. Sugpo looked over her shoulder to see that a bunch of hobos and other various unshowered people had gathered in a line behind her. She looked up at the post she was chained to--attached to it was a sign.

"$2.50 AN HOUR"

Sugpo turned ghostly pale. Daryl's words, "I'll show you a 'jungle whore,'", flooded her head.

~Belladonna Knight

[Daryl]

OOC:	Heh heh. Good save, Bella.