I always read those emails from EoFF like, three months after my birthday. It’s so depressing. Why can’t I remember to check my emails on my birthday, so EoFF can make me merry, dammit? Never mind. I guess you probably don’t know, anyway. Hell, you probably don’t even know who I am! And I must admit that, honestly, your name is completely unfamiliar to me. But I will wish you a happy birthday anyway, since that seems to be like the thing to do.
So be it: My one wish in life is for Daventhalas to have a happy birthday.