Are shy/modest guys less respected?

[yanis]

I'm shy with people I don't know so well and I don't want to interrupt them. There are times when I wait till they finish, I'm ready to tell something and then someone else starting...at the end everyone thinks I don't have anything to tell. That's not true, with friends and relatives I speak too much and I don't even think about interrupting them, we just talk!!!

EDIT: What I'm saying is that maybe shy people are more respectful to others and when they aren't it seems like they're rude...I really don't like to interrupt:riiight:

[Agrias]

I think it really depends on the demeanor of the personality. You can still be highly respected even if you dont talk much, then again you can be fairly loud and forward when you speak and also be respected.

It just depends on how people take it and how you convey information through speech and personality.

[Spammerman]

Well, I for one am a very shy person, and I get stepped on basically( not literally) everyday. its been this way since I can remember. Eventually, If I get ticked off, I go play video games, or I become super quiet, and I put on my Im going to kill you if you even think about looking at me face and then only people that I care about a little bit.

[T-MaN]

Being shy will get you nowhere (sp.? LoL). You gotta get up and make your place. Otherwise you will be another one of those people who never amount to anything.

[Araciel]

i think people who are more forceful or aggressive take what they want. people who are more introverted or submissive tend to earn it

in this capacity at least

[Lynx]

it depends.

i usually respect shy people assumeing that everytime they talk they dont say a lot of crap.

im someone who talks a lot 1 on 1 or even 1 on up to 4. after 4 people im quiet because theres always someone in the group who thinks what im saying is stupid and has to be wise about it and i dont like to show my anger in public. but then again a lot of peopel choose to make fun of me when im not even talking.

as for being interupted when i do have something to say in a large group where im normally quiet i normally tell the person who interupted me " shut up no one cares" it normally shuts them up from then on.

[Jebus]

I've never noticed. I tend to be considered rather shy, but only because I speak only when I have something to say, which tends to be rather uncommon. Also I spend some time thinking about it before I talk, and I have a very concise and fast speaking style.

Although I get incredibly nervous when a lot of people are looking at me, and that makes it harder for me to talk, and scrambles my thoughts.

[Peegee]

There's a difference if you're my friend (not all of my friends are outgoing lunatics, and neither am I), but as a general rule, yes, if you are shy / modest I wouldn't think twice about not respecting you.

I'm shallow, what can I say? Incidentally people who are less shy / modest than I am probably do the same thing to me :)

[Tifa Valentine]

It really depends on people you hang around. I was a little shy growing up but my friends never cut me off when I had something to say (which wasn't that often).

There are s lot of jerks out there that want to be heard and just don't give a rats @$$ about other people or their feelings. I've seen plenty of them (a few including my own sisters) but non of them were ever my friends.

[McLovin']

If you are completely quiet and offer nothing in class or whatever then people will think you are either dumb or just weird.

If you say something just once in awhile that is a well-thought out sentence then you shall be a wise man who all come to for aide.

:magus:

[Alex151]

Well I myself am not very Shy, though I'm quite opposite from most of you guys, I'm more shy around a small group of people, and talk more around large groups. If there is a large group of people just messing around then I talk a lot, but then on the other side, if it is some deep conversation, I let the people who like to talk a lot and sound like know it alls get what they want off their chests, then I'll give my two cents, only when I feel it is the right time. But in small groups I just talk when I want really, I don't talk much unless the conversation gets dragged to me. In other words I'd rather just listen to people, I follow the Speak when spoken to rule.

[Shlup]

The most shy/modest person I know is also the only virgin I know at 24. Coincidence? I think not.

[sockmonkey]

I think many of the people who interrupt the shy speaker do it because it feels safe to do so on a subconcious level and don't realize they are being jerks.

[Cloudane]

The most shy/modest person I know is also the only virgin I know at 24. Coincidence? I think not.

You know me? I'm 25 tomorrow.

Short answer: Yes, generally shy people are less respected. It's not good, it's not polite, and it's usually completely wrong - but unfortunately it's a fact of life.

Long answer:
Yeah, being shy (or indeed a virgin) in our shallow society does tend to mean that people respect you less. I guess it's probably animal instinct - the one that is the loudest and most forceful gets to be the alpha of the group and usually attracts the opposite sex too. The quiet ones are seen as weak and undesirable.

Unfortunately as I know only too well, being shy isn't just something you can just "snap out of" overnight, no matter how obvious it may seem to more extrovert people or how much they tell you to. It's something you have to work at every hour of every day for years. I'm a lot better than I used to be (the virgin thing is a bit of a chicken and egg situation, but I don't actually care - I'll fix that when *I* want to and when it's meaningful, not just to prove something to some judgemental idiot) but it took a couple of years of real solid effort to get where I am now.

You do have to come out of your shell eventually, as it's needed to get a job (which is needed to support yourself, unless you enjoy being on benefits!) - sometimes you can get away with being 'loud' temporarily in an interview (by making a concentrated effort) and get into a job that way but once you're in you'll get walked on, abused, you'll never get a pay rise (too shy to ask, right? Don't ask for pay rise = don't get pay rise unless you have a *really* good boss) and won't progress. And if you show a hint of your shyness in the interview (like letting your eyes wander for too long) you won't get the job. Shyness, to 99.99% of employers, is seen as a lack of self confidence and interviews are one time when you're expected to be 100% confident (bordering on arrogant)

One thing I'm still not good at is interrupting. I think it's rude, so I don't do it. Unfortunately this means I often can't get a word in, and I know that's basically an element of shyness. I think you have to learn to interrupt others because it's seen as reasonably acceptable and expected by others, but it's certainly not easy when it goes against the grain.

Now, I'm very much generalising on society here. Some of us do understand! I think shy people are possibly worthy of *more* of my respect because they don't tend to bulls**t, they think deeply and tend to care about others, they think before opening their mouths and they know when it's important to shut up. I know because I've been there and in some cases am still there.

If I had my way I'd remain shy, because it's more true to who I am. But in this life, the way society is structured, the way people unconsciously judge, it's simply not an option. It gets you absolutely nowhere.

Good luck

[Peter_20]

Nice post, Cloudane.
However, I don't really think it necessarily has to take several years to get over your shyness; if you put a lot of effort in it you can work up some serious improvements in a couple of months.

Now I'm having a harder time that most people, because I have this Asperger's Syndrome to deal with as well (think of it as a kind of autism, although this comparison isn't altogether justified).
Oh well, it's not really that much of a hinderance any more, at least WAY better compared to my days during high school.