Doctor Kanno. Unliscenced Psychologist

[Wolf Kanno]

Good doctor I have escaped from my watery tomb (next time don't leave the internal handle intact). Now I need to hunt down a certain, too mouthy, pendantic armchair psychologist.

How do I go about doing this?

I knew I should have used the Oldsmobile...

Certainly don't talk to the "one armed man". Though he is the only one who knows that I'm currently stalking a certain individual...

My fish can't walk nor does it give birth to an elephant.

You should return it and ask for a new one. If they refuse... release a snake into the hamster pit. If that only gets you kicked out... stay in front of the store and tell people they sell their unsold animals to the local chinese food store for quick catch. Also that the manager sodomizes the animals every night.

Doc, I'm addicted to eoff...

Either spam the threads with insulting and un-PC slander so Unne bans you or come to the realization that you have a problem... You are addicted to other people's problems and you like to talk about it. Basically you are emo... so start an emo rock band and sing songs about cutting yourself. You'll be too busy with drugs and your career to care anymore.

Dr. Kanno, I have a major problem. As time goes on, I have been falling more and more in love with a certain Poster on this forum. They way his hair magicly flows in my imagination every time he says something. The smooth tone of his voice (Which I never actually heard by the way) magicly sooths my every nerve. However, it seems as of late he has abandoned us all. I don't want to tell him my love for him unless he is here to hear it, so that I won't feel embarassed when he doesn't answer my love for him. So tell me Dr, is it worth the risk of exposing my love to a person I almost know won't answer me, or should shall I leave his name anonymous?

I admire your courage to come to me with such a serious problem. My advice is to try and talk to this person directly. Try to PM them or send them an email with a straightforward but concise message of your feelings. If that doesn't work... Start a thread about it and post pictures of yourself photoshopped into looking like a cat lady that proclaim your undying love for this person...

I have died. What should I do now?

Haha! Shame!! *bashes*
I love my job.

You should ask Dr. Kanno what the cure for lame is. You've got a nasty case of it.

That's not very nice! But I'll ask him anyway.
Dr. Kanno, what's the cure for lame?

Lame can be cured by combining Christmas' hatred with Schlupquack's insanity and finally a dash of Roto's Awesomesause. That or you get some malcontent forum troll bent on ruling the interweb.