I don't know a lot about the differences in SLR cameras, but I've found that going to specialty camera stores and discussing with them what you want will help tremendously. When we were buying a new camera, we compiled a list of what we wanted and didn't want in our camera and we went to three different specialty stores to get opinions on what camera(s) they would recommend. After going to the different stores we had a good idea of what model camera we wanted.

Granted, we were in the market for a smaller point-and-shoot (we ended up with a Casio Exilim), but I would imagine that the same strategy should work for you as it seems you have a general idea of what you need and don't need in your camera.