With the might of Phil Jagielka and Jason Koumas Everton will steam roll all opposition and fight tooth and nail to gain that magical 10th position after spectacularly crashing out the FA Cup at the hands of either Chelsea or the Arsenal youth team. Aston Villa will defy all odds and win the Champion's League (having faced the might of League of Wales champions The New Saints in the final). This will surprise all pundits except Andy Gray who will somehow predict Villa to win despite them not being in the competition. Sven will last a record seven hours at Man City before he realises exactly what club he's joined and quits in outrage after being told that the assistant manager isn't a blonde. The League Cup will deservingly go to Chelsea after they carve 1-0 victories out all their opponents (the strongest being Norwich, Port Vale and Bristol Rovers). Newcastle will cease to have any supporters at all after hundreds of Geordies realise just how bad their team is, moments after Sam Allardyce falls head first into a deep-fat fryer. Skies will mostly be overcast with spots of rain in the north-east, while David O'Leary will become the new manager of West Ham half way through the season.

Oh crap, forgot to mark my spoilers.